Wednesday, April 30, 2008

no free cone for me

On a sweltering afternoon yesterday, CJ & I trooped to a Ben & Jerry's nearby our meeting place.

We were hankering for a free cone...

Looking up we wanted to make the move...
But noooo...

Too many schoolkids!

Just count the number of heads on the floor where ben and jerry's located...

Couldn't believe the crowd! There were like more than hundred people in the queue.
Should have gone to a more 'ulu' one like Dempsey Hill. Heh... The Ben and Jerry there can take your own fashion show photo, me no bluff you...


In The Office yesterday:

Lady Colleague: Boss, are you free on Friday?

Boss: Why?

Me: She wants to go on a HOT DATE with you! Ahahahahahahah!

Boss: ...Do we have to wait till friday?


Me: (trying to prove my point that CJ is a work-oriented, not people oriented person)
So would you go out lunch with me, just for fun?

Me: Hmm. Sounds so wrong.

CJ: Erh... YES!


Argh. My ears are bleeding with such people around me.

Was mentioning to CJ that I wish I was less intelligent (in some respects, I don't think I'm super smart or anything) - Am sometimes self-tortured by the things that go through my brain which also makes me a less pleasant person to be with, at those times... sorta like Dr House, when he makes critical patient decisions, I often make decisions... and, one flaw of his is he's too persistent, he will not eat or sleep until he has found a solution or at least a plausible reason. Much like me, but sometimes I have to give up the fight that's not mine. Funny how House appears nonchalant just like me, but deep down inside we both know we are worrisome creatures at night.

Anyway he gave me something to think about, he said that I shouldn't say I wish I were less intelligent, I should wish I knew how to deal with my intelligence.


I think he is more intelligent than me...

Monday, April 28, 2008

Blue -eyed boy

Part of my ongoing photojournalling of my lunch (and dinner) buddies.
Here's Kie, Dark chocolate and Me, Green tea.

Blue-eyed boy:
"someone's favorite, especially a young one."

He's the blue-eyed boy, and everybody else is an also-ran.

-1919, P.G. Wodehouse.

Just an interesting not oft-used English idiom we talked about yesterday while dining.

I'm glad I'm one of the blue-eyed. Heh. Never felt any less than that my whole life.

A cool website:
Bryan Tan Ministries

Everybody's fave pastor from The Church, now we can read his writings.

I like what he quoted from a book,
You will exhaust your mind by trying to figure out God’s will before the right time comes.

This article

That has been something that I think God is speaking to me about recently. I always ask what is God teaching me in this and that situation, and I've grown up a little bit (yet maintaining my incredulously nonchalant blithe spirit hehe)... through these life experiences. Feeling peaceful is great. Am not going to 'grab and grasp' what has been promised to me, just going to soak in His presence. And let God do the work. Sometimes I do question how the way things turn out eventually, but it's too worrisome to worry about things we cannot be bothered to worry about!

Meanwhile going to have a busy week so just enjoying the quietness of a peaceful Monday afternoon at work.

I guess sometimes we all need to keep our perspectives in check.

Friday, April 25, 2008

photos of the week

Some photos I enjoyed looking at this week. Be inspired by the beauty of nice people!

Like the blue, like the white silhouette, like Longchamp bags v much, who is gonna buy me one...?

Nice design. forgot where I pulled it off from.

Agyness Deyn. My muse of the moment. She's singlehandedly reviving my interest in fashion, I tell you.

uber nice bag, very expensive

uber nice dress. very expensive...

my current fave photographer. Munetaka Tokuyama. Japanese. Nice work for uniqlo.

Be inspired by these 100 japanese girls
Cool website too

Thursday, April 24, 2008

saving the world and my best friend, while i'm at it

So keep me awake
To memorize you
Give me more time, to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me, today...

-Josh Groban, Awake.

Ches pirated some of his Josh songs for me which is playing on my dinosaur (first generation creative) mp3 player. Listening to meaningful lyrics on the tiresome train journey to work uplifts my spirits. Makes me feel like dancing through the dreary crowd, and for many moments feel undisturbed by the sardine situation I am in for about an hour till I reach my lovely work destination.

I've been taking photos of the people I eat with this week till I'm bored of my random hobby, but this random hobby proves more interesting than I'd expected. I never thought that I would be so impacted by the people I lunch with. Take CJ for example. I've always watched him in The Church reading bible before service and God used him to speak to me because I find bible reading extremely dull... and I gushed to him yesterday that I was so so glad to be his friend now, we met at DEW weekend he was a friend's friend's friend, and bumped into him last week, so random!

And I was impacted by his desire to serve God in any capacity, something which I have perhaps lost along the way...CJ has a nice spirit, will go far in christendom. I won't be surprised to see him SL soon!

And Ches.
I realize that I'm beginning to care more for my friends.
Usually when we meet as a departure present I'd just pass him some books I've read and will never read again, books to accompany him on his job onboard a container ship. This time, I pirated The Church sermons along with some songs, along with a video of our Melaka footage. I mean, it's nothing really, but it's something done with more... thought input into it. And I genuinely felt morose at seeing him for the last time in perhaps 5 months or maybe the next time I'd see him is next year? I've never been a really thoughtful person, but I think putting some effort into this, even though it's a really small thing, shows that... I am learning something about myself. I guess the events of last quarter has really changed my heart, that now I am no longer as self-centred as I thought I was. I actually felt sad when we departed on the train, thinking to myself that that's probably the last time I'm gonna see a cherished friend for a long, long time.

I realize now about decision making and how some decisions are easier made- if made, in the mind, first. I spoke to Jelly and Archie about this. Like, I already know about THE BEST ONE God has for my life - and although, nothing is happening now, I should not doubt. I should just... wait.

But it's so easy (and it's also not wrong)to make some decisions which will ultimately impair the final decision...

I was having a random thought experiment - say, I met a nice, godly guy in The Church while serving together - I DID actually! And, I found it easy chattering with him... And we happened to attend a class together, and then, one thing led to another, we went out, it was nice, we start developing feelings, and then... I tell him about TBO?

You can see how easy it is for me for such things to happen. And I suspect it's easy for Jelly, for GoodDaddy, for any one of my church friends to be in this situation also. And I would have inevitably hurt this nice church guy I met while serving, also...

So, it's not what you do... it's actually what you decide to do before doing it. I mean, you can say, yeah, harmless what, I am just hanging out with the fella! But hey, anyone can tell you you are putting yourself in a dangerous position, and why do it?

It was just a thought experiment but I think your choice to go out with someone or not speaks a lot about your principles. And I know what I will do, if the situation ever presents itself... it's tough, it's boring, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Also, because I love TBO, I love myself, and I love my christian brothers and sisters, I will not attempt any foolish thing.

It's easier to delude yourself into a path of destruction than to focus on the best. It's hard to watch people making mistakes they can simply avoid, but it's harder to tell them so. At least for me, I think I cannot bring myself to watch my friends being hurt by stupid ways... yet maybe making mistakes helps them to realize about the best one, the way I am realizing now. And it's not easy. Living the godly life never is.

I still want to save the world.

So keep me awake,for every moment
Give us more time
to be this way
We can't be like this forever
But I can have you next to me, today

We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here right now with me
All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see

We can't stay like this forever
But I have you here today.

to knot or not

Heh. Been reading books non-stop, it's a good way to spend a relaxing weekend, something that I don't mind indulging in when I'm not otherwise occupied.

Bought this book 'to knot or not', I couldn't resist the title, plus it's a bestseller at Trumpet Praise. It's a christian book with excerpts from women who are married less than 10 years, some advice... Well I wouldn't usually buy such books but patience is not one of my virtues and sometimes for me it's just too easy to be distracted... so setting some principles in place is much needed, for me...

Was sharing with Cherry yesterday about the conviction I had about TBO. I also almost forgot, thank God for the friends he placed around me to remind me. Well, after 'surrendering all' last year, I specifically prayed to God to show me, in a way that I knew I could be 100% convicted and, not doubt again, and God did answer in a box - 'cause I wanted him to answer in a box... yeah I'm blabbering but I have my conviction about TBO. I believe that there is the right one for my life - and because I believe in that God will speak to me in that way about that, just like God speaks to people in the way they expect him too... My new friend CJ also says that God will speak to people in the way God WANTS to...


The book writes:

Most of us are mature enough to realize that the man of our dreams takes somewhat of a different form when we look at real-life men. Search for the rest of your life to find a man who meets every one of your wishes, and I'd love to see who you come up with. I think the Lord would never provide that person (if he exists!) because His plan for us is always different - and better (whether or not we realize it) - than what we would choose for ourselves. But how are we to know?

Some guidelines that a 23-year old gave in the book for choosing the man to share her life:

-Make sure I am on God's intended path for my life. Am I choosing the path that best enables me to be more like the woman Christ calls me to be?
-If the path is right, then my heart is in a position to hear God's guidance.
-If in a relationship with a man whose desire is to be all God intends for him to be, the answer to, 'Could he be someone I could marry?' is yes.
-The deciding factor to the question, "Is he THE ONE for me?" becomes the decision itself.

I must pray more. Been quoting to many people, what P Dowdy said in bapod "Faith is the no-man's land between the revelation and the fulfilment of destiny." Gosh I hope I have enough faith!

And Archie also sent emails with encouraging thoughts, which I'd cut and paste here:

Psalm 118:24 NIV
Three of the biggest mistakes you can make are:
(1) Longing for yesterday. A lady wrote to a newspaper editor, 'Your paper is not as good as it used to be.' He replied, 'It never has been!' Learn from the past, but don't put a halo on it. The Bible says: (a) 'Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" for it is not wise' (Ecc 7:10 NIV). (b) 'Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?' (Isa 43:18-19 NIV).

(2) Longing for the right somebody. It's better to want what you don't have than have what you don't want. The 'somebody blues' can cause you to finish up like the lady who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I married my husband; now it's too late!' Two dysfunctional people usually don't make one happy couple. When you're by yourself, at least you know who you're dealing with. God knows what you need better than you do, and 'No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly' (Ps 84:11). Instead of finding the right person, strive to become the right person!

(3) Longing for some future destination. It's a mistake to believe that when you arrive at a certain point you'll be happy; when you retire, take that trip or reach that goal. No, your happiest moments are along the way, not at the end of the trip. When it comes to living you can't improve on the Scripture 'This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it'

Some good advice for everyone.

Monday, April 21, 2008

see, God (Part 2)

It's like that with me, all the time. I get jolted - and I mean jolted by God, when He wants me to... should I say embark on the next phase of my life?

I was hesitating to put what I saw into words, and to put the words to my friends, knowing that many would be skeptical, or cynical, or both.

But I was thinking that, even if one person was touched, and somehow, believed again in the awesome power of God, then I don't mind the skeptics and the cynics. After all, I was just relating what I saw, believe it... or not.


Thanks Lilo for the nice reply by the way.

Great testimony, it reminds me of how i should be pure in my heart so that i can "see" God, not because of seeing, but just wanting. :) Great testimony! Thanks for sharing, it really blessed my heart!!
Would u allow me to share this (without quoting your name) to my cell - main point is to wan to have a pure heart of God.
Hm! Those who are pure in the heart will see GOD! and its possible!! because you have done it before i can tell myself and others that I can see God! :D :D :D"

V encouraged.

And thanks Zero for pointing out that P Dowdy's sermon on Sunday related to my sharing in ways only God can fathom. I wasn't there but I shall download it.

So here goes.
Wherever in the world you are reading this, it is my heartfelt wish to let you know that God is beside you, too. And cares for your heartfelt desires. Immensely!


In the last quarter of last year, I had depressive emotions due to certain situations I was in, and also because of my bad relationship choices and experiences in the past 2-3 years. It affected me to the extent whereby I could not work or do anything constructive, was weeping everyday and chronically ill for about 2 months. I was advised to attend DEW as it would be helpful, and I agreed.

About 3 weeks ago, I attended P Dennis' sermon on Authority Part 1, with my best friend Derrick who was sitting beside me. During the altar call prayer, I suddenly opened my eyes and looked beside him (he was seated next to the aisle) and looking down I saw a pair of odd, triangular shaped, blue feet. It did not look human to me, so I glanced to the side and found to my surprise that the body was transparent, although I had the sense of it being huge. The feet itself were huge, triple the size of my friend's, and it was a sky blue color - non solid, more of a 'difference clouds' effect. I only saw that for a split second. Big, blue, huge. And definitely non-human.

Later I just brushed it away attributing it to perhaps a reflection as we were seated quite near the screens. But I was also reminded that I would not open my eyes midway of prayer normally, unless I was prompted to. So, I asked church leaders and was directed to tell P Dennis himself. But we had no clue what it was or represented.

Last week, I attended DEW teaching (I went for ministry before teaching so already had about 4 sessions of counseling) and on Friday evening's ministry, there was an altar call for us, regarding God's love. Along with the rest, I went up. The DEW senior lady who prayed for me began with, "God loves you very much." In my mind, I was thinking, "Yeah OK, I know that. How very typical to say something like that."

But what she said next totally blew my mind.

She followed with,
"The way God will show His love for you,
He will show Himself to you.
First you will see His feet,
and the outline of His body."

When she said that, something inside of me broke and I just wept and wept. I could not believe what she said, yet she had said exactly how I had seen Him, 2 weeks earlier. It was like the old song which me and my best friend loved to sing together while walking along the road towards church: "Just one glimpse of His glory... ...And I will never be the same"

I really saw Him just for a split second.

As I cried to Him, my frustrations, fears, everything, was being pulled out and dealt with. It was like experiencing God's UNCONDITIONAL love for the first time, all over again.

On the way home, I couldn't stop crying tears of joy.

I remember that for the longest time, I always wanted to see God. Just to see God. I've never wanted to be meek to inherit the earth, but what I did want was to see God. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God." Just a month ago, on my blog, I wrote in response to Trinity's bulletin handout:
Sunday, March 16, 2008
pure in heart
Read this in The Church's bulletin handout, about how 'those who are pure in heart will see God.'

For me, this is the only 'Beautitude' that I can remember, perhaps because I like it the best! Well... I've always wanted to see God. I don't have any fears or worries about seeing Him. Maybe because for as long as I can remember, I can sense the presence of God around me, and I always feel blessed, somehow. It's hard not to acknowledge God when almost all of your prayers have been answered.

I like the part where it says:
'Let me start with a definition. The word 'pure' can mean 'without contamination'. A person who is pure in heart will therefore be able to see God where others may not. And will be able to hear Him when others cannot. Or they may be able to talk to Him in a way that others wish they could.
... I want to see God.'

But I always thought that I was too sinful and would not be able to see Him.
In my Bible this verse reads

You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

On hindsight, it is thanks to DEW that I am able to see God - once all my past sinfulness, and strongholds were dealt with - I was made pure - inside. In fact, that week, although I did not realise, I was in as good a state as I could possibly get, in terms of purity. I'm still overwhelmed that I could be able to see God - just for a split second.


Friday, April 18, 2008

photos of the week

I'm glad that American Idol sang "Shout To The Lord" last Thursday. I was watching it alone, on Ches, sofa, and when Ryan announced, when the music came up...I was in disbelief. And touched to tears when I saw them sing, live.

American Idol has a magical power to touch millions who watch it, and I'm glad that someone up there decided to use this song. I immediately smsed Kie and Dad to watch, and they did! Woo.

Here's an interesting must-read about it.
Inside scoop

This week passes by really quickly. I feel exhausted at the things I need to do and... wish I could sleep in more. Heh. Still, I'm happy. At the way things are turning out to be.

Should I buy a longchamp bag?

Some pictures of the week...

Agyness Deyn. First read about her in TIME. Can see her in the b/w tvc for Burberrys perfume. Love her style. Love the shirt.

More shirts.

How cool are these bottles? I don't mind buying just for the bottle. Only found in sg. dempsey hill, jones the grocer. was featured in!

Nice shoes I bought from Melaka. I like snakeskin look on my feet.

My blinged-out namecard holder. I did one for my colleague too.
And I bought it all from Daiso so it's really low cost. Including the namecard holder.

One of the perks of being a girl is that I always get treated to lunch by my lunch buddies who are mostly men over 30. (Sounds so wrong! But most of my friends are older peeps.) Here at Shokudo. Huge chicken teriyaki burger.

And his. He's going salsa dancing today, looked really spiffy in tight pants and leather shoes.

I really think these MRT ads are cool. Good copywrite. Each panel is different so they must have had 100s panels... Seen in City Hall - Tanjong Pagar MRT stations. Haven't really gone to the site though.

TGIF? Getting really swamped up in work, hope I don't look haggard. HAHA!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

see, God

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Josh Groban, February song.

I saw...God.

3 weeks ago.

(to be continued)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

stills, melaka

Some stills from the video I was shooting in Melaka...yeah was filming for a few hours. Can't wait for the video to be edited!


the ability to do nothing

Sometimes the complexity of this world - my world, the world I live in - just scares me. I wish it all could be a little easier, a little cleaner.

My ideal world is one where I can wake up to the morning sun on my face and the sounds of birds chirping and just feel really rested at night. Not having headaches ever! ( I am having one today) and just somewhere where I can take a walk, at any hour, in peace, without having to worry about anything.

I guess the reason why I love Melaka so much is because it offers all these, and more... my respite from the hectic lifestyle here. It's also the nearest place that I can go to to find my rest, to find - my self. I feel as though I'm cluttering up my life with too many unwanted and unasked for thoughts, and decisions I don't really have/want to make - being away in Melaka just simplifies stuff and you can actually hear yourself thinking deep thoughts. Sublime. Yet, after the weekend I seem to settle all-too-easily into the busy everyday life. Argh. I miss Melaka, and all the other nice places where I can find respite for my soul.

Captain Zero mentioned, that with some people, when you are with them, 'it feels like coming home', and I'm glad that somehow I feel like that when I go to Melaka, though it was never my home... somehow, the whole place calls to me. Haha! My next goal is to buy a house (next to Chestnut's) there. His current place is really lovely, it has all the retro features like metal toilet door, mosaic kitchen floor, high ceiling, shuttered windows, small front porch, curlicue design gate and large bedrooms... I WANT!

I am promising myself not to get too drained by the life here and have a respite one weekend in the month to do nothing. It really makes a difference!

Some photos I took, each time I go up I take different, and interesting photos!


Took this photo of my workstation the day I left for Melaka - it's looking somewhat like my areas at home. I'm allowed to do anything even paint the walls... might put up some stickers. I just hooked all my stuff to the walls for now. The giant paper clip is a gift from PS Chua and the toy soldiers are really retro ones, I jokingly tell people 'I am always surrounded by men'.... get it? haha!

On the way to the bus station, from office, in a cab...Heard it rained really heavily last Thursday - here it was just starting to drizzle.

Chestnut's neighbor's dog. Amazed that it posed wonderfully for me later, most animals do actually, it's as if they know they are being photographed. I was kinda scared though as I was really close.

Outside Chestnut's house - retro feel right! Hehe. I love love love the gate.

Old yellow school bus parked along the road to Ches' place.

Me and iguana. Heh. Couldn't resist! RM3. Was kinda scared, as you can see from my wincing expression... It's really scaly and heavy and yucky...

The next top model! Chestnut's not posing for this photo - he hates to take photos so I had to secretly snap it... We were resting in the St Paul's church after climbing many steps to reach it. Chestnut just looks uber cool in every shot, naturally... It's part of the 'silent, strong' masculine factor he has. Woot! I still remember the days where he was skinny like a chopstick and now, due to his work he just has these lovely muscles... Woot!

Nice jesus shirt.


Our fave place to have coffee!

Looking at these photos makes me feel happy. =) Shall capture some stills from the video we took soon.

Can't wait to hear the birds chirping in another travelling location soon.