*...a purposeful life...

on hiatus, still

2012-01-29T22:05:00.000+08:00

Lately, I have been going on some small adventures.

For the first time as an adult in Singapore, last week, I took out Mom's bicycle for a ride around my nice, frenchified neighborhood (the only cyclists ARE French.)
I hit a wall, got some bits of it into my elbow, and bruised my leg. But just feeling the breeze on my neck... and the taste of a little adventure makes me smile inside.

Last Saturday, I organized an event for the first time. It was just a Saturday brunch and I wanted it to be a small cosy outing. I met a girl the previous Saturday and we both arranged to meet at an aussie brunch place where they had vegemite, poached eggs, pancakes and not to mention a stunning view of the city! We ended up going to an obscure art exhibition which was really good, and then having coffee and just connecting for those hours. One of the girls there had a red notebook exactly like my journal, my journal that accompanied me when the going gets rough. I told her I had one exactly like hers and she said a story about it, that it wasn't the brand I was using, but it was made by a couple and she used it as a sketchbook.

Curious, I leafed through it.

In the back pocket, there was a map of a region I wanted to visit, and another map of yonderland! Mystery Guy's country. Of course, I took out my camera and started to snap photos of it. The girl was intrigued at my excitement at, to her, a normal looking map. She asked me why was it important to me. 'Why is this important to you?'

After hearing what I said, she gave me the map. That was the best part of my day! I was filled with joy to receive this map!
ou
Now, I have a map of yonderland that fits exactly into my red notebook.
Sometimes when you go on adventures, you never know what it's going to bring you =)

I needed a hug...

2012-01-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

I'm facing a bit of a pessimistic ending to the romance of last year. Mystery Guy seems to be wavering, and as it is, I know I'll miss the way I can be truthful about what I'm feeling to him, miss the way we neurotically enjoy some types of food, the essence of 'us', that seems but an impossible dream.

As always, I urged him to only remember the happy moments.
It was a rainy day, a long day we spent together, from visiting some rentals, to enjoying an exhibition, a little adventure on the luge, and ending with me falling ill with nauseated throwing up. =(

The happiest part of that day was, for me, when, after lunch, we had to traverse the road from the foodcourt to the exhibition...and as it was drizzling, he suddenly whipped out his newspaper and folded a paper hat for me, so that I wouldn't get wet.
I folded one for him too.
And we both wore our paper hats to the MRT toilet and all (knowing there's about 40 cameras watching our every move)... of course, lots of people looked, but we didn't care, we were in our imaginary world, where everyone wore paper hats to protect ourselves from the rain.

I was trying to remember, from Thursday, the best part of my day. I was very sad our happy times had to end when reality bites.

At this time, I was reading John Eldredge/Stasi Eldredge 'Wild at Heart / Captivating', J had lent it to me a month back. I was reading the part where John asked God for a whale (he wanted to see it at the sea) and he saw one, and Stasi asked God for something to show that He loved her, too. And God gave her a small starfish and more. I went, 'wow'... in these sad moments, the thing I wanted most was a hug from God.

So I just said a silent prayer that I wanted to feel a hug from God.

And for the next few days, I received things beyond my imagination... that only God knows I would appreciate! I really did not expect that each day, there would be something to look forward to... and I am overwhelmed.

God knows I love coffee... and there was a barista I knew from a long time ago who was the caterer for an event I attended on Friday. It was lovely of him, and unexpected, that he personally did this coffee for me, as his treat! He was the main key person for this event but he took time off to do it for me. Plus it was perfect - hazelnut + vanilla, not too sweet, milky and strong... =)

I had visited this shopkeeper uncle's shop for many years but never bought anything, it is some sort of retro display and for collectors to buy jukeboxes, old fridges, etc. When he saw me, we had a good chat, and suddenly he excitedly told me he wanted to give me something, he took a bunch of glass animals out... wanted to represent my birthyear, but there wasn't any dog, so he just chose something and pressed it into my hand. It was this tiny glass owl! God really knows why I need an owl =) I was so touched! Of course it is probably inexpensive, etc... but... wow.

Sunday, I had half an hour to wait at ECP, so I just chose a spot near the central beach area, alone, with a myriad of thoughts. As I was getting up to leave I realized that while I was there a super tiny baby coconut had dropped directly in front of me. It was unbelievably cute! It brought a smile on my face... and I'm sure it did to many others on my facebook where I posted it =).

Today, I had spent a long day out touring the city, and there was nothing remotely resembling a hug from God. Ah, I thought, maybe not everyday. In fact, I was aching so much to contact Mystery Guy to tell him random stuff.

I found this postcard for me! Sent by a random japanese... My heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I have received over 80 postcards, but never ever a lop rabbit one! And God knows I hold this rabbit close to my heart. Plus, there was an encouragement written behind...'gan ba rou nippon', telling me not to give up (actually, the true meaning is telling the japanese tsunami victims not to give up)... and if they, who have been through so much suffering, did not give up, how could I?

=)

This story continues... ...

Out of the Darkness, Modern Love

2012-01-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/fashion/out-of-the-darkness-modern-love.html?_r=1&ref=modernlove

THERE was a time when my wife, Giulia, said “Yes” to almost everything I suggested. But before she consented, there was always an unnatural pause, a pause so small it may have gone unnoticed by others. But it was painfully obvious to me. That pause did not come from her; it came from the antipsychotic medication she had to take.

Two years ago, when Giulia and I were 27 and in our third year of marriage, she suffered a psychotic break. She had no history of mental illness preceding the abrupt arrival of delusions and paranoia. It was a bewildering decline that snowballed from typical work stress to mild depression to sleeplessness to voices speaking to her in the night.

The medicine combated the psychosis by slowing everything down: her metabolism, movements and response time. I didn’t like what the medicine did to her, but I liked even less what her unmedicated self was like and capable of doing, so I gave her the medicine. I observed her as she took it, making sure she did not hide it in her mouth and spit it out later. She still managed to do that a few times anyway.

To try to make sense of why she had to live in this medicated haze, I thought of her condition as being like an old television, the type where you have to turn the dial to change the channels. For some reason, Giulia had become stuck between channels, so all that was broadcasting in her mind was crackly white noise, and it drove her mad, right into the halls of a psychiatric ward.

The medicine was like turning down the volume. It was what had to be done until the channels could work again. And while the volume was turned down, her entire life was on mute. She wasn’t psychotic, she wasn’t delusional, she just kind of wasn’t.

She didn’t communicate much when she was on the medicine. When she did, it was mostly just “Yes” or “No.” More often than not, it was “Yes,” because I think she wanted to make me happy. If we had to go through this hell, she at least wanted to be agreeable. During this time I thought of her as the Great Validator.

The fact that she did not speak much also meant that I spoke a lot, about silly things, things that filled the silence so that I could try to keep her mind here with me, and not adrift in her illness.

But occasionally she spoke on her own, without prompting, and beyond “Yes” or “No.” Those rare moments of self-initiated conversation were always about one of two subjects: suicide or love.

The suicide conversations were never fun. They happened over and over. Out of nowhere, in the midst of one of our agreed-upon dog walks, or while washing the dishes or whatever, often as I talked about something insignificant, Giulia would interrupt and say, “Mark, if someone kills themselves, do they still get a funeral?”

Long pause on my part. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know that if you kill yourself you go to hell. But does that mean they don’t let you have a funeral? Do you still get a funeral if you’re going to hell?”

“We don’t have to think about that, Giulia, because you’re not going to kill yourself.”

“Maybe.”

“No ‘maybe’ about it.”

“We’ll see.”

She’d smile. Thoughts of suicide tended to make her smile, like she was a little child being told you can have your ice cream later. It was something to look forward to.

When suicidal thoughts made her happy, I knew it was my cue to remind her of other reasons to feel happy. So I told her I loved her. And that so many other people loved her, too. That she was so strong for holding on. That none of this was her fault. That the feelings would go away. That she just had to keep holding on.

These suicidal conversations could be quick or they could be slow. One time we were biking to yoga together, and we had to pull over and sit on the sidewalk for almost two hours while she sobbed and begged me to let her kill herself. I pleaded with her to just hang on through this moment, and that it would pass, and that she would someday, somehow, start to feel better again.

When the suicidal feelings gripped her tightly, her whole body groaned and wailed over the loss of control of mind and feelings. I would hold her, but I learned that all I could do in those moments was to sit there and let it be, so I did. And then the fog would clear, the suicidal impulses would slip back under the surface, and the muted, agreeable Giulia would return.

“Are you O.K. now, honey?”

Pause. “Yes.”

“Do you know how proud of you I am, and how much I love you?”

Pause. “Yes.”

“Are you ready to get back on the bike and go home?”

Pause. “Yes.”

In our conversations about love, which also would arise unprompted, Giulia would interrupt whatever we were doing to tell me how much she loved me.

Instead of questions like, “Why would God do this to me?” or “Can you agree to let me kill myself in one year if this doesn’t get better?” my lovely, broken, medicated wife would take my hand, look me in the eyes, and say, “Mark, you are the most wonderful person I know. Thank you for helping to save my life. I love you and am staying alive because of you.”

Just like that.

As her spouse and caregiver, one of my biggest struggles was to keep my own emotions in check. She was too fragile to witness how much her delusions, paranoia and depression scared and worried me, so I had to pretend that none of it bothered me.

I became a master at compartmentalizing my worry and anxiety, neatly packaging my feelings into the small, permissible moments when I had the time and space, away from Giulia. For the most part, though, I was her cheerleader, and nothing, no matter how dark or despairing, could shake me.

But when she told me she loved me? That I was saving her life? And that she was staying alive not for herself, but for me?

Those moments always left me stunned, teary-eyed and breathless. I had no defense against those. They left me reaching to her to find my stability, rather than the other way around. How can you shield yourself from the impact of someone saying, “I love you”? And why would you?

Giulia has since gotten better. She no longer takes the medicine. We don’t live in a “Yes” or “No” existence anymore. We now live with bills and iPhones and deadlines.

I’m glad to have left behind the anxiety and unknowns of dealing with a serious mental illness. It was a grueling year for both of us. And yet when I look back on that year, I have to admit there is a part of me that misses it — or, more accurately, a part of it that I miss.

I don’t miss the illness itself, of course. We’re still not sure where the darkness came from, or why it’s behind us, or even what the actual diagnosis was (psychotic depression, maybe). All I know is that it was exhausting to deal with on a daily basis, and so I am glad it is gone.

And I don’t miss Giulia’s sadness, a sadness that seemed to be without limits. Good riddance to that.

BUT I do miss how much we talked about life and love that year. It seemed like all we ever talked about. In one sense we have never communicated less in our relationship and never been in such different mental spaces, yet in another sense we were closer emotionally than we have ever been and more deeply connected. Her mental illness cast such a strange web of paradoxes into our life together.

Nowadays we bicker about things like doing the dishes.

One of us will say, “I cooked dinner, so can you wash the dishes?”

And the other will respond, “Well, I did the laundry today and folded it and put it away, so no.”

“But I walked the dog by myself tonight.”

“But I made the bed.”

Until finally one of us does the dishes.

When Giulia was sick, we did the dishes together because there was nothing else to do. As long as we were together, we could agreeably wait out the disease and show it that we were more patient than it was.

I think that’s what I miss. We weren’t in a rush to do anything else, because there was no certainty of a future. So we defaulted to living in the present, focusing on each moment of our “Yes and No” days. A time when only two things mattered to us: life and love.

Mark Lukach lives in San Francisco and is writing a memoir about taking care of his wife during her struggle with mental illness.

one last dance

2011-12-28T11:50:00.000+08:00

The lawn was covered with red and blue, brightly lit tents. I found myself, once again, not in my homeland on Christmas Day, but somewhere very close by. Just a day earlier I had cried in the shower, remembering, after too much wine, the depths of unhappiness I was in. I had typed out my sorrows to him, just needing a friend at that point of time, a listening ear. Spontaneously, the next day, we traveled, each from different cities, to attend this dinner, but also, to meet each other. He was thinner from the last I remembered, a sign of his worsening anxiety and the dreadful situation he was in. I knew that we could not expect anything with each other for now, and sometime later I told him words that I did not mean, 'that one day, you will find someone who loves you the way you are. And for me... I'm going to find someone like you.' I cannot tell him that I feel like giving up on this impossible dream and at the same time I don't want to be with anyone anymore, I don't, but yet, I want to be with him, and at the same time, I worry it will just go awry, again.

The house was beautiful, it had a large porch built for dancing, and when we arrived, the party already had hundreds of guests, some of the bolder aunties and uncles had already started dancing. We arrived with travelers from different countries, we happened to be from all over the world, Germany, America, Costa Rica, Brazil... but we found ourselves in the old town I loved so much on Christmas Day. It was a nice way to spend the holiday, I thought, surrounded by people I don't know, yet feeling more peaceful than I've ever had for a long time.

We danced with each other the entire night. From the fast, popular songs, to the slow ones. I wasn't able to read when he wanted to twirl me, so each time we mis-twirled, we giggled madly and did some other cover-up moves. We bopped and hopped to the shufflin' songs and jumped and swung to the pop songs, and we rested during the cha-cha and bollywood songs.

He did something that touched my heart. From the sides, there were several kids, teenagers, who were watching us dance, but never daring to venture out. He just dragged them onto the dance floor, and once they were there, they never left. Thank you for doing that, it was a good thing you did. Then he saw a small boy in glasses and a checked shirt. He prompted me to go and drag him over. Initially I thought he did not want to dance at all, and he protested, I cannot dance! But once he was there as my partner, he glowed, and had a fun time. I was warmed that he knew this boy had the longing in his heart to come and dance but he was just too shy, and he helped to fulfil it. We danced till we were exhausted, and went to rest in a wicker sofa placed in the garden. Both sweaty, but also happy, I put my head on his lap and admired the stars in the sky. We told each other silly things and I could feel him laugh from the depths of his belly, and that was such a perfect moment. Although the place was packed with people, it seemed that we were just enveloped in each other, despite the loud music blasting just beside us, I felt a quiet, contemplative feeling as we were beside each other, for that moment, just putting away all our other thoughts, and the force of each other's presence making each other feel happy, just happy to see each other, not knowing when would be the next time. I had followed my heart, or my lack of common sense, to where he was.

Later that night, when I knew he couldn't hear, I whispered that I loved him very much.

we could be happy

2011-12-04T03:02:00.000+08:00

And then, he smsed me, when he was leaving asia to yonderland. Little things like this makes me so happy.

We chatted, and I found myself sharing about a vivid dream I had, early this year. A dream I could not forget, and had not shared with anyone. I always thought that this dream was, perhaps, God-given, to inspire and encourage me. The personal hell I had gone through, a shattered heart and a lost faith, I never could bear to tell him, and never asked him about his personal sorrow, although, without words, I can guess that our sad stories had the same ending. Because, how could I tell him that I felt the same way, that I had also been very disappointed, that I was happier alone than with someone, yet, I had followed my heart to meet him, to find out something, something I can't even name. And this scares me more than anyone, because in the dream, I was old, and so happy, so in love, walking in a wintry place, cobblestoned streets, vividly remembering and loving the street in which we walked, old and gray but safe in each other's presence. And when I woke, I was hopeful again, that even though it had been a tough year, life is short and there are moments when we should be happy like fools, although we have tasted bitter moments, and we cannot anticipate the future, we should count ourselves very lucky to have met each other in a sea full of strangers. I would like 'us' to become a reality and I know we will not be as happy with any one else, but if the reality is that if it only lasts for x period of time, I would die, just die, and isn't it better just to let things be status quo? I don't know all the answers.

This was the poem I wrote then, trying to capture the essence of how the dream felt.

'Twas a girl's daydream of growing old,
And walking hand in hand through
Cobblestoned streets, a vision of
Being blissfully happy, though
Gray haired and bleary eyed, they walked
Slowly but surely
Seeming to saunter in spirit,
They were us.

Though we speak the same language,
Few truly understand
Or comprehend
between the lines
Of what the heart wants to say
Modernity seeks to banish the dream
The dream of love, the scene an ode to love

I wait in peace, captive to your thoughts
Your voice like it was almost always there
The time and place where it had not existed seemed a distant and forgotten place
While I have time more
With eyes half-asleep, I perceive the cobblestoned street
And the language of love
Our hearts both speak.

One Day (2011) Good Life - OneRepublic HD

2011-11-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

One Day (2011) Good Life - OneRepublic HD

2011-11-08T20:57:00.000+08:00

I've read the book on recommendation, and found the movie to be awfully dull.
However, I love the soundtrack that sounds hopeful.
This show reminds me somewhat of one of my male friends. He looks like the main character.
We used to be close, but just for a short short while in what seems like an eternity of a lifespan.
For that one year, I enjoyed that friendship, knowing that there's an expiry date to it.

I think that even if I knew things would be short-lived, I would still choose it this way.
We had each other, that one day.

This song also helped me make A decision. Just one decision out of the many I have to make each step of the way. My work, my future path...
I was asking myself one year later, would I have been happy in this decision I have to make if I chose this tough path.
I don't know why I must always make my own life so challenging when there are other options. Like the way how I'm so busy and never having a day free to myself.
Am I scared of being bored or growing old? Meanwhile I have tried many things for the first time, acting in two student films as one of the leads, incredibly exhausting but I would do it again... bouldering by myself, I have not imagined myself doing that... and others. So one year later would I be happy doing the same thing. The answer, I've found, chooses me, I've always been incredibly blessed this way. I hope 4 months later I will have some confirmation of the path I chose based on my intuition and nothing much else.

so so busy

2011-11-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

Interrupting a catnap, I am sooooo bad! It's gonna glare at me.

I have succeeded in the impossible feat of attending 4 interviews in one day.
Yes! And I was inflicted with a sore throat that lasted 4 days.

I had initially scheduled 5 in a day, the day after I got back from my vacation, but after the first one took more than 2 hours, I had to quickly postpone 1, and delay the other 3. I am very touched by people helping me to send my contact and profile to the interested parties. In fact, I had not applied for any of the roles save one. And currently, I am being represented by 3 different headhunters from leading firms, both for inhouse and external roles, despite my relative lack of length of experience, I feel really touched by their supreme confidence because I do not have that for my depth of ability.

I had heard earlier from my colleagues that immediately after I had left, they changed the notice scheme for all employees. From now on, people who leave can only choose to stay 2 weeks' and serve their notice, thus getting paid for it, or, choosing to leave immediately (just declare you are joining a competitor) and forfeit the amount. I'm not sure if it's considered ethical to even change the notice period like that for all employees from prior employees able to get a 2 weeks to one month garden payout... (wouldn't it be?)... perhaps a sign of the tight labor market next year. So, I am the last one to get a paid vacation (garden leave) of 2 weeks and the benefit of encashing my leave too. Woooo.

The days are so filled with interview stages, I have to constantly pick up the phone, do job personality assessments, plus my ongoing volunteer work for labor movement, catching up with friends (after being away I have to meet some people in my life)... that, I hardly have a day to spend on my own, ideally, reading a book in a quiet cafe. Anyway there are no quiet cafes in Singapore... Not to mention, I have neglected scrapbooking for some time, my room is in a perpetual whirlwind, etc, etc. Finally tomorrow I have a whole day to myself, just for myself. I will be attempting 'bouldering' tomorrow, something I have always wanted to do for ages but could never find the time.

I have to keep reminding myself not to rush around, or keep looking at my watch. It's strange that we have a tendency to walk faster and rush around when people around us are doing so, sometimes this is not conducive or productive, we may have missed out several facets we fail to observe in the rushed state of mind. I was contemplating to stop by and browse at a 2nd hand bookstore, and my easily rushed-mode mind was telling me the thing I always say to myself,'the bookstore will not run away, I can always find time to come back again (honestly highly unlikely as it's in an obscure locale), besides, don't I have a few unfinished books?' Then, I literally closed my eyes and stood still right there, and asked myself what would I really like to do when I am not rushing anywhere (And I am not rushing anywhere.) I found two books of the authors I like, Isabel Allende, and one of Irving's (someone was reading it on the train), they are too niche for most mainstream bookstores to carry so I was really stoked to find them. And another one of short stories that won the Orange Prize. It was an enjoyable browsing for the better part of the hour.

And I smiled all the way back as I felt the weight of these books in my bag.

my hands are stained a smurf blue

2011-10-23T12:52:00.000+08:00

These days, I feel like I'm going on some sort of adventure that I had not bargained for. And before I get old, too old for this sort of thing, I'm glad that I have had the time to live it up a little.

Unexpectedly, I lost my job. Or rather, it was expected, just that I had not expected it to be so abrupt. For weeks, I had already been anticipating the changes, so I can say that I was not unprepared. However, it was still a blow, to lose something that has already become familiar to you.

So on that very next day I found myself booking a one-way ticket for the first time. I knew where he was, and I knew we would not have many days together. I guess we needed each other, we needed to cheer each other up.

Then, without much thought, I did what people have been doing for ages, traveling through places. After Penang we went to KL, and now in Melaka for the week. I'm glad I'm here. Melaka always provides me with a deep, good sleep, perhaps it's the air or else the sun zaps my energy and I don't have burdensome thoughts, just walking around happily here.

It was a blessing to my heart that I found kind people who helped me along the way, to lift my spirits. I persuaded Uncle Clay to teach me pottery for a day; despite my wonderful art degree, I had never known how to manage a pottery wheel and fashion a lump of clay into a usable object. It was tougher than it looks and my hands were trembling from the day's work. I made two small seaturtles in memory of our huge sandcastle seaturtle we made on our last trip - we did not bring cameras to the beach, so this will serve as a longer keepsake.

Then, I kept speaking to different people in Melaka. A secondhand bookshop owner pointed me to a place I could paint. A shoemaker pointed me to a papercutter I could learn from. I went to paint. The guy who owns the art cafe gave me a piece of wood, surfboard length and half the width. He also gave me oil paints, to my delight. A Penang Uncle who painted on canvases, learnt that I wanted to paint, and generously brought a blank canvas for me, the next day. I did not need to pay a single cent for all these and I was humbled and touched. The canvas was quite a big size and in Singapore we would need to pay a 3 digit amount for it. Yet, he just gave it to me, not even wanting my gratitude. So, for the first time in my life, I started oil painting. I really like to be creative, only it's so expensive and ... I guess we do not really have the time to find time to do it. I painted in silence for hours, while people ate their lunches, drank with their friends. And I loved every single minute of it. The oil colors just melted into the canvas, and each day I couldn't wait to get up and continue my masterpiece. I'm using tones of blue, teal blue to smurf blue. Feeling the paint on the canvas, blending and painting the oils, I did this for hours and it is the best feeling in the world, which I discovered by chance, and I'm so thankful, for having these people in my life. My hair is frizzled here, my skin is dry and tanned, but I have such lovely toned legs, and when I look at the paint stains on my hands (oil is hard to wash out), a smurf blue, I think that I am glad to be here on a two-week paid vacation (my company paid me out, it lessens the pain), and having such an adventure.

One Day.

2011-10-09T12:26:00.003+08:00

300-over sms (he counted, technically).
280 facebook messages (I counted).
One Day.
18 hours.

It must all mean something, shouldn't it?

But we'll never meet each other again, and one day, he will forget my name. One day, we'll feel awkward at even the memory of things that transpired. A crazy story we'll never tell anyone. You'll lead your life and I'll lead mine. We will stop and stare in silence at random people who remind us of each other. Perhaps the way they walked, or the exact color of their hair sabotages us into suddenly living that highlighted snippet of a memory that we had never even thought about until, the warm, tingly feelings besmirch us into falling into something we refuse to admit that we had not wanted to sidestep into.

After all, it was only supposed to be a meeting for one day and never again, not again for any good reason.

Otherwise, the distance may be good for both of us. It could be that I had followed my heart, or my lack of common sense. I knew what was going to happen between both of us those few days more, precious days - and I threw myself into it, wholeheartedly! I have never felt so alive; so incredibly, unbelievably happy.

I think of him in the shower. We did everything together, having this strange, familiar feeling that we have been closely acquainted for a long, long time. I know we'll never see each other again, based on the future choices we make. But I choose to meet him. And in essence, he chose me, too. Precious days, perfect moments, incredibly happy at these unexpected circumstances.

We chose each other, just for that one day.

if love came easy

2011-09-18T09:45:00.005+08:00

I woke up at 5 am, unable to go to sleep. I thought I had heard myself talking to the unknown creature in my dreamscape, and in that conversation I said, 'I wished love came easy for me.'

I wished I knew for sure that this life, what everyone seemed content with wanting and having, would be something that I wanted, too. The Singaporean dream. We have it too easy, but if you ask anyone, no one would agree. They would say that life is too hard here. They did not have anyone else to compare with because their world is so small.

Not too long ago, I thought that was what I had in the grasp of my hand and many less lucky girls would envy me for it. And in the present I could see the future. 2 kids, an apartment, working in middle management, taking weekend holidays to Malaysia, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that. But I also see too many people trying to convince themselves that this is what they had waited all their lives for. They take photos of their possessions and holidays, their loves and lives, but some of us see that perhaps behind the words and pictures they are trying to convince themselves too, that this is what they wanted for themselves.

In countries worse off, this could be a dream never realized. In places where peace is fragile, where money is scarce, where people are unable to find a stable income, their dream might be just to live to eat another meal and keep warm for another night. But what about the next day, and the next year? I live in a country that has only known peace; and the days seem monotonous to me, so peaceful, in fact, that I suffer inside with the burden of my thoughts, daydreaming when I should be living instead. I see more than others; I see the momentary glimpse of someone's heart on the look of his face when he remembers years spent with someone he thought he loved; and then it turned out to be something of the past, and not of the future. And this sort of morbid thing stays with me, long after the person has traveled to a faraway place.

And yet, in spite of it all, he hopes for a better day ahead, where all the pieces fit together. A love in his hand, a secure future, a genuine smile from within, that says, don't worry about tomorrow, God will take care of us, if it's as simple as that, it can be. And I who have never known a day of suffering in my life, I who spend way too much on expensive dresses I seldom wear, more books than I can ever finish reading, I see this in his eyes, I sense the suffering in his soul, just for that moment in time, and then it is vanished, replaced with the happiness of spending time with someone he wanted to spend time with, me, of course.

How can I ever tell him I understand, that the kindness in his eyes tells me of his determination for a better life.

And that if I keep thinking of that haunting look, I would be able to give up everything I had but never valued, to that war-torn city others call a promised land.

in a split second

2011-08-26T10:53:00.003+08:00

I hate to make split-second decisions, but most times, without realizing it, we all do.

Minor decisions - what to eat for lunch, should I buy that nice earring that I fell in love with just 10 seconds ago or walk around the mall one more time, should I walk home or take the bus.

Some less minor decisions may have short-term, or long-er term implications - responding to someone calling to meet you, applying moisturiser religiously on my long legs, booking a flight ticket this or next week and missing out on opportunities or otherwise gaining things I might have missed... ...going to a music event despite being tired, vulnerable and sad... and meeting someone who fell in love with your beautiful eyes in 5 minutes...enjoying things that come your way, and taking any occurrences in stride... making friends who love you enough to tell you schtuff you don't want to hear in your naivete, despite them only knowing you vaguely; and that inspires and humbles you quite a bit... and also forces you to think, think, think... what should I do/feel/act towards another human being in full respect and understanding yet protecting my self-interests, of course!

As always, looking on the bright side of things, I can hardly say that my life is boring. In fact, it seems to have a life of its own... and I am just wanting to sleep for the next 48 hours or so.

==

find what you love - steve jobs

'Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.'

read that today and it was thought-provoking, a good read for us who are 'lost' in the everyday struggle of split seconds.

Read more: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111903596904576520690515394766.html#ixzz1W6FVKho6

silent protest

2011-08-22T10:47:00.007+08:00

Keep calm and curry on... new mantra!

I am happy that we citizens show our solidarity for the seemingly small situations that befuddle our minority neighbors. I think I can be proud of what/who we are! It gladdens my heart to see my Dad cooking curry just because I asked him to, though, he does not fully comprehend the issue, he understands the crux of the matter. Even those Americans (whom I've met a few last night) can see the funny side of it, and roared with support at the sneaky Singaporeans who in silent protest ate some curry for lunch or dinner yesterday.

Being idealistic does me in, at times.

It's really a pity, because I thought, I really thought that, this one's a keeper. These episodes of 'how I met your father' is turning out to be some sort of too dramatic. While I'm not unpleased about how easily I can attract the tall ones, not much good endings happen usually, and sadly.

Well, the intensity of feelings and emotional thought only proves one thing, that all I have said and done, it was sincere and felt from the heart. Better luck next time I hope.

sometimes, along the way

2011-08-12T14:08:00.005+08:00

I hadn't really realized it, until I tried to explain to a traveler with the same name, 'Jeroen' about this cartoonist from Belgium, that I've been following this monthly cartoons for years!

It's quite fascinating to me how he can put some of my similar thoughts into these 4 boxes... And he's been single for years so I think all of us who follow his cartoons have been secretly rooting for him. And now he is finally attached and having the time of his life.

You can view it at:

www.kartoen.be

There's a million possibilities of what could go wrong. I always associate men whom I meet, according to the vague personas of my vast stable of male friends.' Oh this guy is exactly like Mr.Architect', I start to think, after he does or says something so similar to the category of friends of this 'pattern'. This guy is so much like Mr.Woodblock...blah blah.

And I know that I have immediately placed them in the 'friendzone', a word I've learnt from my affection for the cartoons by Jeroen.

'He's such a good man, good 'catch',' is what I've often heard single women say. And I have had the pleasure of having strong friendships with men of that caliber. A few good men. But now I realize that who's good may not be good for you or me. Yes, a good man, a good catch, but ultimately, I need someone who's good for me. And vice versa. We should make each other feel better about ourselves than when we were alone, with just the right dosage of encouragement and a natural need to reinforce the good things in each other. I've met 'good' people who are so wrong for each other in so many ways.

associated content: appearances and exposes

2011-08-06T22:02:00.003+08:00

The days are getting darker in The Office. I'm literally sick to my stomach to see the colleagues being hired and fired one after another. Yes, I knew about the high attrition rate all over this industry. Still, I never expected such dark days to befall us. Especially when I'm now the last one in, if they practice the 'last in first out' policy then I have to start packing my bags and weighing my options. Already the walls seem to be closing in. I still get headhunted calls quite often, but I just dread to leave to a similar place. I don't want to go on and on about how miserable it is, but I'm starting to realize I've made the wrong decision.

As the Aussie from Sydney (M.) told me, 'the really brilliant ones don't stay for long', those words spoken at the right time gave me the conviction to be proactive about the opportunities that present themselves. Living daily under the fear of termination should you not have any closures, one month, is just not a way to live nor a good career. I consider myself blessed to have 2 candidates in the running for senior positions; and brought in some top-notch deals as well, but should they not materialize, the sinking feeling of chasing after a moving target would leave me filled with dread.

We have embarked on an unusual friendship of sorts, M. and me.

As he works in one of the buildings along my one-way street that touches tanjong pagar to raffles place, I've spotted him along this road, once each week in the last 2 weeks. I hope he doesn't think I'm stalking him. He always asks after me and wants to know what I'm doing over the weekend. And he would share his, too. We would be ironing or feeding our pets or inebriated (not me) or doing laundry or going to the gym. I'm such a girl to treasure the little silly things like these. Appearances can be deceiving and honestly I had never thought he'd have this sort of side to him, him looking every bit the man about town, grinning broadly in every photo that could be found of him, and so sporty that he has broken all his toes before (as he shared) and even plays for singapore in one of the leagues! He shared that to me shyly, almost in a whisper, as we were making our way back to our respective offices, 'I play for the Singapore Rugby League'. I smiled to myself all the way back. Most chaps would just huffily state their sporting achievements and expect women to swoon all over them, but the way he said it was almost as if he was afraid I would disapprove.

I think he was rather disappointed when I said with a deadpan expression that until then I did not know Singapore had a rugby team ... really! I had no idea!

I hope to support the game as he mentioned it would be his last as he felt that he was getting too old for it. And as long as we're on the same street, busy as we are, I hope there will always be a place to share the little things that often goes unnoticed. I never imagined to see this side of such a guy, and it gives me hope that there are people like this who exist out there. I'm not being overly-romantic, but it's hard to find in this day and age, someone who slowly wants to get to know you, as a friend, and you'll be assured of his help, in any way he can.

associated content: the decisions your heart makes

2011-07-24T22:36:00.003+08:00

I've never really thought about why I think the way I do.
It just...works for me. It may not work for everyone.

I miss melbourne and I had met a bloke who came from a different part of Australia. Knowing as I do that most people from that part of the country 'hate' Melbourne ("eurgh I don't know why Singaporeans love that place") I asked gingerly, tentatively, if he liked Melbourne, expecting him to say no. To my surprise, he said he loved it, in a manner that echoed in my heart - full of conviction and ... knowing the place enough to know what you like about it.

As usual, he is one of the many people whom I meet in my life and only meet once or twice. I do like meeting people but sometimes it is rather unsettling especially when you do want some of them to stay a little longer.

We, rightly or wrongly, make snap judgements of people.
For me, those who buy me a large cup of starbucks hazelnut latte scores highly in my book...
It's quite amazing about the little things we notice. I met a GM who opened up his 'typical black folder' and... hey! Inside there was a red moleskin and I felt this instant connection - I use a red moleskin too! I kept smiling at him from my heart after that, I guess he wondered why because I never did tell him. Subconsciously, I want to help people who reminds me of ... well, me. There are some people who we just remember on the phone because their voice reminds us of a good friend we love. And we tend to talk a wee bit longer to them and smile internally. On the other hand, people with weak eye contact and nervous behavior coupled with a bad handshake just does not help them go far and I really feel bad for them because it's all learned behavior.

It's a pleasant surprise to me to meet someone who really understands what I'm going through right now, and uses the right words to hit the right spots in my heart. Honestly, there are opportunities I should consider really soon. And there are no strong reasons why I should not consider them. As I remain half-hearted, someone told me with no mincing of words that the 'really brilliant ones' would do the same. And gave me some words of conviction for the issue. This person will be someone with a high level of influence in my life because he bothered to have a high level of understanding. For so many times we have been trying to meet, but we have had respective spontaneous pressing work demands that made it difficult. And we both understood the special requirements of our work that sometimes meant we couldn't keep to our promises. But if I had not bothered to understand, I would have just wrote him off and be very disappointed and maybe think badly of his character. Knowing him I just thought that this essence or what you call it, a curious mind that seeks to understand mine, is very appealing indeed. We all are so busy, so engaged with others yet we still seek to observe and understand others, well, at least the ones that has captured our minds as well.

This week I just needed that, that someone who wants to know what's going on in my mind.
It would be nice if he's the one in my mind too. The next time round this trait will feature highly. Someone who will see beyond the physical and find the spirited force of life within.

associated content part one

2011-07-20T21:11:00.003+08:00

One of those 'social night outs' I had (distinguished from the usual 'hermit' nights) , I was in a taxi with a male friend whom I had just met. We had, with our puppy eyes, influenced the driver to make a last trip for the day and bring us to Dempsey to end the evening.

Friend: 'Where do you live?'

Me 'Serangoon, you?'

Friend 'Bukit Batok.'

Me 'Oh, that's rather far...'

Taxi Uncle 'Eh I live in Jurong, if you all don't mind, I drop both of you at Bukit Batok.'

Both 'Umm... buttttt, we want to go Dempsey...'

Taxi Uncle 'Go Bukit Batok lah! Already so late still go Dempsey. I drive you all to Bukit Batok then I go home'

Me 'Eh Uncle you very open minded...'

Anyway, we finally ended up at Dempsey, though he was rather insistent.

Lately the people in my life have all been trying to dispense love advice. I think that when your hairdresser does it, it is still okay. But when your doctor stops writing about your cold and swivels facing you, taking out his spectacles, and asking 'how is your love life', it is a bit too much!

I can see (it is so obvious sometimes) how one person likes the other, that sort of hopeful look, the way it is written so clearly, that this person is on her mind. In the snapshots of her heart. I've seen it recently. I tell the hapless dude, she is really yours, no? She really has a thing for you. Then oblivious blind as a bat dude will say, non, non, we are friends, that is all.

So maybe they see the same thing in me. The youthful idealism of a perfect romantic notion.

Hairdresser (while I am lying prone getting the dye washed out, a vulnerable situation) began chirping excitedly and said I had to be proactive. Proactive works! That's how she snagged her local husband (she's a foreign talent, they all are) by hanging out at the cafe where he works. I almost sniggered but thought it dangerous since she was sudding my hair. You have to let him know you are thinking of him, but not so obvious. Just sms - what are your plans this weekend. That you wanted to watch this new movie, or explore this new mall.

Doctor after prescribing me medication, said I had to give them a chance. Don't just meet once or twice. Don't intimidate them. Go out more! Less hermitlike. Hmm, how did he know that...maybe he reads my blog too...?

Even my new boss (I really like this bloke) gets in on the action. As busy as he is, he said that I should show some initiative, in fact, put up signposts. (In my mind I saw myself carrying a wooden sign that said.... "Be mine!".) Boss said I had to do something (and even gave me some examples of which I said vehemently I am not going to do that)...if not, nothing's going to happen, ever. Really? I thought his countrymen were more... initiated.

Well... I'm rather reticent and I think... the sweetness has to last on its own, if not, if it's engineered, how can it be credible?

Of course, I recognize that I do need to show some 'open doors'. I am wary of sharing my woes, or needing help, but when I do, I am always pleasantly surprised by the fortitude of those males in my life who step up to the plate.

I started out wanting to write about 'associations', but I am pleasantly intrigued by the people who can see that 'something' in my eyes, maybe, and I feel they are propelling me along this strange, almost magical journey that I just had to write about them. I will not forget their kindness and I also will be kind to those who might end up like me.

After all these episodes, I am learning, to just be myself, and show my true self to the ones who will love me for a long, long time.

my little squirrel

2011-07-11T21:21:00.003+08:00

Fell asleep.

Exploring the world
Sebastian and Samantha...

Their mom was murdered by school authorities, one of which was Dad. The murderer took the orphans home. In a prestigious boys' school, squirrels running into classrooms to steal breadcrumbs would be frowned upon and terminated. That was how their mom came to her end.

And that was how we ended up with 2 baby squirrels, trying our best to take care of them for these crucial months before re-releasing them into the wild. They did nothing but sleep and gingerly explore around. One of them, the smaller, male one, seemed particularly attached to me. I named him Sebastian after the most recent guy I met (also seemed apt as it started with 's'). He somehow recognizes his name when I squeal 'sebastiannnnn!' at him, and would be very excited to come to me. But he doesn't seem to eat well lately and is quite scrawny compared to the other one, now round like a ball. I hope he survives, but like most wild animals they often don't. Sobs.

Today, a guy asked me out on a date. Unexpectedly.

I should move on. It's for the best.

snippets in a social week

2011-07-09T19:57:00.008+08:00

I was rather spontaneous and came out of my hermit-mode, lately.

On the previous Saturday, was invited by 2 Americans, two of them working here, to go on a touristy walk with one of their visiting friends who's in the US Peace Corps in S.Korea. We had a nice afternoon walk around and I brought a facebook friend who is a Singaporean working in S.Korea and it was his second last day here before he returned. He told us about the '100 day ring' concept in Korea, where a Korean dates a girl for maybe 3 times, and then she is like... confirmed -want-to-marry-him, and on the 100th day, she wears a ring similar to an engagement ring, on her ring finger as a sign. So if you go to Korea you will see many girls wearing this ring. None of us could understand why would she want to commit so fast and ward off other guys so soon.

Saturday evening, the Americans and I went to board game night at a South African lady's place. I invited the Belgianese and he brought a work-mate lady. We had fun learning how to play bananagram, a scrabble-like game, for the first time and he made these words 'sexy youtuber' and everyone wanted to 'document' it because it was so urbanly geeky. For some moments we stood at the window and looked at the city skyline, those sublime moments in comfortable silence watching the night view, as if we had known each other a long time, though we are only acquainted for a few days. This type of feeling always fascinates me. Why some people we meet, instantly seem so much like kindred spirits, others we have known for so long, still seem so strange.

On Monday, drank a bottle of wine with an uncle. He ended up recommending me to his colleagues and I got a deal signed very unexpectedly. And got to meet his Korean colleague later in the week. I don't really need deals in my fulfillment role, but it did feel good to tell my beloved boss about it and hear him say 'well done'.

On Tuesday, caught up with a foreign candidate and introduced him to my kampung. We shared some thoughts over wine, pasta, dessert, a walk. I told him about the thoughts in my heart and he shared his opinion and encouraged me. He too has someone in his heart. But it's on-off and no one knows what the future may bring. We mirrored the look in our eyes, that silly, suffering, wistful, feeling. He's going back to his country, 3 weeks' later - south of ----, where she is, also, but, he will not be meeting her as he told me, as their country is too big. I do hope that they meet, somehow. Love will find a way, when you least expect it. He liked my company so much that he wanted to show me to all his single guy friends, later showing me his photo-roll in his iphone of all the 'foreign talent' guys he knows. This guy is half-English, this guy is Dutch, this guy is German. Which one do you like? I smiled and shook my head at him.

On Thursday, attended my friend's networking event just to catch up with him since I had not seen him since I started work. There were 30 people there and some looked dodgy, some were trying to sell stuff, as usual. But the first chap who talked to me seemed the most interesting, so I asked him to accompany me to my Friday session with Monday Uncle. He agreed. He's from Penang as I later found out, and taught at my school previously.

On Friday, saw Red again at brekkie. The egg mayo sandwiches at the coffee cafe below my building is really nice so many people eat there. He was reading an old novel and I was so so curious to see the title of it that I kept peering at him. Sometime in between 8:35 and 8:45 am, he fell asleep. Either the novel was very boring or he was dead tired. He shut his eyes and nodded off and I was wondering if I should wake him - what if he slept there for hours and was late for work? Lucky for him, he awoke, and sauntered off like nothing happened but I think he was rather embarassed. I sniggered all through brekkie.

Then, went to meet Monday Uncle to thank him for the deal. I was taught to have 6 to 8 touch points for every person I meet, so this is Number Three. Got introduced to a Korean. Who was so excited to meet me and called his friends to tell them about me! Penang chap was rather happy to talk with them and we told them about this event we were going to, to my surprise both of them wanted to follow us. I met a Greek, an American, and 2 Japanese. (Where are all the local blokes?) Was rather impressed by Penang chap who introduced his social enterprise idea and talked rather captivatingly. Later, we went to meet his friends at Dempsey, Selangor chap and Taiwanese chap. All were lengchai... and once again, totally unexpected to have such an evening out.

On Saturday, one of the guys whom I've previously went on dates early this year whatsapped me. He asked me to consider him, to my surprise. He said I was the nicest girl he had ever met. Sigh. But he was looking for a wife, and I was looking for love. He said, who knows, in the future, we might end up together. But I said it was impossible. Honestly I feel nothing for him. And as tactfully as I could, said that there was someone in my heart, a foreign talent. Japanese or Korean? He guessed. I said I was trying to forget, but I cannot, as yet. This guy is not half-bad, a cheerful and simple person who also supported my opposition party. (Plus points, thank you for your vote.) I'm sure he will be able to find a decent lady soon.

On Sunday, I bravely wrote a letter. Finally, coming to terms with what I've always wanted to tell him. As we are friends of some sort, I think it's okay to just say what I feel, for once, and not wanting any 'closure' or any 'call to action', just wanting, I guess, to be able to get out of my reserve and release such thoughts from my heart.

When you fall off a horse, Tuesday candidate said, the best way to recover is to immediately get on another one. (Some gallop faster, some go slower... he continued. I'm not sure if this refers to any innuendos...)

Tell him how you feel. Put up signposts. Many well-meaning people who looked into my eyes and saw the wistfulness in my heart told me, what I needed to hear. I strengthened my resolve and thus, a very surprised guy will receive my innermost thoughts soon. How he will take it, I do not know.

that aww moment just makes me go nuts.

2011-07-06T17:26:00.007+08:00

"Awwwwwwwww!"

Someone told me that the 'barley' drink ubiquitious in our country tastes like 'liquefied wheaties' (the breakfast cereal).

Now whenever I drink barley I will be reminded of that!

It's funny how meeting different people changes perspectives on simple, common, everyday life, things you never, ever, thought about. I always enjoy spending an evening listening to people talking (not complaining) about the stuff in their lives and the little bit of sunshine you get inside when you hear about the sweet schtuff.

Uncle Mike, as of the recent past, only an online friend, throughout Election Fever and beyond; finally caught up with me for a meal. I'm trying to be more social this week after completely blue periods of totally not meeting a single soul. I had asked him to bring over a magazine for me, not realizing he had to specially buy it from an obscure bookstore, for me!!! (When interrogated, he said he had bought two copies, awshucks!) And I was overwhelmed with warm feelings for that kind act. The magazine wasn't cheap, and we probably spent 2 weeks trying to set up a meetup so he had carried it around in his geek bag for that time frame, trying not to crush it (as he said!). Awwww.

Of course, it made me happy, only - just only, for a wee, little while. But. I think I will always think of him fondly just for that. And it got me thinking how I could maybe spread a little bit of sunshine in that undercover way, despite the blue-ness. Maybe text someone I've not met for sometime and ask them about their lives. Secretly getting the bill when your dining partner goes to the loo. Taking photos of the squirrels in my life and sending them to super-stressed friends, hopefully, they will go 'awwww...' looking at baby animals sleeping soundly on my tummy.

I'm encouraged to meet the people I meet; more than once or twice, which is the usual for me, always leaving me a bit unsettled because after that, I do feel slightly out-of-place to ask them out again. And I've been told I'm quite intimidating too. Demanding, maybe! Two blokes I sweetly asked for a meal got an entirely wrong idea when I asked to 'have dessert'.

I'm blushing at their imagination and I hope the next time I wanna 'have dessert' no one will get any ideas!

Always, I've realized that on the second time or more, I've got an entirely different read of who they really are. Those who I thought were boring were actually quite nice, unbelievably so. (Sorry!) Those who I thought were 'scary players' were also quite nice. And decent, in fact, unbelievably so!!!

So many people fit into stereotypes, I can think of so many, that we make snap judgements, that we fail to see beyond their physicality, their job title, who they really are, if they bother to tell you and if you want to listen.

And after having some small drops of sunshine upon my blue hectic workaholic life, I think, I will try to take it easy, at least this week, and not be afraid to embrace meeting new people, and just invite myself, or them. After all, its those little cheerful moments that makes my deadpan morning commute expression just that little more lively, thinking of what had transpired for me, with us, over the days that makes up our dreadful lives.

puppy-like creature observes secret invasion

2011-07-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

They are here, and they are getting younger and younger.

I'm talking about the Europeans who are here in Singapore to work. Well, I see it as a good thing, we can learn so much from their culture and habits - most of them are really intelligent and work really hard - the average Singaporean laid-back dude though, should be worried, because they really work very hard, and in 3-5 years later they will be so much more advanced in work than their local counterparts, who would be lacking in basic skills and still thinking working the minimum hours required will get him forward. As the fall of the euro beckons, people from diverse places and countries contact me and tell me why they want to come here. I'm sure that those who really want to come here will find a way. It's almost like a secret invasion (I'm glad, because I get my cheese and chips) no one knows about yet. I've met really talented people who got into management at a really young age so now in their 30s they are in senior management (GM and director) levels, and they are really... well, fascinating to talk to and I'm thankful to have this opportunity to spend time with them. Just 20 minutes blows my mind. They tell me they are really impressed with me too, but I really don't agree. Sometimes, I think I'm flaky.

It's hard for a girl to survive in this man's world because we don't play drinking games.

And being social with men, seems a little unsettling, let's just put it that there's a fine, tricky line to tread in this area. Being over-social could backfire, but too many of us try not to be outstanding and blend too much into the wallpaper. Especially if you are young, slim, fair, and single. They will treat you like a little, cute puppy like creature (Yes I can see the soft look in their eyes), and only through sheer hard work and results, then can you prove worthy of being in the boys' club. For me, I see those wallflower girls not really making ripples but then not really being noticed either. Maybe after one year in The Office, no one will remember their name. (Yes, everyone knows my name, after only a few months, but I don't know how come!!!)

I don't aim to be noticed for the sake of it, but I am intelligent too and sometimes my opinion counts for something, I enjoy making positive changes to the status quo. I never was inclined to venture into this corporate jungle but since I'm here, I might as well try to make the best of my remaining youthful years ahead. It has to count for something, hopefully...? After all, I told myself, I can always go back to what I've been doing and it would be a nice retirement job/hobby...

Sometimes I am lonesome, and tired, and I had a nice moment last evening when during games night, my new friend - someone I had just met over the events of the past week - brought me aside, and told me to look at the view. From the balcony of the condo we were in, we could see the shophouses, and the lights, and the blocks beyond. It's just like any other city view, I found myself saying. Almost similar to the view from my block. He liked it, he said. He loved living in this city. The largest city in his country only had 1 million people. He loved being in crowds like this. For those minutes we just looked out in silence, comfortable silence reminiscent of the midnight rides with Chester.

Encouragement comes in strange ways; at the beginning of the week I was having a really tough day; I couldn't walk properly due to overworked hamstrings, plus it was super sunny and I was quite miserable. How was your day, the new friend had asked. I'm upset 'cuz each step I took was painful, I said, actually amazing myself with my sheer honesty because rarely do I admit my upset-ness to anyone, ever. He patted my shoulder as if I were a puppy and later whilst talking about the weather, he said, he loved the sunshine. It reminded him of happy childhood days. I think most of us locals would not have shared his ideology... He said that he came from a dark and cold country, and each time he saw the sun in Singapore, he would smile. And his eyes lighted up, and there was this childlike innocence on his flawless face.

It really made my day so much better, and I smiled to myself on the taxi ride homeward bound.

On weekdays

2011-06-25T12:17:00.003+08:00

On weekdays, it's all about work. Most days, I'm super exhausted with no one to blame but myself. I'm trying to do, in essence, the work of two people with one body. In an effort to make up for the insipid routine of my past life. Some days I collapse into bed at 8ish; I thought I was nocturnal, but my body has somehow adapted to being up early in the morning while it's still dark, and shutting my eyes before twilight. Having met so many people on working weekdays, my weekends are now quiet, peaceful ones.

On weekends, I think about love. Or rather, allow my mind to deliciously, wander into almost forbidden territory. Taking a solitary walk to the nearby prata shop, order an egg-and-onion; and sweet hot milk tea, and immerse myself in a novel that speaks of love, or the notion of it, set in the 18th century where love, like today, is frail, often temporal, fleeting, momentary. As they write about the moments that imprint themselves into the beloved/lovelorn's mind with deep intensity, I too find myself harkening back to that short, split second where my eyes chanced upon his smile, an almost rakish smile that burst right open into a full, embracing, warm smile from the heart, a sort of indescribable happiness at this intangible moment we shared, for a minute, for that moment. And in unexpected moments, while hanging on for dear life in a crowded train, or while I sit on a bench to rest my feet, that dear image springs to mind, and I forget my senses, and smile back as if Moppet was here. I wished he knew what was written on my heart. But I'd never have the guts to tell!

I wrote(tweeted) earlier this week that; if love came easy for me... ... then I'd never be able to treasure the simple moments of just... walking hand in hand, and without sounding overwhelmingly overwrought, I'd always have taken that for granted otherwise, until I realize how hard it is to find, or for someone to find you, in the midst of the madness that is the everyday sameness of life.

On weekdays, I try to limit myself to one cup of coffee everyday. I found yummy English chips (I am a chips aficionado!!!) and red velvet cake (my latest obsession!!! I never thought that sg sells red velvet cake and maybe one day I will discover crumpets too) at a cafe nearby; and just opposite, curry puffs freshly baked in flavors of potato and egg, chicken, sardine. Piping hot curried potato just smells and tastes heavenly!

Myself and my colleague has taken to mid-morning snacks of curry puffs so often that everyone now knows of their existence. I hate the morning commute, especially during the half eight crunchtime, I literally see people sprinting to their offices, running through the tunnels. Too often for my liking I have been bodily pressed on scruffy looking industrial workers whose knapsacks have never been washed and seem covered in layers of cobwebs and gray schtuff.

Plus, they smell, so I often wake up earlier and reach before crunchtime, sit at the coffee place below my office building and eat a muesli bar and drink my morning cuppa. I have a quiet stranger-companion sitting next to me most mornings. He has a shocking shade of red hair, which made me feel a little sorry for him, and is as tall as Moppet, and I believe from the same country, although he has never so much as uttered a word in my presence. He always orders the same thing, a sandwich, orange juice, coffee, and reads the same magazine from the coffeeshop daily until he recently bought a playbook or one of those pad computer thingys. I start work half and hour earlier than him so we often see each other coming or going; except for that 10 minute overlap of time where we both sit in the same spot.

Immersed as I was in my book reading habit, I scarcely paid any attention to him til one day I heard strange noises (angry bird?) emanating from his table, mere inches away from my ear, and I turned to look for the source of the noise, and there he was, playing some game before work, after sandwiches. He always walks off in a northeasterly direction and arrives the same way, so Red isn't working in the same building as me. Sometimes, we spot each other at our nearest Starbucks, and, in silent acknowledgement of 2 familiar strangers etching out a living in the buildings dotting the central business district, you may see that the sides of our mouth are upturned, just a little bit, in recognition.

quite good...

2011-06-20T21:25:00.002+08:00

If that's the way the English speak then I don't understand my boss a single bit...

sugarcoated memories

2011-06-16T20:10:00.004+08:00

I met a man, a foreigner to our shores. He had the most gorgeous pair of eyes anyone could wish for. In videos as he was filmed, those eyes were kind; and sad. In real-life, they bore testimony to a steel-hearted determination only seen in the most high caliber of people.

After meeting him, I felt upset for some time. In fact, I'm still upset. It takes a lot for me to really like someone and as of now, I'm still undecided. He isn't half bad; the ability I have to get people to really open up to me is a blessing and a curse. The second time we met, I could sense his undercurrent of unhappiness despite his powerful presence. I could sense that this country was only a temporary stop for him; and he told me so, more or less. He was hoping to ramp up the business here as fast as possible, and go back to the country where he had left a girl behind, the love of his life. Although he did not describe it in this way, I felt so when he referred to her as if she was in the present tense, and not the past. I could feel her right beside him, as if he had never had to leave. And the country in which he had spent 5 years, the country he referred to as 'not as civilised' as this country, where the people have never seen so many blue-eyed, white skinned, tall beings, where little kids point at him and call him 'godzilla' and he could never, would never be able to understand the language, that was the country in his heart.

And in his eyes I could see what he had left behind.

For a moment, triggered perhaps by my cheerful foreign language greeting, I caught a glimpse of that sad-eyed look I used to have, the haunting, vulnerable, young boy irrepressibly in love, replaced after a few seconds by a hard, almost calculating look. And I've always said that I like people to be honest with me; but perhaps honesty is not always the best policy. He referred to some of his staff as lackeys; saying with a knowing look that they thought highly of themselves but in reality they have a long way to go. He was hard on them and I thought a bit too mean. I dislike people who only have negative things to say about all their employees. Of course, he was just honest with me, too honest. Maybe he regretted saying too much after. In an instant I knew he only valued the people who could bring in the dollars and not see the hard work behind it, the hearts of the people like myself, who were also efficient, who were also performing, just that we were not in the role of the moneymakers. And I knew I would never be able to see eye-to-eye with him, as much as I pitied him in the glimpse of the young man in love I had seen in the reflection of his sad eyes.

And it makes me so upset that I'm almost tearful at the thought of being the girl who was left behind, by a young man who loved her but he had to choose to go, and leave a dream behind in the country that he loved, leaving behind the love. I don't want to be like her, waiting, wishing, for a dream that would never be realized - and then what happens next? I dearly hope that there will be a happy ending at the end of this story, but it's dreadful to think that life, as monotonous as it is, goes on, and every day in her soul, she whispers, I miss you.

I miss you so much.

learning mandarin...

2011-06-11T12:14:00.004+08:00

Last week, while standing in a queue, Moppet whipped out his phone, and proudly showed me a new app he downloaded.

'See, I'm learning Mandarin', he proclaimed. He showed me various phrases on the app.

I whipped out my phone too and showed him that I had previously downloaded a similar app. My app could string together common phrases and had a mechanical voice pronouncing it accurately. He gaped at me, quizzically asking me, why do I have a learn-Mandarin app?

I, irritated, told him that I had failed in this language since I was in primary school !!! He was stunned speechless for a few seconds, thinking of what to say, then recovered quickly, and said,

'We can learn it together!'

Only later did I realize what he was trying to impress upon me. (:

the good, the bad and the nasty

2011-06-05T11:46:00.003+08:00

Well, next week will make it 2 months into my new job. Already, I've had some key wins, unprecendented and unheard of in my firm - which propels me into the spotlight. Like it or not, I'm suddenly famous. I have calls from better firms trying to make me an offer; of which I am flattered. A couple of them seem sincere, and seem like something I would enjoy very much in the long term. One MD said that his door is open to me for the next 12 months; anytime I wanted to consider a change, just give him a call. That was very nice of him!

But bad things happen too, those you cannot possibly imagine. There are people trying to hypnotize me daily into doing things I don't want, and trying all means and ways to make me bend to their will. At first I looked at it amusedly, but now, it's no longer funny. On Friday I broke down, the accumulation of all that was nasty came bearing down on my little head. I just needed the peace of mind to do what I was good at and not be bothered with all the nuisances that seem to come with this firm. It was perhaps the first time that I wanted to throw in the towel or even had a faint glimmer of it, although I could foresee it coming, as others had kindly warned me. The rest of my team was unutterably kind, in ways I could have never expected. Although in a way we are supposed to be competitors, the way they helped me survive the day made it all better - the nasty things brought about the goodness in all of them.

I look forward to Moppet's daily calls. Yes, apart from the short emails, we talk daily for a short while, when we both can spare some time in between interviews and sales calls. Sometimes we miss each other on the phone but we will keep trying to call back during the day till we reach each other. I'm always happy to hear his voice, though he always tries to rile me up still and make me squeal in exasperation, he tells me about his hours, the things he did, and I find I can tell him about any little thing from the bruise on my finger to the small achievements and even frustrations and I've got a strange feeling that he would just understand. Isn't it strange that despite our different accents we can understand each other perfectly? Of course, the neurotic part of me, bruised by certain light of past events, asks myself if this could last, if he's really what he makes himself out to be - if we're going into 'friend-zone'... tiny nigglings of doubt that every woman encounters from time to time though we try to push it deep into the recesses of the small container at the back of the freezer compartment.

And after the nasty happened, Moppet made it all better by giving me sensible advice, told me about his previous similar experiences and said I could call him anytime - this made me feel so much better - I know he doesn't say that easily. I guess that's why I'm careful in choosing to share with people because at that low point of time I'd hate for some of my other friends to say 'Ya-they-are-like-that-one,what-to-do-lah'... thanks but no thanks! Later when I had recovered, he asked me how I was, and we had a vulnerable and sweet chat.

Lately, when there are funny things that happened in my daily encounters, for instance, Mom excitedly said to me she bought me 'London' chips!!! (I always rave about my Aussie Red Rock Deli chips) ... and showed me the pack, it said 'Scotland'... I said, hey Mom these are from Scotland... then she said emphatically, YA! Scotland is in London! - I can't even begin to describe how hilarious that is... I always try to store up, in my short-term memory, these funny incidents to relate it to Moppet, hoping that he will find it funny too, knowing that he would at least crack a smile at it (I think he is smiling more at my way of relating it more than anything else) ... lately I find myself having so many things that I've stored up in which I would want to chat with him about... mostly funny things, also some things to exasperate him (morbid fascination at making him riled up). I'm glad that when there was something nasty that happened- I don't feel so alone in the world. He has no idea how much he means to me.

loss/locks

2011-05-25T16:06:00.004+08:00

From one of my backpacker friends' albums, she's now in Europe, couch surfing on a shoestring. I need to travel real soon... itchy!!! I thought the heart lock was simply lovely, innit?

I heard a song, a morning as I walked to college. It came to me across the radio playing on a stall I passed. A song from far away, about a lost love. At least so I imagined, I didn’t understand the words, only the melody.

But in the low notes I could hear the loss this man had suffered. And in the high notes I understood too that it was a song about something that could never be.

I had not wept in years. But I did, there and then, on the side of a dusty street, surrounded by strangers. The melody stayed with me for years. This is how it is when you glimpse a woman for the first time, a woman you know you could love. People are wrong when they talk of love at first sight. It is neither love nor lust. No. As she walks away from you, what you feel is loss. A premonition of loss.

-Excerpt from a wonderfully written novel I’m about to read and purchase next.

She has been shortlisted for the Orange Book prize for women novelists 2011.
Aminatta Forna, The Memory of Love.

no regrets

2011-05-24T17:04:00.004+08:00

We don't want to appear clingy or needy because we don't want to be labelled as the clingy/needy one. So we appear insouciant, nonchalant, with a je ne sai quois carefree breezy spirit, but a part of us, deep down, is aching (though we'd rather die to admit it), aching for someone to care, to pat our heads and tell us they love us. In ways more than words.

We always say we live our life without regrets because we like to overpositively subscribe to this positive mentality and leave no room for turning back, only for moving on. But we also know that when we try a bit too hard to live without regrets, or at least embody that in our mindset, we forget to remember that sometimes a little regret can be good, it can be food for thought, a little regret can make us treasure the here and now, the things we should not have room for regret.

As you can tell, I care more than I'd like to admit. The four-minute experiment of gazing into each others' eyes intensely, confidently saying, hey, I'm game if you are, went horribly right.

porridge

2011-05-19T21:09:00.002+08:00

I imagined myself talking to him like this, when we just had pockets, pockets of time to share about the little things we observe and the funny things we encountered. I find myself stuffing those little things into the furthermost corner of my mind, because talking like that, so freely, so happily, I imagined, that it was somehow wrong. I was so disappointed when I could not meet him due to my bout with tonsillitis and my inability to speak, or eat. (Porridge diet makes me super grumpy.) It has been almost a month since we last met.

Today, wobbly and woozy from the antibiotic dosage - my body must be really overreacting because I haven't taken antibiotics in years - I crawled to work, and we had a conversation that lasted the whole day. In between meetings and phone calls, we exchanged emails. Mostly about food, because I was perpetually hungry from the meagre porridge and cereal sustenance - I told him about my cravings for lamingtons and crumpets, and he asked if I liked flapjacks and oatmeal. Yes to flapjacks and no to oatmeal, said I - oatmeal, he insisted, was called porridge and the original term for porridge instead of the watery rice gruel we have here for meals. He said he loved oatmeal. I found it yucky, perhaps eating too much of it when I was really young.

Although it was only for a meal and practically for work purposes, nothing more, I remember the nuances of our first meeting like it was crystal clear. The funny parts, the rakish way he slung his jacket over his shoulders, a little bit of mushroom soup that lingered on his chin... how strange, I thought to myself, that despite our strange accents, I understood him perfectly, and how strange, and how perfect that little moment was. I've met so many, too many people in these last 6 weeks. And yet, he sticks out, cutting a clear silhouette, a vivid memory. Do we choose who we want to remember, who we want to meet again, unforgettable after a month, and then, what do we do with all these thoughts? It was more than what I'd expected for a simple lunch meeting, it was lovely, nice, and if I could, I would spend more time talking to him- it feels like there is someone in this world who thought the same way as me, traveled the same path and wound up bumping into each other.

the things we learn from being political

2011-05-11T21:22:00.003+08:00

There are three taboo topics that you should never talk about to a potential love interest (apparently makes a bad impression) on the first few meetings - politics, religion and... sex...

I find myself constantly talking about the first topic, to almost all my candidates and newfound friends! And I am constantly surprised by my, and their passion! Honestly, for me, I am in the hotly contested zone, so of course, my area, having made the headlines every day last week and with the now-famous slogan 'repent...you and your children'... I would be more passionate about the concerns surrounding my area and the quality of the contesting candidates. But I am pleasantly surprised that many candidates, fine young (and old) men, told me of their support and respect for the various parties, following the events closely. I start to realize that while I am lackadasical about the truly apolitical - who void their vote or don't even turn up or don't even know the names of their candidates in their residence; those, I cannot help but feel sorry for them and thankful that, well, I have some strong thoughts about the matter. I can't help but feel touched that when the newfound friends know that I am being involved in the election on a small, small scale, they all said that it's really good of me and sms-ed and called me to press on!

I was really impressed by a new friend, a really cute foreign talent, who has only been here for a couple of months; and he can tell me before the election that, he hopes that Singapore will change, echoing the thoughts in my heart. And after the election, he told me he was glad that WP can win a GRC. I've seen so many apathetic apolitical locals that I am amazed he knows so much, and knows enough to care. (He wrote a whole paragraph in our email-correspondence, so passionate...I LIKE.) I really like people who speak with passion. Just like the candidate whom I found out lived near me, but just a street away, so he was in a different GRC. He frankly voted for the ruling party for his area as it's best, but he told me of his admiration for the party I voted for, and the various candidates of note. He's a really high flyer in his job for his age and I assumed he would not be concerned about our kind of issues, but he told me his concerns about the soaring housing prices and also made it down to one of our rallies. And when he spoke you could see in his eyes that he really cared. I was touched and impressed at the same time, the kind of choking feeling you have in your throat when you hear someone speak with heart. Plus, we were talking about salary scales and he said sincerely that one day, when he reaches that amount, he will donate part of it to me and my party. You can guess that they've made it into my good books!

I was also amazed to hear the shouts of cheers from the blocks on-going until 4 am when the results were announced... this is something that has to be heard at that moment to really feel the intensity of the joy in it... My regular China lady masseuse who lives in Hougang even declared her support (Told me my friend the Hougang MP is very handsome and all china lady friends love him) and said in Hougang, everyone was cheering happily as well. It's really a great feeling to be living in times like these, to be living amongst people who feel the same way - it's been said that my area had the most concentration of party voters, we were either the rebels - or the ones who dared to embrace change.

And this foreign talent, from the way he mentions about certain things and the way he handles certain other things, I can't help thinking that I'd like to spend a whole lot of time with him. It's strange that despite our different culture and upbringing, we can understand each other perfectly, in some ways, and I do hope that this connection brings something meaningful, at the very least, a penpal? But it's early days yet, the way it is too early to tell what this vote for change means metaphysically.

Modern Love: Even in Real Life, There Were Screens Between Us

2011-05-05T12:32:00.002+08:00

As told by Caitlin Dewey,
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/01/fashion/01Modern.html?_r=1&ref=modernlove

CURLED up at the foot of my bed, my face inches from the laptop screen, I stared anxiously at the Google chat box. “Will is typing,” the box told me, helpfully.

I forced myself to read e-mail while I waited for his message. Then I refreshed my Twitter feed, scrolled through my blog posts and began brushing my teeth.

Still the box said, “Will is typing.”

“Don’t you dare get hurt by this,” I muttered around my toothpaste. “This was a stupid idea, and you knew that from the start.”

But recognizing the stupidity of falling for someone on the Internet does not prevent you from doing it. My friend Jeanette, a college radio D.J., chats constantly with some music blogger she met on Tumblr. My friend Tuan, who lives in Los Angeles, stays up until after 3 to talk to his London-based girlfriend.

And I had just driven nearly 1,100 miles round trip to visit Will, a guy I met in October at a Web journalism conference and got to know almost entirely on Skype.

I noticed him across the table at a noisy hotel bar. Will owns thick black-frame glasses but no hairbrush or comb, traits that lend him the look of a basement-bound hacker. If you have ever attended an Internet conference, you understand how pale skin, thick glasses and scruffy hair can be attractive; otherwise, I can’t explain it to you.

In either case, I liked Will’s weirdly overconfident smirk and his obsession with WordPress. He regaled me with the merits of plug-ins and PHP until I became tired and went to bed.
“I’ll find you on Twitter,” I joked when I left.

I didn’t expect or even want to see Will again after that weekend. Since he lived three states away, further face time seemed unlikely. I followed his Twitter posts with detached curiosity; in January, he G-chatted me to complain about work. Then he got drunk and messaged me again, sometime near midnight, as I uploaded photos and otherwise wasted bandwidth.

With obvious sarcasm, he wrote, “Do you have that Skype thing kids talk about these days?”
I’ve read that 90 percent of human communication is nonverbal. Skype captures that 90 percent on a low-resolution video camera, compresses it, funnels it to a node computer and reproduces it on a screen anywhere in the world. Skype eliminates distance; that’s why it works.
And that’s exactly what it did for us. With my Skype screen open and my webcam on, I viscerally felt that Will was sitting a foot away on my bed. Ignoring the times the picture froze or his voice cut out, I thought he looked and sounded exactly as he had in person. Sometimes, when he leaned into the computer to read an article I had sent him, I could see the pores of his face.

We started video chatting for hours every night — he from an ascetic all-white bedroom, me from the cupcake-print corner of my studio apartment. I learned that he ate take-out for every meal, slept in a series of identical white V-neck T-shirts and smirked with one side of his mouth when I said something clever. I knew his preferred coding languages, his least favorite content management system, and his general hatred of dancing, small talk and girls in bars.

One night, when we talked too late, I fell asleep with my laptop open and woke up seven hours later, tangled in cords. He was still there, asleep in the light from an open window, pale and young and pixelated.

Eventually he stirred, blinked at the camera and said, “Hey, you.”

“Hey,” I said easily. “How did you sleep?”

As the weeks went on, I told Will about my last boyfriend, a guy I had met in psychology class and dated for almost two years. He listened quietly, his glasses reflecting my image from his computer, and gave good, clear-eyed advice about letting go.

I couldn’t remember the last time I met somebody that smart and talented in ways I certainly wasn’t. He told me about his ex-girlfriend, who never appreciated his work. I texted him from classes when I was frustrated or bored.

In the safety of my apartment, I could see Will, but I couldn’t touch him. I could summon him when I wanted to talk, but I never knew him in any light other than the one from his bedside lamp. This phenomenon worked in my favor as well. I could call him after a few drinks, when I felt sufficiently talkative and social; I could avoid him if I had videos to edit or blog posts to write. I could say whatever I wanted and risk awkwardness, because at the end of the conversation, one click of the mouse would shut him out of my room.

THE irony is that we flock to the Internet for this type of safe, sanitized intimacy, but we want something entirely different. “In real life,” or IRL, is a popular term in online parlance. At Internet conferences like the one where I met Will, Twitter explodes with people celebrating IRL meetings: “So nice to finally see @so-and-so IRL.” “Hey @so-and-so, I can’t believe we hadn’t met IRL yet!”

The Internet brings these people together with hash tags and message boards, but it never satisfies them. No matter how much you love someone’s blog or Twitter feed, it isn’t their posts you actually want.

And so — slowly, cautiously — Will and I began circling the question of what it all meant.

“I really like you,” he said one night, after getting home from the bar.
“I really like you too,” I said. “I don’t know what that means.”

I wanted to find out. So in early March I rented a car, begged my professors to let me out of class a day early, and drove 540 miles to spend a long weekend in the midsize city where Will lives. When I got close, I called my friend Tuan from a rest stop, where I fixed my makeup and chewed gum and generally tried to calm down.

“What if it’s terrible?” I demanded. “What if he’s nothing like I expect?”

In fact, Will was almost exactly as I expected: thin lips, straight nose, small hazel eyes, glasses. He stood waiting at the side of the street while I parked my car — going forward and back, forward and back, until I nervously got within two feet of the curb. We kissed on the cold, blustery sidewalk as the wind whipped my thoughts around. Mostly, I felt relieved. I thought: “This works in real life. This means something.”

But after we kissed and ate pizza and went back to his house, we struggled for things to talk about. In real life, Will stared off at nothing while I talked. In real life, he had no questions about the drive or my work or the stuff that waited for me when I went back to school.

He took me out for dinner and read his e-mail while we waited for our food. He apologized profusely, but still checked his Web site’s traffic stats while we sat in his living room.

He took me to a party at his friend’s house where they proceeded to argue for hours about Web design while I sat on a futon and stared at the ceiling, drunk and bored and terribly concerned that I looked thinner online. At points, he grabbed my hand and gave me small, apologetic smiles. It seemed like a strategy game: a constant dance of reaching for me and pulling back, of intimacy and distance, of real life and Internet make-believe.

On the last day of my visit, Will overslept. He rushed around the apartment with his hair wet and his tie untied, looking for his laptop. According to the plan we made the night before, he would go to work and I would leave when it suited me, dropping his spare keys in the mailbox.
In the front hallway, where I stood rubbing my eyes, Will hugged me goodbye and told me to drive safely. He struggled for a closing statement.

“It was great to see you,” he said at last.

I didn’t leave right away. After I showered and packed and studied the books near his fireplace, I sat for a long time at his kitchen counter, trying to work out what happened. I didn’t like being surrounded by his things. I felt more comfortable in my room, with my things, and with his presence confined to a laptop screen.

I wrote him a note before I left: “Dear Will: Thank you so much for having me this weekend. It meant a lot to me to spend time with you in person.”

I signed my name and left it on the counter. Then, willing myself not to cry, I dropped his keys in the mailbox and gunned it home. In real life, getting there took nine hours.

Caitlin Dewey is a senior at Syracuse University majoring in magazine journalism.

he'll make me laugh my socks off...

2011-05-04T11:29:00.002+08:00

6 questions to ponder in choosing a life partner by Dr Ben Kim

I've long felt that choosing a life partner should be a subject that is thoroughly discussed sometime in high school and perhaps even in university. It amazes me that so little time, if any, is given to considering this topic on a meaningful level in school.

Near as I can tell, it's probably the single most important decision that all of us can make.
My take is that most people who get married in modern society don't have the foresight and life experience needed to make the best possible choice.

I'm sure that some people do think things out to a degree that would make Dr. Phil and Oprah proud, but from my little spot on the planet, it looks like most of us, myself included, rely mainly on our instincts to choose the one person we want to be with forever.

And why wouldn't we? Society teaches us that love is what matters. Love is the only thing that matters. And what is love? Isn't it that special feeling that occupies your thoracic cavity and makes you feel blissfully alive?

Well, here are some thoughts that I would like my loved ones to consider in choosing a life partner:
Do you like him?

To me, it's not about if you love him. It's if you actually like him.

The challenge is in knowing if what you are feeling is genuine like as opposed to fool's like, which I think is really just a symptom of being intoxicated with lust (which I don't have anything against - I just wouldn't recommend choosing a life partner with fool's like being a primary source of fuel to maintain a healthy relationship).

How do you know if you genuinely like and admire him? Ask yourself if you would want your child or future child to marry someone like him. And in answering this question, think about how he consistently behaves, not what he says.

As most of us know, feelings of "being in love" come and go. I wouldn't want to rely on such feelings to keep my life partnership healthy and intact. Much better, I think, to have a foundation of genuine like in place. Because ultimately, we want to spend our time with those we genuinely like.

Why do you like her?

Being drop dead gorgeous, having a trust fund, and taking good care of you are all weak reasons to like someone. They belong in the what she can do for me category, which includes the need-to-have-a-trophy-partner-by-my-side-so-that-I-feel-less-like-the-troll-that-lives-deep-within-me reason. Not a very solid foundation.

She can make you laugh your socks off? You admire the way she treats others, especially in instances when she is unaware that you are aware of what she is doing? She inspires you to strengthen your character? You respect her work ethic? Here and there, she blows you away with her thoughts? Now we're talking about some power fuel to sustain feelings of respect, genuine like, and even adoration for a lifetime.

Do you have the same basic attitudes and beliefs about religion?

Specifically, do both of you have about the same tolerance level for other people's beliefs? If not, think carefully about how this might affect the way that you feel about raising your children together.

Speaking of children...

Do both of you have similar feelings on having or not having children? If both of you want to have children, do you have a good inkling of what type of parent your partner would make?
Are you relatively clear on how much time you would like to spend with parents, siblings, relatives, and friends on both sides of your family?

If you're the type that would absolutely love having your parents in their golden years living next door or at least in the same town, I would suggest making this perfectly clear and asking your potential life partner to give this careful consideration and letting you know how it sits with him or her.

I imagine that very few life experiences can create more sorrow than not being able to spend time with your loved ones or, on the other side of the fence, being forced to spend time with people who make it clear through their behavior that they don't cherish you.

Do you have similar money values?

What do both of you like to spend your money on? Do you spend the bulk of your money on things or experiences? How much do you spend on items and experiences that aren't essential to your survival? How much do you like to save?
***

Those are the big ones for me. They're the issues that rise above the inevitable squabbles that accompany all life partnerships and float around in potential deal-breaker territory.

To be clear, if you just don't like who the other person is (not as obvious as you'd think or hope in the honeymoon phase), if you don't really laugh together, if you don't have the same basic attitudes about religion, having children, raising children, other family members, close friends, and money, you have one or more deal-breakers staring you in the face.

And people who genuinely care for you won't want to hear "but I love him." Because they'll be able to see what you can't see in the moment; that what you have isn't the kind of love that can sustain a healthy life partnership; it's something else that will probably make you want to punch yourself in the face a few times every day for the rest of your life beginning in the near future.
Okay, I'm getting carried away, but hopefully, my thoughts on this topic are clear. And for sure, they're just my thoughts, things that I hope my loved ones consider before they choose to get married, should they decide that marriage is for them.

Earlier this morning, I asked those who follow our facebook page to share their tips on choosing a life partner. Choose your best friend, choose someone you respect, be super careful - these are the recurring pieces of advice that I see in the many responses. Please feel free to browse through them and even add your own here:

What would you share with your child, grandchild, nephew, or niece about choosing a life partner?

http://drbenkim.com/how-to-keep-your-relationship-healthy

http://drbenkim.com/articles-marriage.html

interestingly enough

2011-05-03T15:13:00.003+08:00

I've read a book where one of the chapter emphasizes, interestingly enough, on developing a "sense of self".

The self-help genre book is about how to be interesting and connect with people, one of the books I've picked up for my ... self-help issues! Anyway, I think, unlike most of my peers or Singaporeans in general, I do have some opinions. The point is, having opinions, ie, a strong sense of self, makes one interesting, and hence, likeable. So there are questions to ask ourselves to think about stuff, to have a viewpoint, an opinion. I am not that surprised to realize that most of my peers don't have a strong opinion to vote either way. Of course, I might be like them too, if not for my family who have friends in the party of interest, who turn out to be strong believers, who have garnered our support since 2006. But... I really am disgusted at people who 'void' their vote and proudly state so. I mean, it's our citizen right to vote. Maybe you don't have strong sentiments either way or don't like both parties. Still, I guess this ultimately shows the lack of sense of self, unless you have strong reasons for doing so. (I'm not sure whether 'voiding' the vote, on purpose, is ethical anyway.)

And interestingly enough, in my new company, where being a Singaporean, I am in the minority (currently 2 out of 11 from UK, Wales, Russia, India, Philippines, Australia, etc) it's the foreigners who most encourage my involvement in the election and are most open to hear my/our views. If I were to talk to a Singaporean having the opposite view, I guess they will just criticise and not be open to hear either way. And for those foreigners who have only been on our shores for a few months, I am surprised they know so much about our country, things we do not even bother to be aware of until the past few days - they know how many PRs/visas that have been given out, certain policies, and can make accurate social commentaries on certain hiring FTs, and certain socio-norms that we fail to realize may not be beneficial to our country... most of all, they support the fact that as citizens, we should be entitled to some rights, it is the country we're born in after all.

And seeing the way my friends have labored and are so vocal (with sincerity and hard effort), I feel a stirring in my heart for this nation, at last. I've never "really" felt anything for Singapore, preferring a cooler climate and nature parks over crowded shopping centres... preferring countryside to city living... preferring cultural places to those that are devoid of the traditional heritage and flavor. The least I can do is to write a little cross on a white paper... besides some brain work of compiling some information that hardly took up much time anyway. It's nice to know that so many people care, really care about Singapore. Even the foreigners who love working here.

Interestingly enough, being a 'melting pot' of cultures, we benefit so much from the strangers who call our shores their temporary home.

Interestingly enough, I have new respect for people who 'walk the talk', not just make outstanding comments, but also are prayerful enough to want change. It touches my heart to hear from people calling me, knowing I am involved in the effort, to tell me they are praying for my friend the candidate, and that even their parents are praying too! That so many people are so stirred up that they want to write a 'note' about their motivation and reasons for voting... it just humbles me to realise that I can and am playing a small part in this process.

I live in aljunied grc and I shall vote with gusto!

2011-04-29T08:43:00.002+08:00

some of the better posters! quite funny... copyright from HWZ' EDMW.

the (ahem) older men in my life

2011-04-08T22:48:00.005+08:00

Oh, it's been a steep, steep learning curve for me this week.

I think I can say safely that this past week my gray matter has increased significantly. For those in the know, after attending countless rounds of interviews (10 with 2 cos. last month!), meeting aussies, brits, americans, singaporeans.... they have been impressed by my 'je ne sais quoi' attitude and yes, I'd be starting in X co. real soon. The only thing is that the role requires me to specialize in IT, of which I honestly admit I know peanuts about. I think, since I was headhunted by the handsome aussie for the role, I should not be airhead-like and go: 'Oh, what is 'cloud', is it the fluffy white things in the sky???'

I've always been a member of the hi-caliber mens' club (every smart woman should have her network of equally smart men) so, I decided to aggressively meet them to pick their brains. I should do some legwork before I even step foot into the IT space! (Actually, being one of the rare women in IT does have its perks, similar idea to being a 'male nurse'; more on that later when I prove my theories right.) It's also nice to learn about things I have absolutely no knowledge about (and therefore no opinion).

Amazingly, I was referred to a Professor at a reputable university, who really gave me a crash course "IT 101"that is taught to Datuks' sons and whatnot, and 2 directors in the IT space both having very different functions talking to me for hours... and I gained a valuable insider look on what's happening in IT both in terms of technical jargon and almost everything I need to know about the tech market! I can't believe they are so wiling and giving to spend time with the airhead me, plus the Professor sent me his personal slides... thanks to one fantastic and smart guy friend who just made one phone call!!!

Best of all, I touched base with one of the attractive Managers in the co, and he gave me this memorable advice:

You are smart, but you may want to add in some passion. You need to have passion for the IT industry to really learn. It’s like you do not like eat pork ribs soup and I force you to learn to eat or even cook it. You will not cook a decent pork ribs soup if you do not like the food. But it does not also mean you will not slowly like pork ribs soup in the future. So back to being related to IT. You will slowly like it when you get exposed to more IT roles and speak to many candidates from the IT industry. That is the time where you will find learning about the industry easier because passion is there.

I guess the next time I eat pork ribs soup I will be thinking of him... (I asked him if he liked to eat it, he said he did not... that makes the 2 of us!) I'm so complimented that he said I was smart, I've only met him once (one round of interview) and I wanted to work with him already. (but ended up in this other role. Long story.) Dear 30 plus year old guys, you have no idea how much you have benefited me this week! I'm going to make sure they have made the right decision to choose me for the role, and make it count!

Also, on a side note, I'm thankful that I'm unfazed talking to angmohs, especially aussie angmohs. As my friend put it, 'The gift of the (SPG) gab'. Hey, not many people are able to make them 'feel at home'... okayyy.

They may be C-level people but each time I hear the aussie accent, I feel so much at ease talking to them about my theories about people, personality and the issues I usually harp upon while gazing into their large, pale colored eyes. And then they like me so much and even tell me so. "Hey I have to say that X angmoh Manager likes you and so do I. We like you!" (I am also loving their upfront 'take no prisoners' attitude.)

Well, I had aussie English teachers (me topped the class, leh!) and lived there in my developmental age, so I guess there is an inherent value to children who had spent time overseas. And also children like myself who spent time 'block-catching' with a large group of male neighbours (only one other girl neighbor) makes me immune to the weirdness of men.

I also managed to read 3 women's career help books. I never read these things, so it was mind-blowing. And so helpful I can't believe I've not read them earlier!

1. How to make anyone like you: Proven ways to become a people magnet by Leil Lowndes
2. How to instantly connect with anyone by Leil Lowndes
3. Women, work and the art of Savoir Faire by Mirelle Guiliano (A MUST-READ!)
4. Nice Girls don't get the corner office 101 Unconscious mistakes women make that sabotage their careers by Lois P. Frankel

I'm also reading 'The Idiot' by my favorite russian author, the one whom I always quote. M.Fyodor Dostoevsky.

friendpotential

2011-04-06T23:26:00.004+08:00

The fascination that I have with observing the human species and the realization of their faux pas, mistakes, gaffes and some unlikable behavioral traits does intrigue me. Recently, I've had the opportunity to observe really high-calibre people. Successful in their career, highly intelligent... of course, there are highly intelligent, Mensa people, having mediocre jobs such as bus drivers.

And then there are the really nice people. I mean, really nice, always positive, smiling, never a nasty word to say or a complaint to utter. However, they often don't rise up to management or leadership in their respective jobs. Have you ever wondered why this is so?

I've always been taught that your network is your net worth. Those people who have 'no friends' are branded as losers, and I think, rightfully so. We lose out in so many ways when we don't have friends to give us counsel or just share some insider info over prata. I've always had the gift of making friends, or rather, the gift of the gab. I surprise even myself when I find myself talking comfortably to angmohs holding C-level positions and feel no fear or apprehension talking naturally, stating my opinion, cracking some witty jokes. I think many locals, faced with this opportunity, are often tongue-tied. Of course knowing what to say at the right time (some call it emotional perception) is another skill in itself. This probably cannot really be taught.

Over the years, I'm glad for such friends who introduce me to their friends as well. I did stop going to events and making new friends for a while, but these months, I've made so so many. They are all nice! I don't really consciously seek out people, rather, it's the 'chemistry' that makes one person memorable to you from another and I find them interesting enough to continue the connection. Of course, being friends at this stage, we have not seen enough of the 'deal-breakers', enough of them to like them for the long run. Best of all, these newfound friends are my new support group. Sometimes, old friends (unfortunately) know you too well that they cannot give objective advice. They cannot tell you to go for it, for some things they also don't have the personal confidence in, where others can. And of course, most will give unsolicited advice that may be detrimental to your personal choices. I say this with kindness, because many times, I wish to say things to many of my old friends, just that I don't really know how to. Maybe keeping quiet is the better option. Women usually have so much to say, but I guess we don't accept criticism or feedback that well. And of course, all these stems from a particular incident that provoked me to become more self-confident, assertive, friendly, open, in essence, bringing out the better qualities that was within me that no one had ever told me about but I recognized it as being very attractive to me and in other people. Since having that self-confidence, I've been less shy, more 'aware', and the most surprising thing of all, keep attracting similar people. Well, I'm savoring the attention...

Now, the next step, how to turn friends into something else, only if you want to.

how to get headhunted

2011-04-03T15:21:00.009+08:00

In my line of work, I have the opportunity to quietly observe how local people communicate, mostly, over the phone and over emails. I'm not an expert in any way but after only one year of experience I hope these tips can help my friends get ahead, in life, work, just some simple commonsense reminders.

1. Make people feel good.

I'm impressed by the way high-level, go-getter people communicate. They can be any age, but I can tell they are high-level and eventually, will go far in their career by a few simple ways. In fact, it is so simple so many people fail to realize this small thing - it's how the people feel when they 'meet' you. Number 1, make them feel good or better than before they met you. They will surely remember you with a good vibe. I'm not saying go overboard with lavish comments, but everyone feels better when you notice and compliment their nice dress, or even just letting them take the time to drink their coffee and not make the meeting seem so rushed. I personally subscribe to this, and I always make it a point to give a small tip to my manicurist - the prices are so low I can afford it, and the service is always impeccable at my usual place, plus, it gives me a pleasurable feeling to see their eyes light up when they receive it! A kind word always helps to make people feel good, I always cheer up when people message me after a trip, even a short trip - I never expected them to remember I'm back, and it really brightens up the gruelling journey home! So many people forget to thank the people who have given them an opportunity to go for an interview, the HR Manager, the headhunter. Even though you didn't get the job or the deal, a thank you note goes a long way...

Those who sent thank you notes to me are few and far between, I would have to say sadly, most are foreigners or foreign-educated.( And birthday cards seem to be going out of fashion too...) Conversely, some people phrase their emails for their job-search in a rather rude way. I really have no idea what sort of response they are looking for... it's quite sad that I see this most often in graduates as well. If we are asking people to help us to do something, in social or work settings, in this case to get ahead in their career, there is a nice way of asking that makes people really want to help you.

2. Bad branding or Non-branding does not get you to the place you want to be.

An example of bad personal branding would be constantly updating your social network status with work issues or emo issues so that everyone can see what a scary person you really are inside and no one, even a good friend, would dare to recommend you for a position in X company that would be a great career for you. I've seen topless party photos (male) and goodness knows what not. Of course everyone is entitled to their personal freedom as to what to write and post. But maybe some can ask a more senior-level friend what their impression would be on their status and photo posting. I'm sure all of us are thinking about some clueless friend of ours who could benefit from this...

On another extreme there are some people who are so private that no one really knows what they work as... I think for friends and acquaintances, a good gauge would be when your friend or contact introduces their other friend to you and they have some things to say about you, your life, and your work. I think most of us do not like to be 'pigeonholed' into a stereotypical image of our job, nor like to broadcast what we work as, but I think your circle should at least know your vocation, or if you're looking to change jobs, for that matter. If they hear about an open position which matches your interest, at least they will let you know they saw it in the papers or heard it over the grapevine, I think that is always good. No one likes someone who always blows their own trumpet, but once in a while, it would do you good to quietly state your accomplishments. Most of my friends know I belong to the 'first-class' club and I've worked really unbelievably hard for it, made many sacrifices, yadda yadda... that is why I'm not ashamed of the fact I have got the top honours. There is some mental image that people conjure up in their heads when they think of your name, we are all typical that way. So many times I've seen on Facebook or email some things that really is bad for making an impression on others, if only they knew... ...

I've also made the mistake of telling everyone a job change when that role turned out not to work out well for me... I informed happily my new position to most of the people I've worked with in my previous job, including some top-level directors at government spaces... to my chargin I had to leave that place sooner than I've expected, which in turn would lead to a barrage of questions from well-meaning people. I could have saved myself the trouble if I only informed the closer ones and only later when I got my footing to brand myself in the role. Well, lesson learnt!

A side note, for your boyfriend/girlfriend, please be proud to introduce them to the people you inadvertently bump into, unless it's a secret that you are dating. Your other half will like you all the better for it if you just say, "Oh, by the way, this is my boyfriend Bert! Nice to meet you here!" to those hello-goodbye people. We do the same with our parents and our good friends (I hope) so if you're lucky to be attached to someone you love, don't give him/her the invisible treatment. So many times I can see the other friend looking at a couple who are seemingly a couple, but they fail to introduce themselves as one, and the other friend has question-marks going through their head... Is it a brother? A friend? A boyfriend? Lol. It shows a mark of confidence in the relationship too, I've noticed.3. Bad writing does not get you anywhere. (Or, some CV writing tips.)

I've received horrible and hilarious CVs and it's a wonder why those candidates did not spell-check, or 'google' for some tips on CV writing. I heard there's a whole book of tips you can buy at our friendly Popular... ...anyhow, some rules of the thumb is, it's always better to address the email to the person-in-charge, no "Dear (fill-in-the-blank)". I've received emails addressed to me as "Dear Richard", "Dear Sir", best, "Dear Mr Rachel"... sigh. It's also good to state what job you are applying for in the email title (surprise, a lot of people fail to do so) and never, never, state you are applying for 'any job'...sigh.

For local contenders, I commonly see such bad writing as well:

-Career Objective : it's now replaced with 'Profile', do you see any managers putting down 'Career Objective', of course not!

-'References will be provided upon request' : Duh, of course you will provide if they ask for it. Take out this redundant line.

-Leaving out your contact number or email address or not answering your phone or worse, switching it off: Yes, I've encountered this. When I emailed one lady about not having her contact number in her CV, she emailed me back thanks. But she still did not leave her number...okayyy. Never switch off your phone because most recruiters call you twice in the day at max. We are busy people. Always try to pick up when you can. Yes, there are people who do that...It's best to leave an alternate number in your CV if you have one.

-Hobbies: I had a chap who put that his hobbies include "fishing, singing KTV, snooker"... first thought that came to my mind? Ah-Beng! Imagine what your future Manager thinks if you put 'window-shopping', or 'sky-diving', or, say, 'Wing Chun' as your hobby? Just don't put any, no one will accuse you of being boring and I've not seen any interviewer quiz you about why you did not put any hobbies in your CV either.

-Please don't put your Edusave awards in primary school (there are many people who put that, okay)... or such long-ago achievements. Do list down work achievements, a few for each of your last roles.

-Use a serious photo. You have no idea how many funny photos I've seen. It's a wonder why they put the photos they put.

4. Ace the interview!

Be prepared. Outfit check. For non-fresh graduates, try not to wear a black skirt, white blouse/shirt combo from the local cheap suit store. It's very freshie. You know la. If you have many years of experience, I'm sure you can afford to dress more 'atas'. Unless you apply for a bank front office role in which I definitely say wear a suit at least, you can wear some more color and tasteful jewelery...shift dress...pumps... go google 'what not to wear'... never never never carry any flashy logo branded bag. I've seen that sabotage many interviews. When in doubt an envelope clutch or any business like neutral color bag.Nice shoe.

All interviewers ask a variant of the same questions.
It's not about the questions, but the underlying questions...
This part is rather hard to explain. But surprisingly, I can always tell through the phone conversation who can ace it and who can't. Besides making point 1. of letting the Managers like you, really like you, you have to come across as responsible, efficient, not desperate for a job 'any job', highly desirable, clever, and someone who brings benefits to the company's revenue bottom line. The C-level people are always looking for staff that makes a difference that way. They are looking for hires to make a difference in the short-term, 1-3 year duration, at LEAST.

The HR Managers main concern are people they'd like to retain. Retention of staff is their top priority. It's hard to retain good people. They will be wondering if you are the job-hopper type, a waste of their resources and training...

And the direct line Managers are looking for people they'd love to train and work with, also demonstrating good team player attitude amongst others. It's so easy once you keep this in mind while answering the questions in the interview. Not many people have this mindset though, and therefore they lose out, and waste many others' time. And for goodness' sake, when they ask if you have any questions, ask, but don't ask excessively...'no questions' means you aren't really interested, or boring, or just not an attractive being. They are used to answering the same questions to dozens of candidates so maybe you can ask it in a different way... =)

I wrote this for a friend who had the initiative to ask me how to revamp his CV. For most people, going to interviews is a once-in-a-few years thing and therefore there is that fear there. But it's quite easy once you know the basics. It's a good year for a job change too!

KL snapshots!

2011-03-28T15:17:00.016+08:00

Ventured on a solo trip to KL last Thursday - Sunday!

It was a pretty short trip but I was happy to be back there, and by myself. Everyone should travel by themselves once in a while! It's not lonesome at all and I'm always surrounded by so many people here it's nice to stop your mind for a breather and just walk around happily.

Packing...bought my sunglasses a cute case, I'm in the habit of smashing sunglasses by accident. This brand of paper-mask 'clinie' (korean), from Guardian, is the best I've ever used! And I've used MANY. Rather pricey for drugstore brands ($5) but the effect is really instant - the whitening one whitens, the hydrating one hydrates, the anti-pimple one clears blemishes... I love to use it every week!

Waiting at comfy area, pre-boarding. T1's renovating. Note my super good sunglasses from ForeverNew. Look like Korean with it? Teehee...

The requisite airplane wingshot!
This is the homely backpacker place where I put up for the 2 nights! It's just behind the food street Jalan Alor and facing it is a row of cosy cafes, sports bars, foot massage joints.
Me and bestie once stayed here, 'rainforest bed and breakfast' 10 years ago. The exterior still looks as good as ever! The interior is a different story... experienced bedbugs for the first time and my hair still stands when I spot one at obscure hotels!

Such an awesomely sweet wedding cake! Bee Mine!

Walking tour... I decide to head to the right...
Was walking from backpack place to KLCC Twin Towers, around 1 hour's walk. Got slightly tanned also, realized SPF 50 does not cut it under the blazing KL sun. Was hiding in the mall during the noonish hours before I turned chao-tah! Walking behind these dudes for the better part of an hour...judging from their attire, should be aussie or new zealander...

Process of getting chao-tah... Step one, take self-photo when it's almost noon...

I wonder who came up with this quote...
Souvenir for Dad, he loves this kind of thing. At 60 plus and still a biker!

At the row where my guesthouse is located, this flashy guesthouse always has many friendly angmohs sitting outside!

Look at all the foreigners...behind me, Japanese! Food is kinda overpriced but still okay for us.

Oyster omelette and satay and I had lots of the iced teh tarik!
Some nail art... looks like cake! Very happy with it, it's been some time since I treat myself to a manicure.

Me at the same roti mamak from 10 years backpacking trip! We were very much on a budget and I fell in love with the roti pisang, a ripe, sweet banana put into the canai...cripsy and sweet and bursting with flavor! I could eat this everyday.
With the morning read, am now into Carlos Ruiz Zafon, a rather gothic and mysterious novel, bestselling spanish author. In the guesthouse there are many books and magazines left behind by travelers and we could choose to bring along with us some of those reads. To my surprise I found two of his novels there.
Had KL bakkutteh. Vastly different from JB's, Segamat's, etc. I like the 'dry' version the best! There is also a clear ginger-chicken soup that tastes great and not similar to 'hong zhao chicken' or 'sesame chicken', perhaps it's unique to KL.
On the road with J. Traffic in KL is as horrendous as ever, I cannot imagine driving to work and there are real speed demons, mat rempits, jaywalkers... I cannot fathom how gutsy you must be to drive in KL!

Went to eat this really yummy old-skool dish similar to our beef hor fun! J told me it was still there since 20 years ago. Note the retroish grilles, clock, tiles!

This taiwanese dessert was really popular the way bubble tea is popular here. Underneath it is chinchow flavored shaved ice which melts in the mouth and the orange and white things are sort of like chinese marshmallows...chewy and pillowy. It's really delicious though pricey, RM 6.90 seems a bit too much. Heard it's cheaper in other non shopping area though!

Mahathir's bread, or so I've been told, he opened this gourmet bread called 'Loaf' in Pavillion. The bistro looks really nice but I did not manage to try it...

Live music! They were quite good! 'Fly me to the moon... ' harmonized well. I did give them a huge tip!
I had to eat a meal at OldTown, I'm a faithful supporter... here's some tomyam rice dish. It was yummy but nothing beats hands down the rendang nasi!

This OldTown outlet was one of the best vantage points to just sit and watch the crowd at Jalan Alor go by. I felt that the days went by so fast, and there were so many places I had yet to revisit. I wonder if the bbqpork with floss buns are still found in Petaling street, and the really gigantic baos that are fondly named after a porn actress with large 'buns' herself. Looking back, I am rather amazed at myself, how I could just take a coach, naively, alone, without any guidebook, and somehow find my host, first a guy who was and still is a musician, stayed in Cheras, had fun exploring the city at 18, and then again at 19 doing it the real backpack way with Bestie. Later on in the era of cheap budget flights, KL just became a stop-over to other places, a place to wait to go on to the next destination.

I wonder where's my next destination! I hope to travel again really soon and hopefully a small adventure to a place I've never been before.

unexpected, that's the way life should be.

2011-03-21T13:39:00.010+08:00

It was nice to stop and 'smell the flowers', literally... I was covered with their sweet scent and many as I tried to help my groom and bride friend's car to 'doll up'. Well, they told me that the car's front centrepiece did not fly off during the course of the day... thankfully! The unethical hours I was up this week (3 nights till 3 -5 am) and a weird sicklyness combined to make me entirely cranky and somehow, reminiscent. Maybe I have been keeping myself busy enough not to admit that I too, like other human beings, do get lonely. Some people are blessed, they meet their true love early in life. Compatible in every way and perfect for each other and both like each other too. The rest of us have to trip and somersault through this world and what it has to offer, all the time keeping an eye out for someone that we'd like enough to spend the rest of our lives with.

I realize that time whizzes by and I forget to remember the things I miss. I miss the warm feeling of having someone's shoulder. Missing them doesn't mean I want to go back to the way things were or back to status quo. It just shows that often the simple and sweet gestures and moments are the ones that will stay in my heart, rather than the ostentatious display. And perhaps, it is like this, with me. The ones who capture a part of my heart, more than I'm willing to admit, fill up the broken shards piece by piece. I'm not using them to make me feel better, but in a way, it contributes to my healing, to replace every torn memory with a sweet one.

Dear future children, these months could make up some episodes of 'How I met your father.' Maybe I've met him already. Maybe not. In any case... it sure is better to finally live my life instead of observing others', and enjoy what I've been given, and have things to look forward to. There are many public tragedies that have been largely given sympathy, currently the Japan earthquake-tsunami-nuclear fallout. There are many personal tragedies that do not make sense, which nobody knows about, or care to understand. In the light of how fragile life is, and how many things we take for granted, I hope that I will, once again, remember that love is patient, and to choose wisely.

"Sometimes the best decision in life does not make sense at all."

-Ted, How I Met Your Mother.

Live-flowered-heart...

friday photos

2011-03-18T16:34:00.005+08:00

Some nice pictures. With the blazing sun followed by raging rain, it's nice to just look at nice pictures with some chillout tunes especially when you're under the weather.

I've been singing the 'waitinggg' song (yes, with 3 'g's') for some time now and this week it seems that an ultimatium needs to be inevitably reached. I can't believe how much depends on how much some people 'like' me, rather than on my expertise and I have to say a pretty face (or in my case, professional/capable-looking face), works wonders. Plus a natural confidence of course, and honest, truthful sincerity that has gone to the dogs these days. I'm glad they liked me.

Looking forward to Sunday!

The Places We Should Have Gone

2011-03-14T12:16:00.000+08:00

penguin love

2011-03-09T14:12:00.002+08:00

I shall not liken my life to a Taiwanese drama although, recently, it does seem that way! Gosh! But sometimes life imitates art more than the other way round, and such are the life stories that inspire all of us to somehow stay strong through the best and worst of times.

Caught up with some friends and over a lazy Sunday brunch, we enquired about our mutual friends and how they were faring. Our thoughts were with a couple whom we all knew. All of us believed that they were the ‘type’ that would settle down fast, having attended marriage preparation classes, and looking stable and secure in their relationship. So we were concerned when it seemed that things were not rosy. After all, in previous years past, they had broken up for a year’s duration and then reconciled again. During that year, I saw that there were a few girls who were attracted to him. He could have easily gone out and started something with any one of them. But he kept them at arm’s length and waited.

This guy is so patient, my friend remarked. And it was as if everything was illuminated there and then. So many times, we have speculated, wondered, questioned this guy. Why is he hanging on when there could be someone out there who would make him very happy? Why does the romantic prognosis seem so bleak?

So many times, I forget. That Love is patient. Out of the million and one things I can say about love, about relationships, about each other, about our feelings, and thoughts, and daydreams… we forget sometimes, that we need to wait, or learn how to wait.

After a year of not being together before reconciliation, we thought that their issues had been settled. Apparently the lady wanted the guy to take the lead, in many ways; however, his personality is more of the laid-back type and he was not able to change himself for her sake, as hard as he tried.

I thought to myself, if I loved the guy, I wouldn’t want him to change. Isn’t that a farcical love? If I love you, I would tell you, to be yourself. To stay the same. I would love you the way you are. As idealistic as it sounds. Because it was you I fell in love with, was happy with, cherished moments with.

Isn’t his love for her like the penguin, who waits for his mate to come back from the frozen lands, waiting, watching, hoping…

The penguin can wait, for a hundred days, for his mate. He waits for a hundred days without eating. Starving. Love is patient. He waits, for her return.

The girl penguin knows the guy penguin loves her by his gift of pebbles. The nests are built by pebbles. And when the guy penguin gives the girl pebbles, she knows he is serious about her.

When a penguin finds its mate, they stay together forever.

Love is patient indeed.

last weekend was chill

2011-03-07T12:04:00.000+08:00

this time round

2011-03-06T23:24:00.001+08:00

It says a lot, I think, about the things we remember or choose not to forget.

And these days I find myself waking up with a smile on my face, despite really stressful days. For those who have shared my days, they have no idea how much it means to me. Those who bothered - Jelly tried his bestest to bring me out for a good time during those worst weeks, I said to him that I really hope he can find someone special. I know he has trouble in that department, and I long for the day where it will be easy for him. I'll always remember those generous gestures. There are others, of course. The friend who spent valentines with me. The lady who always kept in touch with words of courage and never asked for anything in return. The penpal who attended one month of church with me. And the boy who attended the next month, ensuring that at my lowest depths of misery, my soul was still fed.

I've always been thankful for the people God has placed in my life. Sure, there may be a thousand and one worries and hopes and daydreams in a woman's mind, but I shall not try to do things in my own wilful nature, as I'm so prone to, and even, expected to - but let's not negate the fact that without sounding over-spiritual, there is a purpose and reason to everything, and perhaps in time to come we will all know exactly why these all transpires.

For now, though I dearly wish to know what the future holds for all of us, may this desire not force me to forget the beauty of the moment, the gift of the present. And the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me; was when I, unexpectedly brimming with tears, and really embarassed; was to gingerly, gently, stroke my hair and put his arm around me. He's a real sweetheart and any girl would be so lucky to have his love.

be still and know

2011-03-01T17:51:00.002+08:00

Find myself on the verge of tears lately infront of unexpected people.
I think I am too stressed. I need a holiday.

reason for leaving?

2011-02-28T11:36:00.004+08:00

This is a question I always ask, on a daily basis, to the people I help find a better opportunity.

May I know your reason for leaving your current employment?

Some are honest and open, and they share, indepth, on how unhappy they are with their current situation. Others are just seeking better opportunities, or are bored with their job scope. There are SO many reasons people want to change their jobs, money being one of them. I have to say that in our island, it's still pretty okay to do a mid-career switch to do something you are passionate about. We judge ourselves and our comrades far too harshly if they were to move into a different industry. Yet, it's been said that most of us take about 10 years since we graduate from college, to find our true vocation. So, just go for it, I say. The salary difference is not that huge to make money the main concern...

But more than that, often the 'reason for leaving' is human relationships.

I'm sure almost all of us have been in situations that really makes us drag our feet to work. These are the strongest push factors I've seen.

And always surprisingly to me, it's not the dude who's the smartest, best, and brightest that often lands the role. It's the one who most desires a move.

Hence, I would sum it up this way:

DESIRE (several push factors making them very unhappy in current role) = being more OPEN = PERFORMING better at interviews = getting the OPPORTUNITY (aceing the interview) = ATTITUDE to succeed, because, they treasure the opportunity, more so than the others who are 'just looking for a change'.

I've seen this happen again and again and again, and I cease to be amazed why the person that I think can ace the role, my 'favorite' candidate so to speak, always never gets in. It's the one who wants the job the most and would fight tooth and nail to get it who succeeds.

In life, if we don't have strong reasons for doing something, we almost always never have the right attitude to do it right. It's often a half-hearted attempt that often fails to reach up to expectations. Then we wonder why we are disheartened and disconsolate. Perhaps we never really really REALLY wanted it in the first place. Some people talk about wanting to do things for so long. But I've hardly seen any action and sometimes, the opportunity that had existed would be gone when you least expect it.

Anyway, this is just something for all of us to think about. Despite what others may think or say about my reasons, I have always tried to keep a pure heart, and I believe obedience brings blessings.

Me in Aceh, tsunami rebuilding efforts. I hope I can make a trip like this, this year.

Modern Love: Plucked

2011-02-25T15:36:00.006+08:00

We had planned to meet for ice-cream, a form of his apology to me, after a misunderstanding between two people who meant well but in reality, the words just came out wrong.

"It's a hot date", he said.
"It's not a date. Just a neighborly meeting at the nearby ice-cream shop."
"Still a date", he insisted.

I told him that a date would consist of giving advance notice; a nice dress worn, receiving a flower, and sending the lady home to her doorstep. He immediately loped over to the nearest frangipani-like tree and plucked a flower for me.

And promised me he'd send me home. (It was within walking distance.)

I told him the flower dripped sap on my finger and he let me brush it on his palm.
"Can I throw it away now?" I asked, after admiring it for a while.

The red frangipani bloom was gingerly placed in the lush grass amongst its other fallen sisters and brothers. Stop plucking more flowers for me, I told him, as he cast his gaze around and looked as though he would come back with an armful just so it could be a date. No more plucking flowers, I chastised.

Then he asked me for a date next week.

you make me...

2011-02-22T15:18:00.003+08:00

via littlemisscomplicated.tumblr

Strangely I can relate to this because only when I'm really myself and comfortable with a person, I tend to spout aphorisms that people cannot understand (truly sorry to make them feel less intelligent but English is the only language I excel in).

But they should be thankful that I'm sharing my goodly knowledge of archaic and seldom-used words with them only because I'm so open and relaxed. At least I don't say words with more than 5 syllables... "atherosclerosis"... "infinitesimally"..."verisimilitude"...

scrapbooking: Love Theme envelope album

2011-02-18T15:42:00.000+08:00

I was so charmed by using brown envelopes to create an accordion album that I decided to do one more! This round a 6 page album! I had in mind a love-theme, vintage mini-photo album for my lady friend's birthday!

For basic steps on how to join the envelopes together, please click here:
http://spiritedly3.blogspot.com/2011/01/scrapbooking-diy-accordion-album-by.html

Also, if you are looking for ideas there is the right hand column (click! click!) of previous scrapbooking projects posts.

Color theme: Pink hues, vintage yellowed print papers, gold glitter, turquoise and green highlights.

Materials: 6 small brown envelopes (the smallest size), laces, glitter ribbon, wooden numbers, thicker alphabets, tag, diamantes, cutouts, rosettes, pearl elements, bubble sticker.

Here are the blank pages without embellishments. First 2: Vintage newsprint and floral paper; Vintage print and math-book print. Vintage is tricky, once you have the 'yellowed' paper theme you have to make sure the rest fits in.

Before embellishments are added.
The front which I decided not to cover up with paper but add cutouts to it. Pasted nice papers on it and used a gold glitter ribbon to 'hold it down, creating the effect that everything's being held together by it.
Took a really long time to decide the layout... here it is almost complete.

The turquoise card can be removed and I've added a 'pocket' of flowers (can put a small note inside) and some jewels thrifted from a past necklace. Seems to just go together so well!

How it looks like completed with embellishments.

I love the shiny gold ribbon! I only bought one yard to test, but so far looks like it will be featured in several projects.

Cut out the flowers from a theme set paper and used glossy elements which reflects in the other photos with artificial light!

Top view, spy the word 'remember'
My sister says this is her favorite page and I also like the clean and sweet feel of it. Again, used glossy elements on the flower petals and glued on diamantes and the tag.

Back view. I only covered the back page with scrap paper.

This time round, I spent a really long time working on this project due to the busyness in Jan-Feb period. You can say I took my own sweet time!

Also wanted to print out the photos, it's printed at Shalom Colorlab at the ground floor of Bras Basah Complex. They have great service and I love the quality and the colors of the printout (waiting time varies on the crowded-ness, anytime from 2 hours to next day collection), my photos were all low-res photos clipped from fb and phone cam, so I'm really pleased with the way it turned out. Also happened to have some interesting caption stickers, so wittily sarcastic and hilarious!

Here are the pages with photos.
Hope you enjoyed this step by step scrapbooking an envelope-accordion mini photo album project. I am a really impatient person, so am quite surprised that I can actually sit down and enjoy doing something like this. And I have a high standard for craft too, so usually I'd not attempt it for fear of it looking too rudimentary and lacking spatial design nice-ness. But baby steps, I'm really keen on making this hobby a longer lasting one.

Even if you are a member of the Wallflower club

2011-02-15T19:31:00.005+08:00

One of my dear guy friends used to love to wear a hawaii-print shirt. (Please gasp loudly now...)

Each time I saw the hapless chap in his hawaii-shirt, army crewcut, and jeans, I secretly wanted to rip it apart and burn it.

I think hawaii shirts should only be worn in Hawaii.

Of course, its more about the essence of the man and not the clothes he wears, but the floral print immediately blinds most chic ladies to his flawless beauty within. Don't get me started on Hawaii pants...perhaps only ladies can carry such big blooms...? Please banish those hawaii shirt to 90s' fashion history, or risk looking like dinosaurs...

Prehistoric drinks.

And almost every modelesque woman can look good in a sack or the androgynous ensemble of gray sequinned tank, harem pants and tailored jacket, but what about the rest of us? Fashion seems almost cruel to the majority whom I'm sure, are not a (US) size 2. (Lucky me!)

But take heart, hapless creatures.
Though my brain prefers to engage itself in esoteric topics and lately I favor the monochrome outfits of black skirt and white shirt in callback to my banquet waitressing days, I have stepped out of the neutrals/black slouchy bag mode and into Spring.

I've bought a Marc Jacobs bag in burgundy and a Raoul envelope clutch in lovely lovely rose gold. To add to this cheerful collection, meet Ms Kate Spade tote in yummy yummy orange!
My new 'partner'... love love love!

You may ask why women need so many bags. I don't have the answer! Hahaha! But it sure makes us feel happy! Maybe we just have a fetish for 'the smell of new bags', like the 'new car' smell. Plus, women of all sizes and shapes can buy and carry off almost any style of bag or shoe!

I can very safely say that these key pieces will be safe for anyone to wear, even for members of the Wallflower club.

People will say that you look oh-so-pretty, perhaps for the very first time.

Reebonz Spring Clean Blogger Contest Kate spade London Tote – Reebonz's Blog by spiritedly featuring a kate spade tote bag

Alex perry feather earrings from Diva (still in stores!)
Rose gold skinny belt from Raoul (Also in stores...)
Mustard yellow sunnies from Prada
Croc cuff - not available here
Vionnet nude and black toga
High waisted shorts, Raoul has for Cruise collection 2011
Miu miu bow pumps
Yellow vintage shift dress with sheer cutout stripes
And the orange Kate Spade bag.

choose wisely

2011-02-15T16:34:00.003+08:00

The topics of adults most often veer towards love, especially those who are hoping and seeking. Then, what else can we talk about, right?
But it seems that everyone has been offering me (unsolicited) advice also, almost to the effect that I feel that everyone is inundated with thoughts of love, love, love. Is that all we can think about and all we can speak about? Perhaps that's why the tabloid reports of new/scandalous romances always sell so well.

"Have I ever considered X.... (friend of mine who happened to be hovering nearby)"
"Any updates? *winkss (when said friend is standing next to me)"

It seems a miracle to me that we can remain good friends when we have such friends to 'help' us.
Of course I'm sure they meant well and who asked him to be single for so long...

I do wish that all the questions would stop, though. I mean, I feel it is rather insensitive to both me and said hapless male friend who happened to be by my side/accompany me for dining events.

It would be callous of me to start anything at this point of time. Would people prefer then that I am still sobbing alone? It seems to be a crime to be happy, but I do need to have some cheer after the gloom and doom of yesteryear.

Not only should the looming question be, 'have I recovered from the past love event...'; instead of 'is there any guy I'm interested in'... I do wish people would focus on the fact that there are good friends who are helping me through this instead of doubting their/our intentions.

Of course, mostly everyone wants to settle down one day, but it seems that most singles have close-fisted mindsets. In a nutshell, not everyone is open to consider several possibilities to mingle or even to know more random people of the opposite gender. To each his own, I say. If we do not wish to choose to mingle, then we should not condone those who went offshore fishing in search of his true love. For those who only have same friends of the same gender, they should not condone us who are 'ladies' man; or me, the opposite of ladies' man... For we just happen to be successful and awesome in making friendships with the opposite gender, not that we purposely choose to do so or do so for selfish reasons. It just IS.

I know they (all the single ladies, all the single ladies) just-don't-get-it but if you seriously think about it, if I choose to unwisely have romantic notions about my male pals, then, through the years, I would be left with very few friends, wouldn't I?

In fact, I have many female friends too, just that they like to keep a low profile in our friendship, hee hee...am so touched that they will call me and ask me out to cheer me up as well...

For the record, the only thing that is happening is happening in unwise romantic notions in other womens' minds. I have been kept sane by the writings of Elisabeth Elliot and other spiritual writers and I suggest they do the same while waiting for their prince charming. Life doesn't need to be all about love. Sometimes we need to focus on growing and learning and being a better self. I read somewhere, 'don't be a woman who needs a man. be a woman a man needs.' It stuck with me for a long time.

Likewise, I gave my male friend this advice: Don't choose someone you can live with, choose someone you can't live without.

And I think my single-lady godly friend gave me the best advice of all. She told me, he will come when it's time. It's that simple. It just IS.

she's me.

2011-02-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

Most girls have always found it difficult to 'clique' or even communicate with the guys I count as buddies, those longtime friends. Well, I don't blame them. I've witnessed firsthand how they become as quiet as a clam when faced with a specimen from Venus. I'm perhaps the ONLY Venutian buddy they have for the longest time. And I also don't know why I can be 'one of the guys' without losing my femininity. I really hope that some sisters would be keen on those chaps because I've seen the sweet and awesome side of them. But really, sometimes I feel like the girl from 'big bang theory'. She's me!
For the more introverted Martians, they usually behave like bumbling, woodenish or mouselike robotic drones because... They are just too shy and nervous. Just having eye contact with Venusians gives them the jitters. As women goes, we become alert and questioning at the sight of martians, and lively! We ask them questions with shining eyes which is undechiperable and scary to them, unchartered waters... They need time to process! Well I usually do what I do best, sit back and wait. Wait for them to initiate. They would, eventually.Just lean back, smile a small encouraging smile and appear doll-like. Soon enough, they will be decently chatty and less weird.

I enjoy esoteric conversations about engineering and metaphysics so perhaps I make it a little easier for the 'big bang theory' category of martians.But so much has been written about the 'battle of the sexes' and we keep misreading each other, feeling upset and whatnot. An open and honest dialogue is always best if both care for each other and are willing to learn more about the other party! Afterall, you will eventually be spending your life in an interplanetary state should you decide to reproduce and coexist in shared worlds, so keeping an open mind about how to improve communication and social interaction is always something commendable. I read an article about surviving your 25ish years, and it mentioned that the disparity is vast between those who spent their early 20s improving themselves - growing, getting therapy for childhood issues, learning etc. I do see the difference between those who are mature and those who don't want to grow up and out of their naivete.

And I've been wiser too, I hope. Knowing that some situations are potentially dangerous for my heart in a 'time spent together will develop uncalled-for feelings' mode, I should turn the other way.

Above all, may we guard each other's hearts as we grow and learn together, how to live in this strange world. Happy Valentine's!

we are all citizens ot eternity

2011-02-10T13:58:00.004+08:00

Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends.
He has others which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But finally there are still others which a man is even afraid to tell himself, and every decent man has a considerable number of such things stored away.
That is, one can even say that the more decent he is, the greater the number of such things in his mind.

-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Some things shall remain secrets to be kept within my heart and only revealed to the ones who love me, because what for do we reveal the things in our hearts to those who do not?

God, help me to quell my emotions and also my thoughts. May it center on You.

dearly departed

2011-02-07T23:54:00.002+08:00

Attended a wake of a friend's mom who passed. She was young, only 45. I thought deeply about life and death today. Death always seems unfair to those who are left behind. And we often forget about the nearest and dearest until they are gone from our lives.

Not too many years ago, some small incidents happened that caused me to lose the friendship of 2 of my dearest friends. As friendship goes, some are intense but are not meant to last; some are deeply meaningful and will go the distance. He was a friend for me, not just a friend, but someone to guide me along, almost a hero, yet humbly and gently deigned to spend time leisurely, with me, with whomever was near and dear to me. We attended courses, a year of prayer meetings, camps, watched movies and theatre shows, I supported his marathons, we prayed daily for each other, had many, many meals together.

It's nearly 10 years now since the teenager me was acquainted with this guy friend, and I guess he set a pretty high standard for the ones that followed. Everyone knows he's a godly and super 'zhai' guy, just being in his presence makes me feel wiser, stronger, kinder, lovelier.

So, it was quite an emotional and vulnerable moment for me when we met up again after such a long time. He's changed, I've changed. In ways, we seem to be mirrors of each other, he being a more lively, cheekier version, me being a quieter and serious one. Yet, there is still that familiarity, the familiar essence of each other's smell, voice, vibe, that just makes me utterly relaxed, utterly comfortable, without need for guise. I am really glad that those past issues can be forgotten and we can make good, for now, and I hope, me, the frivolous one, would not throw away what's important to me this time round. There's still so many years to go as friends.

And I've never really thought of him or considered him as my 'best' (male) friend, but in so many ways, he really is.

cheerful bags

2011-02-06T23:35:00.003+08:00

bought two new bags - red and rose gold by spiritedly featuring cotton skirts

Finally, out of the black/neutral colors bag mode and into cheery color bags.

This month's is the Raoul cheryl envelope clutch in rose gold. I love it!

Two recent buys in stunningly bright colors, trying to match them with what I already have in my wardrobe - a depiction.
And, I must try to wear my scarves more often!!!

scrapbooking: Really Simple Birthday Cards in 5 minutes

2011-02-03T23:21:00.006+08:00

I just wanted to make some really quick and simple (yet classy, of course) birthday cards with the scrap material I have on-hand.

So here is a really simple and in my opinion quite nice, birthday card you can make in 5 minutes.
I kid you not!

Color Theme: Black and White, Vintage, Dark Maroon, Silver

Materials: 2 types of ribbons - 1 about 1 cm thick, the other one really thin, scrap scrapbook paper, small alphabet stickers, glue

I had just these 2 pieces of beautiful vintage black-and-white paper I've been dying to use. I usually throw away scrap papers that are not of a decent size...The bigger card is postcard-sized and the other one is about two times of a regular namecard.

Here, the relative sizes.

So in really easy steps: Fold the paper, try to tie a nice ribbon with the smaller ribbon on top, paste down the super glittery ribbon below, paste the alphabet stickers and there you have a really nice birthday card. The more complicated the background is, the better!

Here's another version. The paper doesn't really pop, too bland! And I was trying to use up the pesky alphabets 'x,v,w,y,q'! I did another version at the back with the gingham ribbon and other ribbons but I think the first two I did were so much nicer due to the choice of papers.
For other scrapbook projects, please click on the links at the right column. Coming up next, I've finished another scrapbook envelope accordion album! I'm just waiting for the photos to be ready!

meant to be

2011-02-02T11:27:00.002+08:00

It was one of my secretly uttered prayers to rekindle a lost friendship with a fellow brother-in-arms. The hardships of young adulthood and my petulant nature had caused it to end abruptly, forced a lifelong camaderie into wilt. I had not given much thought about it, absorbed in my own self-centred issues till recently.

Well, we have all grown up and enough years has passed to relinquish the awkwardness. I do hope for the posterity of a renewed connection. And, happy birthday, dear friend.

somebunny somebunny somebunny

2011-02-01T13:09:00.004+08:00

Here are some cute photos of bunnies.
Somehow bunnies are sooooo adorable. I hope those abandoned ones (silly consumeristic people who just buy them because they are cute and let them go when they become fat...) find a good home...and get rescued in time... fingers crossed!

Random cat. And I would buy this mullberry shirt if not for the pricetag.

Oops, I don't know how those few photos got in here.... Mushroom does like to camwhore...! All bunnies are vain that way!

poem: wordless symmetry

2011-01-26T12:12:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I write poems, too.

My heart smiles, always, at you
Like a robot, you are, now, and before
In that metal robot heart of yours does it,
Can it love, I wonder
I wonder if it beats faster at the sound of my voice,
At the wordless symmetry we share when we see each other

Almost in a parallel universe we drift though meeting in short, but always sweet moments
I was hiding from the cruel realities of life when you gingerly picked me off the floor
Maybe you, here, me, us, is just a distant dream

But while I still can, I'll close my eyes and imagine
That the distance between our parallel universe can be bridged by more than feelings,
More than thoughts or words,
And I will smile, at you, always, in my heart.

And here's one I wrote a long time ago. Seems quite funny to read it aloud now!

Sunday, May 01, 2005
Reverie
::poem::

The serenity in borderland sends Sara into reverie-
Of newfound love beyond the bend, the wondrous roaming upon faraway lands
Transfixed, both were, by the intensity of a glance:
For a moment then, and hence thereafter
Love struck them, both him, and her.
Fresh, rosy apples plucked in Summer's breeze
With grassy smells and bushy trees
In spirit lulled with invisible joy
They traipsed, they leapt
Thro' the blissful glen
Of woody green
Sara loved so deep, and so true-
But she loved another, too.
One not as fun, nor as fair:
This marked the beginning of her despair.
Her beauteous eyes spied in dismay
Dark clouds that marred her happy days
In merry vale her love held true,
In borderland- she wished she knew.
Despite her joy and smiles untold
She wished one moment just to behold
The other's arms woven beneath her thighs,
The warmth and sparkle in the other's eyes
Knew then, as now, she had to choose
Sara wished - And so the tale goes;
She found herself without him or the other
Just happy by herself, over the border
From the faraway vale to the borderland
Her story was told, to those in love
Choose wisely now, lest you regret
A life of love, it may be sad
Happy dreams lie in reverie
Perhaps for you, more so for me.

Fringe - Alternate Reality

2011-01-24T16:29:00.000+08:00

wordless symmetry in a parallel universe

2011-01-24T16:10:00.004+08:00

I first heard the concept of a 'parallel universe' explained coherently in an episode of FRINGE. It did make sense to me, there is something else out there which we cannot explain. Of course it can be explained in christian terms - the spiritual and supernatural. But in some rare, rare occurrences, (both in christian spirituality and elsewhere), there is the meeting of the two. It could be just a preacher with such a powerful faith speaking some words of truth, which makes your knees go weak and your spirit just so sensitive to what God is speaking to you, and He does. How? You just can't explain it. What about? You can't explain it too, as words doesn't explain the full context... but subconsciously, YOU KNOW.

Suffice to say that God spoke to me about several things in the span of mere minutes, some of that, I will share with a select few and some of it I will keep it buried in my heart. I remember miracles from time past, the way I am aching for one now. I was reminded of certain things that gnawed deep within my soul. The faith or the X-factor that became the launching platform to this parallel universe was not lost to many, as so many around were also touched, weeping, shaking, confessing. The supernatural power floored me, I could barely stand up at one point.

Such happenings, where parallel universes join, is truly a unique one. Based on the decisions you make, the memories around you gets to be shaped. But the thing is, WHAT IF. What if... we had never made such decisions...one could argue that the future could be changed. But can it? One popular exposition of the theory is if we could go back in time and ensure Hitler wasn't born, thus not killing Jews, no World War, etc. But, as the story goes, when they traveled back into time there was another guy who rose up... and the same thing happened, albeit in a different sense. We all know that we can't do time travel. But we sure can make a lot of interesting decisions to shape our future. The more interesting thing perhaps is how and why.

If our friend here likes someone so badly, there's so many options, so many voices of reason, all of them which may or may not get him the girl and the love of a lifetime. Our friend may decide to talk to her for hours on the phone. But for girls like me, that's a turn-off. Maybe we can get bored easily without any visual stimulation. Our friend may decide to push her into making a decision. Surprise her! Girls like surprises, right? Well, it depends. There is a small but significant difference in sending flowers on Valentine's to her office and HAND-delivering flowers on Valentine's to her office. Once again, if you have decided to send her flowers, one which is too big will probably scare her off and too small, you will come across as a cheapo... and all this will fail, of course, if she is allergic to flowers!!!

I'm just saying, our friend should put more thought into the actions and the sub-actions he gallantly wants to show.

I'm just saying that sometimes, I too, do not know how to act when I like someone. All these thoughts also flood my mind. 'WHAT IF... ' What if...such decisions are not left up to me, and the future remains status quo. All I know for sure is that I'll be pretty miserable, inside. Well, I've always taken these good pieces of advice - 1. Let God and 2. Follow Your Heart. I hope our friend, and he, and me, and us, all don't care about what the rest of the nosy parkers have to say, and just do 1. and 2.

Watch the short youtube for explanation on parallel universes. For those with average IQ, don't even bother, you won't grasp it anyway. Just go and live out your simple, (self-absorbed) lives while the rest of us expand our brain matter with such timely, life-changing decisions.

it's such a hoot

2011-01-20T13:31:00.002+08:00

I find photos of owls in mid-flight quite hilarious, don't you?
Met a guy who made me laugh inside, quite like the way this photo makes me feel.

maybe falling in love is all in the nose

2011-01-19T17:43:00.006+08:00

Me and my girl-friends are having interesting conversations lately, sparked by the romantic interest of Mr Nice-Guy. I'm humbly surprised to know that they have drawn the same conclusions as me for certain 'moves' guys make or certain responses from the ladies. It's always fun to have a tete-a-tete about romance.

I think most ladies here are turned off by the same things: not godly (Oh God please send me a man of God being a commonly heard lament), being stingy, smelling bad, shorter than them, boring woodblock, lack of dress sense (By that I mean wearing faded home-clothes or pjs out in public, and not the usual garb of slipper+berm+polo), being too aggressive, or else lacking initiative, or too geeky, pushy and desperate vibes. Yes, vibes play a part of the intangible non-allure.

Also, some responses vary from the chap, if the chap hails from sg, malaysia, indonesia or further. In fact, malaysians (in general) seem to be more fun-loving (adventourous), but we cannot negate the effect of a humid singaporean airconless day on a fair maiden's visage, thus, though the option of dinner-and-a-movie-on-friday-evening seems trite, that is one of the more appealing options here... (plus there is little else we can do in that tight time frame, aye?) It seems that often our regional counterparts also love to foot the bill, a captivating trend that local chaps should indeed follow.

Anyway, one of my girlfriend and I have come to the conclusion that in the end.... it all depends on... the way he smells, to you. We admitted that certain guys should not take it so hard that they're in the 'friend-zone', just because, we cannot really envision ourselves spending 50 years with that kind of scent. "We must like the way he smells!", we proclaimed in unison.

So sniff him hard. (Or let her sniff you.)

As to the other question, 'how to make love stay?', I too, have no answers. We are all making our way there in due course, and some of us are ahead in that course of life.

Some interesting reads on the topic: 'Escaping the Friend Zone' http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/455_relationship_expert.html

'Choosing a long-term mate? Give them a good sniff!' http://www.mens-wellbeing.com/2009/09/choosing-a-long-term-mate-give-them-a-good-sniff.html

recent buys

2011-01-18T17:40:00.001+08:00

recent buys by spiritedly featuring grey tops

quite an accurate depiction of the nice things I have in my wardrobe but always fail to wear them. well starting from this week, they will be brought 'out of the closet'!

unsolicited advice from a well-meaning alien

2011-01-16T02:21:00.004+08:00

Some of us have been silently rooting for a friend who has been a friend to all, a nice-guy, someone who is always positive. It seems that he is in love.

And many of us want to help him 'succeed' in the relationship arena; just that many of us refrained from giving out well-meaning, unsolicited advice. In fact, all of us should ask for no-holds-barred opinion from an honest and caring 3rd party perspective, from time to time, all in the name of personal development. I promise to be brutally honest with you, as you are with me.

Especially so, when you like someone from Venus and you are from a distant, distant galaxy, you should ask Venutians' opinion rather that your same-pattern-alien friends. You may be resistant to such a path of thought but to be learning about the fairer sex bodes you well especially if you are hoping for a positive outcome, with less resistance to your unfathomable charms.

I have my doubts as always about his lady love, (due to the past track record), but was encouraged to see many dudes giving him the silent thumbs-up.

Well, no matter what others say, I think I just want him to follow his heart and see him crazy in love with someone for once.

And if I were to give more unsolicited advice, this is what I would say.

'When you see him, you can't stop smiling.
Your heart gives a leap of joy, and you know that in his eyes, you are the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world.

There is that magic, a mutual understanding, shared thoughts, giggly feelings.
You'd know that he'd protect you from every harm.
You'd know that divorce is not a considerable option.
You'd know that despite what people say and think about you, he'll still foolishly and relentlessly support you.'

And that, my friend, is what a woman wants in a relationship. For more thoughts, don't hesitate to dial our numbers and jiojio us for tea (Your treat, of course...)

Best wishes from all of us!

the one, the one

2011-01-07T17:03:00.003+08:00

Just thought this photo gives a cheery feel to a rainy Friday!

Am happy for a dear friend who have found love; a friend who has supported me through the recently trying times with both words of comfort and truth-talk time.

Through my weepy meanderings, little did I know that she was also suffering through the insensitivities' of others who have maligned her virtuous character. All I can say is that she has withstood more than half a year of mud-slinging and schadenfreude with magnamity. I can only hope that I show such kindness to people who otherwise don't treasure the value of a platonic friendship.

Hearing such news, I too wonder when my 'Eric' will appear. (His name is Eric right?) Heehee.
The next relationship will be my last, God-willing.

scrapbooking: DIY accordion album by envelopes

2011-01-03T15:03:00.000+08:00

This is a little photo-album made from brown paper envelopes. It's my original creation though I'm sure there will be others out there!

I've always loved accordion folded albums and I decided to make this mini-one for a friend's birthday. Was quite hesitant to make things for guys as it's so limited to the stuff and color range you can use, but I must say I'm pretty, pleased with the outcome. Overall a simple project which took me 3 hours only, to make from scratch!

Color theme: Eggshell blue, newsprint, cream and highlights of yellow, copper. Quite into yellow these days!!!

Materials: 4 and a half small brown envelopes (the smallest size), lace, bobbles, wooden numbers, thicker alphabets, tags, blue diamantes.

Firstly stick two envelopes together by making a binding for the outside fold first then the inside.
I used about an inch thick of scrapbook paper folded into half. The same for next two envelopes. Then join both together.

I cut a half envelope to make a front opening so the front would look more interesting and also hide one of the tags that could only be seen when opened. Not all envelopes need to be covered, just the inside ones and the one on the back. I just chose scrap paper from previous projects which fit nicely as a theme of sorts. It's really off if I include a paper that just didn't fit in, so spent some time on that one.
First two pages. The space on top is designed to fit in a wallet size or card size photo. I really really like the polka dot paper with glitter! The color matches perfectly. Bought from The Art Republic at Velocity. In fact all the papers are bought there.
Last 2 pages. The long lace is to tie the front pages together.Total length of lace is about 1 yard.
The accordion pages come together nicely! I wanted to use all the same words but ran out of 'o's, anyways it looks better in different font style!
From the top view. I was quite glad that the binding paper I used did not seem too maidenly...despite the florals.
Using buttons for the last page. I used random neutral buttons with yellow and blue... started off with a cluster of yellow, blue, beige, at this top end, and then repeated the cluster.
Back view that matches the front exactly. A little lace element to hide the joining line.
I really enjoyed this project, spending a few hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Best of all, it uses up many of my scrap papers and envelopes from my last christmas project. I hope it will be loved and used!

Of thoughts hitting us from out of the blue

2011-01-02T15:31:00.005+08:00

I find it really strange, sometimes, how the mind works.

All the time we have been filling our mind with the most mundane of thoughts.
Mine usually goes: 'What should I wear tomorrow, which bag should I carry, don't forget to buy contact lens, should I buy iced or hot coffee, alamak the next train is 6 minutes later, etc'... but sometimes your mind just gets stuck on one thing like a broken record or a song you fancy so much you can listen to it 20 times on auto replay and not get tired of it.

Sometimes the things that go through my mind never fails to amaze me. It's the revelation of how, suddenly, a little vignette of a past scenario that wants to go on replay in my mind. Or otherwise, a recent occurrence that cause you to stop in your tracks and start the thinking process.

I've recently taken on an 'isolationist policy' after some tiring and personally emotionally draining events. I don't want to look old, so I made sure I had adequate rest, beauty treatments, time-consuming hobbies like scrapbooking, and the like. But yesterday I ventured forth and was last seen alone, rereading a spiritual book which is part of a reading plan I aim to complete these months, hoping that no one would chance upon me for that sacred half hour.

Alas, an acquaintance wanted to sit near me and chat.

I was polite but I admit I did not really want to...share, so I turned many could-be sharing questions into jokes with an air of nonchalance. He along with 2 ladies came to sit around me, and asked me about my resolutions, sincerely. I tried to turn the conversation into something light by replying that I had 'plans' to go to post xmas sales... and indeed, the ladies launched into the topic with heart. But I felt bad as in the past I had always tremendously enjoyed chats with him. You could say that we were on the same page. So I sincerely asked him back about his resolution as I could tell he really wanted to share, with me. And he did, and we both exchanged smiles and kind words about our jobs and lives. As I left, I just felt touched by...the essence of a human spirit, a kindred spirit. He couldn't possibly have known about all the things that had happened, by all means we were just acquaintances. Yet just by a simple sharing my heart smiled at how a kind and sincere smile could make this day a special one.

How do I tell you or anyone about this little thing I treasure between friends and lovers, the way we can both connect over observing and coming to the same conclusions about the people in our lives, the way we can talk or write to each other about that, the innate curiosity we have towards certain things of interest, that enables our friendship to last through the years and pick up where we left it, the way other friendships can't? What is that little thing? A clique, a connection of the soul? I guess the simplest way of saying it would be that we're both on the same page.

Then I realize I value this little, insignificant thing so so much. And I hope I make wise enough decisions not to ruin any treasured friendships I already have.

Of babies, terrorists on boxing day and our inner poet

2010-12-28T15:56:00.017+08:00

Recent happenings...
I got my 20th passport stamp for Malaysia. Means I'm more "pendatang asing" (in a positive connotation please) than any of my... Singaporean counterparts.
On Boxing Day around midnight, Ches and I met a 'terrorist'.
I never knew I could be a singing musical box to a baby.

Actually I think the words to my nursery rhyme tunes are all salah!!! (Or else it JUST doesn't make sense. IE Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder WHAT you are? I mean, it's a star right? I really pondered long moments on that...baffling. Anyways.)

And... well, it's splendid to spend Christmas in Melaka again.

I discovered Baby S looks a lot like... ME! (At the same age...)

At 8 months, she looks like me when I was one year old. Okay I look MORE like a boy but...I really feel she looks like the one year old me.
Here's a photo for comparison.

My arms and thighs are chunkier... but overall I'd say Baby S has the same 'skintone' as me, she is the exact SAME fair shade as me!!! Confirm chop chop. Means she will probably be as fair as me, grown-up, and the thick (red) lips too! Hee. She should go for some baby competition (like ME!) when she turns one because the super-fair, plump look is a sure winner in baby contests!

See, my arms looks like bamboo... and Baby S looks positively thin, compared to me!!!
Yes...I'm surrounded by baby contest prizes. Retro Pampers. Mom told me I got 4th prize out of 5 prizes given out and there were hundreds of babies who took part. So I'm confident Baby S can be a winner too!!!

==

I had an unexpected cheery meetup with Ches on boxing-night. He was always away for Christmas but thanks to J's due diligence, we managed to meet on the last night I was in Melaka.

To me it's awesome to have that kind of friendship we have, to sit in utter silence and read books together and go on long midnight car drives on long windy roads. Sounds boring to most but the serenity and the company goes a long way in keeping me sane. So after we disbanded from the group we went on a nice long car ride. Ches seems different in Melaka, a not so melancholy-and -serious version. He even cracked jokes, spouted poetry (!!!!!) and ran to open the car door for me! Buay tahan. Yes it's true! He suddenly said Larry King's words which was a poem written, something like a tribute for/to those wives left behind by dead husbands. In the car, he suddenly said... 'your tears build a staircase into heaven where we will meet again something something'... literally took my breath away... it's like totally unexpected coming from the serious Ches I've known all these years. I managed to find the entire poem when I got back yesterday. Hee.

And I thought I had already been driven to all parts of Melakatown but he somehow managed to bring me to some Taman I had never seen before and a place like botanic gardens, it had black-and-white colonial houses in huge grounds and presumbably lived-in by the ministers of state or some important person.

On our way back to Baby S's place, we had to U-turn at the junction where the traffic lights had a really long wait. The road was deserted as all the cars were waiting at the lights behind the u-turn...so it was only our one car. We can't believe what we saw next! In the MIDDLE of the road, a man was standing there, dressed all in black and carrying a BIG black bag and he was waving his arms at us... unheeded, we just drove on... but, he FLUNG himself in front of our bumper to stop us! I think at that moment it was just...sheer panic, you can't imagine our horror! Ches quickly locked the doors and the terrorist/drunk/madman wanted to try to open the doors... we reversed to where we had U-turned, and he just bounded towards us! Seeing a terrorist-looking man and the crazed look on his face, running towards you is NO JOKE... we both turned pale and quiet (or at least me) and waited along the side of the road until the cars at the traffic light were ready to go. We saw a few motorbikes being accosted by the man too, and he also flung himself at them, almost swerving one... We just waited for a car to drive parallel with us, in that sense both cars were protecting each other. Whew... I'm just thankful we were both okay because in my morbid mind I can just imagine the man flinging his bag, breaking the windows and 'Shards of glass and shrapnel of unknown matter were found in the victims phalanges' ala Bones style... he was really only inches from our faces and his crazed face still burns in my memory! I can still remember me blabbering 'What's he trying to do? What's he trying to do?' And Ches blabbering, 'Make sure the doors are all locked...wait for the cars...go together...GO TOGETHER!' in panic...

We are also blessed that night that Ches took his solid black SUV car out rather than the jangly, springy kelisa which I'm sure could not reverse in such a quick way and also the door could be easily pried open... so, yes, it was a scary incident, I hope a one-off thing.

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

Author: Unknown

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.

scrapbooking: the red envelope holder

2010-12-28T12:36:00.003+08:00

I'm just back from lovely holidays in Malaysia and having the 20th stamp on my passport makes me... more Malaysian than other Singaporeans? I can't even remember how many times I'd been to Melaka this year (I think 4?) and well... let me save my thoughts on that for the next post.

Well, I did this semi-scrapbooking project quite a while back in mid-Dec. So here it is, two red envelope-holders, project. I think the red color was perfect, it was well-made, solid... and found at under $10! I must say that I do find most scrapbook materials rather pricey here, so anything below $10 is like... incredible!

Back view... Stuck on the gingham ribbon and then the bobbles below it. Just a simple design.
Originally...

Closeup of the foam words. I really like the font and color of these words, most materials are found at 'Made with Love'.
I used a prima flower, a floral pebble sticker, and a chipboard heart. The heart was originally white, used ink stamp to stamp on the color and the diamantes from those handphone shop diamantes. I did the same for the lock chipboard, just that the paint was using tattered angels glimmer glam.
Arranging 3 items looks just about right!

So here it is, both envelope-holders. A simple project anyone can do! The most time consuming part for me was measuring the straightness of the gingham ribbon, I can't do anything straight!

I wanted to put a random word which also fits in the space, so I named it after my rabbit. And the other one, 'mine' will be a gift for my bestie who is coming down to spend the next two weeks or so in sg.
I know christmas is over but just wanted to show the simple card I did using all recycled pdts. Black a4 paper, transparency (the days of using OHP in school!) and gold glitter inside. I used sis' script stamp pad for the words background, and a uniball white pen to draw dotted lines and the words, snowman, holly. Quite pleased that I used recycled materials cuz that's what handmade stuff and scrapping is all about!

Pearl of The Orient : first time to Penang

2010-12-20T14:44:00.000+08:00

Each time someone asks me where I would like to go in Malaysia, I would always say, 'Penang!'

For a really long time, I've always wanted to go there, however, I'd always end up going to Melaka instead. So, finally, my long-awaited wish is fulfiled. I think Penang is fabulous... the people are all decently dressed and jolly (Every Uncle is smiling to himself), they are all good looking, the local Chinese are rather fair and tall and not a fat one in sight... I really wonder why they are so fair, is it the mountain air or the water?

I'm so glad that Penang has not lost its charm and not too glitzy or gaudy or overcrowded, the way some parts of Melaka is becoming and the way Singapore has become. Penang reminds me of the Melaka 5 years ago where the locals used to give me rides when I looked lost or protected me from strange bad people, and the foreigners are all cool people who bicycled their way here or were backpacking throughout SEAsia. Well, I like Penang a lot and I'm grateful for cheap flights compared to a few years ago where we couldn't even fly to KL to transit. So... hope to visit again soon!

Departing Flight: AirAsia, SG to KL (ak 720), KL to PEN.

Chose to go to KL as the flights KL- PEN is almost every hour and about 5 times a day.

Compared to SG - PEN direct, it's only twice a day very early in the morning or else 11pm! at night, not worth it. As I took SG- KL - MEL before, I was quite sure that SG leg would takeoff on time and even reach KL earlier, 10 minutes earlier so booked for the immediately one-hour later flight to Penang. Had to run a bit, in fact was sprinting through the LCC airport...lol...very confusing design...but better than waiting at the airport for one hour!

Came back via PEN- JB. Both sides delayed a bit, ended up walking out of Senai 20 minutes later. Senai's retrofitted now and looks like SG airport.

The weighing scale at Penang airport... lagi best! Sure accurate.

Booked hotel and transfer via airasiago. Was quite ...apprehensive as there wasn't any email confirmation, however, the transfer did arrive early and everything was quite smooth. Ain't recommending the hotel as I found my stuff misplaced - ie, contact lens case was emptied (one side!) and a magazine I had bought (Malaysian Women's Weekly) disappeared. Quite scary considering it is one of the pricier and better hotels along the stretch!

Room toilet...nice lighting makes me look like a million bucks after the flights...

Mushroom had a bed to himself and a lovely tan as well.

FOOD

I only had a Lonely Planet to guide me and was told every foodstall was quite decent. So whenever I saw a crowd/queue I just went to taste the food. Of course, I had to try Assam Laksa, Cendul, CharKoayteow. I think the Cendul is nicer than Melaka's one. Sorry to all my Melakan friends....But. the nutty flavor from the generous heap of beans, and very fresh coconut taste wins it hands down for me...

Saw Singaporean looking people standing outside and slurping bowls of cendul...so joined them.

Cendul is RM2.30

Laksa RM3... I love it. Dad ate the assam laksa for 3 days in a row...
Full house wor!

CharKoayTeow RM5...about 3 or 4 juicy huge prawns inside!
Very nostalgic! This is how Chomp chomp used to look like 15-20 years ago! With the kind of signboards and all...of course Gurney Drive is 10 or 20 times bigger.
I like lok-lok... everything just tastes fresh and delicious and the rojak... I could eat it everyday!!!

There are several types of rojak there, the one we are used to with youtiao, turnip, pineapple, a cuttlefish and kangkong one, and a fruit one with water apples and mostly fruits. All are yummy!

Rest of the food ranges from RM3 - 6 except for the cuttlefish rojak RM10 - 15 depending on the amount. Also for Pasembur if you choose crabs I think the price shoots up to RM 30+. Most foods are decently priced but also in small-er portions than what we are used to back home. Nasi Kandar.
There were huge seafood (really huge!) just at the corner of the hotel, many locals and tourists eating, also small and crowded foodcourt-like places on the long walk to Gurney Drive.

Prawn pincer thingy is larger than my index finger....
Geoducks all the way from Canada.

The kopi shop cup is exquisite! It makes sipping tea a different experience, I'm admiring the cup the whole time... love the culture of beauty over utility... where can I buy such a cup?

SIGHTS

The weather was really nice, quite cooling and less humid than Singapore although it was blazingly hot on some days. I did get a little tanned from walking outside. At night it's really quite cold walking by Gurney Drive and I noticed I'm the only one wearing shorts... brrr.

Went to Spice Garden (which was much nicer than it sounds), Toy Museum (not worth going but okay if you want to relive those childhood memories), Batu Ferringhi night market (every night, cheap dresses, beachwear and unoriginal branded bags/watches), E&O and all the Unesco heritage walk buildings, Chowrasta Market, The Little Nonya's Peranakan house.

'Pinang Peranakan Museum' is a recently restored Peranakan mansion, sold to an antique collector. The offspring of this house are 4 families, 2 in Singapore, 1 England and one still in Penang. I found this trip really interesting as it's also part of the Singaporean culture, remember seeing many Peranakan women in my estate wearing their prim and beautiful kebaya... even today there are still a few.
Mushroom is in awe. He wants to act as Little Nonya's pet if there is a sequel.
Flooring is really lovely, from England. about 70% of 'The Little Nonya' was filmed here and the rest filmed in Melaka.

I like this sort of chair... it does look very comfortable...

Infinity mirror... I want to buy!
Nonya porcelain ware... The guide told us that the China blue, favorite of angmohs, were only used at funerals by the Peranakans!
They also had a vast collection of kasut manek...
Look at how tiny the beads are! Was supposed to be really pricey glass beads from England! They are exquisite and I would buy and wear them if I could afford them!
Can someone translate the one in the middle, I know it is something to do with 'Hainanese'...

Old mode of transport...rickshaw. It's heavy!

SHOPPING

Went to Gurney Plaza, walking distance from hotel, and Queensbay (recommended by locals), Prangin Mall (also recommended by locals).

Go holiday must go massage... our home brand Kenko...fish spa!

Gurney Plaza feels homely with many Singaporeans and the things we are used to, Guardian, Cold Storage, Esprit, Kenko... well, it's built with us in mind I guess. It's nice to go in to use the toilets and a respite from the heat outside. But then again I did not come to Penang to shop in Singapore! The g hotel next to it has a lovely lobby with designer chairs and art.

Queensbay is a huge, similar to Mid-Valley type of mall. More fashion labels - Forever 21, Mango, etc. It's just so huge that it's impossible to walk into every shop. There is an OldTown there which is the best draw I feel. And a very crowded KimGary.

Did a pedi at Prangin...adore those bunnies between my toes!

Prangin has about 3 levels of those cheap stuff, I feel for shopping experience (in Malaysian malls) it's probably the best to go to buy socks, small trinkets, cheap clothes (I don't see anyone on the streets wearing SUCH clothes, I wonder who buys them)...There's a decent Secret Recipe and Starbucks on the ground floor and food stalls in the corners of different floors. I heard the food's decent and also saw many people eating the Laksa/Chicken rice.

Chowrasta market where people buy those preserved fruits and lots of bottles of nutmeg oil. Everything is overpriced and have to bargain.

OLD BUILDINGS (and some new ones)
E&O is another must visit...palatial... longest sea view... and lots of famous people, Joseph Conrad, Rudyard Kipling, Rita Hayworth stayed here before...
Camwhore at E&O's lovely wreath...
Magnificent Christmas tree!
Cannons facing the open sea at the hotel.

This building belongs to a movie setting...'Harry Potter and the Gurney Drive goblins'
Yes I was standing in the middle of the road to take this picture.

Cheong Fatt Tze mansion. Did not visit... not interested in cheena artifacts...
"The Keymaster"
Mushroom likes clock towers and lighthouses.

I love dilapidated old buildings. Was very excited to walk through all of them. In a way, Penang feels much like Singapore. Lots of local Chinese who don't look all too different - dress in the same manner and very nice, polite, friendly people, we have lost a bit of that due to overcrowding. I was mistaken for a Penangnite, and also a Japanese by the locals, well, I feel complimented! Hee... Anyway I've been told that I look like a Penangnite before (in KL, Melaka) so I was very curious to see how they look like.

A well-read man is hard to find in this day and age.

Dreaming of a well-read future...
Tall Komtar in the background acts as a compass of sorts, won't really get lost...
Lots of interesting photography opportunities like these around the Love Lane walkways
Yes I also stood in the middle of the road to take this photo.
If you're in Gurney Plaza do take a walk in the g-hotel! Nice designer chairs and interesting art.
For instance this 'grinder', the space is used to put the grinded products, ie chilli seeds... lol.
g-hotel's mirror in toilet also good to take outfit photo...

TAXI

The road to Batu Ferringhi looks like Great Ocean Road drive at certain areas.

Batu Ferringhi night market is open nightly. Not really worth going, full of knockoff designer bags and cheap clothes.

Well I found a handmade-by-silversmith silver ring at one curio shop and batted my eyelashes at Uncle Shopkeeper until he lowered the price to less than S$10! Considering silver's really expensive here, plus it's handcrafted, one of the best souvenirs I've bought!

There are about 1000+ taxis on Penang island serving 1 million people and at some sightseeing places there's not a taxi in sight! So it's best to keep a driver's number and arrange for pick-up. Penang taxis are really expensive as they don't go by meter and there's a standard charge to places. For instance from Gurney Drive to Queensbay shopping mall it's RM35, expensive! And most short trips are RM12 to 15. It's not a ripoff but standardized pricing. Was told they used petrol and they lamented about the cost. Still, they make about RM180 per day... not bad. What we did was to book a taxi for a whole day, minimum of 4 hours and the charge is 25/hour which is good if you want to explore Batu Ferringhi and go to spa and be driven back, etc. Most places in Georgetown are walkable - I actually walked from the E&O to Komtar/Prangin Mall, in between there were quaint shophouses and the touristy places.

BEST THING TO DO IN PENANG:

Visit the Peranakan restored house, as seen in 'The Little Nonya'. Go with the guided tour. Very meaningful and interesting and really lots to see there!

I shall hereby proclaim my love for Penang!

pleased

2010-12-13T11:16:00.004+08:00

Feeling oh-so-pleased with myself because I've finished making and writing the christmas cards. Also made it from all recycled products, leftover craft materials from past projects (except the white pen).

Been out to town recently to catch up with friends and am appalled at the manners of those from the grandmotherland (Since our mothers did not come from there it can hardly be called 'motherland'....) Was dining at a restaurant eating 'xiaolongbao' and 'zhajiangmein' and a lady rudely shouted across the railings to ask us what we are eating. We were quite taken aback. And I thought such food were like commoners' food in the grandmotherland? She should be familiar with it. So anyway after I replied, still politely, in English of course, she huffed away saying' Oh, so you can't speak the 'national' language (guo yu).' So rude!

I would not be mentioning this if the same thing with another china-accent lady happened! While I was buying some gifts - I put them on the counter first and went off to look at other stuff. When I came back the lady in front of me in the queue was fingering my items... nevermind, I was still okay about that. She just turned to me and also said quite rudely, 'What is this?', holding my stuff! Once again, taken aback. For us we would at least add an excuse me or a shy smile but she talked to me as if I were a lowly creature, in fact, I feel sorry for the SA who have to serve these customers. Anyway I don't know how to explain it in Mandarin and if I spoke English I was sure it would be a waste of my good intentions, so, I just said in my most British accented English, 'Sorry?' and she huffed away and demanded to know what I was buying from the cashier. All in the same week... I really can't believe it. It is a really unpleasant experience to encounter such characters especially when you just want to run your errands and get out of the hullabaloo that is downtown!

I got myself an early christmas present...One thing I love shopping at Tangs is that you can earn points to redeem discounts on items you want to buy. Since I always need to top up my makeup and skincare essentials there and sometimes shoes, it makes sense to get my stuff there. Plus after this haircolor change, I don't seem to suit any of my lipstick shades. So this Chanel lipstick, original price $40... After deducting points its like $10? Such a savvy shopper *pats self on back. The shade is Tasmania and it goes on lightly, such a nice shade, almost coral. More motivated to put on lipstick everyday now. Also bought Tom Robbin's 'Still Life with Woodpecker' at Kinokuniya (hence the necessary trip to downtown.) I'm liking his quotes recently so shall read his works.

scrapbooking: the 'today' album

2010-12-09T13:59:00.010+08:00

Made a 3-page album as a birthday gift, my largest project to-date.
I had a very nice paper as the background so I did try to make it stand out with the other visual elements I wanted to incorporate (as inspired by previous pictures.) So it was quite a challenge trying hard not to cover the lovely words up!

Colors used are sea-green, cream, bronze, black, with yellow and magenta highlights.
Was unsure of this wacky combo but it doesn't look too garish... I hope.

This is the front page. I specially got the yellow foam letters (made with love, plaza sing) for this project and I really like the font and the sunny look.

It's the first time I've incorporated 'tags' into my project and I just wanted to make it simple so stamped a script stamp onto it in brown or black and overlay with a key stamp.

Close up for 1st page:

All the key, heart and lock chipboard bought at made with love, it comes with a free foil included and turns out quite nice, though I would prefer to paint them.

I like this quote... almost covered up by the yellow letters...
All the bling and pearls can be bought at those handphone accessory shops. Usually 3 for $10. And they don't fall off easily, using the original glue, I did not add additional glue. It really stays on once you paste it down.

2nd page and my favorite!
The flower paper is embellished with the flat bobbles and gloss accents, tag with letter 'a', butterfly sticker, chipboard frame which I painted over (was black, comes in other colors from the art republic, velocity) the paint using tattered angels 'glimmer glam'. The paints are pricey! So I only bought one color... it has glitter and shimmer sheen which I felt it was worth it for the additional depth. Well... I also like to use the pretty lace and overlay a row of pearls on it... seems to match. This is for hiding the cut lines between using 2 pieces of paper - wanted the 'love' words to be in the middle so the side has to have some other paper (the sea-green with cursive words is another paper entirely!)

I like this lace - old traditional craft shop at serangoon bus interchange, sells both lace and pearls and rope and a hundred different nice ribbons! It's nice to use to cover the different paper joint lines which is my pet peeve.

Decided to stick the small pearl ribbon here like a woman wearing a ribbon clip... hee... it's found at those handphone shops also. Maybe I will deck out my blackberry with all the leftover bling soon...idea! I find all the colors go together so well!

On this tag, a letter 'a', with pretty pinkish pearls all around.

Final page. I will attempt making more pages for my next project...For those who are wondering, the photos can be pasted on the other side which I've covered with yellow vintage look paper. So it can hold either 3 normal sized photos or 6 mini photos at least. As this is a simple design I pasted the flat bobbles all round for a more interesting look, lucky it doesn't look too baby-ish. Also used buttons! Random buttons! I now have quite a large collection of buttons.

Love the mini-flowers. Can't find in any scrapbook shop. My secret. Hee... I did give some to those who ask... it shall be received... haha...

The most painstaking part was to measure and cut the paper, sand the edges (using nail file black side or can buy a square sander from scrapbook shop.) Then the chipboard I painted with the same brown paint. It looks nicer than gray chipboard.

Front and back of album project.
I'm going to attempt a travel album project next. Or some sort. These chipboard from novena the art republic, it's cheap-er. But it was all sold out last week when I popped by.

Also in the midst of making a special project - envelope holder, one for me as well! I've almost completed it but not sure whether I should add some words.

Here's the 'before' look! Yes it's those beauty brand 'giveaway with purchase' and I had to buy it but it was dirt-cheap so... I bought two. Plus I like this color very much. It fits my perfume bottle perfectly...

scrapbook inspirations

2010-12-07T13:12:00.008+08:00

I've amassed some internet photos of scrapbook art from all over - for those who need a dose of inspiration this season, here goes.

Also 3 sites I frequent:

holiday cards inspiration and useful tips
http://www.kwernerdesign.com/blog/

singapore teacher of scrapbooking lessons at art republic (novena, velocity)
http://geraldineang.blogspot.com/

what she calls 'shabby chic' designs
http://iralamija.blogspot.com/

Sorry no credit to the photos, was on google images. please let me know any copyright issue, thanks!

Liked this layout of using lace and pearls and pink but doesn't come off as too girly-pretty.

Inspiration for a travel album... hmm, lemme finish my on-going project first (to be completed THIS WEEK... stay tuned.)

I would treasure this box if someone gave it to me... with a keepsake inside?

Something with polka dots is always sweet. An idea if I ever decide to use my square chipboards.
I bought this kind of blank tag from made with love and they will feature in my next project! Reveal next week. Can't wait to complete and take photos.

A 'man' theme design without girly colors. Like the easy use of buttons and square papers, gives me an idea what to do with all the leftover scrap papers...
I think this is a candle and it inspired me to... go and buy two 'retro' peter and jane books (my house downstairs sells, still!) those vintage font and old oil colored vignettes should look good on a travel album.
Some nice chipboard heart, lock and key can be bought at 'made with love'. Have to color it on your own and can do so with markers, stamping or the glimmer sprays.

Good idea on the key at the top plus I like the way the 'keyhole' is decorated. I'm also liking the small heart with pearl button. Everything looks so nice. I feel my designs still need a bit of thinking on the spatial layout. New project is a bit of an experiment with many elements I've never used.

Others with the same theme color... It's an appealing combi which I really adore!

Another christmassy theme, not too overpowering.

Tags design and a lovely print idea!

I really this overdone-vintage design!

It's a really nice square design and I think it's not easy to do up something like this! I am into foam words from thickers and I really like foam or gloss words instead of chipboard words, somehow...

Nice way of using flowers around the photo.

Yellow theme and the use of the bobble ribbon is nice.

I've never thought of this color combi and it looks so nice and stunning yet simple, clear, elegant...

happy moments

2010-11-29T16:12:00.004+08:00

This was THE picture on one scrapbook blog that made me endlessly fascinated by buttons on scrapbooking. I got a few buttons so all the next projects will have buttons, and more ribbons, and using my sister's stamps...lalala... the weekends seem shorter and less lonely. In fact, can't wait to go home after work and start on some new project... ...

I am really missing someone right now. I wish we can spend endless summer weekends together. While recalling those happy moments we shared, I remember the small little smile I would give him, a pouty little smile... and he would smile at me with glee, eyes wrinkling up into little joyful gleams, whereupon I would act disturbed... ...I did not learn to treasure those happy moments and I'm afraid they will be gone forever.

The small little worries I had during my relationship all seems so mundane and insipid now compared to the bleak future. I am always living in the present, but nowadays it seems that the recent past is a much better place to hide in. I am a better person, after all that has transpired. I know that I would be happier with - than without him in my life. After all, since the first time I met him, I knew. I knew... ...it took an excruciatingly long 5 months for him to come to that realization too. And now... I just hope that...the love will be rekindled again.

scrapbook project - baby and birthday!

2010-11-25T13:13:00.013+08:00

So last week, was doing up a couple of scrapbook projects. This was my initial plan but I felt it was too cramped so I added another board to space out the 3 photos!

This is the other board that was added. The paper already had the lovely flower print and polka dots, just added the lace and gloss on the dots.

I don't like to show the joining part so I covered it with 2 tags. Thought a flower was nice to be pasted on the envelope with baby's name! The tag and very nice christmas puffy sticker is found in my all time favorite stationery shop 'a'n b c' at Raffles City basement. I seem to be going there lots! And awesome gold nail polish at etude.house. I've been into their products recently and some of them are better than the other similar brands I've tried. Worth to go in to etude to have a look anyway since their products are so affordable!

So here's the blank boards. I love this 'pebble' stickers... very hard to find nice ones. This one from art republic at novena square. Papermarket doesn't have such nice 'pebbles'!

Close-up shot of the middle part! Notice the pebble! And the very cute kitty sticker... she is wearing a scarf!

Close up of both panels... I love this pastel pinks and vintage look very much... almost can't bear to give away...haha!

The final product! Hee....hope nothing will fall off unexpectedly...and the recipient will be happy to see it!
Next up is a super belated birthday project for a trusted friend. It was tough finding a photo of him, thankfully had snapped one earlier this year when we were at a museum exhibition. I always feel happy and content in my heart to do such craft works, although I was never very interested to do scrapbooking before (maybe because it's square!) and now of course there are so much more materials and shops to choose from, I really enjoy browsing the well-designed papers and little materials.

My concept for the project was to use some old postcards of buildings in Singapore which I had previously - recycle! We're both a fan of buildings. It's also a project for a guy, so I can't use those frilly ribbons, lace, glitter... stuck with a monochrome vintage theme and on the same base chipboard placed vertically. This is about 90% complete.

Closeup. I buy the 'rope', lace in previous project and other ribbons all from those traditional craft shop in Serangoon Central, the kind that teach how to make CNY lanterns out of red packets and teach how to knit, etc. I find their per meter cost of such materials so much cheaper. The lace is around $1+/ yard, to me it's cheap!

Here is the closeup of the finished project! Some words and dots from a scrapbook paper added to fill in the blank spaces.

I hope that he likes it!

Next project: I've finally decided to make Christmas cards and I have an idea for it. Made some samples yesterday and they looked swell! As budget is limited, shall use all the years past of scrap material I have at home! That way I won't kill the environment either. I love receiving Christmas cards (and birthday cards too) so I hope that many people will send me nice ones this year!

quiet times

2010-11-19T12:49:00.003+08:00

I bought two more Parker pens.

They are gorgeously sitting in their boxes. Somehow the feel of using a solid pen to write is fantastic, compared to using the normal plastic pens. I never knew I would love pens, is it a guy's thing? Anyway they cost less than a ladies' blouse...so, justified.

So pretty and so shiny! I guess I like writing so it's a matter of progression to like pens too. The Uncle was quite happy to see a young girl like me liking such old-school things and happily chatted to me about the time when there was a tri-pen, the pen could pop out pencil, red ink, and normal ink nib. I saw some calligraphy pens for sale as well (Now where can find!) and remember fondly my Mom who used to learn calligraphy in school and also wrote some calligraphy art before. We are all very 'English' in this sense... tea with milk... calligraphy and 'quink ink'... I still remember the 'brother' typewriter!!! And the Uncle volunteered to ask his other Uncle suppliers whether they know of the Parker Jotter pencil still for sale... Wowee! The good thing about old school people is that they bother to help. I mean, without asking, he knows the pencil is reminiscent of some fond memory to me. Sentimental value. And he volunteered to help me ask around when he could be selfish and pretend dunno. I noticed the hawkers there are also the same. When people ask for directions to other food stalls (Old Airport is huge) they really bother to give specific directions and lead you along your way. A community spirit we can all learn from!

The scrapbook project for Baby S is done... will upload and show photos over the weekend!
There are gazillion things for me to do at home, now that I'm ever spending more time with myself... I don't know how people can be bored with their own time at home, there's so many things to complete. I gave one of my Coach bags a wash last night! After accompanying me on many over-the-sea trips and whatnot, it starts to have this 'musty' smell. Funny cause the other bags does not have it, only this one, despite being kept together. I sunned it but it still dun smell good. Wanted to bring it to professional bag cleaning...wayyyyyyy expensive. Around $50 for a small Coach and not even 'so' branded in my opinion to warrant the amount. If I had $50 I will wash my self rather than my bags... so I just washed it with shampoo, olive oil shampoo from Korea, then a sea salt scrub...then about 2 hours in front of the TV blow drying it. Very free right... but it seems to look nice (a bit of the leather 'red' color came out, but minimal) and new! Saved $50. Can put it towards the lambskin brown bag which I'm sure will need a wash in a few months and I don't dare wash and dry such a big bag. Coach is made of canvas anyways, with leather trimmings, and I've had it for a while now.

I'm grateful for the 'quiet times' phase in my life which I'm having now. The upside is that I have a clean bag and managed to make many pretty presents for people in my life I treasure. Here's what I usually do with my free time...

1. Read a book (novel) + cheese + wine... luxurious! (A small bottle of wine for one can be purchased at most Cold Storage). I do spend a lot on books as I read very fast. One book can be read in a day or so.

2. Wash things while in the bath. My scarf, delicates, red-color clothes... Now that I have high maintenance hair, I need to wait some time for the hair masks, conditioners, etc to be left in my hair, no choice. So bored while waiting. So it started off as just washing a few items. Now I'm a washaholic!

3. Write. I just need to write a page everyday. It keeps me grounded and less likely to rant off on things. Less upset as well. And now that I have shiny new pens...

4. Walk for one hour. Since I won't/can't run, walking is the next best activity. I usually take the road via Kensington to Serangoon Gardens and I always have an aim, like to buy frolick, or the nice bread sold in the mornings... yea.

5. Scrapbooking. But I seem to do it really fast. I really like to cut things... Cut cut cut!

love, parker

2010-11-16T14:46:00.008+08:00

“When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”
-Tom Robbins

My heart just goes warm and fuzzy when I see those intricate and nice christmas cards for sale. I actually save the ones I received, all, somewhere, and display them every christmas, and this weekend that's what I will do! They have such lovely displays at the stationery shop I frequent (a'n' bc at raffles city) and such cute calendars for sale. I'm always going there to buy cards and stickers and look at all the beautiful stationery for ages (great way to kill time in shopping centre since I'm so much more inclined to buy things to wear, than things to...collect dust.) They also have my fave Edward Monkton cards - ever since Mr A. gave me a card unexpectedly we have been giving each other cards from the range and they are all sitting pretty on my dresser! Every christmas, for years, I have been giving cards from Marks & Spencer, mainly because they come in 20s and I have that many people to write to, also because the cards give back a percentage to charity and the paper is made from recycled wood pulp... so I feel good even if I don't use up all of them! This year I feel like doing things differently... let's see how.

It's funny how memories can influence us in such subliminal ways. I was at Old Airport Road eating yesterday and decided to go to the old skool shops for post-lunch walk. They have some shops selling those ancient vintage watches that are all gold! Bought a magazine from a stationery shop...lo and behold! I spied Parker pens in the display... (and it was on sale! bad.) Best of all, it was 'the one' which I loved. When I was about 10 or so, Dad gave me a Parker pen exactly like that one. Only it was a pencil that looked like a pen.

'Uncle, is this a pen?'
'It's a pen.'
'Not a pencil?'
'All pens.'
'But I remember it was a pencil...'
'...it's a pen, lah...'

I think I irritated the uncle... cannot be I remember wrongly right? 10 year-olds have little uses for pens during my era. Anyway I found a photo on the lovely internet, see, Parker pen and pencil looking exactly the same. I loved that pencil very much, my Dad had specially engraved it for me. I think it was quite costly then. Cross pens were in too for the similar category range, but I really didn't like their ink coming out and the painted part flakes after a while. Parker is the best, lor. Can't seem to find their old school pens selling anywhere anymore.
My lovely pen. I feel quite happy looking at it. On my 'note' book (the irony.) And it was only left in red (last 2) and my old pencil was this color too!

I must go find my old school pencil. Oh man, now I feel like buying up the whole range. *controls insane urge to run over to Old Airport Road now*

Some history:
http://www.penbox.co.uk/jotter.history.htm

Today I thought about Christmas and I remembered what we did last year, it was an unplanned trip up to Melaka. Due to our friends who had their transport canceled at the last minute, we drove them up and had the bonus of nice company and free lodging as well! Quite paiseh but all the hotels in the area were fully booked! And we had satisfied my craving for the longkang burger, he satisfy his cravings for gazillion chicken feet dimsum...(the sate celup craving remained unsatisfied up till this date) we took requisite photos in front of a christmas tree, etc. So a small town christmas is something that I really look forward to instead of the mad rush and scary crowds type.

I really wonder when I will get to enjoy such moments again.

scrapbooking continuously

2010-11-14T22:50:00.005+08:00

Whee! Am inspired by the type of chipboard that is not... square. I have two square ones, anyone wants to take them off my hands?! I really can't be inspired in a square!

Here's (one of) my ongoing projects. For those who want to print mini photos in fours for a theme, it's done at Ang Mo Kio Central near the Koi bubble tea. The photos are instant and it's $2.50. I've been to almost ALL photo shops and this quality is decent. Plus I like the size. I now have lots of lace from the traditional craft shops, and some small papers in the floral vintage theme I heart.

This looks similar to the previous but it's actually much bigger and cheaper! I joined two papers which sort of matched and I like checks and florals together then stick the lace to hide the line.
Later, the sides need to be sandpapered off to clear the jagged cut edges. Can use normal nail file, the black side.

Then I stamped the hearts (which will not really be visible after the photos are being put on), made a tag, put gloss on the flowers. Hesitated a bit on the '6 month'. It's "2 year old", 2 year (not years) so it should be 6 month (not months)? It just seems right not to add the 's' although we are so used to saying it (months...years...DAYS!!!). Ah well.

This project is going to be something simpler with 3 photos (I decided on 3)and hopefully not so many things jutting out from the sides...It's about done actually! Just need to add some flowers and bubbles and ribbons, all the fun fun fun stuff that is so therapeutic to do!
And the end product... ... ...???

TO BE CONTINUED ON THE NEXT PUBLIC HOLIDAY, 2 days from now.
This hobby is turning out to be more expensive than I thought, but still cheaper than spending a day outside in sg! Anyone needs random material please feel free to take from me! Those who have birthdays coming up... no promises, but I will try to make something. Must make first for those whose birthdays have already passed. Jonathan is the next project. LOL!

So here was the initial design I made for 'first day'. The quote is a decal. In my opinion decals are expensive and a pain to affix. This one does suit the color and the theme though.

Close up of the bottom and top. I really like the pale yellow glitter ribbon. It does not look like much on the photo but it gives a special feel to the whole 'atmosphere'. The brown words were an after thought, we actually wrote those places we wanted to go during our first days... and we did go to most, if not all the places we wanted to enjoy. It's very meaningful for couples to keep a journal or scrapbook of sorts of silly thoughts and memories. Now that I'm scrapbooking, very regret never keep all the movie ticket stubs, souvenirs from eating places, etc etc... Very regret!

I really love it!

presentation

2010-11-12T11:37:00.002+08:00

It's always interesting to me when people, as they usually do, like to discuss other people's relationship and sometimes quote their words out of context. Similar to Bible quoting people who often make the mistake of proclaiming a verse without noting the context, the intent, to whom it was written for, and written by who... ... this goes the same for people very quickly categorizing someone's ex-girlfriend as the 'unreasonable' type, for instance. The said man goes to ex-girlfriend's place and presents her with nice gifts to appease her recent frustration about him neglecting her needs of quantity time. Instead of being appeased, she is incensed and say ' Do you think your expensive branded gifts can buy me over? You can forget it!' Guy is puzzled, irate, frustrated. Well-meaning friends tell him to forget this bitch and move on, you can always find someone better.

All I gotta say is probably the APPROACH in which he presents his appeasement to the subject is already a recipe for disaster, nevermind who's right and who's wrong in this scenario.

If he said 'Come on la sweetheart, don't be angry with me anymore, see what I bought for you', any irritated-already lass would be even more irritated. 'See, I came all the way to your house downstairs and spend many hours buying this expensive branded gift for you'. The girl would be enraged, seriously.

The approach matters, in many situations. Wheedling or coaxing only works on small children or some adults with the mentality of kids - kidults. You know those act cute people. But only they are not act cute.... they are real cute! No, I'm not judging anybody. They are enjoyable to bring to places like kid's birthday parties or zoos. Like what I heard at the zoo last time: "See...! What is that animal? It's Alex!! See kids, Alex! Say hi to Alex!"

It only dawned on me a few seconds later that 'Alex' is the 'lion' in Madagascar and not even a real lion, its a cartoon. So now all lion's names are 'Alex', makes you wonder what kind of adult the kid will grow up into... ...

Talking about Alex, I miss him. I missmissmiss miss him. I just want to say that endlessly.

The man, not the lion.

sense

2010-11-09T15:44:00.003+08:00

I want to dispense some common sense advice for those who are lacking, haha!

Actually, some people are in the habit of asking people things and the answer is not something they want to hear, OR are not even interested in the answer. Why ask, then? I'm sure you know of those. The questions asked often range from 'what happened?', to 'what should I do now?' and being nice and helpful I offer then intricate explanations... which I'm sure you can tell by now, only falls on deaf ears. And they have the same issue the very next day. Which means, to me, that they refuse to get out of their issues because being intelligent and capable, they can easily get out of it if they want to. But they sadistically let it drag on. Oh well, it's not for me to judge... ...

So my advice, if you are feeling depressed, take antidepressants. Our medical institutions are the best in the region.
If you can't sleep, read the Bible.
If you are feeling lonely, don't call me out to drain me with your lonesome thoughts.... go and exercise or massage or manicure or take a class or watch tv for goodness' sake. Watch youtube videos. Write a poem.

Ok, will make this rant short.

Scrapbooking is addictive. Also a test of willpower. Cuz all the alphabets and pretty flowers and vintage things are calling my name. And they are pretty expensive to boot. Well, it's fun to make things for friends. Next project shall be a belated birthday project... =) for the next holiday! At least I'm spending my time doing something worthwhile!

first scrapbook project

2010-11-07T20:59:00.015+08:00

Oh, I finally gave in to the scrapbooking bug!
After resisting the urges to walk into those scrapbook shops, I finally decided to start on some small projects what with the 'long' weekend and as usual, wanting to stay far from the madding crowd. Most of the stuff I bought from papermarket, ribbons from prints, I had the glossy accents previously. The mini photos are printed in shalom colorlab at brasbasah. Have to wait for a day but I'd say it's much much better than instant-print. If you want the photos to have gorgeous color!

I got the idea to do 'flags' or 'buntings' from greenweddingshoes, here are some buntings on wedding cakes and it's a nice celebratory feel and really easy to make, just cut out triangles and paste it on a ribbon. I made different ones...

So here are the 'triangles'. I'm not a sucker for measuring everything so all of them are different sized and I love the vintage paper. Using copper colored alphabets. And the cardstock is already having the paper pasted on it...comes in pack of 2. Used one for bestie project, our photos of melbourne last year... and another to remember me-and-Alex-moments.

Oh, not forgetting...glitter! I think glitter is such a lovely thing to use! Reminds me of school days where we get glitter everywhere. I'm quite stingy to buy the expensive branded glitter so I just used this tub of gold one I bought for mom's usage. I also like the flowers and had to literally restraint self control and only chose one pack to buy!

Doing the layout... I realized that putting two photos is a challenge. One is just nice actually. But of course it was two of us. I printed many spare photos also (Photo Uncle likes me, he charge me half price so I can print many many!) And I also realized that both the 'people' in the photo must be of same size. Somehow it just looks weird if one person is 'smaller' than the other.
The 'flags' with the glitter and the words, they will look '3d' which is a look I like, if folded on top and later a thick ribbon is added below.

The thickness will add extra dimension and then they will fold upwards and curved out by itself.
Next, a background for the word 'road'. No space to make 'flags' this time, but I did use 'flags' for both words on the following project.

I used a brown paper, crumpled it, pasted a tag on it and the silk ribbon over, once again creates a 3d effect...

Here is the layout, almost complete. I changed the flowers and added some vintage flowers at the side to look more interesting. And the photos looked better when the one with me is below instead. The flowers at the side (yellow and pink) as mentioned, are just normal scrapbook square paper. I put the 'glossy accents' on the petals, looks like glue and has shiny effect.

Closeups of top and bottom half. Butterfly donated by sister. Black diamantes is from those handphone sticker, words on top is a decal, also donated. Haha! She has an enviable trove of scrapbook materials. There's basically no space left ANYWHERE. My style la.

How it looks like under daylight and flourescent light. Strangely yellowish although my light is white.
Another project idea... using decals and two flag-lines.

Waiting 50 years for love

2010-10-29T14:04:00.002+08:00

http://www.divaasia.com/article/11267

A love story that had its beginnings in 1953 Hangzhou, survives personal and political upheavals, to come to fruition decades later. Liu Zhihua reports

It was in the autumn of 1953 that Danny Li met Yuan Dibao in Hangzhou, Zhejiang province, and fell in love. But fate intervened forcing the pair to live on two different continents for 54 years. Miraculously, in May, the couple came together again and got married in September.

Their story became a hot news on Chinese newspapers and TV stations. Netizens declared their love "was the purest in the world".

"It was like a dream. I never expected to see him ever again," 83-year-old Li says.

Li was born in Beijing in 1927, to a French mother and Chinese father.

At the age of 24, she became one of the youngest teachers of Zhejiang Medical College at Hangzhou, and became well known for her mastery of four languages - Chinese, English, Russian and French.

In 1953, Yuan Dibao, a handsome 25-year-old freshman entered her life.

Yuan was the class monitor, and the best student in Li's Russian language class. He was brilliant and diligent, earning full scores on most quizzes and exams.

"He was a good person, very nice to others. All the students and teachers liked him very much," Li says.

As Li began to learn more about Yuan, she discovered they had a lot in common. Her warm feelings for him evolved into love.

Despite the prejudice against a relationship between a teacher and student, they grew close.

Only Li's parents knew what was happening. Every time Yuan went to Li's office, ostensibly to ask for help with studies, they would arrange their after-class dates.

The city of Hangzhou was witness to their sweet love story.

Yuan would often walk Li home and stay for a while. Her parents were open about their fondness for this polite and charming young man.

While Li was in paradise, Yuan was torn between happiness and guilt.

"I sensed he was holding back something, but didn't pay much attention," Li tells China Daily.

What Li didn't know then was that Yuan was married.

Yuan was already 25 when he was finally admitted to college in 1953. He was considered well past the age for marriage in his hometown, Gulangyu Islet in Xiamen, Fujian province. Arranged by his family, he married his sister's friend.

A year went by but Yuan said nothing about his marriage to Li.

In 1954, before moving with his school to Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province in Southwest China, he finally summoned the courage and told her he had a wife - a woman toward whom he felt morally responsible and cared for until her death.

Li was shocked. Although she loved Yuan, the couple broke up.

"I had no choice. We couldn't build our happiness on the misfortune of another innocent woman," Li says.

They never saw one another after that.

In 1956, Li left for Lyon, France, with her mother. The father joined them in 1962.

Before leaving China, Li wrote to Yuan informing him of her departure.

To her surprise, she received not one but several letters over the next few days. The couple then began to keep in touch through mail.

Letters from Li reached Yuan's workplace, and he kept them at a relative's place to hide them from his wife.

"His letters were a great comfort to me in those days," Li says.

Her new life was hard.

She not only struggled to survive in a society that was strange to her and refused to recognize her diplomas and certificates, but also experienced culture shock.

Li learnt shorthand and typewriting, and finally found a job as a secretary in an international trade company.

Meanwhile, Yuan graduated and started working in Xiamen.

In their letters, the couple seldom mentioned their hardships. Yuan shared with Li his happiness over becoming a father, and Li sent him tins of baby milk powder and clothes, knowing that those were days of scarcity in China.

When the "cultural revolution" (1966-1976) started, Li's letters began to be returned. To avoid causing any trouble to Yuan, she stopped writing to him.

But Li could not forget him.

"I could not start a new relationship, although there were many who knocked on my door. I found his love for me most earnest, and felt no one else could match that," she says.

In 1976, as soon as she was sure it was safe, Li wrote to Yuan's workplace as before. But that letter, too, was returned.

She didn't know Yuan's workplace had changed; he had informed her of that in a letter he managed to send out in 1973, but it never reached Li.

The next contact between them occurred 45 years later, in May, 2010.

During the Spring Festival (in late February), Ouyang Luying, Yuan's third daughter-in-law came to know from a relative (the one who helped Yuan hide Li's letters) that her father-in-law had once dated a beautiful foreign teacher.

"When he told me the story I was deeply touched; my mother-in-law had died in 1994, so I encouraged him to write a letter."

Although Yuan often visited the places in Hangzhou that he and Li used to frequent, he never expected to resume contact with her.

Ouyang awakened all his deep memories. He stayed up late for several days to pen five letters.

Besides six short sentences expressing his wishes for good health in Chinese to Li, Yuan also wrote in English to her relatives lest she was dead, saying that he was a student and friend of Li and wanted to know where she was.

He sent out one letter every other day; if he didn't receive a reply to any of them, he decided, that would be the end of the matter.

At last, a letter arrived from France.

With trembling hands, Li opened it. Seeing the familiar handwriting, he thought, "Thank god! She's alive!"

The envelope contained a photo of Li and a three-page letter. In it Li took Yuan through all that had happened in her life.

In 1974, nine years after their last correspondence, Li earned the equivalent of a Master's in Chinese and soon got a job as a Chinese teacher at Jean Moulin - Lyon 3 University on condition that she would earn her doctorate within 10 years - a condition she fulfilled in 1979.

She retired in 1992 as an associated professor from the university, and then worked as vice-president in a non-profit organization that helped the university's Chinese students.

She remained single and lived alone in a house her grandparent left her after her parents died.

On May 1, she saw Yuan's letter waiting for her when she returned home. "I didn't reply immediately, because I couldn't believe it was true," Li says.

She sat with his letter in the yard from noon till midnight. When the next day brought another letter, Li was finally convinced this was no dream.

The couple started exchanging letters as before. Sometimes, with help from Ouyang, they would talk over the phone but preferred letters as Yuan suffers a mild hearing loss.

"Ouyang called me 'Danny Mom' during her first phone call. I had never been called mom before. I can't describe how I felt!" Li says.

A month later, Yuan invited Li to Xiamen, and said it was up to her whether she wanted to live with him or just visit.

When Li flew to Xiamen, Yuan and the family met her at the airport. Yuan held a bunch of 55 roses.

Li accepted Yuan's offer of marriage, and they registered their wedding on Sept 21, the day before the Mid-Autumn Festival, traditionally a time for family reunions in China.

Yuan's sons held a big wedding ceremony for them on Sept 26.

Li and Yuan now live in the third son's house. Every morning they take a stroll on the beach, hand in hand.

"What is gone is gone; we want to be with each other for the rest of our lives. I have poor sight, and he has a problem with hearing.

"I'm his ears, and he is my eyes," Li says.

things that impact us

2010-10-28T12:18:00.002+08:00

I've been meaning to go on a solo trip recently, but the daily 'important' things in life hinder us from just taking off. I was looking at the calendar today, and x weekend I signed up for a class, there are other female things to do like hair appointments, face appointments and the like... it seems that the only free time is 3 weeks later! XXX. I find it amazing how we like to fill up our little bitsy pieces of time by thinking of things we 'need' to do... and not things we 'want' to do. I forgot to make time to go to the gym even, or to take a day for myself to read a book at the beach, or even catch up with the old classmates and ex-colleagues i've been meaning to. It's been ages since I did any of those.

Daily, I see somebody going through a pretty rough patch in his life. I don't dare say I will be able to survive what he's been through. And some days are pretty rough I can imagine. Despite that, he shows enough consideration to not vent the frustrations on the people around him. And I can't say that for most people. Isn't it ironic that when we break into pieces we use the pieces to cut the people around us who mean the most to us? Why we we get hurt, we just become so selfish and make loved ones hurt too, or just make them look bad? I think it's that side of us that becomes vindictive. Oh, 'pity me, for I am hurt'... ... It's too easy for us to behave that way at times. If only all of us showed more consideration to make other's worlds a more beautiful place to live and work in. I'm actually impressed and touched that despite the rough patch, we can still make the work environment a lovely place to be in, and give each other strength to last yet another day in this monstrous world.