Monday, March 24, 2008

i will now take your questions

Sidetrack: Learnt a new 'singlish' phrase - or maybe only GoodDaddy uses it.
Yesterday, after Church:
Me to GoodDaddy: Hey, what ya doin' later? Want to join us for Easter brunch?
GoodDaddy: May not be.
Me: MAY NOT BE? What kind of broken English is that?
GoodDaddy: May not be...joining you later.

Oh. I shall implement the usage of "MAY NOT BE."

Am a beta tester for this new cool search site, ! Wish I'd thought of this idea myself. Now with all the apps designers, people who design facebook apps FOR FUN; it's going to change the face and feel of the web world. So with open arms I welcome a new player in the search engine market... How it works is simple, you just type in for eg, 'marcel wanders'...For the uninitiated, he's a European (Dutch if you wanna be anal) designer who does lamps, vases, chairs I think...etc. so the site will prompt you for categories, eg - architecture, interiors, historical events... just select the right one, webpages appears, and the screen shot allows you to see what's there, plus at the bottom there is a summary.

As I said, wish I had thought of this earlier. It's revolutionary. Really going to cut down on the time spent surfing and clicking the red 'x' button at the top of the browser.


Questions, questions.
As I (and some others around me, you know who you are) navigate down the turbulent path of friendships and relationships, dating, liking, etc, I guess we have many questions and 'decisions' to make. Some, seemingly unimportant can lead to a 'make or break it', depending on the timing and the person.

For instance, choosing the right person to tell your little secret of who you are liking right now.

Or choosing the right time to surprise her/him with the TRUTH.


I've been doing some thinking lately and I realised; that like spirituality, each individual's approach to love and relationships is only different in a matter of degrees. For instance, I can be open to... say, going on a trip and sleeping in the same room with a guy friend. But I won't do the same with my boyfriend. And I won't co-habit with him. What's the difference? Well...

I know a girl that feels guilty if she stays out after midnight talking to a guy who is not her boyfriend. I wonder what's the difference between, 10pm, 11pm and, one hour later? I guess our principles, no matter how warped are just different in a matter of degrees. Of course, it's better to err on the side of caution, but it's also a miserable life if you can't tell anyone (anyone of your true friends) who you like or why you like him/her.

And when it comes to the situation and you don't have a clear mind or a clear understanding of your principles, then it could be risky to you. I've known of many girls who have unwittingly or wittingly sabotaged their friends by not being able to keep something that most would term as confidential. As a girl, I would rather like to hear that a guy likes me (And take it as a compliment, not avoid him like the plague) from the guy himself, not from his friends, or his girl friends... It's always girls who like to do this kind of 'sabotaging' act that is why, I steer clear from talking deeply with many girls with this nasty inclination to torture their friends. Some girls also like to spoil a healthy normal guy-girl relationship by throwing questions about their friendship... Goes along the line like "Not bad what, both of you are quite matching... never considered? Blah blah." I must admit that I am guilty of it too, but at least I have the discretion not to say it infront of the embarassed friends. This will only force one or the other of them to say something not-nice, like 'she's not my type', or 'he cannot make it', which in turn is destructive for such a friendship. Perhaps guy-girl friendships are not meant to be accepted by most after all, I read once a lengthy diatribe of how the way the social mirror functions do not accept the gender-blurring distinctions of a purely platonic friendship.

They are hard to come by, so all the more we should treasure them.

I've asked myself what are the qualities I look for in choosing a life-partner.

I am surprisingly very un-choosy about that!
I guess I utilise my feelings more than my high-expectations brain in this area of my life, which is on the contrary for all the other areas.

Well, I think everyone should take a closer look (internal, I don't mean outwardly) and think about the qualities we should have and our dear other halves should.

This is the area in my life which I pray about the most. To me it is important, now, that I've finally realised God's choice is the best choice. Honestly, if it was up to me, I wouldn't have chosen him - the best one. But looking back I think it makes sense. I just pray and claim God's will, haha! I cannot imagine if I don't know, and just go ahead in life, I'd never be satisfied with my own choices. I make lousy choices anyways!

One of the choices I would make is that he should complement me. I am quite aware of my weakness, my inability to speak chinese or to be patient, my flair for being perceptive and visionary but otherwise not able to execute it without ample encouragement, many others...

I think the choices that we make now is very important in shaping our future. Through ours and others' experiences in this area we learn to be a better man and woman, and stay secure. One wrong question or wrong decision and we all fall apart.

So stay close to God, it will be amazing how His plan turns up.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

good daddy

Me, 'forking' (attack with a fork) GoodDaddy. He's oblivious to my fork attack and still smiling happily... lol!

I am in a reminiscent mood because I was sickly - first time sickly this year. Staying at home tends to put me into a restless, whirring buzz of inactivity. Staying at home while sickly is even more depressing. But when I am in this state it seems that my thoughts are clearer, and I don't/try not to think about work, just wanting to languish in the safe, sweet memories of the recent past.

We were (along with the other mission trip members) eating succulent seafood at this nice Bali beach -Jimbaran. It was really dark with only candlelight to go round and our chairs sunken into the sand made for a really unique dining experience.

Met up over a weekend dinner with Shiner and his lady colleague. During the course of the conversation, GoodDaddy urged me to sing (maybe he wanted to duet with me secretly?) the song 'What He's done for me', for the lady colleague who was new.

'What He's done for me' became like a theme song of sorts, for us. Due to the fact that we were rehearsing this song everyday during the mission trip, and singing it almost everywhere we went. And that shared moment, in which we both sang, at dinner on a saturday night; voices blending in harmony almost to a split second, was something that made my day!

It reminded me of the times we shared, in the mission trip, the way we led the school kids and the simple rifts of the guitar backing up our singing in the fields, in the van. I wanted to turn to him and just ask, "do you remember..." with a sparkle in my eyes... knowing that my question would be redundant because just by looking at him, I know that he remembers too, though not in the same way which I allude to it, but in a way that only circumstance-shared memories can change a person, and change that moment, into something special, for us.

I always have so many things to tell GoodDaddy. In fact, I store little treasure troves of memories in my mind, like an autopilot, to put them into the 'things I wanna tell him' category of stories and interesting stuff in my daily life routine. But each time I meet him, it seems that time is better spent, traversing in silence.

For where most people form a bond through talking words; our friendship is held through a comfortable, cheerful silence that means that we can just feel at ease in time and space; and with each other; walking, wordlessly.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

pure in heart

Read this in The Church's bulletin handout, about how 'those who are pure in heart will see God.'

For me, this is the only 'Beautitude' that I can remember, perhaps because I like it the best! Well... I've always wanted to see God. I don't have any fears or worries about seeing Him. Maybe because for as long as I can remember, I can sense the presence of God around me, and I always feel blessed, somehow. It's hard not to acknowledge God when almost all of your prayers have been answered.

I like the part where it says:
'Let me start with a definition. The word 'pure' can mean 'without contamination'. A person who is pure in heart will therefore be able to see God where others may not. And will be able to hear Him when others cannot. Or they may be able to talk to Him in a way that others wish they could.
... I want to see God.'

It's hard to be 'pure in heart', but it's harder to stay 'impure'. You know, the oft-mentioned quote that if you do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, that's insanity... this quote is always said in motivational books... which I truly agree, but most people cannot see that their lifes, whether it be spiritual or career wise, they always do the same-old same-old, 'stuck in their comfort zone', always wondering why they are not successful, or happy, or rich... (I just finished reading 'Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker)... and they just like to be comfortable, but never achieving their spiritual destiny or the plans that God has for their lives! Even at this young age, I've already seen many people 'stuck in this rut'. They never seem to be satisfied with what's going on at any point in their lives. They always feel unappreciated in their job. Some even feel like it's unfair, how come such and such a person gets less workload then them, but same salary... ... and unsurprisingly, some of these people are church leaders in The Church! =(

I wish that they will be happy someday but I can safely bet that if I meet them again 2 years down, the complaints will inevitably be similar... unless God, or something changes their lives.

For me, it's actually easier counting the blessings than complaining for an hour. It's not that my life is easy. I've had my fair share of troubles too and, perhaps more, than the average Joe. (I have a friend named Joe and he's really above average! heh. Sidetracked!) But I think it's all about focus as well. If we only focus on the negativities, there is no way we're going to 'tahan' our job. Or our partner. Or living in Singapore, for that matter... Our existence will be meaningless and temporary, forever waiting for a once in a lifetime opportunity, to strike the lottery, waiting for someone to lift us out of our miserable existence... ... Wait a minute. Life is not supposed to be like that. So, it's actually easier, to live 'pure in heart', than 'impure in heart'. It's tougher to live with impure motives and wanting to sabotage your friends or talk bad about people. Try it! =)

Broaching this subject, I now don't doubt at all that God has prepared The Best One (mate) for my life, and through the many affirmations, revelations, encouragements from friends etc, I am now at a place where from 'not His will but mine be done', ie - wanting my own way, my own choices, to really submitting to His plans, becoming a woman of destiny in my own right. It's amazing how by just praying - I remember praying 'I surrender all' during those tumultuous times last November - to the peace of mind I have when I think about this subject of love, relationships and a lifetime soulmate. I'm overwhelmed by the support of friends and the love of God.

And although TBO does not have a clue, I am now really opening my heart towards him, in a way that only God can orchestrate. I now find that he is perfect for me, when previously, his unclelish, chinese ways got on my nerves. I know he always has a special opening of his heart towards me for years, just that I've always pushed him away or disregarded it. I feel that my care for him is a natural thing as I've realised that I've always really cared for him in a sweet, tender way, not knowing why. And I believe God will help. It's definitely hard not to say somethings that will... erm, give him some hints, or maybe a clearer picture, but it's also fun to see how God will reveal. In His time.

The love He has for me, I cannot explain...

Friday, March 14, 2008

The week in pictures

Tried my hand at video editing the past 2 days. Haha! Not my cup of tea for doing it full-time for it really boils down to a minute-by-minute analysis. It's more fun to do it also when you are in the video...

Had a 'million dollar idea' - or an idea last night that is worth quite a bit, so was really excited to work on it. Definitely, it will take off somewhere and then I can say, hey, that's my idea!

I've also analysed why I like working here so much, not only because of the opportunity, it is the perfect fit for me. I like sales, but I don't like doing sales 100% of the time. I like designing, but also not 100% of the time. I like to talk to people, but it cannot make up my whole day I'd be exhausted!

So, I do 30% sales, 30 percent design, some percent of managing, thinking, talking, writing... It's the right blend.

Here's the week in pictures. I do trawl the web for inspiration and there's a lot out there that are really good ideas, so here are some things that I've seen, and liked.

Breathtaking shots from I have tried almost every 'category' of their make up from eyeshadow to mascara to shampoo to ... well, you get the picture. They are the first brand of makeup I've ever bought into as a brand. And for introducing me to lipstick or the varieties of stuff that you can apply on.

Interesting shirt. Closeup, it's actually insect print.

Actually spoke to NUM and they were very, very sweet. Especially when they offer me a 'media' discount! Woo! Plus I thought that it was really interesting that I 'know' the Mr Hougang... from my past frequent visits to Hougang gym. So, who said you can't find hotties from Hougang or Serangoon or Punggol now...

Obama! In his Texas campaign which he so unfortunately lost. He's winning the big ones though. I read TIME so am able to catch up on such political news. I put this photo for fun on my msn, when I am 'irritated', then my Obama pops up to scold people.

Ananda! gush gush... Lilin! gush... Nadya! Qi Yiwu!!! And the power ranger! (Jason something who acted as 'Raymond'.) Apart from eyecandy throughout the show, cinematography is good. Though I didn't like the book, I did like the movie.

My videographer. He is very Chinese inside though he doesn't look a single bit like it. I enjoy working with him, he's a special person and will teach me videography (for free), soon.

Was searching for silhouettes for a poster when I came across this image I liked and saved it.

Another image I liked. Works well as a desktop wallpaper.

Logo designed by Luc Chase for our upcoming show.

Lastly for all the gay guys, here's Mr Hougang wearing next to nothing. Vote for your friendly neighbor!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

some stills from my property channel shoot

Shot some footage for the property channel. pilot footage.
These are some stills!
Somehow I look slimmer on video, which is conversely true for most people. =)

Monday, March 10, 2008

my korean friend

This guy, good actor in "Harvard Love Story", Korean drama popular with many aunties including Mom. And I fell in love (with his character portrayal). Ooh, the goldfish eyes, the cheeky smile, the tousled hair... ...!

He is adorable in this banana milk ad.

And scarily(to me), one of my dear friends bears a striking resemblance to him.
Heh. Just shot a property pilot commercial at his place last week.

My friend. Single, tall and rich. (He is worth millions, HK$ or Sg$.) Staying in Singapore... ...
And he also introduced me to one of his cute friends, of which, they are both appearing in my new show. Well, I can say, they are 'eye candy'... of which, I have too many in my life. Temptations, temptations...

I have 'recruited' some of my dateable male friends for my upcoming reality show, soon to be filmed. Trying out co-hosting for the first time. It's really a new thing for me, I seem to be awfully awkward infront of the camera, and unscripted does not work well for me as yet. But surprisingly enough I do sound quite good, calm and... captivating, or so I hope.

Friday, March 07, 2008

the learning curve

Taken by my videographer and his team for RacingThePlanet, Vietnam 2008.

I find that life is enriched by the people you meet and the people you talk to. In my career, not talking to people is not an option. And I think that if you want to succeed in life, it is optimal to choose meeting up with people you can learn something from.

And although the type of work I do now, more than 50% is not in my previous scope of skills, I do try to learn as much as possible, reading books and talking to people who are more experienced than me. And often I find that the people are so nice, so willing to guide me along the way. I'm going to learn how to edit videos! Yay, my videographer has offered to teach me, so has The Boss. Well I believe that I can master it easily, and master it to a level that I can then instruct others how to edit...heh. In the last month I think I've learnt so much on a daily basis that my brain has 'expanded', somewhat. And the funny thing is, similar to muscles that cry out for more exercise once you've reached a certain level, I find that my brain has become more adept and efficient.

Due to my past depressive weeks last quarter, I found that I couldn't remember things, I couldn't even remember simple tasks I needed to do, and my brain was continually at a 'rest' mode. I only wanted to sleep and sleep and not think about anything. Now, it's scary. My brain keeps crying out for more information and I am reading biz books at a furious pace, digesting through magazines. I find a liking for Fortune. In the morning when I wake up, I have to read. On the train, at home... the brain is an amazing thing.

I've realised early on that finding the 'ideal' career is almost impossible for someone my age and qualifications in Singapore. Also, maybe I am always open to possibilities that is why I do not limit myself, and find others around me who are also similar.

Was lunching with TallGuy yesterday. He is now interning at a bank before he graduates from one of our unis. Although we have not talked much while being colleagues at The Office, somehow we share a certain connection, perhaps in a silent language, we have observed each other and the things we find similar and likable. After all a book I read said that body language plays a big part in communication, more so than words. It's always nice to lunch with someone who shares your ideals.

It is not surprising to find out that TallGuy shares the same thinking as me, that we can succeed in (almost) anything we put our minds to. I think few people share the same sentiment, but I think we have a similar sort of motivation here. I know some people who are motivated by $...I guess all of us are to a certain degree and that's not wrong...Others are motivated by just wanting the power that comes with the success, or the fame. I guess I haven't found out what my motivation is yet, although through thinking about it, I do have a few.

1. I want to help my boss to be successful.

I think one of the reasons why I am putting in so much effort is that I really believe this biz will takeoff, and it's also one of my goals to help out in a startup for some years now. Funnily though, if it was my own biz, I wouldn't be as motivated to work as hard. Maybe I understand the worries and frustrations of being in charge, so I want to alleviate his worries as much as I can.

2. I want to make a better life for myself.

I've not been very prudent in saving or investing, although I still have a few years to right it, I really want to start a family before 30, so I have a inner motivation to work hard and save, for the next 4 years. Knowing that I can work hard for one year - the last year of my studies, I believe I can also go the distance for this period. Also that more of my time is freed from ministerial duties, I have that many more hours to turn into a success for my career.

The rest of my motivations, I have to think about it. Sometimes, you do not really know what drives you, just that I am very happy in my work and everyday wake up ready to complete as much as possible in every workday. I'm not really ambituous and the inner slacker in me will look out of the window and see that it's a nice sunny day to suntan, or to go off overseas on a whim... I still have that carefree spirit within me, so I have to strike a balance within the two.

I am going to make the most out of my opportunity here. Eventually, we will want to sell the company off. And hopefully, I will be able to share in the profits. Dad wants me to be a "VP" level next year. Hahahaha! (Incredulous laughter)

Being in a startup or a small company is not easy, but I prefer to learn these skills now than later on.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

a positive scripting

Spent hours talking to JC yesterday. He's leaving to Oz for a job posting. Will miss him, but at the same time, happy that he has this opportunity to go.

This week I've had many realizations.

This month has been loooooong. Too long!
My friends have gone to Segamat and I can't go, this weekend I actually am at THREE roadshows/networking events. Sabotaged! But I must say that yesterday's one was fine, met some friends who brightened up my day. I actually met six friends due to the roadshows, so I'm glad to have caught up with some of them. Good friends are those who want to help you and see you succeed, in every area of your life. So I was happy although exhausted from all the non-stop talking and standing up wearing corporate clothes.

Read something (Still reading '7 habits) that really made me think for some time.
Covey writes,

Most people are a function of the social mirror, scripted by the opinions, the perceptions, the paradigms of the people around them. As interdependent people, you and I come from a paradigm which includes the realization that we are a part of that social mirror.

We can choose to reflect back to others a clear, undistorted vision of themselves. We can affirm their proactive nature and treat them as responsible people. We can help script them as principle-centered, value-based, independent, worthwhile individuals. And with the abundance mentality, we realize that giving a positive reflection to others in no way diminishes us. It increases us because it increases the opportunities for effective interaction with other proactive people.

At some time in your life, you probably had someone believe in you when you didn't believe in yourself. They scripted you. Did that make a difference in your life?

Grant and I was just sharing on the common values or ideals that we have. Some people seem to want to appear 'close' with us, associating with us and giving others the impression that we are close. However, we have recognized such people, from our past experiences, as people that we would not like to share too much of our lives with, because, besides being known to 'sabotage their friends', they seem to want to know too much about our lives, for motives we cannot comprehend.

But as these people are friends with our other friends, we must be diplomatic towards them. I think I've learnt that I've wasted some time making friends with people who aren't really worth it, and at this point of time in our lives, Grant and I perhaps choose to be mean, but to protect ourselves from these people. Having a meal with such lowlife is not on our agenda right now.


And though many would not be able to understand that, I believe that one day, they will. And if they had to choose, I hope that they choose to protect their friends instead of putting their friends in a difficult position. Spending time with the right people is an integral part of shaping one's character, so is decision-making. Ultimately some decisions unwisely made will cause others to be affected.

I've also met up with Huntley last evening and also with Shanghai Boy, the two friends I can call my own, in The Office. Huntley left The Office to work for a local bank, and we just shared about what we have learnt in work this month. It's hectic for him, he says that he only had one weekend of rest, the rest of the weekend was filled up with work. That's crazy. And we shared about how our learning experiences at The Office really helped us now in our new places. For me, I realized that I could meet and communicate what I needed effectively to the right people, and that is really an important part of work for me. But I also miss the slacker-times where we could play golf in the mornings and go for long kopi breaks in the afternoons.

Shanghai Boy (who will be appearing with me in my Travel show), is someone that I instantly take to, at first sight. He is those type of well-brought up people who is polite, and friendly, and charming, and open to new things, and likes to laugh. I find myself makng fun of him all the time, and he seems to relish it. Most of all, there is that wistfulness about life that we both share. Can't really explain it, but I am glad to have met someone like him in The Office. Some people in life you know are good for you, and you can always learn something from them.

I realized also that I don't have any complaining, whiny, self-centred friends though I do meet some in my social circle, and I realized that, THAT'S AMAZING! Because some of my friends have been through worse shit that no one ever wants to go through, but they smile everyday and you think they have it made till they share their story. I guess that also explains why I instinctively warm up to some and others, I am barely able to talk to them.

For those people, George Bernard Shaw writes:

This is the true joy in life - that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. That being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

Earn thy neighbor's love.