This Christmas

This Christmas, I was cheerful to know that I've a loved one by my side. Imagined opening presents - and finally having someone special to buy a special gift for - trawling different malls just to find that all-special gift. I love the feeling of knowing that you have bought the right gift for someone special.

This Christmas, I imagine us on a short trip to a place I love, and just spending the short days soaking up some sun, eating nice and inexpensive foods, walking to places where the romance can be felt, with a bit of live music, a bit of the sound of birds chirping, a bit of hugging and walking hand in hand. I love the sound of birds chirping as the dawn rises somehow. Maybe I'm a country girl at heart and the city has left me feeling weak. One thing I hate is the crowds that make even walking through the Christmas lights difficult. But still, I'm sure we can find our place, a special place, together, or can we? I used to be so sure. 'It's Christmas!' these words blast out in every shop with ever increasing urgency to shoppers. For Christians, it's also a time where we fervently invite our friends to our events and church celebrations. And, not forgetting, work as usual. Work is important and we have to do it whether we like it or not. But in the midst of these all, you are on my mind. I've always done things with you in mind. When I buy my christmas cards, I think if you would like it too. And my clothes as well - though I do not dress for you, somehow having someone to dress for makes me make more interesting choices, more dresses and less tee shirts, presenting a nice package to the one I love.

This Christmas, I wish that we could spend a lovely first Christmas together.

a short trip to bangkok

Celebrating the King's birthday in pink...

We finally found chic couple tees in Chatuchak and bought a couple of couple tees.

Watch out for the mad tuk tuk driver...without a license.

=

One of the things I like about travelling, besides the unique items you get to purchase, and the food, is that you can get to soak up the whole atmosphere of an entirely different place. It always amazes me that despite being close in distance to each other, an hour's time lapse away, Thailand and Singapore has entirely different cultures.

Despite being in a truly busy city, their citizens are gracious. Not once did I have my toes stepped on or my bag being pushed by people with lack of peripheral vision. Even though most of them are in a rush to get from one place to another just like us, they are also able to have a common sense of courtesy which I find quite lacking here - they are always able to not bump into you, somehow. So coming back from a city like Bangkok, I still feel refreshed from a hectic hustle and bustle life.

It's also my first trip out with The Boyfriend, coupled with his relatives, and I had great fun with all of them. For my vacations, being few and far between, I'd really like to, you know, get certain things done while I'm overseas, be it getting items on my shopping list or sightseeing some must-sees. So I'm cautious in travelling in a group - a big group, knowing that most of the time is wasted (to me!) standing on street corners deciding what to do next. I'm not really fond of sticking to itineraries but I'm definitely not wanting to do the same things overseas which could be easily done in Singapore (drinking coffee, watching movie, hanging in nondescript malls.) Bearing that in mind, I'd like travelling with like-minded ones, or I don't mind going solo - that's ensuring you have to talk to locals to get your bearings and immerse yourself in more of the culture too! But the trip was really good, everyone was in sync and happy to shop at all the places. I was quite a bad influencer, influencing the ladies to buy bags from a shop which I had bought two - one chanel-inspired in brown fur and another lovely, soft beige suede medium bag which looks... priceless but... inexpensive, considering the quality. I brought them to the shop and they both bought nice bags, well, I hope they love their buys!

I'm looking forward to my next trip, looking forward to the nail crunching sound of having to save for it in the next months!

cow!

Dad and Mom went to Cambodia on a mission trip with the Methodists. I lent him my camera and to my amusement found many photos of a cow. Quite creative, but I'm wondering if it did lick my lens? Worth a chuckle or two...

f(x)(에프엑스)_LA chA TA(라차타)_뮤직비디오(MusicVideo)

Have a bit of crush on them after watching the feature on arirang. looks like the next big k-pop girl group...

Everybody likes hello kitty

There are so many sanrio characters and I remember in japanese shopping malls, I used to stare for ages at the lovely displays of Kerokeroppi, Hello Kitty, Badbatzmaru, Kikilala, Pochacco, Mymelody, just to name a few. Being extorbitantly expensive for middle income parents - buying a $9 pencil is out of the question, (although my lavish mom did buy me a Kerokeroppi plush that I loved hugging...it cost around $35 which was, and still is, quite a huge sum for a medium sized plush toy) I could only gaze wonderingly at the inaccessible paraphernalia and thus, love them in a way that I would want to buy them for my own when I have the income. Maybe for most girls there was this deep desire too. That's why we would always pause and look at the Hello Kitty displays and some adults turn out to be hard-core collectors.

But that aside, there is also the question of why did Hello Kitty capture worldwide love and international recognition, while most of the rest of the characters remained obscure?

In those days, the late 80s, all characters were given equal shelf-space, later of course, even now, when you walk into the sanrio departments of various places in asia, it seems some of them have disappeared for good. Only Hello Kitty seems to be rising in popularity... hmm, why so?

It seems that the simple explanation is, 'everyone loves hello kitty'.

It's the same with people.

Everyone seems to identify with, and thus love, certain people. Our favorites.

Some people seem to irk almost everyone. Some call these people hypocrites. Showy-characters...not overtly obnoxious, if you know them on the surface level they seem to be nice people really.

We find kindred spirits in those friends who agree with us on the character traits of certain individuals - not merely agreeing, but vehemently stating their likes and dislikes of the individuals. Could it be that we surround ourselves with people who agree with us? On the other hand, it could be also that our friends observe life the same way we do. Thus, they have the same misgivings.

For the un-hello kitty like people, they often 'engineer politics'. I'm sure most of them do not do it on purpose, perhaps it's their innate functioning of their brain or molecules that causes some things they say and do to be more...political. (They should join the government?)

Primarily because I'm not such a person, what they do irks me. As the chinese says, 'kan ren de' (see people, one.) They go out of their way to act nice to people with greater clout or those who are of use to them. But once you are out of their league of interest, the tap runs cold and you are sadly, often ignored. But when you are back in the league, they turn their smile on a few notches higher. Of course, all of us are like that. When we are introduced to say, a doctor, we do light up a little and give him a well-respected look, as compared to say, a moneylender. Some would not know how to react to that, and have it written all over their faces as well, isn't that so?

But for the political people, we sometimes feel we are being stepped on or shoved aside to make way for their own agendas to better themselves. Thus we have contempt and disgust for them. It's in the subtle nuances that we can detect such a political attitude. They are the people we love to hate, the ones whom if we hear a slight bit of controversy, or scandal, we can't help but gloat a bit... which is quite healing for our soul, especially if we have been trodden over, used, manipulated or oversighted by them. I really wonder what their children would be like or grow up to be having such parents. One thing for sure, I wouldn't let my kids play with theirs.

On Love and Marriage, again

I wanted to write about one of the key, if not imperative ingredients for a marriage to last - the main thing is that... the man you marry, has to be of a good character. 

Almost everyone has this topic of love or relationships on their mind. I met up with a lady friend, she shared with me her ups and downs of relationships for 8 years. Another friend, a guy, who knows The Boyfriend and me, separately, wanted to know our story - how we met, started to like each other, and went out. And I mentioned to him that almost all girls do feel insecure at the beginning of the relationship. Perhaps of emotional issues like past hurts, or seeing some relationships go awry after a short time, girls, myself, we do hold back a little, at the start. But I mentioned to my close guy friend that The Boyfriend showed a strong decision by telling his leaders immediately about me and met up with his parent and extended family too. In fact, he met with my parents too in the first month we were seeing each other. It's this confidence that leads me to trust him more and also feel secure in our love. 

Speaking about love, I also feel that one of the ways a marriage will break up is that one party does not feel as strongly about the other party. May I be so bold to say that that party does not really love the intended, who, sadly, loves them with his whole heart. You may well wonder, as well as I, in this case, then why marry? But for some women, they feel secure in a man's love and being in a relationship. When they see all their friends getting hitched, they feel the pressure or the desire and thus settle down with the man. Sad but true, it happens both ways as well... I've heard the news about impending nuptials for one such sad case. Through the lady's actions in the past, she has shown she is not capable of loving the man, nor having a good character. In short, she has left the man and the relationship on two occasions when the man was in need, the last, when he was in financial distress, and caused him to fall into a deep state of depression as well. I'm not saying I make a good girlfriend, but in this instance, I would stand by my man and even lend him money knowing he will not be able to return. But for this sad story, the girl not only left him, but got attached quickly to another. I also wondered how this could be, as for me, it would be impossible to fall in love again in such a short time. I felt it would be shortchanging the next fellow. Some simplistic explanation would be, that the lady 'opened the door', gave the next chap some chances while she already had in mind to end the relationship. In fact, they broke up during this time 2 years ago, christmas time, and he was on course for 3 weeks, after that when he wanted to patch up with her, to his utter shock and horror, she was with another chap. Although I am not personally acquainted with the lady, I have to say all the facts are true, and hearing this story I can only say that his only fault is that he fell in love with the wrong girl. Even his family is against the marriage, and some people who know, also feel the same way as me. In this case, I have no hopes that it will be a happy marriage, and I am sad. We had talked before, about us hanging out as marrieds, taking care of each other's children, he and my husband chatting while his wife and myself go out shopping together, it seems like a wonderful dream of a happy life, but in reality, my guess is that he will be happy only for a little while. Given her nature, I don't think it's long before he will end up miserable again. And even sadder, he might kill himself. If she does leave him alone again, I think we have to accept that he might jump, or just decide to end it all. The Bible states the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. In fact, his peace of mind has already been stolen. So the next time, it might be a really sad and unhappy ending. 

This might be a controversial statement to make, but Pastor said that he believed strongly, any relationship can be reconciled. Any issues, can be worked upon and resolved. 

But for some cases there might not be such a simple resolution. If, in the first place, one party does not or cannot love the other, how? Or, if the other's character is really not good, what sort of quality of life can you expect to have together? In these cases, being alone might be better. If you have ever been close friends with people who are about to divorce and hearing them throughout, you know that they really suffer. Whether they have been unfaithful or not, or in any case, both sides really suffer, the pain of seeing their marriage fall apart. In my book, it's better to remain single than to marry the wrong guy. Seeing my friend make such a mistake, it's difficult for me, too.

I heard of a high-profile couple whom most of us know, they are getting a divorce. Apparently, although the reason was not widely publicized, and we do not care to speculate, because, as all of us know, there is not just one main reason alone, IE ' he has been unfaithful' to cause that to happen. It's sad but I am glad to hear that, many people have come up and said testimonies about his character. That whether he is a 'divorcee', a taboo in our christian circle, they still respect him for who he is and what he has done for them. I think my friends are brave in saying so. I was once entangled in a situation which left many people thinking it was a 'love affair gone wrong'. No matter how much I protested my innocence, those who are high-profile all disappointed me by trying to be 'neutral' and not supporting either party. 

Only those true friends stood by me when I was down: KK (and FL) took me out for suppers on Sunday nights where the feelings would overwhelm, DZ sang songs to me was there every public holiday to accompany; RS shared some life lessons of her own via email - when we were only 'hi-bye' friends and she did not even know me well, I was really touched. It takes guts to share some things you don't want others to know, and also guts to trust me that it remains safe with me...

YH made sure I came for service by smsing me every Saturday and even though busy with the youth, he made sure there was always an empty seat beside him for me in case I wanted some company, JC was there and went the extra mile by finding out things I couldn't have and helping me so much, others smsed me and met me from time to time. Truly in such crisis, you know which friends are there for you, who has the strength of character that even though you are in some scrape, they bother. I think it shows how good a person they are, and also because of maybe similar experiences, they are in the position to help me. 

I was saying that in this day and age, you can't find 'lifetime friends' anymore.

But I think now, I know where to look!   

On Love and Marriage

Penpal sent me this excerpt from CS Lewis' writings on Love that was the chicken soup for my soul this week.

'Knowledge can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go.
And in fact, whatever people say, the state called 'being in love'
usually does not last. If the old fairy tale ending 'They lived
happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty
years exactly as the day before they were married', then it says what
probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly
undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for
even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your
sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need
not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct
from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity,
maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit;
reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners
ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other
even at those moments when they do not like each other, as you love
yourself even when you do not like yourself. Then can retain this love
even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love'
with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise
fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on
this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the
explosion that started it.'

We all have expectations in life, me being me, I think my expectations are quite high. But then again, I've realised that in developing my thinking to a certain extent, I've sort of neglected the 'active' parts of learning, like learning how to cook, how to swim, how to drive, even, some of the most basic life skills one would say you would need to survive today. Instead, I do take a certain pride in learning how to listen, how to communicate effectively and make good friendships, how to be kind, how to appreciate what we have so easily. In the face of building my character, I am often unimpressed, disgusted as well, at some of the what we would say 'ugly Singaporean' character in some of my friends. If we do not take the love of God into the equation, I do feel that some of the ones not in The Church have show a much better disposition. I've been brought up to expect a certain way of how women are treated by men, as friends, at the very least, should be concerned enough in certain measures. Yet I guess most Singaporean guys are self-centred in the way that they put themselves first in this area. I can't help but to be quite offended and disgusted by some of their moves, I do feel ashamed to be their friends.

The Boyfriend cooked a nice dinner for me today, I had chicken wings, veggie dish and a lovely chicken soup which I couldn't stop drinking from. Being sick, I'm thankful for the TLC in this way. It's not an easy task to cook a delicious meal.

all about you

One sunday evening we brought TheBoyfriend's second cousin and her boyfriend out to Dempsey, they were in Singapore for the weekend. Second cousins means they're not really related, one of their parent is the other parent's cousin. But I found they looked quite similar though, which is surprising because none of my siblings bear the littlest resemblance to each other! And it was fun to go on a couple-outing, for once! We've only been out with his other cousin, a guy and his girlfriend whom we meet pretty often for family dinners, and another friend and her boyfriend, just once. It's always nice to have couple friends we can go out with - I've never had that before, so I'm excited to have that!

Making new friends: I'm actually not that proactive in making new friends, primarily because I already find it hard to catch up with the current ones; but lately because of participating in activities, I find myself getting to know new friends and catching up with the ones once known a little better. I met a guy who seems to be a mix of 2 of my guy friends whom I once hung out with and throughout the time I couldn't help but be fascinated at the similarities I detected. He has a nice side to him that he keeps well-covered up, but I spotted it, teehee. Perhaps like me, he is wary of new people. I also got to know the wacky and fun side of some people, I'm glad for that. If only we could hang out more often, I think I'd really grow fond of them. For another guy, I've always dimissed him as someone who is, you know, a bit 'cannot make it' in terms of being a partner (not for my other friends.) But having seen another side of him, I've changed my mind...yes he is not a good dresser in my books and seems miserly as well. But I think he'd make a good boyfriend to any of my friends, yes, I believe they will be happy with him! I've seen the nicer side of him - the sincere concern he shows when he asks about someone, he is truly concerned and not just paying lip service. The easy going way he views life, it's truly a blessing in this area, that he is so easy going and not worried about the small stuff, TheBoyfriend is like this too! And his enthusiasm for things motivates and encourages others... wow.

Seeing so many nice sides of people recently, I can't help but take a look at my own partner and count the ways I love him. I always wish that I could spend more time with him, and this hopeful wish often goes unfulfilled, this leads me to a melancholy state at times, because I've always imagined us trotting happily down parks and long walks by the beach, just holding hands. But I've also realised that working so much lately does leave him too tired for this couple sort of things, so I do need to tune down my expectations. Having spent so much time with other guys instead of him recently, it's sort of a weird feeling for me getting closer to other people than my intended... I wish I could have more shared moments with him, that even though we seem far apart at times, we can always share with each other about the moments that make up our lives. Or at least try to make some effort in it.

some things are better left unsaid

Around this time of the year, the christmas lights are up, the trees are lighted brightly and we are reminded to go and shop. For many of us though, it's a reminiscing time, once more. After all, the things on our mind are not the latest must-haves but the people we have once shared a connection with. Some people also think about God and how far they've been. That's why so many people 'reappear' at this season, and also, many get re-attached or newly attached. Haha.

I've had many around me who are in this 'mode', lately, so it strikes me a little too. How some names are not on my to-gift list this year. Or how some names, being mentioned, still brings out mixed feelings in me. It's mixed feelings because I can't come to a conclusion...not a conclusion about my feelings but a conclusion about the character of the person. If the person was really, not a worthy person of my friendship, then I wouldn't be anguished about it fading away and almost being unremembered. I'm someone who highly values the company I keep, maybe deep down I'm hoping a hopeless hope, not just for the friendship to be restored but for the person's life and years ahead to be a happy one, like the way I'm happy now.

A friend was sharing that he once knew someone closely who never lied... some people do have flaws like lying, smoking, exaggerating... but this person just keeps quiet thus preventing herself from lying. I thought and said that this is not a bad trait, she can truthfully say she doesn't lie! As he puts it, some things are better left unsaid, and he too won't tell those who are close to him about all he has experienced or his thoughts... if we all were truthful, I wonder how many of us would be left standing? This guy is a blessed guy in the areas of...girls liking him. He has never been single for a long period of time and since the last we met, 3 girls professed their liking for him and one even cried! They said their i love yous and i want nobody nobody but you to be my boyfriend. In fact, one of them even said 'JUST FOR ONE NIGHT' !!!! Fainted, man. I can't believe that there are these kind of people... been watching too many korean/taiwanese dramas??? I think this kind of wish 'just for one night' is quite self-destructive because even if you had a good good night, what good will this memory of that one night bring you and what does it say about your morals?

Lucky for them though, he is also a decent guy and won't just accept a girl because she has professed her head over heels. And of course, not a one-night-stand also! I approved and said that it's better for the girls this way, because it'even if they get their wish of a relationship with him... they know it's not a sincere one... so in a sense, he is letting them off lightly. It's a hard balance and a hard thing to do when someone close to you likes you, LOVES you but honestly you don't feel a thing, what are you to do? Then again, most people wish for such a thing to happen to them, that someone would love them heedlessly... obsessively... isn't it so?


I know many people want to be happy, but choosing and living their own self-destructive paths is not the right way. And when things are THAT OBVIOUS to so many, it's time to do some reflecting and seriously changing of your course of action. After all, some things are left unsaid and it's better to live a moment in misery than a lifetime of regret. Some wrong choices (or passive choices) brings about circumstances that can't be changed easily, but in the end... who suffers? It's you.

Sound of Music | Central Station Antwerp (Belgium)

a Flash mob, found this touching and the audience's responses are amazing.

Engrish Test

I pronounce 'lingerie' the American way. How do the French say it though?

...and I got all correct though 'sixth' was a hard one!

that's why they call it corporate culture.

A photo concept of mine taken last year, that was not doable without the help of friends - we took a LONG time arranging this, a camera that had a tripod and a auto-mode, and the beautiful thailand beach of course. We won a best photo award! I'm looking forward to a short break early next month, it's always good to take an exciting holiday from time to time. And I shared a testimony in cell that I had just changed my baht - in faith - a major sum for my trip. And it happened to be at its lowest point then. Of course, it might slide down a little lower, etc, and the difference is a few baht anyways, but I felt a sense of joy that I didn't waste money and time. (The ringgit's low these days too!)

Those money gurus always tell you not to invest yourself into a business/industry that requires your 'man-hours' for profit, as this kind of business will never make it big, big in the global sense. But since not all of us aim for the stars, should we take this into consideration? For instance if you are a... masseur, you can earn... $20 - $200 /hour, depending on the type of establishment you are in. Similar for hawkers and people who do sales. It's really how many chicken wings or how many medical devices you can push within one hour and multiply that, you have got your job and income!

Hear of people saying they left their job or hate their job because of the corporate culture they are in? It's because their skills-set do not have inherent value... or are easily picked up.

Say, you are good in... videography. And you have worked for a few years, 3-5 years maybe. So now your income is double that or close to double, of a fresh grad's monthly salary. You think you have got it made! But as a boss (I'm not referring to my situation, just in general), a small-company boss would think, am I paying you too much? Because a fresh grad can do, in about 6 months' of learning, a fresh grad can do what you do and probably with a better attitude and a less slacker mindset. So...you are not very marketable, isn't it? What sets you apart from the fresh grad in terms of output and revenue? Are you able to do double or triple of what they do in a day, thus ensuring your iron rice bowl? Of course not, because one hour of work is the same amount! And it's not only in the media industry but I believe, many other companies as well. Those 'bottom-feeder'/low-level 'marketing managers'? Trust me, they will stay in that position but maybe hop from company to company, always underperforming. That's the situation.

While it may look bad for companies to hire and fire, bottom line for most small companies is revenue. I'm not saying that I affirm their move, in fact, it is bad for the corporate culture to do so, deploying staff as and when reduces work productivity also, but when the going gets rough, many will lose their jobs, within or without reason. So I'm asking myself, how can I make sure that I have a skill that will enable me to ride the tide?

Some skills are highly valued, more so than others, especially in our little island state. I may aspire to be an 'OL' - office lady in the future, but I think those OLs have very little place to learn and be 'indispensable' to any company, as well. A lot of older folk always told me that a good skill to learn is ...SALES. Then not only will you be indispensable, you also master the art of selling which is not easy, I've been there done that and reaped the rewards, perhaps even reaping it now! Also, having a variable income might be very cool to most people. And a sense of accomplishment, knowing you have worked hard for your money, you will treasure the things you buy with it more, I feel.

I have a penchant for coach bags - the more classic designs, and I can always remember when/how I bought them and under what kind of financial situation. Somehow the lovely dresses and bags remind me of what I once worked hard for. The way good sales engineers are hard to find: It's a specialized field, plus most engineer types suck at sales/explaining themselves so that everyone can understand, thus, highly paid and highly sought after...

For those who are highly-paid in a job that even fresh grads can do, it's time to take a hard look at your career advancements, because soon, there won't be any, and that's corporate culture for you.

Advent Conspiracy Promo Video

christmas is coming and this is one reminder to keep it in spirit! a must watch!

Kurt Carr - We Lift Our Hands In The Sanctuary

our hip-hop dance song... I hope I can remember all the steps

MIley Cyrus - Party In The U.S.A. - Official Music Video (HD)

her catchiest song thus far... and an eyeful of cleavage and shaking!!!

serendipitously sagacious

Such lovely, canvas-style like, dreamy photos... and guess what? I know the man.

Hmmm... when my big day comes I will find it hard to decide on which photographer eh.

It was an amazing coincidence, I was having a meal with my ex-colleague and duno-why, she talked about this photographer's photos which she loved. Having a bit of skepticism on the quality of photos, since I had perused many, MANY wedding photographers' work (www.greenweddingshoes.blogspot.com , they are lovely!) I went to check it out on Facebook. The shots were amazing and his name rings a bell.

I remember that during my sales days about 2-3 years back, I had met the guy.

He shared that he hadn't any money to invest mainly because he wanted to do his own thing, ie become a photographer. Knowing of many wannabe photographers, I took it with a pinch of salt. I remember being skeptical about pursuing one's dreams in the creative field in Singapore, especially since I've known many who have just done that, but the income cannot keep one for long... So seeing how far he's come now, I feel so happy for him! Whether he has 'made it' or not, this would definitely be one happy bride!

http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=713794114

http://www.thegaleria.com/weddings

"I guess Singapore is so materialistic, that it's hard not to get sucked into it. I do struggle with my own intentions when it comes to money and possessions. I sometimes wonder where to draw the line between being ambitious and having godly contentment. Do I euphemise my striving for more wealth as ambitious, or water down my lack of drive as being contented?"

-said my pen-pal from across the continents.

Yes, this is exactly what I've been feeling these few days. a sort of quarter-life reflection or because the end of the year is coming, I am in the 'take stock of the year' kind of mood. I'm thinking about my future. While right now I thank God for my blessings and I seem to be in a place better than most, with regards to connections, expertise and etc, I'm thinking about the 5-year plan. The Boyfriend is in the 'counting money' line, and while some might say the work sucks, the pay is low for the kind of work and etc, 5 years later, he can find an established position in almost any company with a pay bracket which is, well, standardized amongst the profession and, a very comfortable income for that matter. Whereas I, looking at my 'prospects' 5 years from now, it doesn't seem very good, if I hone myself in my current capacity. The market is small and likewise, career opportunities are not as good. It's not all about the money, a woman's career is short too - if we have kids we have to stop work for a couple of years at least. So if I do return to the workforce, I'm not too keen to start from the bottom, or in a dead-end job(=administrative in nature). Help! That is why probably at this time and age, it's best to consider my options before I have not many GOOD options. Isn't that so?

I'm sure for many people, starting out doing their own creative thing is not easy at all. Having to juggle being self-employed with their artistry and having a higher EQ to deal with all sorts of clients at the beginning and all sorts of expectations... they have made sacrifices like sleepless nights, maybe putting a relationship potential on hold. But end of the day, the satisfaction that they've made it their own truly belongs to them.

But for me, I like to be non-self-employed. Yes, for my future too, at least the next 5 years'.

Earn more to take nice photos!

bending over backwards

Oh, I miss those decadent breakfasts...

New word of the day: shenanigans. And I've actually used this word in a sentence after being prompted to remember its meaning. Hee. Perhaps in a bid to stop my English from going down the drain talking to 'low-level people'. I've sadly realised that if you're going to make it professionally, you have to have a more than adequate command of English, something which I've naturally excelled in, loving to read and converse with others who are also articulate and passionate about the spoken and written word.

So I'm appalled/uncomprehending to the ways of 'low-level people' (Or 'bottom-feeders' as Dad puts it) pronounciation can be forgiven. Mispelling one or two words is fine, still forgiven, and even wrong usage of past and present tense, though that should have been learned in preschool... and even wrong placing of " 's " and " s' " can also be overlooked. But some English errors once made, becomes the joke of the day, and too bad for you people will just remember you for this gross mistake. Case in point, a bottom feeder spelt one of my productions under 'martial arts', as 'marshall arts'. Not realizing it was wrong, sent it to the client (along with more spelling mistakes I must add), this was related to me by another colleague... a week later (today), they again remembered the 'marshall arts' when the said clips were shown to them.

It just goes to show that double-checking, or spell-checking (but in this case... grammar check perhaps?) is crucial in presentation to clients! Man... ... it is too painfully funny. Worse case is that the said person brushed off his boo-boo, stating that 'it's a common mistake most people would make and not notice.' What a big ego! It may be a funny story related as a light-hearted humor but when you face such happenings, again and yet again, you really have to reconsider some options. I'm not saying you have to bend over backwards to please a client, but at the very least, don't show your flaws THAT obviously. I'm wondering what will happen when I'm gone?

pet peeves

I read two great articles about cold/flu and H1N1 vaccine questions. I'm really thinking of getting a normal flu jab so this might be something worth reading, it might change your mind or just point you to some relevant questions from an established doctor's point of view!

http://drbenkim.com/cold-flu-difference-health.html

http://drbenkim.com/h1n1-flu-shot.htm

Also, a great site for reading about how to update resumes, job advice etc... really relevant and useful information.

www.pongoresume.com

Well, I've recently found out my pet peeves, regarding co-workers (whomever I work with, in office or in my job or in...elsewhere). Almost ALL the time, we cannot choose who we have to contact, liase with or who's overseeing us... most of the time, it does not get to me. Or I choose not to think about it or not to complain. But now... I shall, I must!

1. 'Skivers'

Yes there is such a word. Some people who shirk off their duties, giving ELABORATED excuses on why they can't do it. They actually have the skill and time to do, they just don't want to and so give countless reasons why, some reasons are really creative and convincing, up till a certain point. Well usually it doesn't bother me until I have to give their lame, shoddy excuses on THEIR behalf. And usually, putting off work means you have to do it later and at a more urgent deadline too. So just do it, I say. I'm not a workaholic, I also surf my personal email, FB, and other interesting sites during my work hours as I'm allowed to. But I set myself work targets and at the end of the day, complete my tasks. Being the first to reach office too, I am the first to leave, it's fair this way. The Skivers may try to make you feel bad about it but unless they are groping for OT pay, then ask them to leave office with you too, if they can arrive as early as you do.

2. 'Uncles'

A branch-off from 'Skivers', they have too much time on their hands, are often found gathered at water-coolers, and chatting about the meeting they have just attended or the schedule or anything under the sun which is not really related to work, but they make it the all-important topic of the day. Not your nice kindly uncles, they are the ones that will grow into kopi-shop complainants, but for now are content to talk for hours about their opinion to whoever seems sympathetic or just happens to be at the water-cooler too. They usually entice the listener by a hesitant tone and 'Hey, I think ah... this and that... how about you?' and draws the hapless listener into a long, seemingly well-meaning but hopeless dialogue. Listening to them annoys the hard-working bunch who are 'less talk, more action' beings.

3. 'Interferers'

Their "advice" is highly annoying especially when you feel you have to explain to them your course of action (you don't have to, really, they will not understand it anyways) and they will just 'shoot' you, when you least expect it, with a KEY suggestion from their valued expertise and experience, and expect you to follow their instructions like a headless corpse. Sometimes bossy, sometimes they seem to really want to help you along the way, but you have to suck up your guts and bravely say 'no', after which they will slink away. Don't worry about hurting feelings, stick to what you know is right.They will manipulate you to feel you've done something wrong by ignoring their "advice". Work is work and end of the day, you have more positivity doing something not based on others' interfering. When advice is uncalled for, it's best to ignore.

4. 'Big Egos'

Usually men. When mistakes are made by them, they do not accept correction after countless times of others pointing it out, and even so, brushing it aside with 'oh, most people make the same mistake anyways'. May be skilled in some things, but the lack of positive learning spirit ensures he does not have the requisite skills in the others. Some make it big, and others wonder why. Of course, it's due to his smooth-talking slick efforts. (Yes life is unfair.) But time will tell if he lasts at the top. Just pray he isn't my boss. These types do take the credit for work done (others, not their own.)

Having met such creatures, I'd been of a emo-mood of late. But I shall use this positively to tackle the shark-infested waters... Also, after about 2 weeks of wallowing in the water, I realised, as all of do, at times, who's there to keep and who (in your life) you can throw away. I noticed one chinese girl who does work as hard as I do, and I have a pleasant working experience with her. In fact, I am kinder in my working terms with her too, and we had a nice sharing time, one which I will cherish.

Like me, she also chooses who to share with and who to learn from.

500 days of summer - matthew gray gubler

I finally caught the movie 500 days of Summer. And it didn't disappoint.

One thing I really really like about the movie is how the effort is put in into the little details I just can't seem to get enough of, like Summer's slightly gothic-ish room (to me), Tom's chalkboard wall - there is chalkboard paint, we can just buy and paint the wall black, I've always wanted to have a black wall.

The fashion seems well put together too, in a preppy cum bohemian way, he is wearing the same shoes almost throughout the movie. And she is always somehow in blue tones. I wish I was in the props department of this movie. And the way it's shot, it's really current and with a bit of that french idiosyncratic, off-humor way of certain portrayals, like the dramatization while he is watching a movie, alone.

Was also really stoked to see one of my favorite actors, he acts as a doctor-psychologist in a csi- like show whose name (both the actor and the show) I can never remember, so it was bliss to find this show, wiki who this actor was. It's matthew gray gubler - what a name - and he is so my type of guy, if I embrace my artistic designer, scrapbooking side. Long hair, a blond, skinny and tall and wears those argyle and pink purple toned sweaters. I like. His webpage is full of his doodlings which I like, too. A style very much like my thinking, if I could ever sketch that well.

http://www.matthewgraygubler.com/webpage/

Love how all the browns, red-browns, and greiges (gray+beige, very in this season, very givenchy!) blend in so so so well. I like movies that give a lot of thought to the setting, even the ribbon in her hair and the tie...

Another lovely still that could be a pre-wedding shot. Love the retro vibe and that dress.

sheep phase

A slide shown at The Church with a quote seems to have stuck in my mind, 'Love finds a way... Indifference finds an excuse.'

The changes of this world is creeping up on me. I used to count having a chat over coffee, usually Coffeebucks, as one of my fave pasttimes. Shopping here, until recently, being boring, overpriced and not worth the effort. I really enjoyed that, supper-ing with a friend or two, at Chompchomp, or roti-prata. Times like these are hard to come by lately. Or have we just overlooked it in our schedules? We don't seem to have time to stop by for a chat anymore, and when we have a day off we seem to not know what to fill it with - the time then becomes too important to fill it with mundane things like going to the supermarket, or a few hours' of exercise. Instead we fill it with the things we wanna do, which inevitably, means catching up a few hours' with our friends and loved ones. Not shopping alone, unless everyone's unavailable.

But I find that it is becoming difficult for us to really have a good chat. So many ideas flit through our mind, so many poetic landscapes to explore and themes to dwell upon. So instead of really thinking through what we're feeling, we don't. We just put it aside and gaze upon other bewitching horizons. But when asked about a certain thing, we find ourselves puzzled, not being able to respond in a certain way.

The reason for this could be that, we are unable to think straight. We have so many on-going projects, so many social activities that require our presence. Even after cutting all these out, we still have the obligations and the want-to-attend events. And the long awaited wardrobe upheaval or the clearing of the clutter on the dressing table - when did I amass all these stuff and how did it appear here, I wonder. (And where should I put it?)

I've seen different people come and go. In my company, I'm like the longest-lasting already. Maybe my time to go will come soon. In ministry, me and Kie were the first. And we are still here, although he is more 'here' than me. I've watched many come and go, and it seems that those who come, and stay, whether in work, ministry, or social, have some things in common. Friends who stay, I must admit, are those whose company I enjoy very much. Not only so, but I and them have a special connection. You could say we're fond of each other in a platonic way for reasons unknown to us. But they remain in our mind, and so, in our lives. Those who stay in ministry, I've seen, are also those with a certain strength of character. After all, it is not easy in this era to remain committed, to anything. Some can 'tahan' for a few years, say 3-5 years. Some have more stamina. Some, come for only a few months. The ones I cannot understand are those who totally 'disappear', and then 'reappear' just as suddenly, and it seems to them that all remains the same for them, as if they had never gone! How strange. And I always wonder what happened to them during that 'disappeared' period. (I'm talking months, here.) Did the other aspects of their lives come to a standstill as well? I've seen some being so involved, and then 'disappearing' without rhyme or reason, and they may appear in other cell or district or church, continuing on as if they had never left... it's strange to me. I think all of us want to be heard, want to play a part in a little way, in the community which we belong to. So we do things, organize events, help each other out. And I really look up to those who serve their community in such a way. Not only in church, but in grassroots events, volunteer for animals, etc. I always wanted to be one of those people. It's tiring to be sure, and I don't think I have the stamina. But why limit myself? Sometimes I miss opportunities, but interesting ones been coming up recently. I have 2 invitations to sing, both through friends who recommended me - I'm not sure if I will disappoint them though.

I'm not sure I have the time, for countless rehearsals and meet ups, but for this time, I think I will at least give myself a chance to explore the options.

Shaun the Sheep - stick with me 2

pockets

We all know, that we all have an idealised vision or expectation of how things will be in life.

I've always thought that I will get there, somehow. But there is a nagging feeling inside me, 'Am I missing out on something?'

Lately, I've been sitting upside down, legs propped up on a closet, thinking upside down. Thinking about stuffs lately. Maybe being alone is not good for me. But I was not alone, I was sitting near The Boyfriend while he does his endless work. Paper after paper. He works so much harder than me - having a hardworking boyfriend is always good, in more ways than one. (Hardworking 'off-duty', haha.) He cooked one dinner for me this week. I was very touched, although I didn't appear so. It seems stupid to cry over a claypot rice with lup cheong, diced chicken and shredded chinese cabbage. It seems I only can enjoy good homecooked meals at his place, and I was touched that despite he being sick, he could still cook up a dinner. I ate two plates.

Maybe I'm lacking a good conversation. Boy, I miss those times where you can just talk with people... today it seems everyone doesn't think things through, but keeps offering bland insightless thoughts. Maybe it's the twitter generation. What's the point of talking one-liners which seems senseless really... ... I think I need something to up the ante. Life seems dull at times, especially when I keep getting sick, and too tired to summon positive energy to go out and do stuff. Some things make me happy. Like my new bag. Though it's plastic (vinyl in fact), I wanted to buy a nice bag, and I am happy when I see myself carrying it. This is something guys won't understand. Like nice perfume also. My perfume 'lovely', is finishing. I want to gleefully traipse the shelves to find another 'me' perfume.

Yes, I wanted to walk on the beach. Despite us living on an island, we don't really make the effort to go to the magical place with sun, sand, and sea. A walk on the beach does revive me. Each day, knowing the sun sets in the same place, and the waves will always make the same sound on the shore, that is something worth considering. Would we be happier elsewhere? I thought of working and living overseas for a few years. While we still can. While we're still young, we should work our butts off, Clone said to me yesterday. I thought about that. It is a wise advice. But in between we should also have pockets of time to fall in love with life again.

a happy elderly me

Will I be a happy elderly? It depends on how much I have for my retirement...

Just out of curiousity I counted ‘the days’ and we are 136 days together!

136 days, seems so long. I think you cannot truly put a time-cap of measuring relationships.

So many people are searching online for some self-help about Christian relationships, here’s my previous posting about our first Pastor’s meetup session.

http://spiritedly3.blogspot.com/2009/06/pastors-talk-and-relationship-advice.html

The Boyfriend and I were supposed to meet with Pastor monthly, but due to the ‘peak’ we could only meet him early this month. We had a nice lunch and talked about our relationship. The honeymoon period ‘over’, we sat down for some interesting tidbits.

Pastor again asked us about what were the factors that drew us to each other. He said that we should constantly keep it in our minds, and ‘add to the list’. As we grew in this relationship, we can find out more positive / and negative attributes of the other party. We should remember what brought us together, it is an integral part of keeping the love in our relationship. A really good point – I don’t (I hope I NEVER) find myself wondering why I’m with such a man or why did I choose him/vice versa, but I think sometimes good traits may come across as negative in a more low-emotional state… so for me, I should not let that happen. In a low-state recently, I’ve been given to whinings and lying slumped in one corner with bleak upsetting thoughts. It’s just a phase… …

We wanted to open a joint-account, we asked Pastor’s advice on it. Reason being, I’m not so good at squirreling away money for rainy days, I’ve always admired those who can. My brain keeps thinking I need a new (fill in the blanks). So I thought it would be a good idea to start saving xxx amount, I just hand it over to The Boyfriend and forget about it while he settles it. Eventually when our salary rises we can save more, too. Interestingly, Pastor said, ‘not a good idea’. He advocated only starting on this plan when we are married. Also, arguments about spending can creep up into a new relationship. That, we foresaw as well and heeded his advice. He advised me to learn about financial stuffs, it’s a ‘life skill’ in that sense. Something I’m weak at, I have to work on it. I’m always depending on friends advice for this area, I think it’s time to read up and be more well-educated in this area as well!

Lastly… he left us with good advice about Purity. Of course you may expect that a Pastor or a church leader will talk about these kind of stuffs. But I think many chose to remain quiet, perhaps they don’t dare to interfere or talk with conviction. Knowing Pastor’s background, I respect him for sharing with me. And as young, ‘frisky’ adults, we do have challenges. So… I think all girls think that purity is important, of course, and one wish is that, how we wish we can save that special time when we are married to the special one. It is really something special, and we always wish it will turn out well. But let’s not make it only a ‘wish’, we have to take precautions and steps to make it a reality. I really appreciate such advice and will welcome it if he does speak about it every single time we meet.

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I read with interest the article about CPF on yesterday’s front page news. To tell the truth, until recently, I didn’t even give two hoots about the ‘balance amount’ in my CPF. It just seems like so long away, I’m sure I will have quite a sum when I reach retirement age. But like most people, I plan to retire early. And there are ‘should knows’ that I have been neglecting when it comes to planning my ‘career advancements’. I am not very career-focused or ambituous (not so hardworking as well) and for the early stage of my working days, I was too busy with ministry, involved in cell-planting, that I was grateful for any job that could give me enough time with my ministry and a decent salary, something livable, is enough. I’m not hankering for the hi-lifestyle, just the usual Singaporean desires of a small apartment, travel 2 times a year, shopping and eat out at restaurants during weekends. I read that some people have saved around $100,000 in their CPF at aged 50 plus, I asked The Boyfriend to compute that for me in terms I can understand.

Well, it means that, IF I contribute about $1K to CPF each month, not considering interest rates and all… I would get that amount in… 24 years.

24 years! That got me thinking, seriously about my career prospects. If, compared to my peers I knew that I am getting shortchanged in terms of AWS, bonuses, and even medical benefits (adds up to A LOT in the long run), and their companies (MNCs or Stat boards) are giving them such benefits/compensation, I think it does add up to a lot in the long-term. Some of my friends revealed that even though the job scope stucks in their stat board, at least they got pro-rated bonuses 3 months out of this year. And others shared that medical benefits is a must, whether it’s a claimable thing (up to certain amount) or company doctor. Because ultimately, I want to stay for a long-term (5 years), work hard and contribute to the company in many ways, and be rewarded for it, too. Because I am smart, I should now not think of ‘fluffy’ things but instead, of ways I can better my life through wise choices in this area. I had hoped that each job I had, I would be able to stay at least 3- 5 years, but somehow, either the scope, or the industry, did not work out for me. It’s always been said, don’t cheat your boss by doing ‘other things’ during work
(sideline? Or playing on FB, hee)… I’m starting to think that I should not cheat myself as well!

couple photos

I got a nice wish that came true, a photo with The Boyfriend at Cavenagh Bridge. With balloons!

Hee... nice memories.

i need a star buddy.

I've always like the yellow stars in the Care Bears show and only yesterday I found out that they are called 'Star Buddies', isn't that cute? I'm reminded to have some 'Star Buddies' of my own.

I caught up with Lilo over lunch yesterday. It was great to hear that her life ws going well, God's provision for a new job with less stress, backstabbing and all the horrors of the finance industry, a new mentor who is a great leader business and spiritually (who wouldn't be thankful for that?), and a new love. I jokingly remarked to her that it seems that our fate has been 'exchanged', we remember the last time we met, she was in a ranting state of mind, and now it seems that I am. I needed some advice about my direction, and she shared valuable information about what options I should consider. Sometimes when you have some ideas in your mind, you can 'bounce' it off others, and the outcome could be that you will have more confidence in the steps you're about to take. Change in Life should be expected, even welcomed, because when one resists change... in fact you cannot avoid changes, right. But the first, tentative step is often seeming risky, and leads me to have fearful, anxious feelings. But it also seems a relief to have thought it through. I seriously think that godly counsel is often neglected... and for the important steps we have to take, we should go about it prayerfully and letting godly people know so that they can pray for you and share in your joys and sorrows.

Looking at them just makes me feel happy, even those stuffed ones in the shops, I always gravitate towards them. Hoping something in your weekend brightens you up, too!

a seagull

Read this story today and found it quite uplifting.

At some point of time in your life, you realize that you need your friends. It's always a surprise to realize that you have been missed by someone (of course, most won't tell you.)

Last week, Architect thanked me for a birthday present, it was a small tintoy robot.

He said it reminded him of his childhood dreams when he looked at it.

That struck a chord in me, about the way I am feeling now. There used to be a time where I was fretless and worry-free. Hmm, am I a shadow of my former self?

MIRACLES, DELIVERANCE

In a recent issue of his Friday Evening devotional newsletter, Tom Barnard includes this story:

Eddie Rickenbacker was a fighter pilot and Ace in World War I. His life was a kaleidoscope of events centered around airplanes and cars. He accumulated more than 300 hours in combat flying during the First World War and had more than 20 "victories" (where he survived and an enemy pilot did not). Later he was awarded the highest honors for bravery in battle by the United States and France.

During World War II, he served as a consultant to the military in England, as well as the United States. In October 1942, he was sent on a tour of the Pacific theater to deliver a secret message to General Douglas MacArthur. After visiting bases in Hawaii, his plane--a B-17 Flying Fortress--was en route to another military base in the Pacific when navigation failure caused the plane to stray miles off course, eventually losing fuel and forcing the pilots to crash-land into the rough seas of the Pacific Ocean.

Amazingly, the crew of eight survived the crash, but with injuries--one fatally. They made it aboard their life raft, but with very few provisions. Their food and water supply was exhausted in three days. The crew fought the sun, weather and sharks. They needed a miracle.

On the eighth day, the crew had an impromptu devotional service, praying for a miracle. Time dragged by very slowly. Trying to take a nap, Rickenbacker pulled his military cap over his nose. Suddenly, he felt something land on the top of his cap. It was a seagull. He carefully reached up and captured the gull. It wasn't much of a meal for the men, but it was something. After devouring most of the bird, they used the intestines for bait, with which they caught fish and survived until they were rescued--after 24 days at sea.

Years later, Billy Graham asked Rickenbacker to share the story of his life-threatening experience and the events that led up to his affirming faith in Christ. Eddie said, "I have no explanation except that God sent one of His angels to rescue us." God answered their prayers by sending an angel in the form of a seagull.

Do you sometimes feel like you are adrift in a sea of frustration and hopelessness, praying for a miracle but only seeing endless sea and insufficient provisions for the trip? Pray to God for a miracle. Pray for an angel of the Lord to locate you and deliver you. His angels are always near. Watch for them.

the journey

It's often been said, Life is a journey. And I'm realizing how true that is, these days.

I'm feeling the world-weariness of it all, wondering if where I am is where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm sure this feeling does take hold of almost all of us at times. When bad things befall us. Maybe a natural disaster, a loss of loved one/s, some terminal illness, or new beginnings. I wonder if it's a better place for me to work in a secure (government or otherwise) job, keeping my head low, doing my work and end of the day, not much personal, emotional issues, and I am secure in the fact I can retain a comfortable salary and a comfortable life. But I don't know if this is what I want. Just a few years ago, I was in a more confident position, at the start of my career. I wanted to be entrepreneurial and work hard for startup companies or doing something creative, meaningful and at the end of the day make many connections. I had cherished hopes of being a travel host as I was promised, of doing something significant.

Ministry was going well too when each week I saw my cell getting more new people, until we had to break into different parts of the host's house - 2 groups in the hall, 1 in the dining area and 1 in the walkway. I remember the exciting and difficult times. The Boyfriend asked me if I would support him if he were to venture into starting his own business. A few years ago, I would have not hesitated, and said, go ahead, I will support you in whatever you choose to do for your life. But now, I am scared. Dealings with sleazebags who try to find loopholes have left me apprehensive about going into that kind of industry. I recall a time when I helped someone's (a church friend!) startup find a temp staff who happened to be my close friend(also in same church). Who knows, when the contract was over, the startup boss used all kinds of excuses not to pay the worker. Stating that the performance was not satisfactory, he haven't calculated the compensation, something wrong with the check...He kept my friend waiting for almost a month after she finished the job. This is not right, is it? It's true you meet all sorts of people, the 'little' and the 'great' - those 'little' ones 'belittle you', the 'great ones make you great' - a friend had wrote. I was thinking, how true. But sadly we are surrounded by more little ones than great ones. Maybe my thinking now is to cling on to a stable job with a good income until it runs dry, rather than finding a passion which I love doing. And in rational-thinking that might well be better for my bank account and my personal, emotional state.

There are many things that can make people depressed or 'down', big things, small things, sometimes I find that despite all efforts to keep cheerful (After all, there isn't anything major happening that can cause me to feel sad), I feel a melancholy of sorts, a kind of anxiety when I think about the near future. True, there are many things that can go wrong, like unexpected accidents, or changes in company or even government policy. But... ...nothing's gone wrong yet, nor should I have the doomsday approach and think of the worst-case scenario in everything. It's nice to know there are options to consider, and nice to know of friends who will pray.

Maybe it's just past issues that suddenly creep up, or the overwhelming feeling that although it all seems good, it is not. As all Christians would say, hold on to God's promises. And count your blessings. I am trying to...

a book is a book is a book.

Well here’s my no-holds-barred opinion on the ‘Miss Singapore World/Ris Low/boomz’ saga.

When the video first came out – I got a look of it a few days before everyone else did – I must admit I forwarded it to friends, as it has been forwarded to me, because, as I had mistakenly or unmistakenly thought to myself that this Ms world speaks atrocious English. We joked about ‘leopard preens and zebraaa’, for quite some time, in fact.

As a woman, we have been bombarded with media messages telling us how to look, to think, and to behave. Many times I have felt low, feeling that my clothes aren’t pretty enough or my skill is not good in putting on makeup, or my hair cannot be compared to the glossy, cleavage-flaunting and always immaculately-clad women on the front pages of the magazine. Blame it on the age, perhaps I am in an age where I have more disposable income (Or think that I have) to spend on such frivolities. But yes, although they are merely ‘on the outside’, they make us feel good on the inside too, Don’t you feel good wearing comfortable lingerie, smelling good with a good perfume and having nice shoes, makeup that doesn’t crack, things that make you feel happy when you look at them? I sure do, and although my wardrobe has a collection of tee-shirts, I can’t help thinking I need another striped one for my collection, or I need one in yellow/orange/pink because these colors are lacking in my wardrobe. It’s easy for the media messages to infiltrate my mind, because I am bombarded with it everyday, and I don’t think deeply about my latest rave to buy the Chanel limited edition jade-green nail polish, where does this desire come from, and what does it say about me.

Good or bad, we all have expectations of beauty queens. Poised, elegant, definitely speaking well in our native language. Because to some, she is the only ‘singapore’ other people might know of. Meanwhile, the Miss Indonesia 2009 cannot speak Indonesian… and she is getting lambasted too. As outsiders and observers, we might think it’s not such a big deal but tell that to the majority of the Indonesian-speaking population, I’m sure they think in a different way.

Sure enough, this is just a beauty pageant, nothing to get excited about. For those who defend Ris Low’s Singlish (just the singlish and not the other scandalous issues), well, it is true most Singaporeans speak Singlish, or are not good in pronunciation for certain words. Definitely we do not expect our native teachers or man-on-the-street to have Queen’s English diction. But the same rules do not apply for lawyers, for instance, or professors, even doctors are required to have a more than substantial grasp of the language. Similarly for beauty queens, when it comes to national pride, we would rather have someone who speaks well, as speaking well reflects well on us, too. But when it comes to condemning her as ‘stupid’, I think that has gone too far. We do not know the pageant organizer’s motives for choosing her, and it has been said and done, so let it be. I think looking at many people’s comments; Singaporeans are quite willing to forgive her Singlish and bad pronunciation, and some even pity her being blasted in the media. If you have lived in different countries, the other countries’ newspapers would have a field day covering such individuals and digging up dirt on them, so I think our local media have already been very…safe, and kind to her in this aspect that they are only reporting some facts, for instance the sum she frauded has been said to be $8K instead of $2.5K as reported (Read it somewhere online.)

Image designed from Hendra's blog...

My opinion is that, the old adage ‘do not judge a book by its cover’ holds true. I could have been spared many emotional ups and downs had I been more careful in choosing to trust people with ‘si wun’ faces and gentle tones. Both in business and in personal life, I have wasted much time with the people who seem one way but are another. Maybe some have not encountered such characters who may lead to a personal financial loss, emotional or mental loss or much more, but there are many such people around, especially in the corporate world who think of nothing less than to profiteer from your unsuspecting kindness to them.

Maybe or maybe not, Ris Low has also been one of them. I do not think it is easy to fraud credit cards…or fraud anything… I don’t have the heart to make people suffer due to my selfish pleasure, or have the guts to do such a thing.

Yes, we all want to look presentable, pretty, even, but at what expense? One of my must-have magazines, ‘Mina’, tells me every month about the fabulous hairstyles I can create on my own. I have tried one or two, but I feel inadept at doing the whole range, maybe even disappointed I cannot achieve what seems to be so easy, step-by-step creations.

Maybe Ris Low is a victim of mass media messages, perhaps even more so as a public beauty figure.

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Some articles of interest:

Miss Indonesia can’t speak Indonesian

http://indonesiafirst.com/2009/06/kerenina-needs-a-translator/

Ris Low photo labeled as ‘stupid’

http://www.temasekreview.com/2009/09/30/straits-times-named-ris-lows-photo-as-sg-stupid-jpg/

Claire Lee speaks up about back injury on her blog

http://www.temasekreview.com/2009/10/05/claire-lee-rebuts-ris-lows-allegations-on-her-blog/

a ranting state of mind.

How you treat others, as well as how I treat the people around me, is somewhat of importance to me. It's like what's been said about Etiquette by 'Miss Manners',

"You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you...There are plenty of people who say, 'We don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!' Etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. But the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable."

I have seen some people whose behavior is, well, mystifying.

They seem to hate their job. But I wondered whether, if they change jobs, would it still be the same? My guess is, they will continue to be miserable and make others miserable. Getting some negative vibes from those who hate their job/life, it's truly not pleasant to be in their company.

I had a sudden deep thought while ironing my casual-work-wear top in preparation for work, the other day.

I can say, perhaps proudly, that I don't care for Money. That Money is not a motivating factor for me, likewise, I don't go for branded clothes, I'm more about the quality and value for the price point. So maybe I'd like to think of myself as someone whom Money is not a motivating factor. However, if it were put to me, in this way, so why not I take up a job in a non-profit, earning ... peanuts... but doing something really meaningful for animals, people, or even the environment? Would I go for it? And the answer is... ... No. Sadly, I still think that you have to be paid what you're worth, or thereabouts. Although I think that yes, I could subsist on the meagre income, and yes, it would be very fulfilling at the end of each day to see lives change, at the end of it all, I will still feel a lack of pride that I'm working here where I could be having a more classy job somewhere else. Isn't that so, for most of us? I've seen men who work in the non-profits, some are married, even with kids, and I think that is a noble act of sacrifice. However, I wonder if the kids eventually will think highly of their father for choosing this path and not one which will enable them to be more comfortable financially.

So for me, maybe I cannot say that proudly that Money does not motivate me, or I remain unaffected by Money. I think we do complain a lot because our lives are quite boring here, but seeing the typhoons and earthquakes around the region, seeing maybe your whole wardrobe disappear in the flood, hey, you got to be thankful to be living here and not a few hundred miles away.

So...I aim to be more cheerful in my dealings, and always have, in the back of my mind, to be thankful for these things I have right now.

Sun - Fancy Free (Official Release)

Our Local 'Lady Gaga', "Sun", that's what TNP says.
Aren't we all supportive to see a local Singaporean make it big on the international scene? Overtly sexy or not...

if you forget me

In front of the Melbourne State Library.

Why do we take photos?

I don't really REALLY like to take photos, except if it is with friends, family or some places I've travelled to. Looking at my photos in Melbourne at the same spots - it was planned earlier by my best friend now staying and working there, of course... I wouldn't be able to know all the places - it seems like these places are familiar to me, even though I don't think I would be able to remember my stay in Melbourne so long ago. At least, what I remembered of the place were not the landmarks and the scenery, but the people, and the places - I had a neighbor's cat who would 'adopt' me in the daytime which made me an instant cat-lover in the duration of the 2 weeks of my stay in the rented house walking distance from Queen Victoria's Market.

For me now, taking photos brings me to a journalistic mood of sorts. Why this need for documenting everyday stuff? I guess we look forward to reviewing our photos and hence, the memories. I spend quite a lot of time looking, collaging, compiling my photos and am proud of the nice shots. Also, I want to look back at the happy times spent, the nice food eaten, basically I treasure the 'here and now'. What we are blessed with, I cannot and will not take for granted.

I know that it is a luxury in many countries around us to just go to a 'restaurant' and have a meal. Yet we do so almost every week, isn't it? And we can easily find nice Japanese restaurants, or other cuisine if we so desire. Even meeting up with close ones - we seem so busy to make the effort at times, yet we do not realize how easy it is for us, just a train ride or a bus ride away to meet with friends. For others, their friends might be miles away yet they still communicate frequently, what gives? All I can say is I realized... it takes two. You might be wanting to catch up with the buddy but said buddy may not have the same on his mind. Usually for me, I suggest, and wait to see what happens. If buddy is keen and pro-active as well, I do look forward to an eventual meeting. If buddy seems reluctant... perhaps hesitant even, well, maybe it's a point of time in his life where he is busy with other stuff. So I just leave it, for now. But I do wonder at the people who don't even bother to reply back! Are they even too busy for the friendship, or... they have not received your sms?

Anyways... I am not like that, and I can say none of my 'true friends' are like that too. I hope...

I am looking forward to taking more meaningful photos.

20 years' ago Emu at Melbourne Zoo. Now, 2 Emus at Weribee Zoo. Below, Swanston St Church of Christ (I think the name is changed now). The only change on the exterior is that the door is painted red. Interior, everything's changed. It looks like a university lecture hall (and it IS used as one! For RMIT students!) Last photo, it's a flower shop along the 'downtown' road. I don' t know if it's the same flower shop, but it's at the same location. It's so nice when people buy flowers for fun!

If you forget me - by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.