Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Stand up, stand up...

Chinese medicine points to one's diet or emotions as potential causes of such symptoms of 'heat in the mouth'. Greasy/fried foods or 'energetically hot' food (for example: spicy food, alcohol) may also trigger mouth ulcers. Emotions such as anger, frustration, resentment, or stress can also impede the proper flow of one's energy and create 'heat' in the body, with such manifestations as mouth ulcers, red eyes, sore throats, insomnia or constipation.


I have two canker sores in my mouth (left and right!) and one on my tongue and one red eye and a horrid tummyache churning.

Hope it gets better tomorrow. Meanwhile shall have a quiet night at home for once. =)

Been impacted by people around me recently, shall share these thoughts. Met a guy whose only goal in life is to get married and have kids, such a simple wish but maybe to some, it seems impossible. Be it due to their busy work schedules, or lack of looks, the typical life of blissful love and marriage seems to evade them. The guy also shared about how, a few years back, he was actually engaged and even had bought a condo for their impending nupitals. Alas, the fiancee shortly broke off the engagement, stating they were incompatible. It's things like these that are real-life shockers... but they are one of twists and turns in life.

Over avocado juice and yummy hawker food, some female colleagues and I were talking about the usual, men, relationships, what women want. The conversation was highly interesting to me as instead of the usual christian talk about criteria and looking for a godly mate, these are women from all categories of life. One was married, one was an older single, me in my twenties and two in their late 20s and one who was attached, in her 30s. I'm beginning to love my colleagues - there is no politics, no bitching, just plain honest sharing about what they felt. So blessed to have people of this kind in my company!

We talked about our loves, and the one who was attached promptly revealed she was living with her boyfriend of 6 years, who was 8 years older than her. She said she did not see the need for marriage as neither wanted any kids, besides did not want to conform to Societal norms. Being the youngest, I just observed more than I spoke in this conversation about men and relationships. After all, it is her life and I did not want to dictate the right thing that should be done. But, I'm amazed at the rest of the ladies who gave such excellent advice in such high EQ ways that I can only applaud. They said that, if he really loved you, he will and should offer you this assurance (marriage) in the form of a proposal. Even if both of you are happy about the status quo, things will be easier if both takes the step to marriage. Things like finances, even if he is unconcious in an accident, you will only be able to see him if you are the wife or a blood relative.

I was blessed by the conversation, even though they were not christians, they had such high moral standards and yet came across in a way that was not legalistic or dictatoring. Have to learn from them! Making a stand in this world is tough. Was impacted to voice out over certain things I feel strongly against. Have not been doing that for long, maybe in a way, over the years, I've 'toned down' and decided to listen first instead of voice out. But sometimes, I tend to keep my own feelings to myself, telling myself that it's none of my biz and I don't want to bother other people anyways. But at the end of the conversation, I could see that the lady who was attached was somehow moved, yet not offended by what they say. I believe these colleagues spoke with wisdom and knew the right words to say, to her.

For me, I will choose to voice out, the next time.
Stand up for Jesus.

did a photo collage of us... pending printing

Monday, June 26, 2006

sunnydale cell - multiplication in process...

Friday, June 23, 2006

TGIF ramblings

Incoherent ramblings on a Friday afternoon.

I wonder... why do I need so much sleep and why does caffeine affect me, but not other people. I wonder if mad people are really demon possessed or not. I wonder how situations and incidents can strengthen friendships, yet the same friendships can be so quickly lost if one party just neglects to make the effort. I wonder if someone whose prayers are all not answered, would they still have the faith to believe in God?


If all the people in the world were blissfully happy, then who would be unhappy? And would happiness be valued in the sense that it is, now, if that were the case? Do I need a majority of people to feel unhappy so that my happiness has a greater value? For most of life, we have a choice. Mostly we can choose what to eat, what to buy, etc. So why would we be unhappy about our purchases/food choices unless we are generally unhappy about life itself and this stems from an inner root issue not something that can be handled easily. You have to understand yourself first before you can even begin loving another person. You have to handle your life first before entrusting it to another man. More importantly, cherish the ones you have now, instead of constantly looking out and forsaking all the current friends and loved ones.

I was quite touched when one of my ex classmates kept trying to organize some gathering, a simple dinner with the rest of us. Unfortunately weeknights I'm usually fully booked, so I always could not make it. But I do treasure such opportunities to meet up with old friends, even though we were never close in the past. It's maybe half a year since the activities of last year has come and gone, do we still remember with fervency the people we used to pray with, to share with? Do I remember my dreams and what I've hoped to accomplish in this year or are they just overwrought with the daily grind of activity? Sometimes people in my life I do take for granted. Especially when you see them almost every other week. But when they are long gone from your life, you will start to feel a sense of loss you can't even narrow down, why...

Although I will not be the one to organize these reunions and outings, I will still make an effort to be there. For the old ones and the new.

My toys...

the snake says hi

Faces of Indon kids, 2005.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

This one cannot...

This one...cannot lah!
Aiya...just cannot loh...

Having had the privilege of speaking to many single guys and girls lately, I am quite intrigued by the dilemna of such. I know guys (and girls) who are looking for that special someone, I know of an eligible pilot who flies for sq (tanned, hunky but not very tall) who is wondering where is the special girl who will love him enough to marry him... and other wonderful females who have 'no problem' in every sense, just that no guy is wise enough to realise that. And my dear friend Shiner who likes this girl for a really long time, only to not do anything about it, and now heard that she is attached. Is it his fault for not moving in earlier, or perhaps it was wiser this way? Perhaps a shorter anguish is better than a long term relationship that comes to nought. Also, deep within I felt that this girl was not suitable for him, in many ways.

But for the girls who are reaching 'a certain age' - time flies, and before they know it, they are reaching that dreaded number without a man in sight. I usually make friends with older ones, so, I have the time on my side to learn from these, and perhaps take a few precautions for myself.

I've seen one of my dear friends hanging around with 'auntie' sorts, unfortunately, although they make good friends, I am sure that this will not do wonders for her social life. She too, has admitted to me that she needs to widen her social circle. She is shy but appears to be sociable, perhaps her main fear is not really being able to communicate well with the opposite sex. I find these women fall in love way too easily, the way I see them being heartbroken over and over again by some guy who does not understand their feelings.

Maybe, it's they who do not understand themselves.

The other sort I've seen are those perfectionistic types who expect too much out of life, out of men. Perhaps they are the Type A types - workaholics and over achievers. But being in a relationship and falling in love is not just a result-oriented game where you can get what you want just by putting in effort. Some relationships fail, some succeed. And usually, we have to keep an open mind. Don't just rule out a guy because he doesn't look good enough, doesn't earn enough, just not my type, this one cannot, that one cannot. All, also cannot. What, do they think that God made only one man on this earth for them and they have to find him 100% suitable? I guess on one hand, they have unrealistic expectations. I too had unrealistic expectations before! (when I was younger) And... it was because my unrealistic expectations were met at a young age with a guy whom had everything I wanted and I wasn't even looking for him! (And now, I've found someone even better!)

And on the other hand, it's a case of sour grapes. Maybe they think that the guy will not find them appealing, so it's a case of, reject them first... This is what I've seen many many many instances, the girl will always say they are not really interested - they are the type that would NEVER say they are really really interested anyways! (And if they are interested, they would say, hey maybe tell me more, I can always recommend him to one of my friends.)

So, even if the guy did have a bit of liking initially he would end up with someone with a little more spunk. They are the types that will evaluate themselves too severely and if the guy loses interest, they would complain to their girlfriends, 'Why he don't call me? Am I too fat/boring/crazy/etc?'

End result, these girls, who are perfectly nice creatures end up without a nice man in the end.

If they are not willing to change, rest assured that the next one wouldn't stay for long either. IF prayer alone helps, just look at all the nice, single girls available in church today. One of my friends who is only a year older than me has already given up. It seems she has given up on our guys, but I think she has given up on herself (and her unrealistic expectations). Then there are those who say they do not mind being single, unmarried, alone, when honestly I feel they shouldn't be saying such things if it isn't their heart's desire. Who knows, it might turn out to be that way, in the end, and then I don't think they can complain.

I say, it takes action. With some advice from trusted friends, do what it takes. Change your hairstyle? Lose weight? Wear some less-auntie clothes? Smile more? Just little changes, habits that can be formed and done effortlessly with a great impact. Same advice to the guys out there... Change a little and your whole life can be transformed, why not? The choice of a mate is one of the most important choices you can ever make, I feel...because it determines your life.

So, why even restrict yourself from having this choice? When you actually can make it happen by a few simple changes...

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Detox 5 day over: Some thoughts

Initially I went on this detox diet to see if I can lose weight /improve fatigue and skin!

The results, after just 5 days is great!

Although emotionally - felt unstable - I think because of lack of support all around and also due to PMS, felt really lousy about self at times, and demoralised too. A friend told me detox should not stop consuming carbo because the brain needs the glucose levels to function... Perhaps it's because of that. Although sources I've read online said consuming rice is okay, I did not eat rice at all during the 5 days. Personally I also don't like rice much, and my family has a variety of foods so it was a coincidence this week I did not eat rice also.

I lost 1 kg... and actually felt 'lighter' despite the water retention due to PMS... My skin usually gets breakouts during this time, but I seem to be glowing from within. I also tend to apply moisturizer on a daily basis as the skin tends to be drier during this period. The Johnson's one for baby night sleeping - with camomile and lavender is good for my skin, I find most moisturisers too oily and cause redness for me.

I simply cannot believe I lost 1 kg during 5 days just by cutting down on carbo and eating more fruits, muesli... It's quite wonderful. Only felt hungry during the first 2 days or so, got used to it after that. In fact, some period of the day din feel like eating at all. Oh, and loads of water and green tea is good. Normal tea, which I can usually consume, makes me trembly. I also felt cold easily during this period of time (low fat?) And I still ate a bit of potato chips and brownie!

More of: Fruit (Always drink nothing but water, fruit juice and tea while outside), tofu - I usually don't like this but can find in yong tau foo, the egg one is nice!, Muesli - My family always has muesli bars, I eat one on alternate days at least. I ate fruits like - water chestnuts, bananas, apple and orange juice, even durian.

Avoid : Meat, especially red meat. I don't fancy fish much so usual intake is minimal. I usually abstain from pork also, so I only have to cut down on mutton and beef. Took chicken as usual but in smaller portions. I intended to 'half' my carbo intake but in the end took very little carbo, only keeping my usual sandwiches and potatoes. Love mashed potato! Also did not take any fried or oily stuff. Incidentally, no chilli as well(altho I simply love spicy) perhaps in healthy foods, chilli is not added. Only took abit of chilli padi with chicken yesterday.

And, I did not do my usual gym or kickabout club exercise... But still walked far distances in my line of work.

I shall detox again next week, more stringently. =)


Friday, June 16, 2006

Detox - personal plan

Shall be on a detox plan this week, realised I've been overworking my body with too many unhealthy stuffs lately. Keeping a journal of sorts of what I've been consuming.

I'm going to do it without any supplements, just going to follow some simple rules I've set for myself. Hopefully I can do this long term, for up to two months... to monitor the difference. It's an experiment on myself to see if I do lose any weight - yet eat as much as I like, the only difference in it being that its healthy foods.

I set myself standards on NOT eating: No red meat, no overly spicy foods (at least keep to a minimal), half my carbo intake, eat a healthy breakfast.

Actually have not eaten any rice so far, either... Think I'd only consume sushi or the very nice economical rice when I'd have cell.

Monday did not take note of what I was eating.
Day 1 (Tuesday): For breakfast I ate a plain rice cracker and camomile tea, lunch was a brownie and a meiji yogurt, dinner was a healthy yong tau foo.

Wednesday breakfast was 2 cheese biscuits plus milk, for lunch ate tuna sandwich with apple orange juice. Muesli bar for teatime. For dinner did not each much -no food at home! Two fried fish eggs on the stove. Mushroom soup and 3 pieces of hard wholemeal bread.

Thursday... a banana for breakfast, very filling... had yong tau foo, for lunch - lots of tau foo and no beehoon added. Snacked on kaya toast and tea. No food at home, ate a tau sar piah plus some cheese chips (ruffles! cant resist) and 1/4 of a kuih.

Today (Friday): So far I've only consumed some mashed potatoes I've found waiting for me on the stove, plus a glass of milk and a slice of walnut cake. Muesli bar in my bag, perhaps meet my darling for a bite or get some stuff at home!

Don't know if this is really detox... as I've ate some junk too... Needed the salt from the chips as I felt my body getting a bit shaky... and feel weak from a long walk. Well, let's just see how it goes.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Dreams and what they mean

Been having vivid dreams lately! Quite intrigued by it, it's been a while since I could remember my dreams ...and these are really detailed dreams. At the same time I wonder what they could be telling me. My dreams lately all involve death - theme of death is strong in the dreams which I have almost nightly. Nothing much to worry about though, I read up online and the sites say, these theme of death means there will be a change, or I'm preparing for a change in my life... and the death theme, could also symbolize fear.

I do know myself pretty well so I'm quite surprised to have these dreams lately. Maybe nowadays I don't give enough time to myself to introspect like before. That is why these dreams pop up. I can't remember the last time I had such dreams... maybe its been years!

Which is better for my psyche actually, I feel less 'dark' and being in touch with myself. However I find that I cannot handle the internal stress that I produce at times, just wanting to shut off
from everyone and keep to myself.

The first dream: I am in a school which is actually a big house, the school is run by two ladies, one of which is more senior (something like a boarding school) and there was one day only the two ladies, me, and a boy who was my playmate left in the school. It was a stormy, gloomy afternoon when one 'uncle' came to the school with his wife and I think kids, and grimly told the matron that the school had to close, as he was the rightful owner. The uncle was related to my playmate, as his family somehow owned the land or something in that area... So quietly without the uncle knowing, we told the boy to go to his Mum's place to ask if the guy really was related, because it was all so fishy. He cycled off in the pouring rain. Unbeknownst to us, he collided with a car on the way, and died on the spot. We were still anxiously waiting for him to come back when his spirit tried to speak to me (as I was closest to him), by flipping some books, changing the scenery in the painting that hung over the fireplace, little details that only I would notice. Then strange things began to happen, the ducks in our aviary ... suddenly one duck laid 8 eggs or something... quite eerie. I woke up before it ended, remember feeling saddened and scared.
This dream happened last last friday.

The second dream: Set in a local area but not anywhere I know... I was walking at night, down a pathway cutting though an open field. I was watching myself in this dream like a spectator. There was a man (uneducated look) wearing a yellow polo tee holding a scissors and wanted to slice my neck with it. He was walking behind me as I walked down the path... but, I saw an auntie that I knew, someone loud and boisterious. I waved to her and she happily joined me...we went for dinner together at this kopitiam. I did not tell her about the man with the scissors. But eerily, I saw him again at the kopitiam. I alerted one of the guys eating there, someone tall and slim and looks real strong, to help us to apprehend the guy as the auntie dialed for police and waited... End of the dream, I felt strange but not as scared... just strange.
This dream happened wednesday night

The third dream: Was on this path again, this time it's super crowded and full of people, but it seems to be in an ang-moh company. Suddenly the people in front of me about 200-500m away just blew up! Apparently there was a terrorist attack and everyone just went crazy, screaming and running in all directions. I froze to the spot and frightened, couldn't move. End of it I felt really saddened and scared and feared death...it came so close to me. Later I realised that area had a cluster of bombs circling the whole area, and all the people on the 'outside' were bombed and the people in the 'inner circle' remained safe. Of course, in that big crowd there weren't many who happened to be standing inside. I did remember thanking God I was not dead...
This dream happened friday night I think...

Yea so... wonder what other dreams are next and what they represent.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Why pretty gals have so many hang-ups

It is a foregone fact that pretty girls seem to attract the wrong type of men... most of the time.

I don't mean those that are JUST pretty - like me (hahaha!)... like those pubbing-type of girls with nicely manicured nails... I mean those drop dead gorgeous kind, yet accessible in terms of height and social standing to the mass majority of menkind. Those who are blessed with a physique that is out of this world, yet seem to do minimal maintenance. Those with fair (or tanned) faces that once glanced upon seem etched into one's memory like a haunting, alluring visage that beckons... COME...come. I also know of drop dead gorgeous men, my friends, fresh faced and the ultimate gentleman that girls will just swoon over. Yes, they do attract those pubbing-types...

But why do pretty girls have so many hang ups? I think the main reason is something to do with the way they attract. Face it, men are attracted to beauty like bees to honey. So pretty girls do tend to attract those long-lasting kind... and also, those ugly kind. Somehow, the handsome ones find them 'okay only'. Maybe the hunks need someone less spectacular to make them stand out more. Ask the hunks I know, most of the girls they fancy or girlfriends are common-looking to say the least. Those ugly kind... really cannot make it kind... usually won't prefer someone of their standard. So they'd go at least a bit higher. Maybe it's the ego boost when they see photos together which makes them look so good. No one would scrutinize guys' looks as much as girls, anyway. I know of one guy who was just TALL... and nothing else to speak of... he went awhile with a drop dead gorgeous girl... it improved his market value tremendously. And soon, all the girls were talking about him when he became single... like he's so stunning. But actually I think it was the drop dead gorgeous girl which boosted his macho-ness.

And undoubtedly, the pretty girl will have hang ups because of the ugly men they attract.

Firstly some of them will be insecure. They will always wonder, how long is this going to last? Will she be attracted to a better-looking person? What if someone else who is richer, more handsome, more intelligent, ... comes along? Then will she leave me... and etc. This propells their insecurity which the pretty girl has no idea how to stop this chain of thoughts. The guy becomes possessive in a sense and will make snide remarks about the other ugly guys the pretty girls attract. But the more snide remarks they make, they become insecure.... because without the pretty girl they will be JUST ANOTHER UGLY GUY after a pretty girl too!

Very soon they realise that this is no fun at all. When push comes to shove, most ugly guys end up breaking hearts. Which leaves the pretty girl in a rut. She will be wondering whether the guy likes her for her brain or beauty.

If the pretty girl encounters more than one man of this pattern, she will begin to wonder, Is it me? Am I attracting this kind of people? Why... etc... and goes into depressing thoughts. Whether it's her dressing that is too salacious, whether this, whether that. She becomes insecure of her own image and is afraid to express her true self to people easily, losing trust in them as she begins to wonder if they like her for who she is, or otherwise.

Meanwhile, the ugly guy usually wakes up to reality and finds an ugly girl, marrying eventually.

Have you heard of single women (desperate single women) asking, what kind of guy is right for me? What should I do to make myself more presentable (or words to that effect)...?

Have you ever wondered why this guy, so ugly still can get married, still have a presentable looking woman who will give birth to his kids?

The world is not fair. Sometimes beauty is a curse. In some industries it is. Beautiful girls get looked down upon for their competency just because they look a certain way. Hunks get more criticised because they look like they can charm the socks off anyone and expect a certain amount of attention.

That is why pretty girls have so many hang ups.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Sale, sale...sale!

Oh yes.

I am a window shoppaholic (that is good right, save money and get more 'educated')... Due to the nature of my work I am able to walk around many metropolitan areas in sg, mostly concentrated to those located in the CBD area. No such thing as cannot find good and affordable stuff in the upmarket places, even in upmarket places there are store with good bargains.

And shoes.
Shoes are the bane of my life, having been born with small (but broad) and delicate-skinned feet. Those who know me will have had the experience of me telling them about the horrendous blisters I get when I slip into a nice pair of open-toed heels. Even flats are out of the question for me as anything that touches my heel will leave it raw. The last time I wore nice, expensive heels, my ankles ached for days and I had an infected blister on top of another previous one, on my small toe on the left. Sigh. I have some friends whose feet will feel absolutely nothing while wearing mango stillettoes, or cheapo Far East Plaza shoes, or even when standing on those stone embedded in cement that is supposed to make your blood circulate... I do wish for less delicate feet, but there is a plus point to this - I am never tempted by any shoe sale, ... I used to be... I bought my many pairs, but now all are collecting mold and cockroaches and whatsoever in my shoe cupboard.

And, I save money because I really wear my pair until the wood shows, and I do have to invest in pricier shoes most of the time, for added comfort level. I saw a pair I really liked at ALDO, not sure whether it's a Canadian or US brand, but they seem to be expanding here really fast. It looks classy enough to go to work yet nice and relaxed too with slacking clothes for sunday. My honey has promised to get it for me, how sweet... =) Hope it fits.

Back to the sale, not much of a sale I think... M)phosis has good bargains but then again, the stuff really looks dated. Oh, I do like the current trend of polka dots, so tempted to buy one of those cutesy babydoll shirts with buttons and lace on a polka dotted background... The stripes in red and white, or blue and white looks great too... just that I know I'd only wear it once or twice and then I'd get sick of it.

I used to have a 'wardrobe rule' - as I'm such a chronic shopper previously, would blow my allowance on little trinkets and cheap clothes (but not cheap looking okay) and ... go broke for the rest of the month. I'm poorer now since I'm working for my own keep... haha.

The wardrobe rule used to be, never buy anything new (of the same type) unless the last thing I have bought has been worn, at least twice. The problem with my wardrobe is that it looks empty. Too big, too airy and my clothes take a really long time to come back to it (Large family, small washing machine.) So, I am always looking and find nothing to wear. In the context of work clothes, of course. I have too many of those type of abercrombie and hollister tees that I won't buy any more - unless I don't have that particular color, haha! (I recently bought an orange one.) So... no more tee shirts that is final. For sleeveless I am really picky picky so I don't have that many... just american brands to cover my long torso.

I am very happy to find shoddy looking shops that offer more than what is the expected norm - those ah lian clothes in horrid warm fabric and priced really expensively, ones that all the girls now are wearing... terrible fit, and too too pricey for that material. Pay abit more and go for Topshop if you are into this kind of silhouette. I've trawled Bugis Village and Bugis area, no good clothes. City Plaza in Paya Lebar has a really good find - this shop that sells pretty, pretty dresses by designer labels for a steal - cannot confirm it's authenticity but the material looks genuine. Bought a lovely pink and black dress, silk chiffon ... nice for weddings and stuff! They have unique jeans too which I think is genuine A-list brand... all women. So far I still think City Plaza at Paya Lebar is the best haunt. The ah lian clothes there are cheaper too. I plan to go there every month! The korean brand clothes are lovely too, abit mature, nice work styles. Trawled Raffles Place area these days. It's funny to say that I don't really know my area well even though I work here. I've been told there are lots of good places to eat and stuff but I usually grab a bite at my office's inhouse cafe. So well, had some time off yesterday and randomly walked to places I don't usually walk to. There is a BLUM-like store with one-piece designer things. Big sizes tho, but not very expensive at all. I do like BLUM, always salivate at their nice blazers and wonder if I will look too power suited in them. Bought brownies at this place for my honey, I alway walk past this shop but never bought anything from them until one day - a small chicken pie. I must say it's really fabulous. Shall try the cheesecake and other stuff, soon!

And... my efforts of trawling were rewarded, at the back of all the ah lian clothes shop in Change Alley, found a decent looking shop with a few pieces I like, which looked nice and ... nice material too. Most of all, it's affordable. Tried 3, bought one. Was told of good deals next week with the new stock by an often-unheard of male storekeeper in a female clothes store. Well, I'd definitely be back. Southaven is not having sales yet. And gg<5 is not really on sale. Well... that's all the GSS reports for now! I'm going across the causeway this sat... Shop more. Not much to say for their stuff... but at least there is one shoe store that fits me fine.

It's called Mixit. Nice place, decent looking shoes. Yay! I can't wait!