Thursday, April 24, 2008

saving the world and my best friend, while i'm at it

So keep me awake
To memorize you
Give me more time, to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me, today...

-Josh Groban, Awake.


Ches pirated some of his Josh songs for me which is playing on my dinosaur (first generation creative) mp3 player. Listening to meaningful lyrics on the tiresome train journey to work uplifts my spirits. Makes me feel like dancing through the dreary crowd, and for many moments feel undisturbed by the sardine situation I am in for about an hour till I reach my lovely work destination.

I've been taking photos of the people I eat with this week till I'm bored of my random hobby, but this random hobby proves more interesting than I'd expected. I never thought that I would be so impacted by the people I lunch with. Take CJ for example. I've always watched him in The Church reading bible before service and God used him to speak to me because I find bible reading extremely dull... and I gushed to him yesterday that I was so so glad to be his friend now, we met at DEW weekend he was a friend's friend's friend, and bumped into him last week, so random!

And I was impacted by his desire to serve God in any capacity, something which I have perhaps lost along the way...CJ has a nice spirit, will go far in christendom. I won't be surprised to see him SL soon!




And Ches.
I realize that I'm beginning to care more for my friends.
Usually when we meet as a departure present I'd just pass him some books I've read and will never read again, books to accompany him on his job onboard a container ship. This time, I pirated The Church sermons along with some songs, along with a video of our Melaka footage. I mean, it's nothing really, but it's something done with more... thought input into it. And I genuinely felt morose at seeing him for the last time in perhaps 5 months or maybe the next time I'd see him is next year? I've never been a really thoughtful person, but I think putting some effort into this, even though it's a really small thing, shows that... I am learning something about myself. I guess the events of last quarter has really changed my heart, that now I am no longer as self-centred as I thought I was. I actually felt sad when we departed on the train, thinking to myself that that's probably the last time I'm gonna see a cherished friend for a long, long time.



I realize now about decision making and how some decisions are easier made- if made, in the mind, first. I spoke to Jelly and Archie about this. Like, I already know about THE BEST ONE God has for my life - and although, nothing is happening now, I should not doubt. I should just... wait.

But it's so easy (and it's also not wrong)to make some decisions which will ultimately impair the final decision...

I was having a random thought experiment - say, I met a nice, godly guy in The Church while serving together - I DID actually! And, I found it easy chattering with him... And we happened to attend a class together, and then, one thing led to another, we went out, it was nice, we start developing feelings, and then... I tell him about TBO?

You can see how easy it is for me for such things to happen. And I suspect it's easy for Jelly, for GoodDaddy, for any one of my church friends to be in this situation also. And I would have inevitably hurt this nice church guy I met while serving, also...

So, it's not what you do... it's actually what you decide to do before doing it. I mean, you can say, yeah, harmless what, I am just hanging out with the fella! But hey, anyone can tell you you are putting yourself in a dangerous position, and why do it?

It was just a thought experiment but I think your choice to go out with someone or not speaks a lot about your principles. And I know what I will do, if the situation ever presents itself... it's tough, it's boring, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Also, because I love TBO, I love myself, and I love my christian brothers and sisters, I will not attempt any foolish thing.

It's easier to delude yourself into a path of destruction than to focus on the best. It's hard to watch people making mistakes they can simply avoid, but it's harder to tell them so. At least for me, I think I cannot bring myself to watch my friends being hurt by stupid ways... yet maybe making mistakes helps them to realize about the best one, the way I am realizing now. And it's not easy. Living the godly life never is.

I still want to save the world.


So keep me awake,for every moment
Give us more time
to be this way
We can't be like this forever
But I can have you next to me, today

We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here right now with me
All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see

We can't stay like this forever
But I have you here today.