penguin love

I shall not liken my life to a Taiwanese drama although, recently, it does seem that way! Gosh! But sometimes life imitates art more than the other way round, and such are the life stories that inspire all of us to somehow stay strong through the best and worst of times.

Caught up with some friends and over a lazy Sunday brunch, we enquired about our mutual friends and how they were faring. Our thoughts were with a couple whom we all knew. All of us believed that they were the ‘type’ that would settle down fast, having attended marriage preparation classes, and looking stable and secure in their relationship. So we were concerned when it seemed that things were not rosy. After all, in previous years past, they had broken up for a year’s duration and then reconciled again. During that year, I saw that there were a few girls who were attracted to him. He could have easily gone out and started something with any one of them. But he kept them at arm’s length and waited.

This guy is so patient, my friend remarked. And it was as if everything was illuminated there and then. So many times, we have speculated, wondered, questioned this guy. Why is he hanging on when there could be someone out there who would make him very happy? Why does the romantic prognosis seem so bleak?

So many times, I forget. That Love is patient. Out of the million and one things I can say about love, about relationships, about each other, about our feelings, and thoughts, and daydreams… we forget sometimes, that we need to wait, or learn how to wait.

After a year of not being together before reconciliation, we thought that their issues had been settled. Apparently the lady wanted the guy to take the lead, in many ways; however, his personality is more of the laid-back type and he was not able to change himself for her sake, as hard as he tried.

I thought to myself, if I loved the guy, I wouldn’t want him to change. Isn’t that a farcical love? If I love you, I would tell you, to be yourself. To stay the same. I would love you the way you are. As idealistic as it sounds. Because it was you I fell in love with, was happy with, cherished moments with.

Isn’t his love for her like the penguin, who waits for his mate to come back from the frozen lands, waiting, watching, hoping…

The penguin can wait, for a hundred days, for his mate. He waits for a hundred days without eating. Starving. Love is patient. He waits, for her return.

The girl penguin knows the guy penguin loves her by his gift of pebbles. The nests are built by pebbles. And when the guy penguin gives the girl pebbles, she knows he is serious about her.

When a penguin finds its mate, they stay together forever.

Love is patient indeed.

choose wisely

The topics of adults most often veer towards love, especially those who are hoping and seeking. Then, what else can we talk about, right?
But it seems that everyone has been offering me (unsolicited) advice also, almost to the effect that I feel that everyone is inundated with thoughts of love, love, love. Is that all we can think about and all we can speak about? Perhaps that's why the tabloid reports of new/scandalous romances always sell so well.

"Have I ever considered X.... (friend of mine who happened to be hovering nearby)"
"Any updates? *winkss (when said friend is standing next to me)"

It seems a miracle to me that we can remain good friends when we have such friends to 'help' us.
Of course I'm sure they meant well and who asked him to be single for so long...

I do wish that all the questions would stop, though. I mean, I feel it is rather insensitive to both me and said hapless male friend who happened to be by my side/accompany me for dining events.

It would be callous of me to start anything at this point of time. Would people prefer then that I am still sobbing alone? It seems to be a crime to be happy, but I do need to have some cheer after the gloom and doom of yesteryear.


Not only should the looming question be, 'have I recovered from the past love event...'; instead of 'is there any guy I'm interested in'... I do wish people would focus on the fact that there are good friends who are helping me through this instead of doubting their/our intentions.

Of course, mostly everyone wants to settle down one day, but it seems that most singles have close-fisted mindsets. In a nutshell, not everyone is open to consider several possibilities to mingle or even to know more random people of the opposite gender. To each his own, I say. If we do not wish to choose to mingle, then we should not condone those who went offshore fishing in search of his true love. For those who only have same friends of the same gender, they should not condone us who are 'ladies' man; or me, the opposite of ladies' man... For we just happen to be successful and awesome in making friendships with the opposite gender, not that we purposely choose to do so or do so for selfish reasons. It just IS.

I know they (all the single ladies, all the single ladies) just-don't-get-it but if you seriously think about it, if I choose to unwisely have romantic notions about my male pals, then, through the years, I would be left with very few friends, wouldn't I?

In fact, I have many female friends too, just that they like to keep a low profile in our friendship, hee hee...am so touched that they will call me and ask me out to cheer me up as well...

For the record, the only thing that is happening is happening in unwise romantic notions in other womens' minds. I have been kept sane by the writings of Elisabeth Elliot and other spiritual writers and I suggest they do the same while waiting for their prince charming. Life doesn't need to be all about love. Sometimes we need to focus on growing and learning and being a better self. I read somewhere, 'don't be a woman who needs a man. be a woman a man needs.' It stuck with me for a long time.

Likewise, I gave my male friend this advice: Don't choose someone you can live with, choose someone you can't live without.

And I think my single-lady godly friend gave me the best advice of all. She told me, he will come when it's time. It's that simple. It just IS.

wordless symmetry in a parallel universe

I first heard the concept of a 'parallel universe' explained coherently in an episode of FRINGE. It did make sense to me, there is something else out there which we cannot explain. Of course it can be explained in christian terms - the spiritual and supernatural. But in some rare, rare occurrences, (both in christian spirituality and elsewhere), there is the meeting of the two. It could be just a preacher with such a powerful faith speaking some words of truth, which makes your knees go weak and your spirit just so sensitive to what God is speaking to you, and He does. How? You just can't explain it. What about? You can't explain it too, as words doesn't explain the full context... but subconsciously, YOU KNOW.

Suffice to say that God spoke to me about several things in the span of mere minutes, some of that, I will share with a select few and some of it I will keep it buried in my heart. I remember miracles from time past, the way I am aching for one now. I was reminded of certain things that gnawed deep within my soul. The faith or the X-factor that became the launching platform to this parallel universe was not lost to many, as so many around were also touched, weeping, shaking, confessing. The supernatural power floored me, I could barely stand up at one point.

Such happenings, where parallel universes join, is truly a unique one. Based on the decisions you make, the memories around you gets to be shaped. But the thing is, WHAT IF. What if... we had never made such decisions...one could argue that the future could be changed. But can it? One popular exposition of the theory is if we could go back in time and ensure Hitler wasn't born, thus not killing Jews, no World War, etc. But, as the story goes, when they traveled back into time there was another guy who rose up... and the same thing happened, albeit in a different sense. We all know that we can't do time travel. But we sure can make a lot of interesting decisions to shape our future. The more interesting thing perhaps is how and why.

If our friend here likes someone so badly, there's so many options, so many voices of reason, all of them which may or may not get him the girl and the love of a lifetime. Our friend may decide to talk to her for hours on the phone. But for girls like me, that's a turn-off. Maybe we can get bored easily without any visual stimulation. Our friend may decide to push her into making a decision. Surprise her! Girls like surprises, right? Well, it depends. There is a small but significant difference in sending flowers on Valentine's to her office and HAND-delivering flowers on Valentine's to her office. Once again, if you have decided to send her flowers, one which is too big will probably scare her off and too small, you will come across as a cheapo... and all this will fail, of course, if she is allergic to flowers!!!

I'm just saying, our friend should put more thought into the actions and the sub-actions he gallantly wants to show.

I'm just saying that sometimes, I too, do not know how to act when I like someone. All these thoughts also flood my mind. 'WHAT IF... ' What if...such decisions are not left up to me, and the future remains status quo. All I know for sure is that I'll be pretty miserable, inside. Well, I've always taken these good pieces of advice - 1. Let God and 2. Follow Your Heart. I hope our friend, and he, and me, and us, all don't care about what the rest of the nosy parkers have to say, and just do 1. and 2.

Watch the short youtube for explanation on parallel universes. For those with average IQ, don't even bother, you won't grasp it anyway. Just go and live out your simple, (self-absorbed) lives while the rest of us expand our brain matter with such timely, life-changing decisions.

maybe falling in love is all in the nose

Me and my girl-friends are having interesting conversations lately, sparked by the romantic interest of Mr Nice-Guy. I'm humbly surprised to know that they have drawn the same conclusions as me for certain 'moves' guys make or certain responses from the ladies. It's always fun to have a tete-a-tete about romance.

I think most ladies here are turned off by the same things: not godly (Oh God please send me a man of God being a commonly heard lament), being stingy, smelling bad, shorter than them, boring woodblock, lack of dress sense (By that I mean wearing faded home-clothes or pjs out in public, and not the usual garb of slipper+berm+polo), being too aggressive, or else lacking initiative, or too geeky, pushy and desperate vibes. Yes, vibes play a part of the intangible non-allure.

Also, some responses vary from the chap, if the chap hails from sg, malaysia, indonesia or further. In fact, malaysians (in general) seem to be more fun-loving (adventourous), but we cannot negate the effect of a humid singaporean airconless day on a fair maiden's visage, thus, though the option of dinner-and-a-movie-on-friday-evening seems trite, that is one of the more appealing options here... (plus there is little else we can do in that tight time frame, aye?) It seems that often our regional counterparts also love to foot the bill, a captivating trend that local chaps should indeed follow.

Anyway, one of my girlfriend and I have come to the conclusion that in the end.... it all depends on... the way he smells, to you. We admitted that certain guys should not take it so hard that they're in the 'friend-zone', just because, we cannot really envision ourselves spending 50 years with that kind of scent. "We must like the way he smells!", we proclaimed in unison.

So sniff him hard. (Or let her sniff you.)

As to the other question, 'how to make love stay?', I too, have no answers. We are all making our way there in due course, and some of us are ahead in that course of life.

Some interesting reads on the topic: 'Escaping the Friend Zone' http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/455_relationship_expert.html

'Choosing a long-term mate? Give them a good sniff!' http://www.mens-wellbeing.com/2009/09/choosing-a-long-term-mate-give-them-a-good-sniff.html

unsolicited advice from a well-meaning alien

Some of us have been silently rooting for a friend who has been a friend to all, a nice-guy, someone who is always positive. It seems that he is in love.

And many of us want to help him 'succeed' in the relationship arena; just that many of us refrained from giving out well-meaning, unsolicited advice. In fact, all of us should ask for no-holds-barred opinion from an honest and caring 3rd party perspective, from time to time, all in the name of personal development. I promise to be brutally honest with you, as you are with me.

Especially so, when you like someone from Venus and you are from a distant, distant galaxy, you should ask Venutians' opinion rather that your same-pattern-alien friends. You may be resistant to such a path of thought but to be learning about the fairer sex bodes you well especially if you are hoping for a positive outcome, with less resistance to your unfathomable charms.

I have my doubts as always about his lady love, (due to the past track record), but was encouraged to see many dudes giving him the silent thumbs-up.

Well, no matter what others say, I think I just want him to follow his heart and see him crazy in love with someone for once.

And if I were to give more unsolicited advice, this is what I would say.

'When you see him, you can't stop smiling.
Your heart gives a leap of joy, and you know that in his eyes, you are the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world.

There is that magic, a mutual understanding, shared thoughts, giggly feelings.
You'd know that he'd protect you from every harm.
You'd know that divorce is not a considerable option.
You'd know that despite what people say and think about you, he'll still foolishly and relentlessly support you.'

And that, my friend, is what a woman wants in a relationship. For more thoughts, don't hesitate to dial our numbers and jiojio us for tea (Your treat, of course...)

Best wishes from all of us!

in love, photos

I love looking at (well-taken) wedding photos, and while I'm not there yet, it's always nice to dream that you are the owner of such fabulous photos. Was browsing through the works of this guy I know and once again, I am loving his works - the old school vibe, the black and whites, the scenery. This couple's was done in Cameron Highlands! And you can see how the mist adds a nice touch. I stared at the one with the bicycle for a long, long time. I would love to have a photo like this, blow it up on canvas and it would just give any room such an entrancing quality.

The other photographs are just so perfect, done by an American (www.jasminestarblog.com).
The whole wedding just looks so, so perfect and the photos are a wonderful way to relieve the day. The couple looks so lovely! I have already restrained myself from posting the whole collection of their photos here (you can view on www.greenweddingshoes.blogspot.com)
I like the last photo of the bride with the groom on an escalator. Quirky, original, yet don't we all take those escalators almost everyday? It's something that you can't help looking at and smiling. Somehow wedding photos have the innate energy and beauty from love to give it an edge, to help you to see that, hey, let's just stop for a moment in our busy lives and admire these photos.

Some very good news, I've got a job. The paranoid me can't believe it until I am actually seated at my desk (I do wonder if it will look boring) so I am saving the news to shout it from the mountains until I probably have settled in for a month and also getting my first month's paycheck. It took a lot of people to help me to move out from a media profile to a corporate career, and I was surprised that they were 'very keen to have me onboard'. So let's see how it all goes, but I think I will be loving this job! Pay is good, location good... and it's the same company where my future MIL works at. How's that!

On Love and Marriage

Penpal sent me this excerpt from CS Lewis' writings on Love that was the chicken soup for my soul this week.

'Knowledge can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go.
And in fact, whatever people say, the state called 'being in love'
usually does not last. If the old fairy tale ending 'They lived
happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty
years exactly as the day before they were married', then it says what
probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly
undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for
even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your
sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need
not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct
from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity,
maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit;
reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners
ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other
even at those moments when they do not like each other, as you love
yourself even when you do not like yourself. Then can retain this love
even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love'
with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise
fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on
this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the
explosion that started it.'

We all have expectations in life, me being me, I think my expectations are quite high. But then again, I've realised that in developing my thinking to a certain extent, I've sort of neglected the 'active' parts of learning, like learning how to cook, how to swim, how to drive, even, some of the most basic life skills one would say you would need to survive today. Instead, I do take a certain pride in learning how to listen, how to communicate effectively and make good friendships, how to be kind, how to appreciate what we have so easily. In the face of building my character, I am often unimpressed, disgusted as well, at some of the what we would say 'ugly Singaporean' character in some of my friends. If we do not take the love of God into the equation, I do feel that some of the ones not in The Church have show a much better disposition. I've been brought up to expect a certain way of how women are treated by men, as friends, at the very least, should be concerned enough in certain measures. Yet I guess most Singaporean guys are self-centred in the way that they put themselves first in this area. I can't help but to be quite offended and disgusted by some of their moves, I do feel ashamed to be their friends.

The Boyfriend cooked a nice dinner for me today, I had chicken wings, veggie dish and a lovely chicken soup which I couldn't stop drinking from. Being sick, I'm thankful for the TLC in this way. It's not an easy task to cook a delicious meal.

some things are better left unsaid

Around this time of the year, the christmas lights are up, the trees are lighted brightly and we are reminded to go and shop. For many of us though, it's a reminiscing time, once more. After all, the things on our mind are not the latest must-haves but the people we have once shared a connection with. Some people also think about God and how far they've been. That's why so many people 'reappear' at this season, and also, many get re-attached or newly attached. Haha.

I've had many around me who are in this 'mode', lately, so it strikes me a little too. How some names are not on my to-gift list this year. Or how some names, being mentioned, still brings out mixed feelings in me. It's mixed feelings because I can't come to a conclusion...not a conclusion about my feelings but a conclusion about the character of the person. If the person was really, not a worthy person of my friendship, then I wouldn't be anguished about it fading away and almost being unremembered. I'm someone who highly values the company I keep, maybe deep down I'm hoping a hopeless hope, not just for the friendship to be restored but for the person's life and years ahead to be a happy one, like the way I'm happy now.

A friend was sharing that he once knew someone closely who never lied... some people do have flaws like lying, smoking, exaggerating... but this person just keeps quiet thus preventing herself from lying. I thought and said that this is not a bad trait, she can truthfully say she doesn't lie! As he puts it, some things are better left unsaid, and he too won't tell those who are close to him about all he has experienced or his thoughts... if we all were truthful, I wonder how many of us would be left standing? This guy is a blessed guy in the areas of...girls liking him. He has never been single for a long period of time and since the last we met, 3 girls professed their liking for him and one even cried! They said their i love yous and i want nobody nobody but you to be my boyfriend. In fact, one of them even said 'JUST FOR ONE NIGHT' !!!! Fainted, man. I can't believe that there are these kind of people... been watching too many korean/taiwanese dramas??? I think this kind of wish 'just for one night' is quite self-destructive because even if you had a good good night, what good will this memory of that one night bring you and what does it say about your morals?

Lucky for them though, he is also a decent guy and won't just accept a girl because she has professed her head over heels. And of course, not a one-night-stand also! I approved and said that it's better for the girls this way, because it'even if they get their wish of a relationship with him... they know it's not a sincere one... so in a sense, he is letting them off lightly. It's a hard balance and a hard thing to do when someone close to you likes you, LOVES you but honestly you don't feel a thing, what are you to do? Then again, most people wish for such a thing to happen to them, that someone would love them heedlessly... obsessively... isn't it so?


I know many people want to be happy, but choosing and living their own self-destructive paths is not the right way. And when things are THAT OBVIOUS to so many, it's time to do some reflecting and seriously changing of your course of action. After all, some things are left unsaid and it's better to live a moment in misery than a lifetime of regret. Some wrong choices (or passive choices) brings about circumstances that can't be changed easily, but in the end... who suffers? It's you.

O! Glorious Food!

I was very cheered to have had many nice meals lately. And they are nolstalgic, of sorts.

Since I have been sickly for the last months – first flu, and then another sort of flu, and gastroenteritis of a weird kind – I have not had much to eat, and perhaps, not in the right frame of mind to enjoy it, too.

Tracking down a short history of my food haunts, I am quite an unusual customer, you would say. Even if the food is nice, I would not like to visit it again and again week after week. The exception being, of course, lunch. For lunch, I try not to vary too much. Each week, I’d have yong tau foo, Subway Italian BMT, Mos burger… yes, the weekly lunch menu is always similar.

Anyways, I have had the privilege of visiting the top few restaurants in my personal food lists, yes, I do keep a list in my PDA though it’s seldom referred to.

I started posting photos of all the food places we’ve been to recently, so please add me on FB if you wanna. I must say they are nice photos… hee.

So here are my fave picks!

ITALIAN

Best pasta (freshly made and the only one to do so in Singapore)

Pasta Fresca Da Salvatore’s Sixth Avenue

Try the Arrabiata, it got me hooked. And any pizza with salami in it!

Also

Swiss Culture’s cream and mushroom Pasta. Slurp up every bite.

MEXICAN

Margarita’s – it’s the only one I’ve tried and… super delish. At Dempsey and East Coast Rd has one I believe.

KOREAN BBQ

Chang, Korean Restaurant at Dempsey. Packed so have to book on weekends. It introduced me to authentic kimchi – I never liked kimchi, having only tasted the ones at food-courts…now, I LOVE IT. See photos!

The Boyfriend says the kimchi rocks too.

DESSERT (CAKE)

PS Café’s cakes at Dempsey. I love the pecan pie, sticky date cake, brownie, chocolate blackout…

New favorite being Max Brenner’s Belgian waffle and Crepe Suzette (Esplanade). See photos!

JAPANESE

Without fail, Ichiban Boshi’s sukiyaki and cereal chicken and fresh kajiki sashimi. Some branches have differing standards though, we feel that Esplanade’s one is the best. For more upmarket, Kuriya has a mean sashimi! At Shaw Orchard.

Also, the sukiyaki at ‘Sun with Moon’ both at Clarke Quay and Wheelock is very nice. The plus point of ‘Sun with Moon’ is that it has nice desserts as well. And super romance ambience at Wheelock.

Best soba which made me like soba … Shimbashi soba, Paragon. Try the ‘Oroshi’ cold. And super healthy. See photos!

I have not found any good FRENCH, THAI, CHINESE or SWEDISH food yet… =)

I consider myself blessed we can find such a variety of food in Singapore, and we can afford it, at least as a weekend dinner…

happy memories of today

The long weekend's almost over (longer for me, took a day off today) and I am half-sad to see it pass. But well, looking forward to the next weekend, it doesn't seem that far off away, yay yay yay. I had the best weekend ever. (Read on if you wanna know how I spent it.)

On Friday, me and The Boyfriend went to pick up Mushroom, a male Holland Lop. He has a friendly temperament and now I am trying my best to toilet-train him - quite exhausting because I have used up one and a half toilet roll of paper trying to mop up poop and pee. The Boyfriend will be the one training our little doggy next time because I realize I am quite impatient. But still, Mushroom is a friendly and lovable not-so-little wabbit. We then went to our now-usual haunt, Chompz... and chomped down on chicken wings, stingray, etc. And then home early, because next day it's a daytrip to JB!!!

Off to JB daytrip on late morning of Saturday... The Boyfriend's Mom joined us. She introduced us to 'Ah Koong's' fishball soup which was really tasty, we were both amazed at the nice soup. I introduced them to Secret Recipe cakes at more than half price off (RM 6.30 per slice, le) which they savored, the choco-banana and the passionfruit-mango which was a light, refreshing and oomph inducing flavor - I also brought home some cheesecake slices - espresso flavor and caramel flavor are the best, I've tried them all!!! While in Tebrau City, I also had a manicure and pedicure (RM 80 total) done while the two did grocery shopping. We ended up with Old Town's light meal of a shared nasi rendang and my fave white frappucino... and The Boyfriend's Mom drank her 3rd kopi-o. Must try since I'm here, she said. I also introduced The Boyfriend to some Portuguese chicken wings at a eatery which also sells the Macau egg tarts. It's also found at City Square beside the Malay food stall with fishhead curry and green table and chairs. He loved the chicken wings sooooo much he took back half a dozen to Sg.

We came back early because we had to attend a wedding, it was his classmate's wedding and the first time I attended a Malay style wedding - I had expected it to be stuffy-ish, but it was quite refreshing! I guess probably because they were the same age as us - they had decorated the place with orange and white cloth, and chandeliers gave it a modern feel. It was quite a different, and fun experience for me to see The Boyfriend interact with his old schoolfriends, and I was more than content to sit and smile.

Then, we went to walk around Singapore Flyer. Being one of the most un-crowded tourist destinations in the city area, it was just the place for us to take a languid walk. We had one of our first 'official' dates there too, sitting beside the water front overlooking the city skyline. It's now barricaded up in anticipation of the F1 next month. So we walked along the perimeter, and while on the wooden platform, I felt inspired to do a little tap-dance, and we proceeded to do a slow dance without anyone watching. It was a nice way to end the day.

On Sunday we headed to a flea mart at the Art museum. It was national day and free entry to the museum, so what's a better way to spend the afternoon soaking in the fringe festivities - real tight live band and free face painting... ... I went home to rest a bit as I was falling sick and he went to dinner with relatives, then we both met again at night to do some exercise at my park downstairs. We shall do it again this friday! Monday I was basically down for almost the whole day with a sore throat-cum cough and sniffles. I hate being sick, but I recovered enough to go Ice3 for a chill-out seesion and played our boardgame, reversi. I'm still slightly sniffly, sighhhhh.

Today we had the photoshoot. yay! I was really looking forward to it, we both are fans of BryanJean's work, a young and talented couple who are primarily wedding photographers. We were just taking casual shots, and we even shot at Ion, and a lovely place which location's I'm not supposed to reveal. It has my favorite black-and-white walk-up apartments though. We also had a bunch of silver foil balloons with us which added to the happy, lovey, cheery feel. I can't wait to see how the shots turn out. I'm designing a book for it to keep our lovely memories in. I'm glad The Boyfriend appreciates this as much as me, it's nice to keep these memories, hopefully we can do it every year. It's really fun to be models for a day, and B. had so much fun too trying out video-ing us. For a first-timer, I'd say he's pretty amazing and wayyyy to go.

We watched 'up' in 3d after that, it was a fun show, something which tugged a chord in our hearts. I, for one, would not just let my dreams of adventure fade away in normal life. If money's the only stopping that, then, it shouldn't be the case. Actually with flight deals so low now, I'm really aiming to go someplace every year. And we all should, have some adventure every weekend, it makes me feel so alive.

thoughts on the headship of men in relationships

I heard some lovely news this week. A lady friend of mine informed me she is getting married and invited me to her wedding last quarter of the year.

I was acquainted with her while we were volunteering together in the Tsunami efforts of Dec 2005. We were in a team of 9 that went to Banda Aceh and I had the privilege of staying in the mayor's house as that was the only facility available to house us. Incidentally, one of our team-mates, a lady in her early 30s also got married this May. It seems all so long ago that we were chatting and sharing after each day's work in Aceh - we were building houses - and felt at ease to share about life. They urged me to date while I am still young, perhaps they felt they had missed opportunities, or underlying fears and frustrations they would never find their soulmate.

As they were in their late 20s then, and also not having been in a relationship before, they sort of have the 'if it comes, it comes' mentality. It seems to work for them as they are now very happy even though they had married a bit later than the norm.

In essence, I think this mentality works in a way, contrasted to the 'I can't live without a man' mentality. Somehow guys are always scared away by the women who seem to want to pressure them into some kind of commitment. As me and a married friend were remarking yesterday, we'd rather be happily single if we cannot find our soulmate, then settling for anyone who seems to fit the bill but does not really want us. And for those women who seem to be 'on the hunt' for a mate, they give off a vibe that is actually quite threatening to a more laid-back man. I'm glad I've found Mr A, but we both know if we had not found each other now, at this time we would have probably been still single, and loving it, too.

I think many Singaporean men in The Church are scared when it comes to being in relationships. I wouldn't say real scared- type of scared, perhaps more of having a burdening anxiety. Firstly for those who are not familiar with the ways of women, they are scared of making the woman they love cry, or upset with them. Because they would not know how to react and thus feel 'loserish', and clumsy. Also, there is a huge financial constraint that they have to think about. I think it's only reasonable that the women here expect the guy to have a stable salary - it also shows about his long-term and thus, marriageability prospects. Since once we have kids, it's almost impossible except for the very career-minded and multitasking women to handle both family and career, we women inevitably have to think about this balance in the near future, so subconciously we are seeking stable men. So a women who actually plans ahead is a better choice for the serious-minded man, non? And if your man cannot conceive a long-term future with you, isn't it better not to be with him or consider him? Many 'on the hunt' women seem to forget about that. For my married friend, she and the husband had saved up for about 3 years before, then they could put the downpayment on their marital home. It does take at least two years of careful financial planning, more if you are planning on immediately getting a house upon marriage, she said.

But isn't that the same for most developed countries? I met a European who proudly told me he is debt-free when he was 55, his country having the highest tax rates in the world, most of them are in debt their entire lives. He paid off his small flat and small car (the type like most of us have) and is now free to do whatever he likes. But I'm sure in his younger days, the vast amount of financial burden did not constrain his adventurous mind and capability for enjoyment. A good meal, some nice clothes, I believe all of us can afford that at any executive's salary.

So what are the men afraid of? I think, they are afraid of themselves. Some do not know what they want. So the girls they fancy turn out to be very different species. An ultra sporty girl this month, a quiet and nerdish girl the next, a bubbly and maiden-ish girl the following month. This is not because they are fickle-minded, they just do not know which type suits them, because they do not know themselves well. It would bode them good to find out more about themselves on solitary walks, rather than always being in the shelter of good company.

The men are also afraid of making bold moves (it is only to be encouraged at the right timing of both parties), giving the excuse they are not keen to see the friendship end, pah! I think... I have had friendships with guys that lasted over relationships, some of my friends, I have seen him consecutively getting attached and breaking up; now he is single and I have a boyfriend, it is as if we take turns in our different destinies. Each understands that unless both of us are single we won't have as much time to spend with each other. But our friendship remains strong. Other guys, after we have been friends for years, but because of some minor thing that can be forgotten easily, forsake this friendship. And so all I have are memories, but I am not sad, because each friendship has different twists and turns, if it ends, let it be. It was not meant to be anyways.

==

We are having a rather long weekend because we are going on a photoshoot with our photographers on Tuesday. Yay! The plans for the weekend seems so fantastic and I'm going to relish every little minute drop of time spent with Mr A. When you miss someone everyday, eating lunch together for an hour just doesn't cut it.

Have a great weekend wherever you are, and know that if you are alone you can always find some ways of entertaining yourself, in Singapore or elsewhere, online or off... ...

a few reasons to save up.

Mr A. said that he had deeper pockets this month because he got a bonus. It's awfully nice of him to share some of it with me. Exercise mats, pasta dinners and all. How about a new handphone too? (Blackberry, or some new-fangled qwerty device please...) Just kidding. It's amazing how we can find so many things we NEED to buy while living in (this) city. I already have plans (vague plans) as to what to do with my future money. I NEED a new hp. A digital camera. Clothes. Makeup. Skincare. More clothes. The perfect shade of lipstick.
Black photoframes for my postcards. I'm so glad I don't have to go to balding centres, slimming centres, rebond my hair or give money to both my parents.

But we have some ways to make our money stretch.

1. Eating at Mr A's Mom's diner.(FOC)
For dinner, I love the fact that I can eat white, fragrant rice at The Diner. And 'hebi hiam', and soups. A typical Cantonese dinner. Nice soups. I come from a postmodern family who is into organic whole foods. Never seen white rice for years, only brown, basmati, mixed-or short grain rice. Currently eating pita bread for breakfast and dinner and the occasional takeaways zi char. So I relish the traditional, sit at dining table and soup with the meal concept.
Mr A. said that's also a good way of spending time with her but I can't see how, she doesn't eat with us, only after.
Still, it saves us money. Which brings me on to point #2.

2. Eating on a budget.($30)
Limiting unnecessary restaurant dining experiences to celebratory excursions.
For two, we came up with a tight budget of $30 per meal dining out.
It's not that hard-pressed to find food here actually. Faves include the recent KimGary - a lamb chop meal which comes with drink, soup, bread, and the delectable french toast is less than $25. Portions big enough for two. We also like sukiyaki (introdued Mr A. to it and he loves it soooo much, unusual for a guy) which we can share at Ichiban's, paired with a few sides, and Chompchomp's selections. I somehow always like the cheery atmosphere of Chompchomp, no matter what, eating there will make my mood uplifted. Perhaps a fond childhood memory of the place, and the best bbq chicken wings ever paired with all the nice carrotcake, satay beehoon, oyster omelette.... slurps.

3. NOT going to shopping malls on weekends. (FOC)
I have given Vivocity and Raffles City too much of my money. Even if it's a worthy buy like books, inevitably I will need a Coffeebucks or a manicure or a new hairband, at these evil places. And end up spending $50? Bleah!
Places to go on weekends: Old Town Big Splash. Yums. ECP, Pasir Ris Park, Furniture shops - not counted as shopping because not really buying anything. Quite happy I live near the east, nothing much to do in the west muahaha!

4. No movie-watching on weekends. (Save $2.50+$2.50=$5!)
Adds up to great savings! Think about that! IF one month can save $10, one year is $120... just enough for a IKEA kitchen cupboard.

5. No buying any more tee-shirts which are black. ($30?)
Or tee-shirts for that matter. I have enough black, blue, gray ones (I need dark colors in my line of work)

6. Daytrip to JB on weekends (50% off)
Don't know how it's going to help us save money - maybe just on petrol. We are going to try this out. Means I have to break my 'no shopping centres on weekends' rule.

7. Planning ahead. (Priceless, I'm guessing savings of a few hundred per month)
From now on I'm going to write on a post-it pad about pre-empted purchases and 'need to spend on' things like facials and supplies of whatever product that is running out. Now that I also apply tinted moisturizer on my neck and decolletage area to minimize signs of aging, it can only last a month compared to 3 months', previously. My facewash also runs out real fast. One can last 1.5 months? Hmm.
Working it out before the paycheck is in the bank does help tremendously. I've been good so far... ... (I didn't forget to include my Thomas Sabo charms expenditure every month.)

Yea, that's all I can think of for now, Luckily, I can claim my taxi expenses which work out to around $200 - $400 on average per month, so I actually spend very little on transport a month, like about $60?

I miss Mr A. After a nice weekend out, the days apart seem too long. It's sick living in a country where we work so long hours (him, not me) - and having so many other activities - church commitments on clashing weekdays - that even though we both live a street apart (according to the postal code that is), meeting up on weekdays prove difficult.

Going home to nurse a nasty ulcer on the tongue, do my mat exercises and think about him.

the men still don't get it.

One of the few lady friends I have remarked to me after the previous post,

'Yes, totally AGREE that we, women always prefer to have BETTER choices.

Well, who doesn't like to have a choice in life? Especially our soulmate.' 

I'm still amazed and terribly happy that I'm able to find a real man who loves me, in Mr A. I always wonder, as a thinker thinks to herself, how can it be possible that two people can find each other and love each other. What are the odds? Some time back, I was acquainted with a nice couple around my age. The girl was gushing to me on how lucky she was she found her Mr Right, and was hopeful of a future together. On the same day, I happened to take the bus back with said Mr Right, as we lived in the same district. Surprisingly, as if he knew what Ms Right had said to me earlier, he mentioned that, his girlfriend seemed to think the world of him and all... ... he is her soulmate, her lifelong dream. But for him, he said that, although he loves her, she is not his soulmate. She is not THE ONE for him. His blunt honestly shocked me to bits and I remembered that for years. I do wonder sometimes, what has happened to him? Has he found his gal?

Meanwhile, the girl has broken up with him, moved out of Singapore, and is now dating a Korean guy so I hope that she has found happiness. Mr A. doesn't really understand about the part where women always prefer better choices. Perhaps in our parent's generation, the network of guys you could pick from was few. And so, you either settled for the one who loved you more and seemed to have a decent character, or you waited until you had to be matchmaked by nosy relatives. But now, having been exposed to different men, not only locally but to 'laowai', to romanticised Korean men, to boyish Taiwanese men... ... we get a little more picky. Just as there are so many options as to what we can apply as makeup on our faces - See, there's foundation, or powdered foundation, or tinted moisturizer, or mineral, or organic, or animal-friendly, or rich in gemstones... ... how to choose? So many options, in our minds. Our lives, and destiny, can totally change if say, we happen to fall in love with a rich (has to be rich) Indonesian Chinese we met in college, and now, living in Jkt, putting on 10 kg because of sedentary lifestyle and tai-tai-ing the days away, having 5 maids to manage and wads of rupiah. 

So now, if you know your guy has a lazy bone, is slacker in nature, been with you for a long time but seems reluctant to propose or to start thinking about the future, a 5-year plan. If your guy just CMI. 

Cannot make it. You can't stand his porkbelly now. You can't stand his lack of personal hygiene. You can't stand his nagging about your lack of CPF in-order to get married and have a HDB and you know you will divorce him if you ever marry him. IF he stands you up during friday night dates, saying he is tired but only said so after you call him after 6pm asking where should we go. CMI!!!

If you can't stand his attitude towards your needs, or he seems to have roving eyes, saying your friends are HOT (but never said that about you.) If you see that he has done it before (been unfaithful)... even though he wants to change, you trust and believe so but the odds are, you have to know, that he will do it again and what will you do then? When he repeats the history which always repeats itself, and time and evidence has always proven so.

Will you leave him, or continue loving him 'till death does us part'? 

We women are not STUPID. All these incidents are true, they have been related to me by women around myself. 

Some wise up and choose a better future for themselves, perhaps the younger ones. The younger ones have less to lose. They are also more willing to 'let go and let God.'

Some choose to stay. And become a totally naggy person. I always wonder why, too. Why they choose to stay. Maybe they think that is the best life has to offer them. 

But if they choose to stay they should also accept his shortcomings because they have accepted that in the past.

Mr A. wanted to know if in future I meet some other guy who has 'all that and more', would I leave this true love, for the other guy? He seemed sulky after I explained about the 'better choices'.

The men really don't get it ah...

Anyways, I have made my choice already! If a woman is not serious about you, she will never agree to certain things... like a 5-year plan with you!!!

Silly Mr A.

the men never get it.

Why women seem to be more materialistic than men; IE 'I want my husband/boyfriend to be able to buy me an Audi next time'; 'He must earn more than me, I can't accept less'... ... It's not about the money. 

When women want a guy who has more or better educational status than them, it's not about the braggability, nor the oft-quoted tome about 'Smart women like smart men.' We actually like our guys to be a little more simple, a little more dense because Smarty-pants is never charming. Prince Edward of 'Enchanted' is a doofus, but adorable because he is so in love with Gisele, and he sings to her, too. 

In our grandparents' generation, the women always stayed at home, unless the man passed away early, then the oft-uneducated woman would have to take on jobs like food court cleaner, laundromat helper, to support her young children. But seemingly in a hand-to-mouth existence, they could still afford a HDB and new clothes every month.

In our parent's generation, the women had a choice to stay at home, and take care of the kids, or work. Work being mainly 'office clerks', 'typists', receptionists, for those with O'levels and service industries for those without. Most mothers stayed at home if the family could afford it. Mine did, preferring the home life to a office environment. 6 people subsisted on one income but the fridge was always full, we had 2 modes of transport (Fiat-minivan or motorbike), and we owned a HDB flat.

Women look up to guys who seem smart, because they have a better opportunity to excel in their chosen field of work = better chances of getting promoted or recognized or headhunted and thus, having a better income. But it's not about the income. It's about having the choice. Choosing between staying at home or going to work. If my family was rich, and could afford to supply me with say, $2K/month for the rest of my life, I would be very happy working as a part time waitress, serving coffee and tea, and spending the rest of my days having long walks, writing stories, reading and making art. 

Most guys nowadays think that women, their other half, should go out and work. In fact, many of my peers, gentlemen, seemed curious as to why I had mentioned (to them before), that women, they don't need you men to be rich or provide luxuries for them. BUT... when we are in the parenthood phase(which will last for about 20 years for some of us), we always prefer to have a CHOICE. To be able to choose between working, or wanting to stay at home to look after the kids. 

To be able to choose.

And because women are always smart enough to look for better options for her own life, like finding the perfect mascara, or the perfect little black dress. we hope that in this lifetime, we can find a man who's all that and more. Sure, we don't discriminate against men who are lowly educated. But we always prefer having a better choice.

And the men don't get it why women like flowers. As children, boys and girls, we always want to pick wildflowers to give to our Mommy. 'Hey Mommy! This flower is picked for you.' In a sense, we are giving it out of love even though Mommy may not want that flower picked. But she accepts it because she knows the child's intention. And women accept flowers from men in the same way. Flowers makes us feel special - just note the admiring glances if you carry a big bouquet of flowers in the MRT, whether you are male or female you are sure to get a lot of attention. Flowers make us feel loved, and pretty, they spell out that we are lovely, like a flower. Tee hee, a flower for me? Awwwww. How sweet, we say.

Even those women who purportedly say they do not like flowers or are 'not a flower person', always seem to melt when they are presented with sincere flowers from the heart. But men being men, they take these women's words as what-it-is, and never give them flowers. Gah.

 

places to go, things to do

I think one thing good about the state of the economy is that it has helped me to try to save, psychologically.

Thinking of ways and means to save on your usual purchases is not easy; seeing this retail environ we live in, and … sometimes it’s more worth it to buy the more expensive stuff. All nods in agreement. Regretting after buying a cheap and no-good piece of clothing/makeup/whatever, it’s not worth the frustration. But I try to note down things, like GainCity has a discount on digital cameras, saving some dough… and other places some things can buy it cheaper, too.

I buy most of my books second-hand, a wise decision because I can read 2 books in a week. I still like going to The Bookshops in Raffles City, Wheelock; and Vivocity, but now, I plan for my book purchases, and buy them at Bras Basah. Kind Indian man already recognizes me, always having the same question. ‘Any Nicholas Sparks’ books?’ Once I like one author I have to read most of his books. So I’ve read most of Jostein Gaarder’s, Agatha Christie’s, Nicholas Sparks’. Got a Paulo Coelho book and it was my first, a pleasant read.

Stumbled upon this shop, ‘Cat Socrates’, near the 2^nd hand bookstore, it sells everything I like. Tin Robots. Notebooks of brown paper and vintage prints. Lomo prints in small, small pieces – I bought to paste on my Office wall.

http://home.catsocrates.com.sg/

We bought a notebook (his idea!) and wanted to write down all our little memories. Listed down places we wanted to go – so many nice places to go, and eat at, and just relax at… the night-places we can go to, it’s hard-pressed to find a decent location at night to just cosy up and talk.

There are the too-dark and isolated places like parks which does not bode well for having a quality conversation, plus I have a dread fear of mossies since I had dengue before, (Really. We always bring tealight candles when we go to the beach at night. People think it’s for the romance feel but actually to chase away mossies, and ants too we discovered, and it works 100%.)

So on a dating session last Saturday night, we found ourselves at T3, Changi Airport. On the signboard at the lift area the shops at B1, B2, B3 etc were listed. Mr A. thought that the ‘24H’ notation at the back of the restaurant’s name meant the area it was located, and puzzledly said, ‘Eh, where’s area 24H’? I was hysterical.

The book Pastor recommended ‘5 love languages’ is really beneficial to us in this stage of our relationship. I had quite a hard time determining which is mine, I guess I feel loved so much that I don’t really know what is lacking or what I would like more? But it turns out that an obvious one for me would be quality time. (Him, even without reading he insists it is ‘touch’.) It’s really fun to find out the different dialects we will have in our love language. As a ‘thinker’, I enjoy a quality conversation, talking about things that are conjecturally interesting, talking analytically about people and people’s relationships and what we would do in that situation.

He likes simple massages… and I happen to be able to give massages really well! I think for couples who don’t speak each other’s love languages fluently, it may pose some difficulties. I actually know of guys who don’t like to be touched… but I’m sure every couples likes to spend time together, right… We keep up a daily conversation through email, so it’s nice to have a message pop up, sometimes about funny stuff, about how lunch was, about how was our work like, the interesting places I filmed, the things he did, like singing ‘beat it’ last Friday to the ire of his colleagues.

And so each day passes, happily.

charmed

We've been about a month together now, and we had a little celebration last weekend to mark it. 

Was gobsmackedly surprised when Mr A. presented me with a little dog charm! It was the charm I wanted!!! Yay!!!

The week before, while he was doing his 'home-work' at Coffeebucks at The Big Splash, I was reading and had used the Thomas Sabo charm bracelet catalog as a bookmark of sorts, and took it out and placed it on the table. For quite some time now, I have been hankering after the nice charms... I do like charm bracelets and want something I can keep. Tiffany's too expensive (for silver!) in my opinion, but I totally get the feeling when you step into the shop *gasp gasp* or receive one of those blue boxes!!! 

So actually, I planned to buy the charm bracelet and each month add a charm to it... 

Mr A. swiftly spotted the catalog and *gasp gasp* took note of what I said as I was happily chirping away about the nice designs, which one I am considering, etc etc... Think next time I shall not tell him what I like... you know like sometimes you spot something, like rose-colored plates and cutlery, and mention, ooo, that IS nice... not knowing your boyfriend is taking down mental notes...(and actually, you just think it's nice not that you actually want to buy it nor use it) haha. He is soooo sweet, he wanted to buy me the whole bracelet too but I beat him to it! *phew*. 

One of the awesomely good advice Pastor gave us was to find a book - about relationships and growing together, and read it together. That IS good advice. But, the choices of Christian books (and dare I say, secular too) are limited, on this matter. We went to both a Christian bookshop and the bookshop in Raffles City which earns the most money from me... there were abundant choices for those "Oh God why am I still single" people, with titles like 'Make every man want you' (why would you want that?) 'How not to meet jerks', 'single men are like waffles...' and even 'how to plan for a wedding if you have less than 3 months'!!! (Wonder what would anyone say to that!!!) The christian books were mainly for marrieds, like how to keep the flame alive after a year, after kids, after he's been unfaithful, etc. Otherwise there were limited books, of which I've read most already, like Josh Harris', and the quintessential 'Boundaries in Dating'. (Which in my opinion is REALLY good just that I didn't like the new cover. Bleah. Why are old covers always nicer than newer ones and why don't they just stick to the nicer one...)

Anyways Mr A. bought '5 love languages' and since it's been some time since I last read it, I shall read it again at Coffeebucks this weekend. 

I read this article online, about understanding your partner's love language, from a newsletter I e-subscribe to. I've read it before, but now, again, it gives a different context - more reality-nitty-gritty now, as I'm in an actual relationship compared to when I was ... imagining that I was? 

http://drbenkim.com/articles-lovelanguage.html

For women when it comes to issues of the heart, I think we are much more sensitive - although we try our darndest not to be, but a little thing like him wrenching his head away from you when you pucker up for a kiss (he was jokingly doing that I mean) may make us feel bewildered and a bit sad. 

Of course we don't want to seem that we are being uptight and petty so we just let it fall by the wayside but maybe next time we will be slightly more reluctant to ... pucker up.

So I think knowing your own love language also helps in relationship communication in that sense. Though I've known myself for so long, I'm still quite clueless as to which I'd like to give or to receive. Can I choose all of the above? 

Yesterday I also received note that my friend's about to wed. Yay! Though I wouldn't claim to be very close to her or to know her well, I'm really really happy for her. I remember that I was one of the first she shared her joy with then last year when he proposed, and hearing her elated being emanating from google-chat (amazing right!) I also felt a warm bubble of happiness seeping through my soul. Ah, weddings are lovely... They are both rather well-planned, meticulous and methodical people so their website... is something I've bookmarked if I need some help next time. Not really being involved in people's weddings apart from singing and helping with the creative part, I am rather intrigued to see the lengths of which they have prepared for their day. They even have customized rings!!!! I ALSO WANT!!! (http://www.fairysinc.com/) 

I once knew a guy (not knowing him very well)... he actually bought his rings from one of the most... 'cheapo' or... brand is not very well-positioned brand in Singapore... not Taka Jewellery... it's Citigems! =( Worse, he told me (proudly) he used his sister's member card and got 30% off. =( Worse, I knew that his family is not poor one, landed property alright... some couples, they are not earning much, but at least can buy Lee Hwa? Even Goldheart also not bad, right? Since it's a wedding ring, and you're going to wear it until you can't fit, or at least for the first few years, buy something more worth it... I'm not a brand snob but I was rendered speechless when he bought his rings at... ...nevermind. 

The organized couple:

http://www.davidvera.superweds.com  

The customized rings:

http://www.fairysinc.com/

The relationship article:

http://drbenkim.com/articles-lovelanguage.html

Hee... I like my new charm bracelet.

july baby

This was the surprise! Whilst walking back to his place to get the car for dinner... Mr A spied... a bunch of balloons in his carpark. And nudged me to look at it... and I collapsed in giggles as the bunch came and presented itself to him. We could hardly fit into the lift... and there was a humongous foil heart balloon that's still floating now. Hee hee! We just kept laughing... it's amazing how balloons bring so much joy and laughter to people. Even while we were walking around a park, random people talked to us and wished him a 'happy birthday' - that's the magic of balloons I guess.

Us before we got into the lift...

Our balloons and us (and a neighbor auntie!!!) squeezed in with us... she had to bent over but she said she was in a hurry and kept asking us if we were having a party. 'Wah, so many balloons arh! Kai party arh!!!"

Before he reach home, gave a green balloon to his neighbor, and 'overwhelmed' / new birthday costume in the corridor... ...

And a lovely meal at Brazil Churrasco. I did the corporate video on their site. So I had the opportunity of dining there (free) before. I must say the meats are delish, free flow served by waiters... verrry nice! Below is the architectural tree made by the Tree Wizard after having been inspired by our love story... ... it really looks like a real tree and I added a couple wearing clothes that looks like us, standing at the side and looking into the future. Sort of to celebrate a month being together. And a little nest behind on one of the branches of the tree, with eggs which shall remain our little insider secret for now. Mr A. wrote me a card, and gave a charm for my bracelet (He wanted to buy the bracelet but I beat him to it!)... it's so sweet, and unexpected. He even took down notes on what kind of flower I liked (allium - seasonal, now no more la) hee... sometimes when we don't meet, I still feel like, hey, is this for real? Someone once said the love will grow deeper with time, and even though we have to acknowledge we are very different individuals although we like to think we are alike, there's nothing that cannot be worked out or discussed upon...nothing major anyways. I'm touched that even though it's early days now, and as hopeful as we are, reality does play a part, but I'm so touched that he wants, and knows that he wants to spend the rest of his days with me. He feels that he is the most blessed man in The Church... hee... and I am really really happy just to have him, and I pray that we will never know what it's like to be without each other.

We spent about half an hour before leaving for dinner, just having fun, taking photos with 2 of the heart foil balloons. I realised that to get really nice photos, you have to take quite a few shots. So we went crazy with photobooth - and I used picasa to piece all together in a collage, both softwares are free... whilst his Mom looked on, amusedly. I really like the collage above... and was amazed Mr A. had so many expressions!!! Below is all our shots - we took 40 in all and there are some really funky ones. Hee... and we're getting some casual photos done by bryan&jean... they take photos which we like very much.

Pastor's talk and relationship advice

Yesterday was quite a 'big' day for myself and Mr. A. We met with Pastor, and also Dad and Mom. My sis' boyfriend's family also wanted to meet him, but we thought that was a bit too scary! (Oh Mom does think he looks like Iljimae!!!)

Architect wanted to know how was the 'relationship counseling/accountability' like, what actually transpires during the talk session... ... we remarked on how some couples seemed to have black faces or even broke up after such sessions with other mentors. But for me, I consider Pastor as one of my friends, also, this is probably one of the BEST things he could do for me as a friend at this point of time. So, I relish the opportunity to share, and also to gain insights from a 'third party' which we never could have, by ourselves.

Pastor did share his heart with us about many things, things which he has learnt during his own courtship. Pastor has been married for a year now, but he spent 5 looooong years dating, and some of the time in a long distance relationship too as Pastor's wife gotta scoot off to Oz finishing her studies. For us on the other hand, we were curious as to what is 'too fast', considering that we only had a few dates before embarking on this relationship. Pastor said that he hoped we were 'mature 26 years olds' and did not treat this as a 'trial and error' thingy. It would be a waste of time for both of us. I think being in quite a number of relationships previously, I know that I'm not 'trying it out' once again... ...

Also, Pastor gave us some wise advice. He asked us, what made Mr A. choose me, and likewise asked me the same question. He knew that the reasons we chose each other would grow over time, and said he radically believed that ALL relationships could be worked out (provisio of no sin/ awareness of God's presence is there in the relationship.)

For example, as it's always mentioned, a relationship is not only the couple, but also God's presence. We have to have the fear of God in this relationship. But why? Ahhh! There is the burning question that many cannot answer. As Pastor explained to us... you see, there is always the fear of God/God's real presence in every relationship. But when we are further away from God, engaging in stupid things for example, God's presence moves further away and repeated again and again, this relationship brings more harm than good. So ideally, we have to set a high standard of purity because God will look at this relationship and go ,"Wow, this couple is really honoring me, man. I am impressed." Pastor also advises us not to even think of spending the night together (!!!) as some people 'smartly' make up excuses like... it's so late, let's just crash here etc. Putting this down on paper, I think most people would agree that it's unwise to stay out so late, etc.

But in this country, I think it's acceptable to say, watch the sunrise together or... just spend a prolonged time, till wee hours in the night, talking, at the beach, etc. Yes, we have done that. And spending time at each other's place, well, my place is full of people so engaging in any hanky-panky is outta the question, and as we live so near each other, I think no one will buy the excuse, that 'it's sooo late, why don't you just crash here and go back tomorrow,' haha. Pastor said, you would rather spend the $20 cab fare midnight surchage home than to have one night of guilt... even, say you didn't do anything, people would always imagine the worst about you. That's quite true actually. We'll try to go home earlier (maybe before 2am?) and not stay out till it's so dark, we are actually very tired this week and my butt muscles are aching from sitting in the sand. (Try it, sitting in the sand for hours is a mean feat.)

Also, about travelling together... alone, is a no-no. For reasons we can well understand why. Because we have animal magnetism and incredible chemistry, we can imagine our emotions getting the better of us. And no fertilized eggs before marriage, please. (I must add here that Mr A. is a terribly decent guy and he is very concerned about my needs before his so, he is not wanting to... do anything also!!!)

So we are making a pact NOT TO travel alone (Though, I have travelled alone with guys as well as solo, but the thing IS...I am totally not interested in them and thank God I have never made any mistakes in this area.) Above all, we wanna honor God and our integrity as well. Though I do like travelling and to my naive mind, 'what can happen right', better not to do so until we are married then we can travel every weekend alone and feel better we have waited til then. We're supposedly going Perhentian or some diving/beach place with his friends and I'm looking forward. Pastor also mentioned we could go out in groups, not just with other couples, but with singles as well. Ya! That's such a good idea, though in our 'sticky' stage now I wonder which single can tahan going out with us? I would like to share my 'lovey-doveyness', as Architect put it, with my friends, single or attached... so those who can tahan please sign up over the next weekend! We can watch movies, chill out at coffee places, sit in the sand together and feed each other!

=)

Any takers?

I'm stoked that Pastor agrees to have us account to him... it's what I've always wanted.

neyumminoona

Last month in Melbourne. Taken from the MsBestFriend's waist-level so I look super longish.

I think one thing it takes for a relationship to keep going strong is the support of family and friends. 

Dad and Mom's gonna meet Mr A. this weekend, and I would say that with the exception of me, both sides are really gearing up towards the meet up! The excitement level is as if I had been a spinster for years!!! -_- Upon hearing the name of his firm "WXYZ", Dad excitedly asked me what it stands for (I haven't a clue!) and went to google it online immediately... ...Worse, this week he messaged me on Facebook about how he has seen Mr A's diving photos, why I didn't tell him Mr A went diving before, how does he pronounce his frenchified name... ... Gosh, I was so embarassed I deleted the 'wall message' and smsed Dad that all our mutual friends and 400 of mine can read what he 'wrote' (presumably thought was a private message, I hope.)

 Mom was surprised he is a professional worker... remarked that at this age, he is already professional? Muahahaha. And she asked how he looks like. Is he dark? Tall? Tua Chiak??? After thinking for a while, (cannot say until so handsome otherwise she will let her imagination run wild), I realised the best way is to liken Mr A. to some of her favorite Korean male stars.

Nope... none of these boys over flowers.

Then suddenly whilst talking to Mr A. on the phone, I realised who he looks like!

'Mom! He looks like iljimae!!!'

A darker version, perhaps. Mom was unduly fascinated by this startling new revelation.

That's more like it. 

I think, he looks more like my parents than I do. We'll ask for a second opinion from friends on saturday (if they come to The Church.)

==

Alkitab and Soursop (with nice red car accessories I wanna buy) has been verrrry encouraging too. They never fail to ask me for updates each week and I happily share the latest stories with them. I shared with A & S how blessed I was with him, and how decent and kind he has been.

Soursop said she wanna fall in love too, with a man who drives. How difficult is that? =)

We were learning from Tae-kwon-do in cell how to speak a bit of Korean. For gals to call an older guy, is 'o-pa' in a very shy and girly sounding way. And for Alkitab to call me (older 'sister'), is 'noona'. We all burst out laughing when Alkitab attempted to call me thus, 'neyumminoona'. He calls Mr A. 'Santos' (because he looks Indon-Chi,) and calls me a improvised version of 'Naomi' (After The Pastor in The Church!!!) which is 'Neyummi', so...

...please call me Neyumminoona.

 

true love, balloons, wedding photos

One of my favorite shots by Bryan and Jean.

Growing up, I've always idealistically assumed that everyone would meet their Prince Charming, and fall in love, and have kids, and repeat that... repeat...repeat. I thought that my love would be easy to find, that it would just be so simple. Meet, fall in love. Both knowing the other is perfect. 

But as time went on, I realised that true happiness was not easy to find. I've seen some friends, more recently, Huntley, going through a divorce - whether at fault or by default, a divorce is always painful. But more painful still is the knowledge of no longer having someone beside you, a hand to hold, a shoulder you know you can always depend on, in good economy or bad. I've seen a couple in The Church. She played the piano beautifully for my friend's wedding last month. She lives in a townhouse with a rabbit, a mini-sausage dog and she is having the perfect life! I'm sure they have been married for some time, probably more than 10 years as they have 2 kids in primary school.... but each time I witnessed, the silent look of love the husband gave her when he returned from work,. the hushed tones in which they converse, the way they gently touch each other, even holding hands and walking into service. Even while we were practising  the worship songs, he would not choose to hide upstairs in the 3-storey townhouse but sit at the rather uncomfortable dining table, doing his work on his laptop, all the while with a smile on his face as he listened to her play.

It is true love, I said to myself. And if I were her, I'd feel as though I'm the most blessed woman alive. My only wish would be for my husband to come home early, so that I can spend more time with him. A part of me still can't believe that I'm with Mr A... when I realise all over again that he's mine! Really! And a gush of warmth and happiness will flood my being. There's nothing on earth we can't talk about, which he attributes it to chemistry and I... I will leave it undefinable (or, indefinable, both are apt) that may be one reason why we will be able to... make it last, too, hopefully, very hopefully. And I'm quite certain that 10 years later, we will still be able to recreate this magical feeling...and can't wait to run back home to each other.

I've chanced upon some lovely wedding photos. I've seen some tacky photos - actually most wedding photos will be tacky if taken in a studio with costumes like feathers, frilly men suits, stuffy furniture and props... but these are really nice. I can't tear my eyes off them and to me, that's what makes a good photo.

==

Lovely photos... I also want an underwater photo! How can they open their eyes!

By people I've recently met, Bryan and Jean.

More at bryanjeanphotography.com

I want floating photos too! Can I have such perfect balloon photos like these?

By Jill Thomas. Her other non-wedding photos are also... great to stare at the whole day. http://jillsphotoblog.com/

Below, Caroline Tran.

http://www.carolinetran.net

Lovely, muted, sky and the perfect shade of pink below. 

Above, by Jessica Johnston.

http://www.jessica-johnston.com  

Below, Charley Star.

http://www.charleystar.typepad.com/