co-owning a dog

For Sunday's outing, me and Mr A. went to the 'puppies-for-sale' place again. Actually, we went to Seletar Fish Farm, then Pasir Ris Farmway, then dinner and a nice long walk at Changi Beach Boardwalk. Sometimes at these god-forsaken places, it seems like there are only two of us in the world and time just stops and we can just sit and stare at the waves crashing on the rocky islets.

The Changi beach boardwalk is quite a nice built-up walk that traverses the shores of the beach and at the 'Fairy point', mimics a kelong. I love that Mr A. and I always like to explore these off-the-beaten track places, hopefully we won't morph into those shopping mall-and-a-movie people.

And I'm glad that in those oft-secluded places, I can really trust Mr A. Truly, for him, action speaks louder than words. In this case, I can tell he's a decent guy by the space he places between us - I'm fine with being closer, but I respect him even more when he doesn't intrude into my personal space. He doesn't have to say he's decent, gentlemanly, etc... he proves it by the way he acts. *clap clap clap* So Nice!

I'm thankful that he's such a decent guy.

And Mr A. is brave, too. He's extremely scared of reptiles. Even small ones like lizards. I think it's the slimy scaly feeling that puts him off. Once I wanted to tap a lizard off a glass pane and fling it at him, he just shuddered and hugged his oolong tea bottle tightly in one corner. (Okay, I am not so bad to fling it at him.) And he doesn't know what is a salamander...nor a newt. So when I told him that I had filmed newts and actually held one in my hand.. he kinda freaked out. (Actually my camerawoman and soundman also kinda freaked out when I held it out to them.)

There were still some newts left at the fish farm so Aunt scooped them out. At first, Mr A. just looked at us with trepidation, but after knowing we won't be so bad to fling it at him, he gingerly opened his palm and I let it wriggle on his palm. Although could sense that his skin was crawling at the fact a little black newt was there... he just held it and remained calm. I'm so proud of him. Next time I shall catch him salamanders.

==

It seems that I can never tire of looking at small cute dogs and that... would be a most wonderful way to spend a weekend. The last time we went to Pet Movers, we were observing a litter of Golden Retriever pups - 6 of them from the same parents. Now, they are really much bigger, and 2 of them were already sold, leaving 4. Mr A. likes a small one who always seems to be resting on its wee paws and looking out sombrely, unlike its' more rambunctious siblings. There was one who was constantly wrestling with whichever he could get to play with him. We ran out of energy just by watching him jump on his siblings and walloping them... ... On the way back, in the car, we already happily imagined we were owning one dog, and started thinking of names.

"Prata?"

"Chappati...come 'ere Chappati"

"No Chappati!"

"I know... let's call him 'Danga!' "

"-_-"

"You know what Ms Cheerful said?"

"What? How she knows we are going to co-own a dog?"

"*snigger* Heh... she said... we should call it a mix of our names. How about... R... Rex??"

"Rex is too common. 'Thosai'?"

"Noooo....Larry?"

"Larry is my pastor's name."
"Larry! Nice name for dog. Larry... larry..."

"-_-"

...

And so on. Hmmm, I miss him already.

This actress kinda looks like me. Or I look like her? Maybe in the future we will have a Golden Retriever. Hee...

Helped

Red - Jesus' blood as redemption for our sins.
Gold - That which is Holy to God; 'righteousness'

Heard that there are some symbolism during this time of Chinese celebration that have a deeper, significant spiritual meaning.

For eg, the by now well-known 'kam cheng' or Peranakan heirloom pot passed down to generations, the meaning of the name is 'relationships'. Our tradition of passing each other oranges : "kam" and angpow with the "jin"/gold inside, has the same meaning of 'relationships'.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked...
but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his Law he meditates day and night...
He is like a tree planted by streams of water...whatever he does prospers.

One point I caught from today's message is that... Some of us are blessed, some of us are a blessing to others... some of us are meant to bless other people's lives.

I'm so tired. These 3 weeks have been horrendous to me. After the weepy korean drama of last few months, I thought that I have put it all aside and things will be all cheery and easygoing, again. But noooo.

On friday last week, I felt so... scared I was actually trembling, shaking outside. I didn't know what to do so I smsed Mr A, and also msn a pal whom I update daily... I was moved to tears when he immediately prayed " That I can be calm enough not to hear the other voice but the still, small voice of God."

Facing what I have to face now, it's easy to ask God, "why me?" Why must these things happen to me? Or be in the mopey, "WISP" : wallowing in self-pity mode... Like I am so young and have such a bright future and why am I embroiled in a situation which is not my fault, etc etc... Or just have silent thoughts running through your mind that makes you...feel as if you are going crazy with the weight of the world... ...

I'm scared, too. How this would affect my cheerful outlook on life.
The ordeal two years ago was something I hope I'd never had to face again. I've forgotten most of the unpleasant things now... and have changed for the better, I hope. I'm scared what if my mental faculties can't take it, and I become... depressive again, or some other worse thing...

Does something really bad have to happen to us to remind us to pray? To never stop praying? I have been doing so, not out of habit, but as a necessity to keep myself from trembling in fear and anxiety... To keep my mind close to God as opposed to the horror I feel about my situation that does not seem likely to be resolved amicably.

Still, I'm overwhelmingly blessed by the strong presence of friends, much stronger and more mature than I.

Those who don't want to see me hurt again. And tell me so. *speechlessly touched.
Those who pray for me while they are bathing. (will do likewise...)
Those who don't know me well, who offer me a sincere concern and tell me not to cry.
Those who ask me if I need to talk...just call them.
Those who tell me to sleep early, because they know I have had insomnia and headaches the last two weeks.
Those who buy me strawberry chocolate because I'm upset and they just wanna cheer me up...

I'm blessed beyond words.
I feel bad that so many of you guys have to help me out one way or the other.

I hope that one day, I can do the same for you.

Twenty things I am grateful for

Can you smile? http://www.memorylightswitch.com/blog/2008/05/19/can-you-smile/
I was forwarded this 'to-do' today so am doing it.
Being sickly these months, I become more emo about the people and the relationships around me. Thus been writing about them often.

Ok here goes (randomly off the top of my head):

1. That my parents are alive
2. I am living in Singapore
3. I have access to first world medical facilities
4. Have found my dream job
5. Am in debt (But not too much debt, it works to motivate)
6. I can write, and read
7. Can travel when I want to where I like
8. I can sing reasonably well
9. I was never restricted to do a certain thing in my life, so I could choose any career or education
10. I have my friends! TAG team
11. Clean air and air conditioning
12. That my parents are in good health
13. That I am in good health (no major illnesses)
14. That God speaks to me all the time
15. Found good partners at work
16. That work allows me to meet new people all the time which I enjoy doing
17. Being able to communicate well in English
18. My job can change lives
19. That God has told me who is the best one for my life
20. At this age, I am where I wanted to be.

I guess the list will change from time to time... but here it is.
I think we all need to be thankful from time to time.