Yesterday was quite a 'big' day for myself and Mr. A. We met with Pastor, and also Dad and Mom. My sis' boyfriend's family also wanted to meet him, but we thought that was a bit too scary! (Oh Mom does think he looks like Iljimae!!!)
Architect wanted to know how was the 'relationship counseling/accountability' like, what actually transpires during the talk session... ... we remarked on how some couples seemed to have black faces or even broke up after such sessions with other mentors. But for me, I consider Pastor as one of my friends, also, this is probably one of the BEST things he could do for me as a friend at this point of time. So, I relish the opportunity to share, and also to gain insights from a 'third party' which we never could have, by ourselves.
Pastor did share his heart with us about many things, things which he has learnt during his own courtship. Pastor has been married for a year now, but he spent 5 looooong years dating, and some of the time in a long distance relationship too as Pastor's wife gotta scoot off to Oz finishing her studies. For us on the other hand, we were curious as to what is 'too fast', considering that we only had a few dates before embarking on this relationship. Pastor said that he hoped we were 'mature 26 years olds' and did not treat this as a 'trial and error' thingy. It would be a waste of time for both of us. I think being in quite a number of relationships previously, I know that I'm not 'trying it out' once again... ...
Also, Pastor gave us some wise advice. He asked us, what made Mr A. choose me, and likewise asked me the same question. He knew that the reasons we chose each other would grow over time, and said he radically believed that ALL relationships could be worked out (provisio of no sin/ awareness of God's presence is there in the relationship.)
For example, as it's always mentioned, a relationship is not only the couple, but also God's presence. We have to have the fear of God in this relationship. But why? Ahhh! There is the burning question that many cannot answer. As Pastor explained to us... you see, there is always the fear of God/God's real presence in every relationship. But when we are further away from God, engaging in stupid things for example, God's presence moves further away and repeated again and again, this relationship brings more harm than good. So ideally, we have to set a high standard of purity because God will look at this relationship and go ,"Wow, this couple is really honoring me, man. I am impressed." Pastor also advises us not to even think of spending the night together (!!!) as some people 'smartly' make up excuses like... it's so late, let's just crash here etc. Putting this down on paper, I think most people would agree that it's unwise to stay out so late, etc.
But in this country, I think it's acceptable to say, watch the sunrise together or... just spend a prolonged time, till wee hours in the night, talking, at the beach, etc. Yes, we have done that. And spending time at each other's place, well, my place is full of people so engaging in any hanky-panky is outta the question, and as we live so near each other, I think no one will buy the excuse, that 'it's sooo late, why don't you just crash here and go back tomorrow,' haha. Pastor said, you would rather spend the $20 cab fare midnight surchage home than to have one night of guilt... even, say you didn't do anything, people would always imagine the worst about you. That's quite true actually. We'll try to go home earlier (maybe before 2am?) and not stay out till it's so dark, we are actually very tired this week and my butt muscles are aching from sitting in the sand. (Try it, sitting in the sand for hours is a mean feat.)
Also, about travelling together... alone, is a no-no. For reasons we can well understand why. Because we have animal magnetism and incredible chemistry, we can imagine our emotions getting the better of us. And no fertilized eggs before marriage, please. (I must add here that Mr A. is a terribly decent guy and he is very concerned about my needs before his so, he is not wanting to... do anything also!!!)
So we are making a pact NOT TO travel alone (Though, I have travelled alone with guys as well as solo, but the thing IS...I am totally not interested in them and thank God I have never made any mistakes in this area.) Above all, we wanna honor God and our integrity as well. Though I do like travelling and to my naive mind, 'what can happen right', better not to do so until we are married then we can travel every weekend alone and feel better we have waited til then. We're supposedly going Perhentian or some diving/beach place with his friends and I'm looking forward. Pastor also mentioned we could go out in groups, not just with other couples, but with singles as well. Ya! That's such a good idea, though in our 'sticky' stage now I wonder which single can tahan going out with us? I would like to share my 'lovey-doveyness', as Architect put it, with my friends, single or attached... so those who can tahan please sign up over the next weekend! We can watch movies, chill out at coffee places, sit in the sand together and feed each other!
=)
Any takers?
I'm stoked that Pastor agrees to have us account to him... it's what I've always wanted.
Posts
