What is your definition of success?
Realised that so many people are talking about this topic. Even Church has a series on it. Success. Getting to mean so many things to so many people today.
Previously when I was young, Singaporeans' definition of success is the 5Cs. Cash, Credit Card, Car, Condo, Country Clubs. Many took up golf just because it defines your social status. I remember long luxurious holidays in Malaysia, soaking up the sun on beaches with white sands... Whether or not you can afford weekend golfing trips. How many cards you had - being approved by Amex was a big thing, and even bigger was a supp card (for us underaged then...)
Now the word success means so much more.
Cutie asked me two days ago : Am I a failure?
I replied emphatically, YES! But your definition of having failed determines your success. Read about so many people failing and failing and yet, they are respected. Because of their attitude towards failure. My Trainer, P.Gordon, says that he is not concerned for those who have not reached success yet. He is more concerned for those who have their successes too easily.
One of the few friends from college I keep in touch with is getting married this year. Minh was the top student of my year 2 class who scored top distinctions. But to the horror of most of us (and to the glee of some), she quit in second year to work for awhile. Not enough money to carry on her studies. After working for two years, she went back to school and graduated near the top. During her work stint, she met a nice guy and fell in love, and they are getting married. Minh has only worked a year. Same age as me, she is now saving hard for her wedding.
Tough life? I would think so. But Minh never complains, when others get their new clothes and comfy life so easy, and she has to work so hard and scrimp every penny for it. Her mother is a seamstress and her father sharpens scissors for a living. Yet she is the most positive, optimistic girl I've ever known. I remember the time when she volunteered to photostat some history notes for the whole class - a heavy stack of them. No one else would do the dirty deed. I helped her, it felt good to do something for people without being appreciated... And when times were hard, I encouraged her with kind words. She never thinks about herself, always helping others. I'm glad for the time I managed to be able to help her in some reports - an expertise I always had, now an asset for helping others. Getting married is no easy thing, especially when there are so many burdens on your mind. I wish her true happiness...
Success. I think that failure make you successful. Big Boss once said, someone should know (when they are successful), what made them successful. Otherwise they are not truly successful.
I wonder how many more failures are there for me? One thing I know for sure, no more failed relationships! haha.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
We make a great team!
Very excited.
Me and the nice guy I've dated just started a blog... Not to write to each other those lovey-dovey sweet nothings (There, I'm cringing again!), just to pen down what is in our hearts, introspectively. Someone I can share anything to without much anxiety of him being immensely weighed down by all the deep sordid stuff, nor too emotionally affected. It's called "Meeting at the intersections" - a prayed that was prayed by someone and affirmed by us, from the start,
www.meetingattheintersections.blogspot.com
On my online forum, I think (or hope) my views have been respected...was pleased to receive a email from someone who asked my opinion on his relationship.
He wrote:
Hi!Thanks for responding to my post.
I hope not to be shitting on you as it may come out to be, so well, I will not unload everything on you. Or I hope not to!!!
Anyways, I have been after this woman for about 1/2 year already and well, we connected well since the beginning and it's not an initial thing as we have very much the same thing today and it's a lot deeper.
Thing is, she has depression and it makes it very hard for her to make a commitment towards us and well, in every other way she shows agreement but here she shys away. I know why and it's hard to live with I suppose.
But I am not giving up and well..... Anyways, I would like to know if you have friends like that? Who have been hurt before badly and now finds it hard to trust again. What did it take to overcome it?
It's all a little sketchy isn't it?
Anyway, I hope to hear from you. And u have a very good day!
regards, X.
And I replied:
Hey!
No worries.. I don't claim to be an expert of such matters, but maybe I just like to help people and offer my 2 cents' worth of advice.
You mentioned the girl in question has depression, is it being clinically treated? In my church I have had the opportunity to help some depressed people - and I was also depressed myself recently. It's very heartbreaking for me, because some of them could not snap out of it by THEMSELVES. First hand, my best friend(guy) 's ex girlfriend committed suicide because of her depression issues about a year ago. If you believe in God, I personally believe that depression cannot be treated by counseling alone, it must have a spiritual side to help to CURe it. Medicine does not work. Medicine only supresses. Talking it out does not work. The relief/results is only temporary and it will come back.
Only through God's help can anyone overcome depression.
For those who have been hurt before ... Humm... I believe everyone, even those who have never been in a relationship before, have emotional 'baggages' in their lives. Some more, some less... it's a matter of accepting that u have this issue and wanting to get rid of it. Thru out our lives, we have accumulated a lot of 'clutter' along the way. No matter what the issue is, you have pointed it out to her, she has to decide if she is going to live with it her entire life, or not. This is a decision only she can make for herself.
I'm glad that she has found someone who loves her enough to try to understand her problems and is willing to walk them thru. Your not giving up attitude is inspiring.
And... the nice guy I'm dating, replied:
I believe you are probably surprised how i get to know about your email and even responding to it..well, just to offer some suggestion if i'm welcomed.
sorry to hear about your situation with your girl or girl -to-be in any aspect, depression is never a person's choice or it can be as well. confusing as it may seem but its not exactly that difficult if sorted out carefully.
lets put in plain words, we are blessed with a thinking process and we are also blessed with emotions to feel and shower feelings. experiencing with these gifts can often time bring about joys and sometime pains as well. In fact, your girl is definitely not the only one who is in such a state, be it mild or severe - its still a state for concern and snapping outta it is important and it will help if the person involved is willing to keep an open heart and open mind about things around her/him.
i had also been wrapped up in multiple depression as well, be it from emotional setbacks or career challenges. and not matter how i prayed and try to snap outta it i can never, never...and i realised through a prayer and soul searching session, i had a revelation aka mental breakthrough of the term depressions - which is when you put emotions into your problem and everything just get gel up and thus matters gets worse or even outta hand.
I begun practicing to separate emotions and problems, even those heartbreaking ones and i must say it helps like no other ways. I.E if its a breakup and you cant handle it, separate your mind/thinking process from the emotional pains and solve this heartache like a cold issue...i practice it and it worked!!! well, you may say its takes the mind to know how the heart feels, yes you are not wrong..i had that struggle and i will suggest to isolate that part of your heart to single out the issue/s and take it out or simple 'kill' it. very academic it may seem but i bet you i works better than dwelling in it which it will become a mega snowball which will overrun the person.
In short, be a friend to her, listen and guide her. for now, just put your intentions aside, if you truly care for her well being because at this point in time, she needs an assuring friend more than she would in a boyfriend. Intentions and any romantic acts or words will only remind her of her fears and separates you both further than you can ever imagine.
Take care my friend.
Cheers!!
=)
Isn't that what I call an empowering couple ministry... can imagine we offer this service to people around us...In my opinion, we make a great team!
Me and the nice guy I've dated just started a blog... Not to write to each other those lovey-dovey sweet nothings (There, I'm cringing again!), just to pen down what is in our hearts, introspectively. Someone I can share anything to without much anxiety of him being immensely weighed down by all the deep sordid stuff, nor too emotionally affected. It's called "Meeting at the intersections" - a prayed that was prayed by someone and affirmed by us, from the start,
www.meetingattheintersections.blogspot.com
On my online forum, I think (or hope) my views have been respected...was pleased to receive a email from someone who asked my opinion on his relationship.
He wrote:
Hi!Thanks for responding to my post.
I hope not to be shitting on you as it may come out to be, so well, I will not unload everything on you. Or I hope not to!!!
Anyways, I have been after this woman for about 1/2 year already and well, we connected well since the beginning and it's not an initial thing as we have very much the same thing today and it's a lot deeper.
Thing is, she has depression and it makes it very hard for her to make a commitment towards us and well, in every other way she shows agreement but here she shys away. I know why and it's hard to live with I suppose.
But I am not giving up and well..... Anyways, I would like to know if you have friends like that? Who have been hurt before badly and now finds it hard to trust again. What did it take to overcome it?
It's all a little sketchy isn't it?
Anyway, I hope to hear from you. And u have a very good day!
regards, X.
And I replied:
Hey!
No worries.. I don't claim to be an expert of such matters, but maybe I just like to help people and offer my 2 cents' worth of advice.
You mentioned the girl in question has depression, is it being clinically treated? In my church I have had the opportunity to help some depressed people - and I was also depressed myself recently. It's very heartbreaking for me, because some of them could not snap out of it by THEMSELVES. First hand, my best friend(guy) 's ex girlfriend committed suicide because of her depression issues about a year ago. If you believe in God, I personally believe that depression cannot be treated by counseling alone, it must have a spiritual side to help to CURe it. Medicine does not work. Medicine only supresses. Talking it out does not work. The relief/results is only temporary and it will come back.
Only through God's help can anyone overcome depression.
For those who have been hurt before ... Humm... I believe everyone, even those who have never been in a relationship before, have emotional 'baggages' in their lives. Some more, some less... it's a matter of accepting that u have this issue and wanting to get rid of it. Thru out our lives, we have accumulated a lot of 'clutter' along the way. No matter what the issue is, you have pointed it out to her, she has to decide if she is going to live with it her entire life, or not. This is a decision only she can make for herself.
I'm glad that she has found someone who loves her enough to try to understand her problems and is willing to walk them thru. Your not giving up attitude is inspiring.
And... the nice guy I'm dating, replied:
I believe you are probably surprised how i get to know about your email and even responding to it..well, just to offer some suggestion if i'm welcomed.
sorry to hear about your situation with your girl or girl -to-be in any aspect, depression is never a person's choice or it can be as well. confusing as it may seem but its not exactly that difficult if sorted out carefully.
lets put in plain words, we are blessed with a thinking process and we are also blessed with emotions to feel and shower feelings. experiencing with these gifts can often time bring about joys and sometime pains as well. In fact, your girl is definitely not the only one who is in such a state, be it mild or severe - its still a state for concern and snapping outta it is important and it will help if the person involved is willing to keep an open heart and open mind about things around her/him.
i had also been wrapped up in multiple depression as well, be it from emotional setbacks or career challenges. and not matter how i prayed and try to snap outta it i can never, never...and i realised through a prayer and soul searching session, i had a revelation aka mental breakthrough of the term depressions - which is when you put emotions into your problem and everything just get gel up and thus matters gets worse or even outta hand.
I begun practicing to separate emotions and problems, even those heartbreaking ones and i must say it helps like no other ways. I.E if its a breakup and you cant handle it, separate your mind/thinking process from the emotional pains and solve this heartache like a cold issue...i practice it and it worked!!! well, you may say its takes the mind to know how the heart feels, yes you are not wrong..i had that struggle and i will suggest to isolate that part of your heart to single out the issue/s and take it out or simple 'kill' it. very academic it may seem but i bet you i works better than dwelling in it which it will become a mega snowball which will overrun the person.
In short, be a friend to her, listen and guide her. for now, just put your intentions aside, if you truly care for her well being because at this point in time, she needs an assuring friend more than she would in a boyfriend. Intentions and any romantic acts or words will only remind her of her fears and separates you both further than you can ever imagine.
Take care my friend.
Cheers!!
=)
Isn't that what I call an empowering couple ministry... can imagine we offer this service to people around us...In my opinion, we make a great team!
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Big Five Test Results
Extroversion
62%
Orderliness
40%
Emotional Stability
82%
Accommodation
64%
Inquisitiveness
62%
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:
Extroversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Emotional Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Accommodation results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex).
Inquisitiveness results were moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
Extroversion
62%
Orderliness
40%
Emotional Stability
82%
Accommodation
64%
Inquisitiveness
62%
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:
Extroversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Emotional Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Accommodation results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex).
Inquisitiveness results were moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Head over heels
God's timing - the right timing. - Luke 01
Did not really want to blog words this month, but some things cannot be left unwritten in the journal of my life.
And, I am falling in love.
How is it possible, I might ask myself. A believer of rationality, I forsake my core thinker mode and let my emotions take rein of me. The person in question, a really sweet chap who charmed his way into my heart with his character and the way he loves God. How is it possible, that I would even consider something like this - if someone had told me this would happen, I'd laugh my head off. But in God's mysterious ways and wonderful timing, He allowed a little romance to come into my life - and now I am helplessly, beaming, tenderly, head over heels in love with someone special.
I knew exactly why he came into my life at this point of time. For me, reasons unknown, have always thought that I liked guys which were the 'engineer' pattern type. For years, I've been looking in the wrong direction only to realise recently that this pattern definitely do not like my type. You know. A bit toot and wears checked shirts. Quiet, analytical, computer people.
But recently, as I venture out into the corporate arena I realised that actually I'm attracted to extroverts with a dynamic personality. I always liked younger guys, younger than me even, but only recently I began to be more open towards older ones. Slowly, God is moving me to break even the tiny mindsets which I never knew I had. I asked God many times over the last year, why did I have these encounters which caused me to be so... strung up, so wound up... and now, I realised, it's to prepare me for the best one.
At the start of the year, I knew it's THIS YEAR that I wanted someone. Specifically I remember what I told my cell to pray for me. To pray for me, to fall in love with someone I can spend the rest of my life with. In the Leaders' cell, I shared to the group something which I had never shared before. My last relationship, 5 years ago. We had committed to each other promises we could never fulfil. I thought it best to go separate ways after 911. Now, I was in no-man's land. Literally. Though guy friends were plentiful, none were suitable. So, we prayed. And I remember something about 'meeting at the intersections' - Pel prayed, with others agreeing. Some found it strange that I would be so concerned about this matter - after all, I am on the young side, in fact many would say, 'still young, la'... Somehow I knew that this year, I wanted something to happen, and I was ready for it, though I could not possibly imagine how it could happen. This is one of the three 'big' prayer requests for my life this year.
And I met a nice guy.
Someone who is everything I've ever dreamed about and even wants to live in a shophouse.
He touched my heart when he shared that he prayed to God telling Him this is the girl he wanted to marry.
He touched my soul when he shared about his love for God, and feelings for me.
In matters of the heart I cannot say that I am fully experienced or know totally what I am feeling. But I believe that... God, this person is the best one for me.
je savais que je voulais l'epouser quand j'ai place la premiere fois mes yeux sur lui.
=)
Did not really want to blog words this month, but some things cannot be left unwritten in the journal of my life.
And, I am falling in love.
How is it possible, I might ask myself. A believer of rationality, I forsake my core thinker mode and let my emotions take rein of me. The person in question, a really sweet chap who charmed his way into my heart with his character and the way he loves God. How is it possible, that I would even consider something like this - if someone had told me this would happen, I'd laugh my head off. But in God's mysterious ways and wonderful timing, He allowed a little romance to come into my life - and now I am helplessly, beaming, tenderly, head over heels in love with someone special.
I knew exactly why he came into my life at this point of time. For me, reasons unknown, have always thought that I liked guys which were the 'engineer' pattern type. For years, I've been looking in the wrong direction only to realise recently that this pattern definitely do not like my type. You know. A bit toot and wears checked shirts. Quiet, analytical, computer people.
But recently, as I venture out into the corporate arena I realised that actually I'm attracted to extroverts with a dynamic personality. I always liked younger guys, younger than me even, but only recently I began to be more open towards older ones. Slowly, God is moving me to break even the tiny mindsets which I never knew I had. I asked God many times over the last year, why did I have these encounters which caused me to be so... strung up, so wound up... and now, I realised, it's to prepare me for the best one.
At the start of the year, I knew it's THIS YEAR that I wanted someone. Specifically I remember what I told my cell to pray for me. To pray for me, to fall in love with someone I can spend the rest of my life with. In the Leaders' cell, I shared to the group something which I had never shared before. My last relationship, 5 years ago. We had committed to each other promises we could never fulfil. I thought it best to go separate ways after 911. Now, I was in no-man's land. Literally. Though guy friends were plentiful, none were suitable. So, we prayed. And I remember something about 'meeting at the intersections' - Pel prayed, with others agreeing. Some found it strange that I would be so concerned about this matter - after all, I am on the young side, in fact many would say, 'still young, la'... Somehow I knew that this year, I wanted something to happen, and I was ready for it, though I could not possibly imagine how it could happen. This is one of the three 'big' prayer requests for my life this year.
And I met a nice guy.
Someone who is everything I've ever dreamed about and even wants to live in a shophouse.
He touched my heart when he shared that he prayed to God telling Him this is the girl he wanted to marry.
He touched my soul when he shared about his love for God, and feelings for me.
In matters of the heart I cannot say that I am fully experienced or know totally what I am feeling. But I believe that... God, this person is the best one for me.
je savais que je voulais l'epouser quand j'ai place la premiere fois mes yeux sur lui.
=)
Sunday, April 02, 2006
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