Pastor's talk and relationship advice

Yesterday was quite a 'big' day for myself and Mr. A. We met with Pastor, and also Dad and Mom. My sis' boyfriend's family also wanted to meet him, but we thought that was a bit too scary! (Oh Mom does think he looks like Iljimae!!!)

Architect wanted to know how was the 'relationship counseling/accountability' like, what actually transpires during the talk session... ... we remarked on how some couples seemed to have black faces or even broke up after such sessions with other mentors. But for me, I consider Pastor as one of my friends, also, this is probably one of the BEST things he could do for me as a friend at this point of time. So, I relish the opportunity to share, and also to gain insights from a 'third party' which we never could have, by ourselves.

Pastor did share his heart with us about many things, things which he has learnt during his own courtship. Pastor has been married for a year now, but he spent 5 looooong years dating, and some of the time in a long distance relationship too as Pastor's wife gotta scoot off to Oz finishing her studies. For us on the other hand, we were curious as to what is 'too fast', considering that we only had a few dates before embarking on this relationship. Pastor said that he hoped we were 'mature 26 years olds' and did not treat this as a 'trial and error' thingy. It would be a waste of time for both of us. I think being in quite a number of relationships previously, I know that I'm not 'trying it out' once again... ...

Also, Pastor gave us some wise advice. He asked us, what made Mr A. choose me, and likewise asked me the same question. He knew that the reasons we chose each other would grow over time, and said he radically believed that ALL relationships could be worked out (provisio of no sin/ awareness of God's presence is there in the relationship.)

For example, as it's always mentioned, a relationship is not only the couple, but also God's presence. We have to have the fear of God in this relationship. But why? Ahhh! There is the burning question that many cannot answer. As Pastor explained to us... you see, there is always the fear of God/God's real presence in every relationship. But when we are further away from God, engaging in stupid things for example, God's presence moves further away and repeated again and again, this relationship brings more harm than good. So ideally, we have to set a high standard of purity because God will look at this relationship and go ,"Wow, this couple is really honoring me, man. I am impressed." Pastor also advises us not to even think of spending the night together (!!!) as some people 'smartly' make up excuses like... it's so late, let's just crash here etc. Putting this down on paper, I think most people would agree that it's unwise to stay out so late, etc.

But in this country, I think it's acceptable to say, watch the sunrise together or... just spend a prolonged time, till wee hours in the night, talking, at the beach, etc. Yes, we have done that. And spending time at each other's place, well, my place is full of people so engaging in any hanky-panky is outta the question, and as we live so near each other, I think no one will buy the excuse, that 'it's sooo late, why don't you just crash here and go back tomorrow,' haha. Pastor said, you would rather spend the $20 cab fare midnight surchage home than to have one night of guilt... even, say you didn't do anything, people would always imagine the worst about you. That's quite true actually. We'll try to go home earlier (maybe before 2am?) and not stay out till it's so dark, we are actually very tired this week and my butt muscles are aching from sitting in the sand. (Try it, sitting in the sand for hours is a mean feat.)

Also, about travelling together... alone, is a no-no. For reasons we can well understand why. Because we have animal magnetism and incredible chemistry, we can imagine our emotions getting the better of us. And no fertilized eggs before marriage, please. (I must add here that Mr A. is a terribly decent guy and he is very concerned about my needs before his so, he is not wanting to... do anything also!!!)

So we are making a pact NOT TO travel alone (Though, I have travelled alone with guys as well as solo, but the thing IS...I am totally not interested in them and thank God I have never made any mistakes in this area.) Above all, we wanna honor God and our integrity as well. Though I do like travelling and to my naive mind, 'what can happen right', better not to do so until we are married then we can travel every weekend alone and feel better we have waited til then. We're supposedly going Perhentian or some diving/beach place with his friends and I'm looking forward. Pastor also mentioned we could go out in groups, not just with other couples, but with singles as well. Ya! That's such a good idea, though in our 'sticky' stage now I wonder which single can tahan going out with us? I would like to share my 'lovey-doveyness', as Architect put it, with my friends, single or attached... so those who can tahan please sign up over the next weekend! We can watch movies, chill out at coffee places, sit in the sand together and feed each other!

=)

Any takers?

I'm stoked that Pastor agrees to have us account to him... it's what I've always wanted.

enchanted

Cavenagh Bridge is a good place to propose... especially if it holds nice memories for you.

For me, I used to spend summery hot afternoons eating my sandwich at the Singapore River overlooking Cavenagh bridge. Working at One Fullerton, that pocket of nature amongst the busy cityscape area was my point of respite. I remember looking at Cavenagh bridge once when I was stranded at the Fullerton reception by a thunderstorm, and wondering what sights it must have weathered, what stories it might have stored.

And through last night's conversations I realised that maybe I am not alone in these feelings, that even guys also cherish sweet memories and expectant thoughts of a future with someone special.

We were enacting a 'speed-dating' mass-up between some sporty lasses and laddies in our group - since I was keen to be an observer and eat my ice-cream before Kie finishes it all, we couldn't understand what the hullabaloo was all about. Later, someone was mercilessly teased - he later revealed he had thought of nice places to propose, like the Cavenagh bridge - having a touch of romance sure wows girls in times like these. For me, if I ever go speed dating, I think I will ask questions like, 'Have you ever fallen in love before?' , 'What are the characteristics you look for in a mate?' or just stare into their eyes... hehe, to find out who they really are.

And when I'm lonesome, I find myself having imaginary conversations with a person I hold close to my heart. I wish that his presence could grace my hours more often, the way we used to. I want to whisper, that even though he does not know it, his hands are holding, my heart. That I am the stability factor in his tumultous life, and I forgive everything he has said that has caused me pain, because I know that I can be like that too, in these times. I wonder if he has changed so much by the current circumstances that he does not remember me anymore, that he does not remember my name, or the way we used to talk, without reservations or obligations, that every meeting of us was so important to me- that I felt furious and lost at it being unmaterialised. That although I seem to not be in touch with my feelings I can't understand why I am thrown into this whirlwind of emotions just because I miss him, as if missing him alone was a vital ingredient to rob me of my senses.

And because I am like this, I cannot make his problems my problems, I just need to let things be, 'In His Time'. I am impatient because I love too intensely. If there is any fault, let it be mine, my lonesome heart has held dear the presence of a highly esteemed friend who now means more to me than anything else.


It has been said that every girl's wish is to marry a rich guy - every guy seems to know this. What they don't know is that 'rich' doesn't have to equal $$$; he can be rich in other things - like romance.

wedding invited, and attended.

Well, I've attended my obligatory wedding of the year. Weddings are dull for me when I don't really know the couple and am invited to so many of those that I've lost count. Though some people think of me as being on the social side, I shy away from big events like weddings, convocations, boring events... ... But I consider myself a friend of Ed's ,so was glad I went. Still, shall limit myself to one wedding a year.





It's times of meeting kids like these that you feel your biological clock ticking and also want a strong husband to carry kids, bags, gifts and pram...


I know I'd get married one day, and I have some ideas of my own. I guess the problem with such big church weddings is that part of the romantic atmosphere is gone with some feeling more like seminars than weddings -which is supposed to be a joyous occasion for most. I want to be able to talk to people who are at my wedding, to greet the relatives and to give all my friends hugs and ask them about their cute babies. A reminder to me not to invite too many people, keep it simple and meaningful.

Sometimes I am kinda impatient when God tells me 'wait', especially in this area. It's the area of my life in which I pray about the most actually, when it boils down to the most important decision that you can ever make: the decision to be with someone, forever. For me, it is different - not like the usual fairytale everyone dreams of, someone dropping from the sky and 'happily ever after' - I've been praying for my husband since I was a kid (I was gawkily tall, tallest girl in my kinder class... so I fervently prayed, 'God please make my husband taller than me') I turned out o be above-average tall, not supermodel tall, so...whew!

So you could say that I pray about this area a lot. Heh...

Sometimes, I wanna hurry God along. Sometimes I feel like telling TBO, hey, I am the mother of your future kids.(haha! that's an exaggeration)...Or, TBO, you are getting old le... LOL! Other times I fear he will like someone else, which actually he always has someone or the other in mind, I think... or he has some celibate thinking, or he will laugh in my face when er, he realises God has promised this inferior quality product for him. (Maybe he needs to be more specific in his prayers. I AM trying to be a good woman.) Ever since I have surrendered all to God, it has been a few tough months of waiting, praying, waiting, praying... I nicely asked God what can I, you know, DO for the clueless chap... and God said, ..."LISTEN." Not that my listening comprehension is bad, but the chap doesn't speak much, or he cleverly diverts the conversation to me, knowing I can yak for hours. Listening to my TBO seems the hardest thing to do. He also doesn't respond with any yaks when I command him to talk to me. Just a peaceful silence? Oh, xxx! Just kill me...

I know others have prayed and waited longer but to me it seems ages. Worst, he doesn't believe in THE BEST ONE!!! *laments*

So, I don't think he will take too kindly to a old friend (me, lah) if she tells him 'you are my TBO', expecting an acceptance ('You are my TBO too' *swoon* *kiss*) but in reality regarded with a perplexed expression from him, and more unbearable silence. Plus I have a rather big ego and do not wish to be embarassed in front of my hero, so, I will try not to say stupid, stupid things which I have already said (too embarassing to mention) but I do thank all the prophetic and kindhearted people whom I have recently met, yet they say so many nice things to encourage us/him/me; whom I will definitely invite to my wedding, if I do get married... ...

I think I'm the only lady who knows I will 'accept' (Yes, I do. God say so. Who am I to say no?) before anything even started, anyways not so many people are blessed/cursed to know about their TBO since they were young...(okay, blessed, I was joking... God? You still there?)

John Bevere (I like that man!) in 'The Fear of the Lord' (currently reading) says we should not treat God as our 'Sugar Daddy in the sky' ! Haha! But true, what God Daddy promised us, we need to treasure, and continually believe it's for the best.

I shall continue to wait in anticipation. I shall not suffocate TBO with my effusive anticipation...

flexi-time

Love makes Time pass,
Time makes Love pass.

Was reminded by Snowman that I wrote here alternate days; there was a week I entirely stopped. (Oh, you noticed, hee...) Aye, the reason was because I was concussed by that week's events, hur hur. But it was a conscious decision to write alternate days really. Maybe just wanted to write, I have to write stuff everyday, although I don't see the need to speak everyday (maybe only to Snowman)... it's great to get the words out of my system. I write my prayers to God in my journal, lengthy ones, pages long when I can't find the words to pray, I keep writing. But I also write because one day, sooner than I hope, I will write a book. (And it will be a bestseller!) I don't know what sort of book I would write yet, a novel? Something God-inspired? It has been one of my yet-unfulfiled dreams to write a book. The first novel I wrote was 10 years ago. I sent the manuscript to Times and some local publishers, they politely declined it. Since then, I've written, as and when the inspiration strikes. Short stories. Sermons. Poems and the like.

I think all of us are afraid of being like a fool when we fall in love. Knarf shared with me today, that he's afraid too, of turning into someone different, when he really loves someone. Then, he explained, that he would need friends (especially those like me, right...) to rescue. Because usually when we are in love, we cannot see things objectively.

Did mention to Snowman that it's not so important, for me, WHO is the person I love. But rather, the process, and how you love the person that is of significance.

It's hard to keep your feelings under wraps especially when you know it's not the right time. After all, it is of your own volition to utter those little words that can change your meaningful friendship forever, for better or worse.

And when the guy is sure of his feelings, the lady love can be reassured to love him with all her heart. We are like that, we protect our hearts from deep hurt, slowly letting the Romeos of our lives see what we are, what we live for.

There are many reasons for doing things, sometimes we ourselves do not know the real reasons why we say this or do that. Always be sincere to everyone in all you do. At least, that's what I look for. =)

Knowing yourself well also helps someone else to love you better.

==
Rabbit.

Finally, after some weeks of research and thinking, went down to P's BunnyLand last sunday. The Personwhokeepsarabbit (PAR) accompanied me! P specially opened up the place for me, it was at Farmway 2, #1. Woo! There were about a hundred rabbits there. Holland Lops, Dwarfs, Mixed breeds, Angora, I can't remember the rest. I saw a really nice blue mixed breed. I love those bunnies with big eyes! Actually, Par is a bit like a bunny, too. So sometimes I have the horrible urge to stroke his hair. Haha! Oh rabbits eat a lot. Mine is constantly chewing on hay. In the end I chose a beautiful beige one with gray tipped ears and face. It's a longhaired, teddy breed. She was looking at me and I think there was this emotional attachment. I don't mind keeping another one later on, when she grows bigger.

I've named her Skiiri, (pronounced as SKY-LrEE) just thought I wanted a Scandinavian name, but I couldn't find any suitable and not-so-girly ones. Skiiri is taken from 'Skyla' a Dutch girl name which means 'sheltering', and "Ri", japanese origin, common ending name for girls; comes from the word 'kotowari', 'ri' meaning reason or theory. So Skiiri, live a long and happy life!

I think I really love the rabbit smell, I can't really stand hamster's one...but rabbits smell great, man! I think they should bottle the smell of hay, rabbit fur and a bit of sweet meadow scent. Mmm! I feel like burying my nose in her fur...

Kept a white rabbit long time ago, apart from having these, I've kept hamsters, white mice, cats. My family kept birds, fishes...a yabee (Aussie crayfish), insects like scorpions, spiders, lots of praying mantises, a favorite of my brother and sister; I had a stick insect from the Pahang forest and also a cicada. Practically a menagerie. I shall continue to keep pets the rest of my life. I shall pray that my future better half loves them, too. =) It's important you know.

Sometimes we think too much #4

(kai)

Allegra, can you hear me?
Allegra, sometimes I look at the stars in the sky -now showing up so brightly, too brightly where I am; and I wish that you can be here. It's the simple things like this that really captivates you, isn't it? Those little moments of bliss where you can sit, and stare - entralled in nature's beauty.

Where I am now is near the coast, near the frightening sea you have always disliked. But in the same way that I could never share in your sorrow, I never shared your aversion for the sea. Even at night, in the dark, the big, splashing sounds the dark waves make seem more like a lullaby to me. I wished I could help you, Allegra. I am not the kind of person you make me out to be.

Through the years, I sort of realised all of us have changed, somehow. We were no longer the carefree type of college students we used to be -without a care in the world. Somehow along the way we grew up, and then we realised that we had a choice in determining our future for ourselves. Yours was nicely mapped out, too nicely, perhaps, that you chose to do something else, something many people might have condemned you for. But not me, I wanted to see you happy above all else, to see your curved eyes light up again, like they did so often when you were with him. When time steals the precious things we love, all of a sudden it seems like nothing matters anymore. How could we, both young as we were, face this world and think of it as nothing but a means of survival?

But when all else fails, love conquers all. I think I read that from a book somewhere. I never liked reading, you know. It was Allegra who taught me to love books. She was happy in them, almost in a sexualised way. She took to completely absorbing herself in them, and then when it was finished, look up, stretch and her face showed complete contentment and bliss. It was the simple things in life that pleased her the most. I believe no one wanted to make things this complicated. I hoped to make it better, for her, for all of us. Yet perhaps my part to play in this story of life is just a bystander, watching, evaluating, seeing things happening yet not knowing when it is going to end or how.

Someday perhaps I will have my own life story, where I play a central role, where I am the author of my life. Sweet. For now, I must help them, change their minds, let them know how important it is not to hurt anyone, least of all themselves.

Sometimes we think too much #3

(allegra)

Life is fair – I’ve always believed in that. Some things just come easier to you, some, not. Like how ugly people get really sincere, nice friends.

I guess I’ve always had an easy life. Born in a well-bred family, though only Dad was there for me, I had no lack of anything at all. Blame it on my grandfather, he opened a bank and then died of a heart attack. Guess banking is quite stressful especially when you are a womanizer like Grandpa. So I never really got to know him, mostly only through articles about how visionary a person he was. The Royal Port Bank in New Melalunia is still one of the top banks in mutual funds so, I get a decent monthly income from the estate, though I seldom touch it.

Being born rich doesn’t mean things come easy for me. I still had to study hard like everyone else. After we graduated, a few friends and I pooled together what resources we had to start a small café on the East Side of Harly.

The concept was good, we met and discussed about it for ages. There were six of us. And that was how it all started.

Mark was one of the guys who started the café with me. At first, I hardly noticed him. I never even had an impression of him. To me, he was there, just there. No one talked about him much, as he was actually a friend of Jeff, so we just left it as that. It was only much later, after the café had disbanded, that we got a little closer, then a little more.

So that was how it started. When a chapter closes, another one begins. And although life was good to me, relationships were never easy. I was happy enough to play a supporting role in any man’s life, to be a nice wife with beautiful kids. That was every girl’s dream: of a white garden wedding, and a happy family. Coming from an unusual family background however, did not bode well for me. At the very least, it made things difficult for all my previous lovers. Coming from a close knit community, I had no chance to fit into their average, white suburban middle class circle. For one, I was not purely white nor was I middle class. Thought I could pass for one on first sight. Unfortunately I used to fancy nice collegiate boys with a penchant for running under the sun playing hockey. So there goes. It’s nice to believe in love. Love is supposed to be unrealistic, where two people meet and realize that their lives are not complete without the other. But Life is not like that. In this essence Life has been unfair to me. For my privilege has brought me down in this area. Where money is concerned, most men would not choose someone from the upper class. I know things are changing now, and probably in a few years no one would care. But in my early dating days, everyone did.

The café had problems from the start. It was a great, simple concept, nice hot soups, and the usual scones, donuts, cakes and pies. With fantastic premium blends of coffee and tea. However, we had many issues with the staff and the location was simply too quiet. Well, all of us still made a bit of profit in the end.

Mark helped out the most, at the end. It turned out that he was fresh out from selling off his computer parts biz, and we were the ones left to close the café down. At that point in time, Emily was getting married, Jeff was buried in his banking job, and the rest just drifted away. I don’t even keep in touch with the rest now, only Kai. Kai was always there to help me. After all, we’ve been bosom buddies for years now. I remember that I’ve always cried on his shoulder for some tea and sympathy which he always gave freely, after my horrid turbulent relationships. After each one I vowed to stay away from guys, and I was doing quite a good job of it, till Mark came. And I was not looking for him, either. He was unconventionally nice looking, with a pouty mouth, almost too big but just alright for his slightly above average frame. His hair jutted out in strange angles, and he always had to put tons of hair products to keep it looking sane. I’ve always had thick, flyaway dark hair, thanks to Dad, so I knew what it was like to have hair with a life of its own. Even now I have to put at least three different types of products before setting out.

If I could live life over again, I wouldn’t have chosen this to happen to me. Not like this. Not a love like this. While the love and the emotions were pure, the context in which it was found was not. Call me idealistic, but I had always believed in love. True enough, it was a decision to continue on in the relationship. Was this decision made by me, or him? Sometimes in life when you make decisions, it is not in your control to choose how they turn out to be. Knowing the context, I should have closed the chapter. But knowing me, I just let myself go.


(to be continued)

In my heart

Quite tired out by work lately. But the short story is still on my mind, posting new stuff soon.

Aye.
I'm the type of girl that has many guy friends, who seem to love to go out with them, talk animatedly and have no qualms about sharing with the opposite gender life tales and more. In fact, I get awkward around girls, I don't really know how to talk to them (because each of them are so different and sensitive presumably) so around girls I clam up, it's hard for me to talk about my life because if I keep talking - about guys, maybe they think that's all I ever think about. But no, there's more to life.

Just that I like to talk about the boys because it's so much more interesting trying how to figure them out.

And the funny little things I remember gives me my daily dose of laughter. Guys, a little clue to make her fall head over heels for you. Make her laugh. Little giggles and bursts of laughter. Well at least for me it works. I love the guys who can make me laugh.

Now that I have this 'new vibe' - elaborately pondered upon, unintentionally having it though - I think it's quite scary. The number of people who somehow pick it up and ...interesting things happen. I must say that it beats the vibe that I'm out to find a possible life partner and analyse every male specimen I meet. Nope, not for me. In fact now I think that my life goals are becoming clearer, it puts any romantic notions to sleep. Zzz! Because I have many guy friends, I am clearer about the type that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and hopefully help him out in his biz. I am really willing to play the part of the support role, just waiting for the time I can do it! Meanwhile, I'm not really looking. Ogling maybe! =P But often, eye candy gives you a toothache and sometimes heartache as well. Sometimes they are gay too (so sad.) So it's fun for now to behave like the guys I know, and ogle guys for once. It's fun!

Sometimes I wonder what the women really see in Kie, because I know too many women who have fallen for his impish charms, and too many who have kindly but insensibly advised me 'to consider him'.

And sometimes I like to lapse into my own world, just imagining that the body of air beside me is actually an interesting, funny guy who cares for me and loves me like no one else does.

Being idealistic and unconventional rules in a world where rudimentary fragments compartmentalise reality.

=)

So here's a deep thought for the day:
Ask yourself,
Who occupies a little place in your heart... hee hee
Is there a place for God in your heart?

Sometimes we think too much #2

(allegra)

I had always believed that Love was a decision, not a feeling. I thought I could control my destiny, choose my fate, believe in my dreams and decide on a blissful future.

Faces. Look all around you. Don’t the faces all seem so nonchalant, so absorbed in their self interests, so bored with life, just walking pass you aimlessly, towards a destination that is not theirs? I used to watch these faces pass me by when I could still afford the luxury of a designer coffee. I need my mocha fix sometimes. It intrigued me how these faces reflect who they really are. If you are scheming, somehow there is that glint of the eye, or a mean streak that can be glimpsed, if you bother to look hard enough. I like people with poise. Not those hurried, scattered personalities who just walk quick paces without noticing their surroundings. Perhaps they hurry through life with eyes opened, yet seeing nothing at all.


I am like that at times.

When I am absorbed in a beautiful song, or when someone has occupied a place in my heart. Love – I had believed in it, yet it had let me down.

And with searching eyes, I was looking through the crowd for someone like me. Who saw things the way I do. A soulmate perhaps? It seems so contrived, but I do believe that one exists –or more than one, though from the way things seem to be, even one would be difficult to find.

It is always a surprise to me to find someone who could listen to my nonsense, or even bother to know me better. Yes, I fit the stereotype of a misfit – albeit with an angelic face. Apart from my long locks of raven hair framing my face, betraying my femininity, the rest of me is rather tomboyish, except for the figure, of course. I mean, if I had bothered to dress up, maybe show more skin, those lounge lizards and paperbag guys – men with the personality of a paperbag would come and offer to buy me more coffee, maybe. But anyways, being thin and almost hairless everywhere else, I am always freaking cold, so I am always decked out in sporty style, leggings paired with a thick blouse and over it, a parka. Comfort style for me. Nice too, most of the times.

So when we fell in love, idealistically, it was meant to last. But it started with an end.

I thought that if you do things knowing what the ending would be like, it would not be so painful. Like you had already anticipated it not to last, so that when it doesn’t, you can be nonchalant about it, and move on in a flash, or at least just savor the happy times and not the ones that tear you apart.

My favorite place to daydream, besides sitting by the creek with that designer coffee, is on the beaten path, along the further way to my house. There I can imagine that there are cute fluffy bunnies greeting me at every wooded shrub corner.

There I can imagine I am walking hand in hand with the man I love.

There I can imagine that Mark is there, listening to me and offering me comfort like no one else could.

Comfort is so hard to find nowadays, isn’t it?

(to be continued...)

Sometimes we think too much #1

In the midst of writing a short story. Writing is therapeutic for me.
Based on own experiences, though some parts exaggerated and fictional ideas thrown in for good measure. For those who are looking for love... find it, and be happy.


#Chapter 1#
(kai)
My friend liked her. And that was how I got to know her. Allegra. Back then, she would look me up, each time her soul needed comforting.
Sure, most girls cry easily. But she wouldn’t cry over spilt milk. Or her own hurt. Most of the times she would cry over others. How she wished she could turn back time and be a little nicer. She was independent enough but I guess in that way she was vulnerable – she could not see it coming. You know, when guys hurt her. Saying insensitive things, or just treating her like dirt.

In some ways I felt that she was not meant to be here. She always felt that way too.
What could I do? She always told me that our friendship would end soon. I never believed her – perhaps inwardly, I did. She had an uncanny knack for predicting stuff that would happen. I was too slow, maybe I did not realize that some months later, we had grown apart so quickly in our different ways that our friendship was no longer what it was used to be.

And how I long for those times, extended times of sitting together on the wooden bench with cast iron curlicue motifs, enjoying just sitting in silence, for she was not those kind who would just blurt out everything she felt. So we would sit there, me just wanting to squeeze her hand or shoulders, looking at her pitiful forlorn face, but never really having the guts to. I thought she would mind, but looking back, I felt that maybe some physical comfort would bring more peace to her stormy feelings within.

Sometimes we still bump into each other now, being neighbors. It was quite a miracle both of us lived in the same district for so long. She is almost too friendly, waving at me furiously and exclaiming that it was so good to see me again after all this time. But we never did initiate another session. Maybe we both knew that then, and now, we were like totally different people.

And what happened to my friend who liked her? I guess they both liked each other at one point in time, just that he never told her about it, and knowing Allegra, she just moved on from guy to guy, trying to escape the pain – although each brought her more hurts and sadness. I think she just lived – simply lived for the happy times, knowing that those times would carry her through the pain.

I used to wonder how anyone could live like this but now I know, that to her, having an interesting life is better than dying from boredom. My wife hates her, I guess most women do, but I think deep down inside they admire her for going against convention, always speaking her mind, and most of all following her heart. I myself would never have the guts to admit liking someone like Mark. I think that is why after all these years, Mark is still in love with her. Even Damien has stayed single for so long – maybe he cannot forget her, or could not find any girl who was like her – the girl of his youth, the one he wanted to marry.

Allegra, Allegra. Sometimes I wonder who you really are?



(To be continued...)