the value of.

I've learnt to live a little, the kind of 'lifestyle' I've always wanted, that includes:

Eating olives (makes me happy!) Else, bubble tea gives the same temporary high...but I guess olives goes a longer way. And I'm unsure if it's my imagination but it does give me better skin. Either that or the Korean type sheet mask with 'My Melody' cartoon on the packaging that does it...

Doing more artistic stuff (Went to see the Warhol exhibition, also, 'Wicked!', not really into musicals but it was a nice day out.)

Still reading non-fiction, trying to squeeze in as much reading time during lunch breaks and before going to sleep...

Having a mocha on Friday evenings (Reason being, I can't sleep well after caffeine, but I love coffee, so, sleeping late on a Friday night, I can accomplish many things too. Whee.) And it's nice to catch a friend in that cosy coffee place I love.

I've also learnt that I am quite a procastinator and I am quite led by colorful stuffs, namely, clothes. (Oh, H&M...)

I've also learnt that...
Sometimes, what I want may be what I wanted but not what I will want.

Actually, I'm trying to be not-at-all proactive and see what Life throws my way and some of the surprises are pretty good, I must say. Well, I had initiative in some sense, but still, trying to be as honest and open as I can. I do have people judging me constantly but am trying to take it all in with a smile.

Was talking about how some people are 'hard to read' and heck, I can't even read myself at times... ... so how to 'read' others... heh heh. Meanwhile I am obsessed with typifying people and categorizing people into stereotypes. I am often happily proven wrong but continue on this path stubbornly.

So here are my short-term goals:

1. Save money to travel.
(by not buying clothes. Avoid malls like the plague. And not buying 'meat' in economy rice...)In fact, making people treat me to stuff. I am actually naturally gifted in this. People give me free things all the time.

2. Learn Czech.
Been at it for months actually, but reached a very basic plateau. So now frustrating myself with spanish songs (They are lovely!) and trying to translate them without anyone to tell me if it makes sense or not. People say I have a natural tongue to pronounce european sounding languages so I should make the best of it =)... kdyz... prstu...

3. Go Travel.
I am so lucky that the only thing holding me back is the lack of money because I realised that I can quit my job anytime and find back a similar job anytime that pays me about the same. Such is IT recruitment. (I did not say it pays well.)


And why do I want to... travel more, for instance.
Well, I realised the value of an interesting life.
And people who set goals are way more interesting than those who don't.

So this is a note from present me to future me (sometime later this year.)

I hope I remember what I set out to do!

I needed a hug...

I'm facing a bit of a pessimistic ending to the romance of last year. Mystery Guy seems to be wavering, and as it is, I know I'll miss the way I can be truthful about what I'm feeling to him, miss the way we neurotically enjoy some types of food, the essence of 'us', that seems but an impossible dream.

As always, I urged him to only remember the happy moments.
It was a rainy day, a long day we spent together, from visiting some rentals, to enjoying an exhibition, a little adventure on the luge, and ending with me falling ill with nauseated throwing up. =(

The happiest part of that day was, for me, when, after lunch, we had to traverse the road from the foodcourt to the exhibition...and as it was drizzling, he suddenly whipped out his newspaper and folded a paper hat for me, so that I wouldn't get wet.
I folded one for him too.
And we both wore our paper hats to the MRT toilet and all (knowing there's about 40 cameras watching our every move)... of course, lots of people looked, but we didn't care, we were in our imaginary world, where everyone wore paper hats to protect ourselves from the rain.

I was trying to remember, from Thursday, the best part of my day. I was very sad our happy times had to end when reality bites.

At this time, I was reading John Eldredge/Stasi Eldredge 'Wild at Heart / Captivating', J had lent it to me a month back. I was reading the part where John asked God for a whale (he wanted to see it at the sea) and he saw one, and Stasi asked God for something to show that He loved her, too. And God gave her a small starfish and more. I went, 'wow'... in these sad moments, the thing I wanted most was a hug from God.

So I just said a silent prayer that I wanted to feel a hug from God.

And for the next few days, I received things beyond my imagination... that only God knows I would appreciate! I really did not expect that each day, there would be something to look forward to... and I am overwhelmed.

God knows I love coffee... and there was a barista I knew from a long time ago who was the caterer for an event I attended on Friday. It was lovely of him, and unexpected, that he personally did this coffee for me, as his treat! He was the main key person for this event but he took time off to do it for me. Plus it was perfect - hazelnut + vanilla, not too sweet, milky and strong... =)

I had visited this shopkeeper uncle's shop for many years but never bought anything, it is some sort of retro display and for collectors to buy jukeboxes, old fridges, etc. When he saw me, we had a good chat, and suddenly he excitedly told me he wanted to give me something, he took a bunch of glass animals out... wanted to represent my birthyear, but there wasn't any dog, so he just chose something and pressed it into my hand. It was this tiny glass owl! God really knows why I need an owl =) I was so touched! Of course it is probably inexpensive, etc... but... wow.

Sunday, I had half an hour to wait at ECP, so I just chose a spot near the central beach area, alone, with a myriad of thoughts. As I was getting up to leave I realized that while I was there a super tiny baby coconut had dropped directly in front of me. It was unbelievably cute! It brought a smile on my face... and I'm sure it did to many others on my facebook where I posted it =).

Today, I had spent a long day out touring the city, and there was nothing remotely resembling a hug from God. Ah, I thought, maybe not everyday. In fact, I was aching so much to contact Mystery Guy to tell him random stuff.

I found this postcard for me! Sent by a random japanese... My heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I have received over 80 postcards, but never ever a lop rabbit one! And God knows I hold this rabbit close to my heart. Plus, there was an encouragement written behind...'gan ba rou nippon', telling me not to give up (actually, the true meaning is telling the japanese tsunami victims not to give up)... and if they, who have been through so much suffering, did not give up, how could I?

=)

This story continues... ...

so so busy

Interrupting a catnap, I am sooooo bad! It's gonna glare at me.

I have succeeded in the impossible feat of attending 4 interviews in one day.
Yes! And I was inflicted with a sore throat that lasted 4 days.

I had initially scheduled 5 in a day, the day after I got back from my vacation, but after the first one took more than 2 hours, I had to quickly postpone 1, and delay the other 3. I am very touched by people helping me to send my contact and profile to the interested parties. In fact, I had not applied for any of the roles save one. And currently, I am being represented by 3 different headhunters from leading firms, both for inhouse and external roles, despite my relative lack of length of experience, I feel really touched by their supreme confidence because I do not have that for my depth of ability.

I had heard earlier from my colleagues that immediately after I had left, they changed the notice scheme for all employees. From now on, people who leave can only choose to stay 2 weeks' and serve their notice, thus getting paid for it, or, choosing to leave immediately (just declare you are joining a competitor) and forfeit the amount. I'm not sure if it's considered ethical to even change the notice period like that for all employees from prior employees able to get a 2 weeks to one month garden payout... (wouldn't it be?)... perhaps a sign of the tight labor market next year. So, I am the last one to get a paid vacation (garden leave) of 2 weeks and the benefit of encashing my leave too. Woooo.

The days are so filled with interview stages, I have to constantly pick up the phone, do job personality assessments, plus my ongoing volunteer work for labor movement, catching up with friends (after being away I have to meet some people in my life)... that, I hardly have a day to spend on my own, ideally, reading a book in a quiet cafe. Anyway there are no quiet cafes in Singapore... Not to mention, I have neglected scrapbooking for some time, my room is in a perpetual whirlwind, etc, etc. Finally tomorrow I have a whole day to myself, just for myself. I will be attempting 'bouldering' tomorrow, something I have always wanted to do for ages but could never find the time.

I have to keep reminding myself not to rush around, or keep looking at my watch. It's strange that we have a tendency to walk faster and rush around when people around us are doing so, sometimes this is not conducive or productive, we may have missed out several facets we fail to observe in the rushed state of mind. I was contemplating to stop by and browse at a 2nd hand bookstore, and my easily rushed-mode mind was telling me the thing I always say to myself,'the bookstore will not run away, I can always find time to come back again (honestly highly unlikely as it's in an obscure locale), besides, don't I have a few unfinished books?' Then, I literally closed my eyes and stood still right there, and asked myself what would I really like to do when I am not rushing anywhere (And I am not rushing anywhere.) I found two books of the authors I like, Isabel Allende, and one of Irving's (someone was reading it on the train), they are too niche for most mainstream bookstores to carry so I was really stoked to find them. And another one of short stories that won the Orange Prize. It was an enjoyable browsing for the better part of the hour.

And I smiled all the way back as I felt the weight of these books in my bag.

my hands are stained a smurf blue

These days, I feel like I'm going on some sort of adventure that I had not bargained for. And before I get old, too old for this sort of thing, I'm glad that I have had the time to live it up a little.

Unexpectedly, I lost my job. Or rather, it was expected, just that I had not expected it to be so abrupt. For weeks, I had already been anticipating the changes, so I can say that I was not unprepared. However, it was still a blow, to lose something that has already become familiar to you.

So on that very next day I found myself booking a one-way ticket for the first time. I knew where he was, and I knew we would not have many days together. I guess we needed each other, we needed to cheer each other up.

Then, without much thought, I did what people have been doing for ages, traveling through places. After Penang we went to KL, and now in Melaka for the week. I'm glad I'm here. Melaka always provides me with a deep, good sleep, perhaps it's the air or else the sun zaps my energy and I don't have burdensome thoughts, just walking around happily here.

It was a blessing to my heart that I found kind people who helped me along the way, to lift my spirits. I persuaded Uncle Clay to teach me pottery for a day; despite my wonderful art degree, I had never known how to manage a pottery wheel and fashion a lump of clay into a usable object. It was tougher than it looks and my hands were trembling from the day's work. I made two small seaturtles in memory of our huge sandcastle seaturtle we made on our last trip - we did not bring cameras to the beach, so this will serve as a longer keepsake.

Then, I kept speaking to different people in Melaka. A secondhand bookshop owner pointed me to a place I could paint. A shoemaker pointed me to a papercutter I could learn from. I went to paint. The guy who owns the art cafe gave me a piece of wood, surfboard length and half the width. He also gave me oil paints, to my delight. A Penang Uncle who painted on canvases, learnt that I wanted to paint, and generously brought a blank canvas for me, the next day. I did not need to pay a single cent for all these and I was humbled and touched. The canvas was quite a big size and in Singapore we would need to pay a 3 digit amount for it. Yet, he just gave it to me, not even wanting my gratitude. So, for the first time in my life, I started oil painting. I really like to be creative, only it's so expensive and ... I guess we do not really have the time to find time to do it. I painted in silence for hours, while people ate their lunches, drank with their friends. And I loved every single minute of it. The oil colors just melted into the canvas, and each day I couldn't wait to get up and continue my masterpiece. I'm using tones of blue, teal blue to smurf blue. Feeling the paint on the canvas, blending and painting the oils, I did this for hours and it is the best feeling in the world, which I discovered by chance, and I'm so thankful, for having these people in my life. My hair is frizzled here, my skin is dry and tanned, but I have such lovely toned legs, and when I look at the paint stains on my hands (oil is hard to wash out), a smurf blue, I think that I am glad to be here on a two-week paid vacation (my company paid me out, it lessens the pain), and having such an adventure.

One Day.

300-over sms (he counted, technically).
280 facebook messages (I counted).
One Day.
18 hours.

It must all mean something, shouldn't it?

But we'll never meet each other again, and one day, he will forget my name. One day, we'll feel awkward at even the memory of things that transpired. A crazy story we'll never tell anyone. You'll lead your life and I'll lead mine. We will stop and stare in silence at random people who remind us of each other. Perhaps the way they walked, or the exact color of their hair sabotages us into suddenly living that highlighted snippet of a memory that we had never even thought about until, the warm, tingly feelings besmirch us into falling into something we refuse to admit that we had not wanted to sidestep into.

After all, it was only supposed to be a meeting for one day and never again, not again for any good reason.

Otherwise, the distance may be good for both of us. It could be that I had followed my heart, or my lack of common sense. I knew what was going to happen between both of us those few days more, precious days - and I threw myself into it, wholeheartedly! I have never felt so alive; so incredibly, unbelievably happy.

I think of him in the shower. We did everything together, having this strange, familiar feeling that we have been closely acquainted for a long, long time. I know we'll never see each other again, based on the future choices we make. But I choose to meet him. And in essence, he chose me, too. Precious days, perfect moments, incredibly happy at these unexpected circumstances.



We chose each other, just for that one day.

in a split second

I hate to make split-second decisions, but most times, without realizing it, we all do.

Minor decisions - what to eat for lunch, should I buy that nice earring that I fell in love with just 10 seconds ago or walk around the mall one more time, should I walk home or take the bus.

Some less minor decisions may have short-term, or long-er term implications - responding to someone calling to meet you, applying moisturiser religiously on my long legs, booking a flight ticket this or next week and missing out on opportunities or otherwise gaining things I might have missed... ...going to a music event despite being tired, vulnerable and sad... and meeting someone who fell in love with your beautiful eyes in 5 minutes...enjoying things that come your way, and taking any occurrences in stride... making friends who love you enough to tell you schtuff you don't want to hear in your naivete, despite them only knowing you vaguely; and that inspires and humbles you quite a bit... and also forces you to think, think, think... what should I do/feel/act towards another human being in full respect and understanding yet protecting my self-interests, of course!

As always, looking on the bright side of things, I can hardly say that my life is boring. In fact, it seems to have a life of its own... and I am just wanting to sleep for the next 48 hours or so.

==

find what you love - steve jobs

'Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.'

read that today and it was thought-provoking, a good read for us who are 'lost' in the everyday struggle of split seconds.

Read more: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111903596904576520690515394766.html#ixzz1W6FVKho6

snippets in a social week

I was rather spontaneous and came out of my hermit-mode, lately.

On the previous Saturday, was invited by 2 Americans, two of them working here, to go on a touristy walk with one of their visiting friends who's in the US Peace Corps in S.Korea. We had a nice afternoon walk around and I brought a facebook friend who is a Singaporean working in S.Korea and it was his second last day here before he returned. He told us about the '100 day ring' concept in Korea, where a Korean dates a girl for maybe 3 times, and then she is like... confirmed -want-to-marry-him, and on the 100th day, she wears a ring similar to an engagement ring, on her ring finger as a sign. So if you go to Korea you will see many girls wearing this ring. None of us could understand why would she want to commit so fast and ward off other guys so soon.

Saturday evening, the Americans and I went to board game night at a South African lady's place. I invited the Belgianese and he brought a work-mate lady. We had fun learning how to play bananagram, a scrabble-like game, for the first time and he made these words 'sexy youtuber' and everyone wanted to 'document' it because it was so urbanly geeky. For some moments we stood at the window and looked at the city skyline, those sublime moments in comfortable silence watching the night view, as if we had known each other a long time, though we are only acquainted for a few days. This type of feeling always fascinates me. Why some people we meet, instantly seem so much like kindred spirits, others we have known for so long, still seem so strange.

On Monday, drank a bottle of wine with an uncle. He ended up recommending me to his colleagues and I got a deal signed very unexpectedly. And got to meet his Korean colleague later in the week. I don't really need deals in my fulfillment role, but it did feel good to tell my beloved boss about it and hear him say 'well done'.

On Tuesday, caught up with a foreign candidate and introduced him to my kampung. We shared some thoughts over wine, pasta, dessert, a walk. I told him about the thoughts in my heart and he shared his opinion and encouraged me. He too has someone in his heart. But it's on-off and no one knows what the future may bring. We mirrored the look in our eyes, that silly, suffering, wistful, feeling. He's going back to his country, 3 weeks' later - south of ----, where she is, also, but, he will not be meeting her as he told me, as their country is too big. I do hope that they meet, somehow. Love will find a way, when you least expect it. He liked my company so much that he wanted to show me to all his single guy friends, later showing me his photo-roll in his iphone of all the 'foreign talent' guys he knows. This guy is half-English, this guy is Dutch, this guy is German. Which one do you like? I smiled and shook my head at him.

On Thursday, attended my friend's networking event just to catch up with him since I had not seen him since I started work. There were 30 people there and some looked dodgy, some were trying to sell stuff, as usual. But the first chap who talked to me seemed the most interesting, so I asked him to accompany me to my Friday session with Monday Uncle. He agreed. He's from Penang as I later found out, and taught at my school previously.

On Friday, saw Red again at brekkie. The egg mayo sandwiches at the coffee cafe below my building is really nice so many people eat there. He was reading an old novel and I was so so curious to see the title of it that I kept peering at him. Sometime in between 8:35 and 8:45 am, he fell asleep. Either the novel was very boring or he was dead tired. He shut his eyes and nodded off and I was wondering if I should wake him - what if he slept there for hours and was late for work? Lucky for him, he awoke, and sauntered off like nothing happened but I think he was rather embarassed. I sniggered all through brekkie.

Then, went to meet Monday Uncle to thank him for the deal. I was taught to have 6 to 8 touch points for every person I meet, so this is Number Three. Got introduced to a Korean. Who was so excited to meet me and called his friends to tell them about me! Penang chap was rather happy to talk with them and we told them about this event we were going to, to my surprise both of them wanted to follow us. I met a Greek, an American, and 2 Japanese. (Where are all the local blokes?) Was rather impressed by Penang chap who introduced his social enterprise idea and talked rather captivatingly. Later, we went to meet his friends at Dempsey, Selangor chap and Taiwanese chap. All were lengchai... and once again, totally unexpected to have such an evening out.

On Saturday, one of the guys whom I've previously went on dates early this year whatsapped me. He asked me to consider him, to my surprise. He said I was the nicest girl he had ever met. Sigh. But he was looking for a wife, and I was looking for love. He said, who knows, in the future, we might end up together. But I said it was impossible. Honestly I feel nothing for him. And as tactfully as I could, said that there was someone in my heart, a foreign talent. Japanese or Korean? He guessed. I said I was trying to forget, but I cannot, as yet. This guy is not half-bad, a cheerful and simple person who also supported my opposition party. (Plus points, thank you for your vote.) I'm sure he will be able to find a decent lady soon.

On Sunday, I bravely wrote a letter. Finally, coming to terms with what I've always wanted to tell him. As we are friends of some sort, I think it's okay to just say what I feel, for once, and not wanting any 'closure' or any 'call to action', just wanting, I guess, to be able to get out of my reserve and release such thoughts from my heart.

When you fall off a horse, Tuesday candidate said, the best way to recover is to immediately get on another one. (Some gallop faster, some go slower... he continued. I'm not sure if this refers to any innuendos...)

Tell him how you feel. Put up signposts. Many well-meaning people who looked into my eyes and saw the wistfulness in my heart told me, what I needed to hear. I strengthened my resolve and thus, a very surprised guy will receive my innermost thoughts soon. How he will take it, I do not know.

On weekdays

On weekdays, it's all about work. Most days, I'm super exhausted with no one to blame but myself. I'm trying to do, in essence, the work of two people with one body. In an effort to make up for the insipid routine of my past life. Some days I collapse into bed at 8ish; I thought I was nocturnal, but my body has somehow adapted to being up early in the morning while it's still dark, and shutting my eyes before twilight. Having met so many people on working weekdays, my weekends are now quiet, peaceful ones.

On weekends, I think about love. Or rather, allow my mind to deliciously, wander into almost forbidden territory. Taking a solitary walk to the nearby prata shop, order an egg-and-onion; and sweet hot milk tea, and immerse myself in a novel that speaks of love, or the notion of it, set in the 18th century where love, like today, is frail, often temporal, fleeting, momentary. As they write about the moments that imprint themselves into the beloved/lovelorn's mind with deep intensity, I too find myself harkening back to that short, split second where my eyes chanced upon his smile, an almost rakish smile that burst right open into a full, embracing, warm smile from the heart, a sort of indescribable happiness at this intangible moment we shared, for a minute, for that moment. And in unexpected moments, while hanging on for dear life in a crowded train, or while I sit on a bench to rest my feet, that dear image springs to mind, and I forget my senses, and smile back as if Moppet was here. I wished he knew what was written on my heart. But I'd never have the guts to tell!

I wrote(tweeted) earlier this week that; if love came easy for me... ... then I'd never be able to treasure the simple moments of just... walking hand in hand, and without sounding overwhelmingly overwrought, I'd always have taken that for granted otherwise, until I realize how hard it is to find, or for someone to find you, in the midst of the madness that is the everyday sameness of life.

On weekdays, I try to limit myself to one cup of coffee everyday. I found yummy English chips (I am a chips aficionado!!!) and red velvet cake (my latest obsession!!! I never thought that sg sells red velvet cake and maybe one day I will discover crumpets too) at a cafe nearby; and just opposite, curry puffs freshly baked in flavors of potato and egg, chicken, sardine. Piping hot curried potato just smells and tastes heavenly!

Myself and my colleague has taken to mid-morning snacks of curry puffs so often that everyone now knows of their existence. I hate the morning commute, especially during the half eight crunchtime, I literally see people sprinting to their offices, running through the tunnels. Too often for my liking I have been bodily pressed on scruffy looking industrial workers whose knapsacks have never been washed and seem covered in layers of cobwebs and gray schtuff.

Plus, they smell, so I often wake up earlier and reach before crunchtime, sit at the coffee place below my office building and eat a muesli bar and drink my morning cuppa. I have a quiet stranger-companion sitting next to me most mornings. He has a shocking shade of red hair, which made me feel a little sorry for him, and is as tall as Moppet, and I believe from the same country, although he has never so much as uttered a word in my presence. He always orders the same thing, a sandwich, orange juice, coffee, and reads the same magazine from the coffeeshop daily until he recently bought a playbook or one of those pad computer thingys. I start work half and hour earlier than him so we often see each other coming or going; except for that 10 minute overlap of time where we both sit in the same spot.

Immersed as I was in my book reading habit, I scarcely paid any attention to him til one day I heard strange noises (angry bird?) emanating from his table, mere inches away from my ear, and I turned to look for the source of the noise, and there he was, playing some game before work, after sandwiches. He always walks off in a northeasterly direction and arrives the same way, so Red isn't working in the same building as me. Sometimes, we spot each other at our nearest Starbucks, and, in silent acknowledgement of 2 familiar strangers etching out a living in the buildings dotting the central business district, you may see that the sides of our mouth are upturned, just a little bit, in recognition.

sugarcoated memories

I met a man, a foreigner to our shores. He had the most gorgeous pair of eyes anyone could wish for. In videos as he was filmed, those eyes were kind; and sad. In real-life, they bore testimony to a steel-hearted determination only seen in the most high caliber of people.

After meeting him, I felt upset for some time. In fact, I'm still upset. It takes a lot for me to really like someone and as of now, I'm still undecided. He isn't half bad; the ability I have to get people to really open up to me is a blessing and a curse. The second time we met, I could sense his undercurrent of unhappiness despite his powerful presence. I could sense that this country was only a temporary stop for him; and he told me so, more or less. He was hoping to ramp up the business here as fast as possible, and go back to the country where he had left a girl behind, the love of his life. Although he did not describe it in this way, I felt so when he referred to her as if she was in the present tense, and not the past. I could feel her right beside him, as if he had never had to leave. And the country in which he had spent 5 years, the country he referred to as 'not as civilised' as this country, where the people have never seen so many blue-eyed, white skinned, tall beings, where little kids point at him and call him 'godzilla' and he could never, would never be able to understand the language, that was the country in his heart.

And in his eyes I could see what he had left behind.

For a moment, triggered perhaps by my cheerful foreign language greeting, I caught a glimpse of that sad-eyed look I used to have, the haunting, vulnerable, young boy irrepressibly in love, replaced after a few seconds by a hard, almost calculating look. And I've always said that I like people to be honest with me; but perhaps honesty is not always the best policy. He referred to some of his staff as lackeys; saying with a knowing look that they thought highly of themselves but in reality they have a long way to go. He was hard on them and I thought a bit too mean. I dislike people who only have negative things to say about all their employees. Of course, he was just honest with me, too honest. Maybe he regretted saying too much after. In an instant I knew he only valued the people who could bring in the dollars and not see the hard work behind it, the hearts of the people like myself, who were also efficient, who were also performing, just that we were not in the role of the moneymakers. And I knew I would never be able to see eye-to-eye with him, as much as I pitied him in the glimpse of the young man in love I had seen in the reflection of his sad eyes.

And it makes me so upset that I'm almost tearful at the thought of being the girl who was left behind, by a young man who loved her but he had to choose to go, and leave a dream behind in the country that he loved, leaving behind the love. I don't want to be like her, waiting, wishing, for a dream that would never be realized - and then what happens next? I dearly hope that there will be a happy ending at the end of this story, but it's dreadful to think that life, as monotonous as it is, goes on, and every day in her soul, she whispers, I miss you.

I miss you so much.

learning mandarin...

Last week, while standing in a queue, Moppet whipped out his phone, and proudly showed me a new app he downloaded.

'See, I'm learning Mandarin', he proclaimed. He showed me various phrases on the app.

I whipped out my phone too and showed him that I had previously downloaded a similar app. My app could string together common phrases and had a mechanical voice pronouncing it accurately. He gaped at me, quizzically asking me, why do I have a learn-Mandarin app?

I, irritated, told him that I had failed in this language since I was in primary school !!! He was stunned speechless for a few seconds, thinking of what to say, then recovered quickly, and said,

'We can learn it together!'

Only later did I realize what he was trying to impress upon me. (:

interestingly enough

I've read a book where one of the chapter emphasizes, interestingly enough, on developing a "sense of self".

The self-help genre book is about how to be interesting and connect with people, one of the books I've picked up for my ... self-help issues! Anyway, I think, unlike most of my peers or Singaporeans in general, I do have some opinions. The point is, having opinions, ie, a strong sense of self, makes one interesting, and hence, likeable. So there are questions to ask ourselves to think about stuff, to have a viewpoint, an opinion. I am not that surprised to realize that most of my peers don't have a strong opinion to vote either way. Of course, I might be like them too, if not for my family who have friends in the party of interest, who turn out to be strong believers, who have garnered our support since 2006. But... I really am disgusted at people who 'void' their vote and proudly state so. I mean, it's our citizen right to vote. Maybe you don't have strong sentiments either way or don't like both parties. Still, I guess this ultimately shows the lack of sense of self, unless you have strong reasons for doing so. (I'm not sure whether 'voiding' the vote, on purpose, is ethical anyway.)

And interestingly enough, in my new company, where being a Singaporean, I am in the minority (currently 2 out of 11 from UK, Wales, Russia, India, Philippines, Australia, etc) it's the foreigners who most encourage my involvement in the election and are most open to hear my/our views. If I were to talk to a Singaporean having the opposite view, I guess they will just criticise and not be open to hear either way. And for those foreigners who have only been on our shores for a few months, I am surprised they know so much about our country, things we do not even bother to be aware of until the past few days - they know how many PRs/visas that have been given out, certain policies, and can make accurate social commentaries on certain hiring FTs, and certain socio-norms that we fail to realize may not be beneficial to our country... most of all, they support the fact that as citizens, we should be entitled to some rights, it is the country we're born in after all.

And seeing the way my friends have labored and are so vocal (with sincerity and hard effort), I feel a stirring in my heart for this nation, at last. I've never "really" felt anything for Singapore, preferring a cooler climate and nature parks over crowded shopping centres... preferring countryside to city living... preferring cultural places to those that are devoid of the traditional heritage and flavor. The least I can do is to write a little cross on a white paper... besides some brain work of compiling some information that hardly took up much time anyway. It's nice to know that so many people care, really care about Singapore. Even the foreigners who love working here.

Interestingly enough, being a 'melting pot' of cultures, we benefit so much from the strangers who call our shores their temporary home.

Interestingly enough, I have new respect for people who 'walk the talk', not just make outstanding comments, but also are prayerful enough to want change. It touches my heart to hear from people calling me, knowing I am involved in the effort, to tell me they are praying for my friend the candidate, and that even their parents are praying too! That so many people are so stirred up that they want to write a 'note' about their motivation and reasons for voting... it just humbles me to realise that I can and am playing a small part in this process.

the (ahem) older men in my life

Oh, it's been a steep, steep learning curve for me this week.

I think I can say safely that this past week my gray matter has increased significantly. For those in the know, after attending countless rounds of interviews (10 with 2 cos. last month!), meeting aussies, brits, americans, singaporeans.... they have been impressed by my 'je ne sais quoi' attitude and yes, I'd be starting in X co. real soon. The only thing is that the role requires me to specialize in IT, of which I honestly admit I know peanuts about. I think, since I was headhunted by the handsome aussie for the role, I should not be airhead-like and go: 'Oh, what is 'cloud', is it the fluffy white things in the sky???'

I've always been a member of the hi-caliber mens' club (every smart woman should have her network of equally smart men) so, I decided to aggressively meet them to pick their brains. I should do some legwork before I even step foot into the IT space! (Actually, being one of the rare women in IT does have its perks, similar idea to being a 'male nurse'; more on that later when I prove my theories right.) It's also nice to learn about things I have absolutely no knowledge about (and therefore no opinion).

Amazingly, I was referred to a Professor at a reputable university, who really gave me a crash course "IT 101"that is taught to Datuks' sons and whatnot, and 2 directors in the IT space both having very different functions talking to me for hours... and I gained a valuable insider look on what's happening in IT both in terms of technical jargon and almost everything I need to know about the tech market! I can't believe they are so wiling and giving to spend time with the airhead me, plus the Professor sent me his personal slides... thanks to one fantastic and smart guy friend who just made one phone call!!!

Best of all, I touched base with one of the attractive Managers in the co, and he gave me this memorable advice:

You are smart, but you may want to add in some passion. You need to have passion for the IT industry to really learn. It’s like you do not like eat pork ribs soup and I force you to learn to eat or even cook it. You will not cook a decent pork ribs soup if you do not like the food. But it does not also mean you will not slowly like pork ribs soup in the future. So back to being related to IT. You will slowly like it when you get exposed to more IT roles and speak to many candidates from the IT industry. That is the time where you will find learning about the industry easier because passion is there.

I guess the next time I eat pork ribs soup I will be thinking of him... (I asked him if he liked to eat it, he said he did not... that makes the 2 of us!) I'm so complimented that he said I was smart, I've only met him once (one round of interview) and I wanted to work with him already. (but ended up in this other role. Long story.) Dear 30 plus year old guys, you have no idea how much you have benefited me this week! I'm going to make sure they have made the right decision to choose me for the role, and make it count!

Also, on a side note, I'm thankful that I'm unfazed talking to angmohs, especially aussie angmohs. As my friend put it, 'The gift of the (SPG) gab'. Hey, not many people are able to make them 'feel at home'... okayyy.

They may be C-level people but each time I hear the aussie accent, I feel so much at ease talking to them about my theories about people, personality and the issues I usually harp upon while gazing into their large, pale colored eyes. And then they like me so much and even tell me so. "Hey I have to say that X angmoh Manager likes you and so do I. We like you!" (I am also loving their upfront 'take no prisoners' attitude.)

Well, I had aussie English teachers (me topped the class, leh!) and lived there in my developmental age, so I guess there is an inherent value to children who had spent time overseas. And also children like myself who spent time 'block-catching' with a large group of male neighbours (only one other girl neighbor) makes me immune to the weirdness of men.

I also managed to read 3 women's career help books. I never read these things, so it was mind-blowing. And so helpful I can't believe I've not read them earlier!

1. How to make anyone like you: Proven ways to become a people magnet by Leil Lowndes
2. How to instantly connect with anyone by Leil Lowndes
3. Women, work and the art of Savoir Faire by Mirelle Guiliano (A MUST-READ!)
4. Nice Girls don't get the corner office 101 Unconscious mistakes women make that sabotage their careers by Lois P. Frankel

I'm also reading 'The Idiot' by my favorite russian author, the one whom I always quote. M.Fyodor Dostoevsky.

how to get headhunted

In my line of work, I have the opportunity to quietly observe how local people communicate, mostly, over the phone and over emails. I'm not an expert in any way but after only one year of experience I hope these tips can help my friends get ahead, in life, work, just some simple commonsense reminders.

1. Make people feel good.

I'm impressed by the way high-level, go-getter people communicate. They can be any age, but I can tell they are high-level and eventually, will go far in their career by a few simple ways. In fact, it is so simple so many people fail to realize this small thing - it's how the people feel when they 'meet' you. Number 1, make them feel good or better than before they met you. They will surely remember you with a good vibe. I'm not saying go overboard with lavish comments, but everyone feels better when you notice and compliment their nice dress, or even just letting them take the time to drink their coffee and not make the meeting seem so rushed. I personally subscribe to this, and I always make it a point to give a small tip to my manicurist - the prices are so low I can afford it, and the service is always impeccable at my usual place, plus, it gives me a pleasurable feeling to see their eyes light up when they receive it! A kind word always helps to make people feel good, I always cheer up when people message me after a trip, even a short trip - I never expected them to remember I'm back, and it really brightens up the gruelling journey home! So many people forget to thank the people who have given them an opportunity to go for an interview, the HR Manager, the headhunter. Even though you didn't get the job or the deal, a thank you note goes a long way...

Those who sent thank you notes to me are few and far between, I would have to say sadly, most are foreigners or foreign-educated.( And birthday cards seem to be going out of fashion too...) Conversely, some people phrase their emails for their job-search in a rather rude way. I really have no idea what sort of response they are looking for... it's quite sad that I see this most often in graduates as well. If we are asking people to help us to do something, in social or work settings, in this case to get ahead in their career, there is a nice way of asking that makes people really want to help you.


2. Bad branding or Non-branding does not get you to the place you want to be.

An example of bad personal branding would be constantly updating your social network status with work issues or emo issues so that everyone can see what a scary person you really are inside and no one, even a good friend, would dare to recommend you for a position in X company that would be a great career for you. I've seen topless party photos (male) and goodness knows what not. Of course everyone is entitled to their personal freedom as to what to write and post. But maybe some can ask a more senior-level friend what their impression would be on their status and photo posting. I'm sure all of us are thinking about some clueless friend of ours who could benefit from this...

On another extreme there are some people who are so private that no one really knows what they work as... I think for friends and acquaintances, a good gauge would be when your friend or contact introduces their other friend to you and they have some things to say about you, your life, and your work. I think most of us do not like to be 'pigeonholed' into a stereotypical image of our job, nor like to broadcast what we work as, but I think your circle should at least know your vocation, or if you're looking to change jobs, for that matter. If they hear about an open position which matches your interest, at least they will let you know they saw it in the papers or heard it over the grapevine, I think that is always good. No one likes someone who always blows their own trumpet, but once in a while, it would do you good to quietly state your accomplishments. Most of my friends know I belong to the 'first-class' club and I've worked really unbelievably hard for it, made many sacrifices, yadda yadda... that is why I'm not ashamed of the fact I have got the top honours. There is some mental image that people conjure up in their heads when they think of your name, we are all typical that way. So many times I've seen on Facebook or email some things that really is bad for making an impression on others, if only they knew... ...

I've also made the mistake of telling everyone a job change when that role turned out not to work out well for me... I informed happily my new position to most of the people I've worked with in my previous job, including some top-level directors at government spaces... to my chargin I had to leave that place sooner than I've expected, which in turn would lead to a barrage of questions from well-meaning people. I could have saved myself the trouble if I only informed the closer ones and only later when I got my footing to brand myself in the role. Well, lesson learnt!

A side note, for your boyfriend/girlfriend, please be proud to introduce them to the people you inadvertently bump into, unless it's a secret that you are dating. Your other half will like you all the better for it if you just say, "Oh, by the way, this is my boyfriend Bert! Nice to meet you here!" to those hello-goodbye people. We do the same with our parents and our good friends (I hope) so if you're lucky to be attached to someone you love, don't give him/her the invisible treatment. So many times I can see the other friend looking at a couple who are seemingly a couple, but they fail to introduce themselves as one, and the other friend has question-marks going through their head... Is it a brother? A friend? A boyfriend? Lol. It shows a mark of confidence in the relationship too, I've noticed.3. Bad writing does not get you anywhere. (Or, some CV writing tips.)

I've received horrible and hilarious CVs and it's a wonder why those candidates did not spell-check, or 'google' for some tips on CV writing. I heard there's a whole book of tips you can buy at our friendly Popular... ...anyhow, some rules of the thumb is, it's always better to address the email to the person-in-charge, no "Dear (fill-in-the-blank)". I've received emails addressed to me as "Dear Richard", "Dear Sir", best, "Dear Mr Rachel"... sigh. It's also good to state what job you are applying for in the email title (surprise, a lot of people fail to do so) and never, never, state you are applying for 'any job'...sigh.

For local contenders, I commonly see such bad writing as well:

-Career Objective : it's now replaced with 'Profile', do you see any managers putting down 'Career Objective', of course not!

-'References will be provided upon request' : Duh, of course you will provide if they ask for it. Take out this redundant line.

-Leaving out your contact number or email address or not answering your phone or worse, switching it off: Yes, I've encountered this. When I emailed one lady about not having her contact number in her CV, she emailed me back thanks. But she still did not leave her number...okayyy. Never switch off your phone because most recruiters call you twice in the day at max. We are busy people. Always try to pick up when you can. Yes, there are people who do that...It's best to leave an alternate number in your CV if you have one.

-Hobbies: I had a chap who put that his hobbies include "fishing, singing KTV, snooker"... first thought that came to my mind? Ah-Beng! Imagine what your future Manager thinks if you put 'window-shopping', or 'sky-diving', or, say, 'Wing Chun' as your hobby? Just don't put any, no one will accuse you of being boring and I've not seen any interviewer quiz you about why you did not put any hobbies in your CV either.

-Please don't put your Edusave awards in primary school (there are many people who put that, okay)... or such long-ago achievements. Do list down work achievements, a few for each of your last roles.

-Use a serious photo. You have no idea how many funny photos I've seen. It's a wonder why they put the photos they put.


4. Ace the interview!

Be prepared. Outfit check. For non-fresh graduates, try not to wear a black skirt, white blouse/shirt combo from the local cheap suit store. It's very freshie. You know la. If you have many years of experience, I'm sure you can afford to dress more 'atas'. Unless you apply for a bank front office role in which I definitely say wear a suit at least, you can wear some more color and tasteful jewelery...shift dress...pumps... go google 'what not to wear'... never never never carry any flashy logo branded bag. I've seen that sabotage many interviews. When in doubt an envelope clutch or any business like neutral color bag.Nice shoe.


All interviewers ask a variant of the same questions.
It's not about the questions, but the underlying questions...
This part is rather hard to explain. But surprisingly, I can always tell through the phone conversation who can ace it and who can't. Besides making point 1. of letting the Managers like you, really like you, you have to come across as responsible, efficient, not desperate for a job 'any job', highly desirable, clever, and someone who brings benefits to the company's revenue bottom line. The C-level people are always looking for staff that makes a difference that way. They are looking for hires to make a difference in the short-term, 1-3 year duration, at LEAST.

The HR Managers main concern are people they'd like to retain. Retention of staff is their top priority. It's hard to retain good people. They will be wondering if you are the job-hopper type, a waste of their resources and training...

And the direct line Managers are looking for people they'd love to train and work with, also demonstrating good team player attitude amongst others. It's so easy once you keep this in mind while answering the questions in the interview. Not many people have this mindset though, and therefore they lose out, and waste many others' time. And for goodness' sake, when they ask if you have any questions, ask, but don't ask excessively...'no questions' means you aren't really interested, or boring, or just not an attractive being. They are used to answering the same questions to dozens of candidates so maybe you can ask it in a different way... =)

I wrote this for a friend who had the initiative to ask me how to revamp his CV. For most people, going to interviews is a once-in-a-few years thing and therefore there is that fear there. But it's quite easy once you know the basics. It's a good year for a job change too!

unexpected, that's the way life should be.

It was nice to stop and 'smell the flowers', literally... I was covered with their sweet scent and many as I tried to help my groom and bride friend's car to 'doll up'. Well, they told me that the car's front centrepiece did not fly off during the course of the day... thankfully! The unethical hours I was up this week (3 nights till 3 -5 am) and a weird sicklyness combined to make me entirely cranky and somehow, reminiscent. Maybe I have been keeping myself busy enough not to admit that I too, like other human beings, do get lonely. Some people are blessed, they meet their true love early in life. Compatible in every way and perfect for each other and both like each other too. The rest of us have to trip and somersault through this world and what it has to offer, all the time keeping an eye out for someone that we'd like enough to spend the rest of our lives with.

I realize that time whizzes by and I forget to remember the things I miss. I miss the warm feeling of having someone's shoulder. Missing them doesn't mean I want to go back to the way things were or back to status quo. It just shows that often the simple and sweet gestures and moments are the ones that will stay in my heart, rather than the ostentatious display. And perhaps, it is like this, with me. The ones who capture a part of my heart, more than I'm willing to admit, fill up the broken shards piece by piece. I'm not using them to make me feel better, but in a way, it contributes to my healing, to replace every torn memory with a sweet one.

Dear future children, these months could make up some episodes of 'How I met your father.' Maybe I've met him already. Maybe not. In any case... it sure is better to finally live my life instead of observing others', and enjoy what I've been given, and have things to look forward to. There are many public tragedies that have been largely given sympathy, currently the Japan earthquake-tsunami-nuclear fallout. There are many personal tragedies that do not make sense, which nobody knows about, or care to understand. In the light of how fragile life is, and how many things we take for granted, I hope that I will, once again, remember that love is patient, and to choose wisely.

"Sometimes the best decision in life does not make sense at all."

-Ted, How I Met Your Mother.


Live-flowered-heart...

penguin love

I shall not liken my life to a Taiwanese drama although, recently, it does seem that way! Gosh! But sometimes life imitates art more than the other way round, and such are the life stories that inspire all of us to somehow stay strong through the best and worst of times.

Caught up with some friends and over a lazy Sunday brunch, we enquired about our mutual friends and how they were faring. Our thoughts were with a couple whom we all knew. All of us believed that they were the ‘type’ that would settle down fast, having attended marriage preparation classes, and looking stable and secure in their relationship. So we were concerned when it seemed that things were not rosy. After all, in previous years past, they had broken up for a year’s duration and then reconciled again. During that year, I saw that there were a few girls who were attracted to him. He could have easily gone out and started something with any one of them. But he kept them at arm’s length and waited.

This guy is so patient, my friend remarked. And it was as if everything was illuminated there and then. So many times, we have speculated, wondered, questioned this guy. Why is he hanging on when there could be someone out there who would make him very happy? Why does the romantic prognosis seem so bleak?

So many times, I forget. That Love is patient. Out of the million and one things I can say about love, about relationships, about each other, about our feelings, and thoughts, and daydreams… we forget sometimes, that we need to wait, or learn how to wait.

After a year of not being together before reconciliation, we thought that their issues had been settled. Apparently the lady wanted the guy to take the lead, in many ways; however, his personality is more of the laid-back type and he was not able to change himself for her sake, as hard as he tried.

I thought to myself, if I loved the guy, I wouldn’t want him to change. Isn’t that a farcical love? If I love you, I would tell you, to be yourself. To stay the same. I would love you the way you are. As idealistic as it sounds. Because it was you I fell in love with, was happy with, cherished moments with.

Isn’t his love for her like the penguin, who waits for his mate to come back from the frozen lands, waiting, watching, hoping…

The penguin can wait, for a hundred days, for his mate. He waits for a hundred days without eating. Starving. Love is patient. He waits, for her return.

The girl penguin knows the guy penguin loves her by his gift of pebbles. The nests are built by pebbles. And when the guy penguin gives the girl pebbles, she knows he is serious about her.

When a penguin finds its mate, they stay together forever.

Love is patient indeed.

this time round

It says a lot, I think, about the things we remember or choose not to forget.

And these days I find myself waking up with a smile on my face, despite really stressful days. For those who have shared my days, they have no idea how much it means to me. Those who bothered - Jelly tried his bestest to bring me out for a good time during those worst weeks, I said to him that I really hope he can find someone special. I know he has trouble in that department, and I long for the day where it will be easy for him. I'll always remember those generous gestures. There are others, of course. The friend who spent valentines with me. The lady who always kept in touch with words of courage and never asked for anything in return. The penpal who attended one month of church with me. And the boy who attended the next month, ensuring that at my lowest depths of misery, my soul was still fed.

I've always been thankful for the people God has placed in my life. Sure, there may be a thousand and one worries and hopes and daydreams in a woman's mind, but I shall not try to do things in my own wilful nature, as I'm so prone to, and even, expected to - but let's not negate the fact that without sounding over-spiritual, there is a purpose and reason to everything, and perhaps in time to come we will all know exactly why these all transpires.

For now, though I dearly wish to know what the future holds for all of us, may this desire not force me to forget the beauty of the moment, the gift of the present. And the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me; was when I, unexpectedly brimming with tears, and really embarassed; was to gingerly, gently, stroke my hair and put his arm around me. He's a real sweetheart and any girl would be so lucky to have his love.

reason for leaving?

This is a question I always ask, on a daily basis, to the people I help find a better opportunity.

May I know your reason for leaving your current employment?

Some are honest and open, and they share, indepth, on how unhappy they are with their current situation. Others are just seeking better opportunities, or are bored with their job scope. There are SO many reasons people want to change their jobs, money being one of them. I have to say that in our island, it's still pretty okay to do a mid-career switch to do something you are passionate about. We judge ourselves and our comrades far too harshly if they were to move into a different industry. Yet, it's been said that most of us take about 10 years since we graduate from college, to find our true vocation. So, just go for it, I say. The salary difference is not that huge to make money the main concern...

But more than that, often the 'reason for leaving' is human relationships.

I'm sure almost all of us have been in situations that really makes us drag our feet to work. These are the strongest push factors I've seen.

And always surprisingly to me, it's not the dude who's the smartest, best, and brightest that often lands the role. It's the one who most desires a move.

Hence, I would sum it up this way:

DESIRE (several push factors making them very unhappy in current role) = being more OPEN = PERFORMING better at interviews = getting the OPPORTUNITY (aceing the interview) = ATTITUDE to succeed, because, they treasure the opportunity, more so than the others who are 'just looking for a change'.

I've seen this happen again and again and again, and I cease to be amazed why the person that I think can ace the role, my 'favorite' candidate so to speak, always never gets in. It's the one who wants the job the most and would fight tooth and nail to get it who succeeds.

In life, if we don't have strong reasons for doing something, we almost always never have the right attitude to do it right. It's often a half-hearted attempt that often fails to reach up to expectations. Then we wonder why we are disheartened and disconsolate. Perhaps we never really really REALLY wanted it in the first place. Some people talk about wanting to do things for so long. But I've hardly seen any action and sometimes, the opportunity that had existed would be gone when you least expect it.

Anyway, this is just something for all of us to think about. Despite what others may think or say about my reasons, I have always tried to keep a pure heart, and I believe obedience brings blessings.

Me in Aceh, tsunami rebuilding efforts. I hope I can make a trip like this, this year.

Modern Love: Plucked

We had planned to meet for ice-cream, a form of his apology to me, after a misunderstanding between two people who meant well but in reality, the words just came out wrong.

"It's a hot date", he said.
"It's not a date. Just a neighborly meeting at the nearby ice-cream shop."
"Still a date", he insisted.

I told him that a date would consist of giving advance notice; a nice dress worn, receiving a flower, and sending the lady home to her doorstep. He immediately loped over to the nearest frangipani-like tree and plucked a flower for me.

And promised me he'd send me home. (It was within walking distance.)

I told him the flower dripped sap on my finger and he let me brush it on his palm.
"Can I throw it away now?" I asked, after admiring it for a while.

The red frangipani bloom was gingerly placed in the lush grass amongst its other fallen sisters and brothers. Stop plucking more flowers for me, I told him, as he cast his gaze around and looked as though he would come back with an armful just so it could be a date. No more plucking flowers, I chastised.

Then he asked me for a date next week.

you make me...

via littlemisscomplicated.tumblr

Strangely I can relate to this because only when I'm really myself and comfortable with a person, I tend to spout aphorisms that people cannot understand (truly sorry to make them feel less intelligent but English is the only language I excel in).

But they should be thankful that I'm sharing my goodly knowledge of archaic and seldom-used words with them only because I'm so open and relaxed. At least I don't say words with more than 5 syllables... "atherosclerosis"... "infinitesimally"..."verisimilitude"...

choose wisely

The topics of adults most often veer towards love, especially those who are hoping and seeking. Then, what else can we talk about, right?
But it seems that everyone has been offering me (unsolicited) advice also, almost to the effect that I feel that everyone is inundated with thoughts of love, love, love. Is that all we can think about and all we can speak about? Perhaps that's why the tabloid reports of new/scandalous romances always sell so well.

"Have I ever considered X.... (friend of mine who happened to be hovering nearby)"
"Any updates? *winkss (when said friend is standing next to me)"

It seems a miracle to me that we can remain good friends when we have such friends to 'help' us.
Of course I'm sure they meant well and who asked him to be single for so long...

I do wish that all the questions would stop, though. I mean, I feel it is rather insensitive to both me and said hapless male friend who happened to be by my side/accompany me for dining events.

It would be callous of me to start anything at this point of time. Would people prefer then that I am still sobbing alone? It seems to be a crime to be happy, but I do need to have some cheer after the gloom and doom of yesteryear.


Not only should the looming question be, 'have I recovered from the past love event...'; instead of 'is there any guy I'm interested in'... I do wish people would focus on the fact that there are good friends who are helping me through this instead of doubting their/our intentions.

Of course, mostly everyone wants to settle down one day, but it seems that most singles have close-fisted mindsets. In a nutshell, not everyone is open to consider several possibilities to mingle or even to know more random people of the opposite gender. To each his own, I say. If we do not wish to choose to mingle, then we should not condone those who went offshore fishing in search of his true love. For those who only have same friends of the same gender, they should not condone us who are 'ladies' man; or me, the opposite of ladies' man... For we just happen to be successful and awesome in making friendships with the opposite gender, not that we purposely choose to do so or do so for selfish reasons. It just IS.

I know they (all the single ladies, all the single ladies) just-don't-get-it but if you seriously think about it, if I choose to unwisely have romantic notions about my male pals, then, through the years, I would be left with very few friends, wouldn't I?

In fact, I have many female friends too, just that they like to keep a low profile in our friendship, hee hee...am so touched that they will call me and ask me out to cheer me up as well...

For the record, the only thing that is happening is happening in unwise romantic notions in other womens' minds. I have been kept sane by the writings of Elisabeth Elliot and other spiritual writers and I suggest they do the same while waiting for their prince charming. Life doesn't need to be all about love. Sometimes we need to focus on growing and learning and being a better self. I read somewhere, 'don't be a woman who needs a man. be a woman a man needs.' It stuck with me for a long time.

Likewise, I gave my male friend this advice: Don't choose someone you can live with, choose someone you can't live without.

And I think my single-lady godly friend gave me the best advice of all. She told me, he will come when it's time. It's that simple. It just IS.