a positive scripting

Spent hours talking to JC yesterday. He's leaving to Oz for a job posting. Will miss him, but at the same time, happy that he has this opportunity to go.

This week I've had many realizations.

This month has been loooooong. Too long!
My friends have gone to Segamat and I can't go, this weekend I actually am at THREE roadshows/networking events. Sabotaged! But I must say that yesterday's one was fine, met some friends who brightened up my day. I actually met six friends due to the roadshows, so I'm glad to have caught up with some of them. Good friends are those who want to help you and see you succeed, in every area of your life. So I was happy although exhausted from all the non-stop talking and standing up wearing corporate clothes.

Read something (Still reading '7 habits) that really made me think for some time.
Covey writes,

Most people are a function of the social mirror, scripted by the opinions, the perceptions, the paradigms of the people around them. As interdependent people, you and I come from a paradigm which includes the realization that we are a part of that social mirror.

We can choose to reflect back to others a clear, undistorted vision of themselves. We can affirm their proactive nature and treat them as responsible people. We can help script them as principle-centered, value-based, independent, worthwhile individuals. And with the abundance mentality, we realize that giving a positive reflection to others in no way diminishes us. It increases us because it increases the opportunities for effective interaction with other proactive people.

At some time in your life, you probably had someone believe in you when you didn't believe in yourself. They scripted you. Did that make a difference in your life?

Grant and I was just sharing on the common values or ideals that we have. Some people seem to want to appear 'close' with us, associating with us and giving others the impression that we are close. However, we have recognized such people, from our past experiences, as people that we would not like to share too much of our lives with, because, besides being known to 'sabotage their friends', they seem to want to know too much about our lives, for motives we cannot comprehend.

But as these people are friends with our other friends, we must be diplomatic towards them. I think I've learnt that I've wasted some time making friends with people who aren't really worth it, and at this point of time in our lives, Grant and I perhaps choose to be mean, but to protect ourselves from these people. Having a meal with such lowlife is not on our agenda right now.

AND WE DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR IT.

And though many would not be able to understand that, I believe that one day, they will. And if they had to choose, I hope that they choose to protect their friends instead of putting their friends in a difficult position. Spending time with the right people is an integral part of shaping one's character, so is decision-making. Ultimately some decisions unwisely made will cause others to be affected.

I've also met up with Huntley last evening and also with Shanghai Boy, the two friends I can call my own, in The Office. Huntley left The Office to work for a local bank, and we just shared about what we have learnt in work this month. It's hectic for him, he says that he only had one weekend of rest, the rest of the weekend was filled up with work. That's crazy. And we shared about how our learning experiences at The Office really helped us now in our new places. For me, I realized that I could meet and communicate what I needed effectively to the right people, and that is really an important part of work for me. But I also miss the slacker-times where we could play golf in the mornings and go for long kopi breaks in the afternoons.

Shanghai Boy (who will be appearing with me in my Travel show), is someone that I instantly take to, at first sight. He is those type of well-brought up people who is polite, and friendly, and charming, and open to new things, and likes to laugh. I find myself makng fun of him all the time, and he seems to relish it. Most of all, there is that wistfulness about life that we both share. Can't really explain it, but I am glad to have met someone like him in The Office. Some people in life you know are good for you, and you can always learn something from them.

I realized also that I don't have any complaining, whiny, self-centred friends though I do meet some in my social circle, and I realized that, THAT'S AMAZING! Because some of my friends have been through worse shit that no one ever wants to go through, but they smile everyday and you think they have it made till they share their story. I guess that also explains why I instinctively warm up to some and others, I am barely able to talk to them.

For those people, George Bernard Shaw writes:

This is the true joy in life - that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. That being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.






Earn thy neighbor's love.

someone(s) worth investing in

Had a meetup with Jelly yesterday for dinner. Jelly is your typical engineering guy who wears polo tees, specs... except he has nice muscles from all the canoeing, and is really a sweet guy inside if you can see past the 'woodblockness'. He's in my tag team too so I'm kinda glad he initiated the meetup... as we had gone through some horrid things last year, it was a sort of solace to find someone also struggling to come to terms with reality and the gamut of emotions one runs through while trying to live, love and serve God all at one go.

I identified with what he said, "I never imagined it would turn out this way", and while for me things are different, he still has hope that the friendship that turned sour would one day be put right again, that all he wants is to have a happy friendship with the person. I guess meeting with Chestnut and Jelly, reminds me of the kind of people I want to keep close by. I've learnt to be more selective in the choice of my friends, and who I share my secrets, my heart to: friends that are worth investing in. Some people that you can trust for a lifetime and you look forward to each time you can see them. If all goes well I'd be visiting Chestnut next month, and I'm going to bring him a supply of his fave chocs (after eights); one thing about Melaka is that they don't have many nice chocs, or they are all incredibly expensive, Sarawak too... chocs are the one thing we have in plenty...

Read something over the past few days that made me ponder for a while. It's about the term we always use, or see in the biz world, "win-win". Though I do use it often, I never knew where it originated or the other terms besides "win-lose".

Actually this term can be applied in every relationship, and it's interesting how people who are scripted in the 'win-lose' dichotomy don't really win, in the long run. Sometimes I admit, I am guilty of that, too. I need to win at work... in friendships and relationships, especially in cell-ministry, I guess I am more win-win, always bearing in mind that members' feelings are to be respected and also to keep them in the loop and sharing openly, I felt that sharing openly gains you more respect as a person than those kind of testimonies that I find quite insincere and uninspiring... well, some people do treat every friendship with a win-lose mentality, which is quite sad or scary, the way you look at it. End of the day, you don't really win anything. There is also 'lose-win', whereby the mr nice guy always finishes last, being nice to everyone, means you lose, and you will feel cheated or other negative emotions as well. There is lose-lose, which I feel is quite revengeful, like if you can't have it, you destroy it, and no one can have it... and also there is 'no deal' which often happens in negotiations which needs either a win-win or no deal.

I've been thinking of this in terms of work, upper management styles, and even how we communicate and put across our needs... this matters because often we always think of our self-interest and convenience first, and only after we give it much thought then do we become more win-win.

Jelly was mentioning that his criteria for a girl that he would fancy is totally unrealistic and almost impossible. Once, when I was young like him, I also had such criteria. Basically, tall dark handsome rich christian godly blah blah... although I did have some luck in 'catching' these prospects, ultimately it's the one who will make your heart flutter + God's anointed best that is the right one, and often he won't be tall dark handsome rich...yadda yadda. So what do you do? You slowly accept and come to terms with it.

Because God also wants a win-win.