Monday, November 29, 2004

My 5th packet of tissue...

Gonna start on my 5th packet of tissue soon... no not that I'm crying my eyes out... my nose is running, guess i've got a chill. How ironic... I went to gym. Put on weight(muscle?). Stopped going gym. Fall sick... =P Yuk yuk yuk. It's times like these when I need someone with nice thick shoulders to rest my infested germ-ridden head on, someone to stroke me and say, 'there, there'. I need a hug. I so hate being sick, worse, I fear they will stop me at the checkpoint tomorrow and scan me for sars...then I can't even go across the border. Boooooo.

Thanksgiving was quite funny, 5 guys and 1 girl(me) and one family at our table. I was actually complaining that it was kinda boring... somehow guys just don't talk to each other at the table, they just sit and stone... or perhaps I'm too perky for them? Frank's oikos and me hit it off rather well, at least we have a common interest in the food. We kept walking to the table at the back to scan the desserts... he was a good toilet buddy too, heh... Really hope that he comes for christmas and comes to our cell too. One by one, all will join... Yea... Well I guess it was quite weird to see so many guys, at least I heard that the East District doesn't have that many male counterparts. So I guess my group sticks out like a sore thumb. Come one, come all, I say.
And yes, I did see Mr X at thanksgiving. He looks quite old though... hair was slicked back and wearing corporate clothes...hum.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Will I see Mr X at Thanksgiving?

Hum Hum. SLY oh sly was on teevee yesterday... despite what they say about lousy diction, beng image, money scandal... it's all propoganda that mediacorp is doing to promote taufik en masse. I do lyk taufik too acutally it's okay that he wins, both are good... but MY IDOL is SLY. And I will vote. Ha! They'd better count the votes properly... =) Nothing oh nothing more than this unfair portrayal of MY IDOL SLY gets me rifled. Even dear Manager says SLY can't sing... Nooooo... I have munny and I will vote. And buy the CD. hee... ... Realise I've been voting faithfully since wildcard rounds. Okay, actually my mum against popular opinion called for him during wildcard round, only to be verbally abused by the 'homeviewers'...hee...And SLY has won my brother's heart too... lil chrissy seems to have forgotten about his other love, maia... I will VOTE FOR SLY!!! I had a flash of business entrupreneurial inspiration yesterday... If I had the finances and time... I'd stand outside the stadium selling t-shirts with "I LOVE SLY" on the front, yea, for $10 bucks apiece... I'm very sure I'd make a lot of $$$$$$!!! Maybe other people are already printing... hoho. Sadly I'll be 'outstationed' come 1 Dec... but I. will. still. vote. somehow.

Really in a 'thanksgiving holiday' mood today, probably perhaps later on there's the East thanksgiving dinner... quite excited about it really, I'm determined to go all out and have fun and make lots of new friends! There's this guy... hoho. I mean, I saw him once when he was serving in carepoint at discoveryland... really MY TYPE-kind... But I don't even know how old he is (hopefully young) and... other important details... then I saw him again on sunday... sitting two rows infront of me *slurp*...For those who don't really know MY TYPE of guys, they would deem it to be those tanned, hunky, long 'flippable' hair SNAG guys, prettae prettae boys. But noooooo...(although I have many friends with this kind of pattern, I do hang well with them...) MY TYPE is a very rare species that seldom I would say, hey that's my type of guy... Haha although everyone else of my friends seem to think they know what my type is, which is not the above. Sadly they are mistaken... My type is scrawny, but not petite, tall... looks kindly, nice wavy hair, able to carry an intelligent conversation with me... yeah these are the basics. So I wonder, will I see him later...

And also looking forward to my trip... the ticketing agent from newshan travel at maxwell house said, "Oh, going back to your hometown?" when I came to collect the tix. I know I don't look local but it's the first time someone has mistook me for a 'sarawakian' before. Well, when I get there I will see if it's a compliment or not. Many many plans to do loads of stuff there, hope that I'd get the opportunity too... which reminds me that my purple and green backpack is still MISSING. The location is my house, but specific area unknown. Why? It was last seen last year in december hanging on the window grille, washed and dried after my last trip... And after that, I assumed Mum kept it. Well it's not in my room, not in parents' bedroom, not under the sofa... not in the storeroom. I've engaged my search party.. but its still MISSING. Horrors. How can such a big purple and green backpack get lost... hope it turns up soon if not I'd have to pack my clothes in the deuter.

Yea about my novel-in-progress, I already knew during the first week that I would not be able to meet the deadline on 30th nov. But I'm going to continue writing, thanks for all my faithful supporters and believers in me, I am very inspired to continue churning out poems, songs, short stories, etc... Just that a novel is terribly hard to write! But I will finish it, I'm sure of it. Just that it will be a shorter one. Had the wild idea of sending the first few chapters to publishers, maybe I will, next year! My poem "Careless Whisper" is still in the semi-final stage of the contest, I'd probably know the results come late december. They ( actually sent me a letter - artist's proof... for official verification and copyright... I was quite happy about that.

Only went once to the gym this week. Getting back to work was quite tiring brain-wise, it does affect me physically too, that by weds I perpetually slouched the whole day. Never plagued by backaches though... probably because my chair is like those director's kind... high-backed, black. And creaky now cuz I always swing here and there. I put on 0.8KG (of muscle?) ... Which is very very surprising to me because I'm not the type to put on weight easily, not in one week at least. Aaron says its muscle, how comforting... But I guess it is... been lifting weights lightly, but I didn't realise they are supposed to be heavy, haha... I mean it's light for me... but at least from the gym expert Aaron, it's like...WO. No wonder... well I don't want to have linda hamilton arms and I don't want to be lyk him, gaining 8 kg in 2 months, shockers... so I've stopped for now. Complain complain. Want to exercise also cannot. I don't lyk treadmill/running of any sort, nor can I swim well... no one wants to play tennis with me...basically that's it, can't think of any way else I can exercise... I do lyk gym, it's addictive... quite a good way to kill time...=) Yea... in high spirits today... Almost LOL at my sms this morning... some people are really innovative in asking "who are you" indirectly to an unknown number who sms-ed them... haha! Actual thing I got was: How come I don't have your phone no. in my address book... ... and me sneakily replied with "Maybe your phone dun lyk me..." So on it went... me cheekily not taking initiative to reveal my identity... kinda spiced up my morning at least.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Wrote this poetic re-interpretation today. It really spoke to me.


He is good
To those with pure hearts.
I was slipping
Slipping from the cliff’s edge
…Almost dead.
Sometimes I see them, the others so unlike me
Different. Carefree. Heedless.
Crushing hopes with a mere twist
Of their hands. Those left; twisting
In despair;
At their cruelty
Scorned, those,
Confused and lost in all the empty words.
Where is God when I need Him?
Was it for nothing that I kept my heart pure
Kept myself
From doing wrong… yet all I get
Is trouble all day long.
Every morning
Brings me pain.
Is my destiny one with the cliff’s edge
Or, am I just bitter, pained from all that I have seen?
So much that I fail to envision heaven
And that their present life is only a dream;
That is gone when they are awake.
Holding on to my right hand
You remain, the strength of my heart,
Mine forever.

A paraphrased and condensed version of Psalms 73. copyright mine... =)

Monday, November 22, 2004

Revelations at the gym Part One: Coming Full Circle.

Sometimes it's at the strangest places where your mind starts working overtime and suddenly, like a blinding burst of light, you feel a wee bit wiser.

After work headed down to yck and jumped on my favorite rowboat machine... Thought of doing better than my average (400plus/hour) but I was rather tired. Then thought of maybe using some mind games to push myself, like pretending that the pulley was someone I'd love to hate...and with every pull, I thought vicious thoughts. Idiot. Stupid fool. I don't want to see you ever again. And it did work! Got up to a 500plus average. Emotionally though, I realised I opened up the floodgates of... I don't know what too, something slightly milder than bitterness, something lesser than resentment. Flustered, I walked around the gym, trying to find peace, but it was a hotbed inside. I was fine these weeks but it's all coming back all coming back to me now. In this state of unrest I tried to relax but unconciously my joints, my knees, locked themselves up into a ball of tension. It was as if my body was bracing itself for something it had to struggle through.

Then on the way to the bus, it hit me.

I realised that even while lifting weights, I never did push myself to the maximum. Well, I reasoned, I prefer high intensity speed workouts than over-drawn exhausting ones. And, it was dangerous to overstrain the muscles, right?

I saw a guy, lifting and lifting and adding more and more weights, even though he was perspiring profusely, and his arms had turned red and trembly from the effort. I did glance at him worriedly, but also, I noticed his drive. A part of me respects and admires people for their drive, also it may seem rather perfectionistic to excel, I secretly envy them for their singlemindedness and passion. Like phoebe, who puts her all into a not-so-simple game of cluedo, that while playing with her I almost feel that I'm holmes at the actual murder scene, so doggedly does she do her deductions and comes up with the accusations. People may say, Hey, it's only a game, but I think to these people, it's not the winning or losing that really matters. At the end of the day, it's how much they have improved over their previous form. In fact, after I won the first round, (beginner's 'luck') she wanted to play with me again. Perhaps she found me a worthy opponent. =) But I digress. I never did have to push myself to do anything, to study really hard for anything, never had the drive to succeed because I always chose things that were easy for me, like studying art. Ches brought up an interesting point of view regarding staying in love: How do you know when someone is the right one for you? Like me, he's cynical to the view of falling staying and keep being in love. For me, I disvalue emotions as I see them as only momentary, as per my poem. So, he said, when will you know? When the emotion is a lasting one? And how lasting will it be. Horrors, what if one day you wake up and realise you have abosolutely no feeling for the one lying next to you? Like Ches, I feel too I'm not mature enough for such things, and that the father of my kids is nowhere in sight as yet.

Maybe my character flaw is this, in love, like my gym workout sessions, I flutter to one machine after another, doing really well, but if you ask me to keep it up, I would not be able to. Then again, is that really bad? Why is it so unfair that I have to go through this tumult of emotions and yet he remains blissfully unaware?

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Wordcount 2

Okay now...

The wordcount stands at 11,787 words, 37 a5 pages, at the 6th chapter!

I am demoralised... I think my novel is turning into a short story. At this rate I can't keep it out. It's either this or no healthy social life. I don't know how to end the story, how? Can't kill off all the characters either... ...shall devote the rest of the 'cold and stormy night' to post it online... yeah.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Strange twist of events

Tentatively booked my tickets 5 minutes ago, it's amazing what modern technology does these days. Got a really good deal from this agency. Can't wait... just one week more! In a strange twist of events, I find myself being gainfully employed again. By the same company. Whoo hoo, it's back to tanjong pagar again for me. I would like to boast that I'm indispensable... but then I know its not true, and they didn't increase my paym but I'm going back anyways. I lyk the people the place and the job is ok too!

Feel a slight reluctance in going back; the weather's so fine these days... but well, I do need to earn something for my trip. This time it will be more exciting, have new projects I need to handle, and also with my new exercise regime I shan't have to feel so pasty and down... I shall live frugally and... oooh the postman just delivered my most recent online buy - an old navy, light blue tee with american flag print and '2004' (to commemorate my faithful patriotism for the land of the free) ... I like it. Brand new too and only $12.90, excluding postage... ... It's worth the wait! Waited about a week for it to come after making the bank transaction... I shall go check later whether my free movie tickets are in the mail... It's for 'forgotten', whew glad that I din go watch it with the UP guys last thurs... That means I'd have to skip the second half of LCE tho, feel slightly bad about that. Well it's a prior arrangement and I can't help if my appointments always clash with LCE... lemme see, the last time I went was... ... hmmm... I think in july or august? ha.

Just a small reflection on being 'guileless', ie without guile. Is that appealing? Is that too naive and unrealistic to hope for in people, in this generation, in sg...? Why the titanium shield then, do we have too many enemies, possibly the biggest one is our selves... Anyway, I'm going to be original, sincere, and awfully nice to the people who have taken advantage of my niceness and generosity to them. Being good to them doesn't change my disgust or misapprehend my frustrations, it's just something I want to do right now, even tho it may be termed 'incredibly stupid' by many... but this is my world and I'm keeping it constant.

Technically speaking next week is the last I can get to see all my friends before I'm back...then it's december already. Christmas calls! A reminder to myself to continue faithfully shopping... But the gym calls... Oh well, guess I'd just have to balance my time between all the actvities. Yep. Have some sort of heat rash on my throat, its red and patchy all over my chest/neck... its weird never had this before... Well am slathing calamine to stop the itch... mebbe i'm burned... but I look better tanned. Ah, the price of looking healthy...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Of tattooed boys and men...

I have sworn off the Serangoon Stadium Pool, for now...reason being the lifeguards are too 'friendly' to me, especially the one with the big belly. I can't help it if I'm the only girl who abhors whitening products... the guys all ignore me there tho, which is good and I've got a sneaking suspicion they're mostly raving men who like other men. I've foun another habitat, at the YCK pool. Much much bigger, sun seems brighter, and its near to the gym altho it takes me a bus and a train to get there. Yea... .. After 2 consecutive days, I've started to feel more at home at yck. Keep meeting the same people, the very very browned guy who was there yesterday and today, at the same spot... uses coppertone oil, and is always sleeping so soundly when I reach my deck chair, 2 chairs away from him. Was there so long today everytime I glanced around, the bodies were replaced by different ones.

Well. Is it just me or are more people, ie guys, getting tattooed nowadays? Or possibly, only people who suntan? Beside me there was a boy, looks youngish, and depressed, he was huddled at the front steps of the pool hugging himself, like a small boy. I wanted to say something to him, "are you sad?" but alas, he left (to school? nyp?), stayed barely an hour. On his left shoulder blade was this huge tattoo of some anime-looking bursts of light, very nice.. it covered his whole shoulder blade. He was replaced by a guy who had a small eagle imprinted on his left thigh, following that, a fellow with a chinese dragon on his shoulder blade. Oh yes, and all the while my right deck chair was occupied by this ex-convict looking (blond fringe. scarred face. platinum earrings) but I'm sure he is very affable... he read '8 days' for a really looooong time... then stalked out a corner of the pool's staircase and slept there too. Tattoos all over body, but I did like the one right at his neck/shoulder curve, although the best I can describe it is that it looks like a transformer face. I wonder what they do, out of the pool... night jobs at pubs? motorcyclists night riders? holidays? slack at home?

For now, we share a common area, deck chairs less than half a metre away from each other. Familiar strangers with different destinies, vastly dissimilar lives, somehow treading a small step into each other's life for a brief moment.

No longer sunlight deprived

It's past midnight here and I shall devote the next two hours to pound away at my novel. Fun fun, I'm no longer sunlight-deprived and oooh, I do so love the rowing machine they have at the yck gym... believe it, I 'rowed' 3000 m at a rate of 400+ calories per hour (whatever that means) ...and my wrist and whole right arm aches lyk mad now, no thanks too to our informal cell outing = playing badminton last monday. A bunch of "activists", we are... It's chilly here, always rains these days sometime around 2 pm so I gotta wake up real early to soak up the sun. Still, exercising puts me into a bouyant mood, it seems as though I can punch punch punch my worries away! Or maybe, I've finally realised some things are too precious to be exchanged for others. Like family. God. Sunshine. Best friends. Books...

After 2 months of deliberation and fighting with my inner voices of sanity and ignoring them completely, I've come to realise that hey, sometimes following your heart leads to nowhere, but when I follow my heart after first following my mind (and of course God's will for my life) it all seems to fit together. Somehow, somewhere no one else knows what I need at this point of time, me included. But, the beautiful thing is that, once you find yourself staring at a bottomless abyss, and finally let yourself go, the real release takes place. Been holding on so long, I sometimes forget what I really want to say. Last night suddenly felt kinda sentimental, oh yay, I am getting in touch with my feelings again. Shed a few tears on my grumpy pillow and pretended it was his shoulder. Maybe I should write it in a letter, but is it important to me to let him know? Or let it be a secret between ole' pillow and me... ... Other pressing issues for now, I'm invited to a movie date... and ches' going to russia to get me my lomo... yea and my novel. Now where did I leave off... ...

Sunday, November 14, 2004

The end of the cold war if there was one

Said a wee 'sorry gifford' today. =)

Felt so much better after saying that... I almost didn't have the opportunity to... after we met at the foyer today we just went up the stairs, initially he just walked past me and straightaway talked to Frank ( so I just stared broodily at his 'cold shoulders')... and I DID smile tentatively at him, but I guess he didn't catch it.

So there we found ourselves both standing, facing each other at the stairwell between the third and fourth floors. He walked halfway up, and then down again; casually shrugging/leaning on the stair rails and me, standing prim and proper, trying to smile.

I realise we always talk at the stairwells, it's like sort of a 'meeting point' for us, both going in different directions in the same place, and the only commonality is the stairs... here we can just stop, stand, and chat... usually not more than 10mins though. I guess SerLing was wondering what was happening as I didn't say hi to her when she tapped my shoulder. Well, I was trying hard to swallow my pride... hehe.

After a quick glance downwards I shyly apologized, hesistantly, fearing his reaction. But he just gave that sly grin of his and told me in his offhanded way that I shouldn't need to feel or say sorry, (exact words: don't need to say sorry, just jump down the 4th floor can already(to show my sincerity, I understand))... meaning that he was okay, he wasn't really hurt by my asinine remarks.

Which goes to show that there really wasn't any cold war anyhow. And I've taken a step forward in being more understanding to his feelings, too.

Was reflecting on this and realised that wars are mostly always founded/started on the basis of silly reasons. =)

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Wordcount 1

Thanks to National Novel Writing Month, I finally get the chance to push myself to write a novel, something I've always wanted but never had the chance to do. =)

So after a day of compiling and lengthening what I've penned down so far:

1. There's 2 and 1/2 chapters. Plus a prologue.

2. The wordcount stands at 5 717. Not bad considering I wrote about 2000 words today. But it looks like I can't make the deadline of 50K words by end-november. I think I'm going to be stuck in this rut for quite some time. Never realised that it takes ages to write/type pages and pages of sensible, readable stuff. Well for me, about an hour to write one a4 sized page... about 500 words, that... Ok, I'm gearing up for Wordcount 2!

Friday, November 12, 2004

Exploring possibilities

Somehow I feel so liberated now that I'm not working office hours I sincerely don't want to find another temp job... but there's a real question of saving up for the backpacking trip next year, and also christmas, and I'm sure I can't take slacking around the house for 1 and a half months. Besides, who's going to keep me company? Think I shall find something mundane to do next week.. if only people hire me lyk weekly I'd be really happy. I must banish thoughts of just hopping happily onto the next boat/bus/flight to wherever and getting browned and sipping juice out of coconuts all day long.

My novel is progressing, slowly but I did make a headstart today in pieceing together all the pieces. Read from somewhere that the first 4 chapters had to be really interesting to draw the reader into the story... To me, a good novel is something that once you pick up, you would want to read it till the end, to find out what happens. I don't think mine is that good yet... right now I don't even know what the ending is going to be like. Hopefully not something morbid. I always write about people dying and being sad, yea there's a death in this one too. Since I have had a happy childhood and adolescence, I wonder why I'm so 'dark'; in my thoughts. But it is interesting writing, I enjoy it so very much. Hopefully this can generate something for me to do in the future, I'm still exploring possibilities. Oh yea, I've submitted my poem to another online poetry contest, it's in the semi-finals now, if I don't win anything it'll be fine cuz it's still going to be published and I'm still quite glad about that. For now i'll just not think about it. Ches said it was a good poem, he could connect with it and I hope that many do, too.

Anyways now I shall go to JobsDS to check for any one-week temp jobs. Haha.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

A Tad Sad

Just a tad sad ( haha. it rhymes.) today... had an 'sms' fight yesterday and I was reflecting on why I'm so heated up... I guess it's the internal tension that I've been having lately. I know I'm not gonna follow through on things I've promised myself, and by knowing that it's really frustrating when you're trying to make everyone happy, meanwhile you're miserable and want to trash the whole 'mini project' and go back to the easy, comfty way. Just wanted to speak a little with gif and share, puke on his shoulder that kinda thing... needed some encouragement cuz I've been accounting to him all these months. And so anyways I felt strange that he's busy, cuz he always makes time for me, and I felt ...'jealous' (strange feeling, that) he always talks about his proj mates blah blah blah...and would rather spend time with them(misconception aye) so I was feeling abit selfish and smsed him to 'go away'.


But after one day of feeling forlorn I realised hey, its only a phase of time, it's not that he's not there for me when I need it... and a taste of my own medicine, I'm guilty of chirping away about my friends to my other friends too. So I guess now I know how that feels, but sometimes I really can't help it, aye? Just thought that it would be nice to have some reassurance from him that he values this as much as I do.

While eating lunch with Angela (so nice, she treated me this nice congee from amara hotel and ice-kachang cuz it's my last day) I suddenly had a 'memory flashback' of gif saying he prayed to understand me better ( about a year ago) and that was the best thing ever anyone had said to me in my entire life and I ate my congee really slowly, thinking sadly about that and how mean I was to the poor dear who just doesn't know how to express himself thru sms.


So now I'm feeling really sorry about being mean. If I do see him on saturday I guess I'd just smile tentatively at him and see how he reacts then.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

My second last day here


To all those naysayers who said I couldn't work in an office, desk-bound environment, good riddance. I've stayed on in this job for 2 months plus. Hoo. Hoo hoo hoo hoo. Now, I get to go out into the fresh sunshine and stretch my jelly legs and pasty skin into the brilliant bright daylight again! =) Not having to talk to anyone the whole day sorts of gives me a lot of pent-up frustration inside which I can't release through any physical activity. Think I've got a high *** drive too... where's a good listener when you need one. Then again I can't stand listening to other people's rants about their horrid time in army life so maybe I'm just being plain selfish or perhaps its the individual that matters. Haha. But I'm slightly older now, so I shall just choose a select few to listen to my mind-escapades. If they can take it, that is. I've heard that some brain cells die as we get older... that means we get dumber and dumber as we grow old. That's so sad, being older means losing youth, intelligence, beauty... so who wants to grow up? I mean hey, I'm only in my early 20s and a lady tried to sell me Olay's regenerist products, those that are meant for aging skin? I was peeved and told her curtly that these products are not meant for my young unlined skin. Gosh. Twentysomethings already have so much to be concerned about, now we have to believe in the philosophy of taking care of our wrinkling skin... I'm too lazy I guess when it appears I'd go botox or something or live in a climate where the weather is less harsh,(now what is the opposite of 'harsher'?...'gentler'? Doesn't apply to the weather... does it?)... the sun is so dim that no one will be able to spot any laugh lines or wrinkles... ...

Tomorrow marks the last day of working here. Hmm. Well I must say that it has been an enriching experience for me. Firstly, spotting all the nice church people who work nearby(ie chunghao charlotte joanna tatliong corrina yenshan) and offer to take time out of their busy schedule to have lunch with me, even tho' they don't know me well... it's so endearing. And the food is really... varietied... cheap... nice fruits... got subway to eat every week... have my own desk and phone and stationery. And there's unofficial reading-newspaper and surfing the net time... so educational. Life is quite blissful here, I thank God for this opportunity to get a chance to learn so much. But as all good things must come to an end, it's time for me to leave and.. I wonder if I got the job I've applied for today... If not, alright I'd take a rest from this chapter of life and ponder on what's coming next. Once again I'm in the think-too-much mode. Have to stop it at times, it gets crazy especially when I keep it to myself? Then again, back to my previous point where I'd probably scare all my nice friends away if I tell them what's going on in my mind. A taste of my own medicine, I always tell my friends about my other friends... when they do that, I get a tad jealous. Hmm. Lots of other under the surface issues about that, but well, some friends you just want them to be your special friend and keep them in your small cupboard away from the public eye. Shield them from harm. Keep them unaware of their charms. Tease them and laugh at them. ... I need a hug.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Sometimes smart people do stupid things

I think I'm like living in another world now with the birthing of my novel. Everywhere I go I see unlimitless opportunities to milk the scene and whip out my trusty black muji notebook and write down the highlights of my inspiration.

It's terribly hard to write every single day (as encouraged) but I'm very very DRIVEN and so far after starting on the 2nd, I did manage to write at least a MS Word-long page daily. It's so difficult tho, after typing for what seems to be a few thousands of words, the word count only is an average of 500 words in a day. Exhausting, especially when my mind wanders and wants to type the other exciting parts first instead of typing in chronological order, and I get stuck; so I move on, so my story is in bits and pieces that I would need to do extensive reconfiguration to (haha sounds like extreme makeover right)...

Sometimes smart people do stupid things to themselves and I happen to be one of them.

Like how you know this thing is gonna hurt ya but you do it anyway, perhaps your mind says, 'ho, I'm tired and I'm just gonna stop thinking for these 2 mins/hours/days' and you happily 'switch it to auto-snooze mode' and continue doing the hurtful not the needful.

And later on you berate yourself for being so stupid. For losing your mind along with a few other unspecfied things that you used to have.

And then what happens next?

Your mind goes on 'auto alert' mode and replays the captured memory of the stupid thing again and again and again and again until you think you are going crazy but it's just in your mind, it's rested and now it needs to be (over)productive... which is your fault, by the way, for switching it off in the first place. And then you need to download, so your poor pals have to listen to these rants... and they tell you, stop thinking about it.

And then it hits you. And nothing else can sum this up, except that sometimes smart people do stupid things. And I happen to be one of them. Darn.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Occam's Razor

"Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem."

Which is in Latin and in English it means: "No more things should be presumed to exist than are absolutely necessary." I seem to be collecting quotes from everywhere! This quote, it's from this excellent novel I'm reading by Mark Haddon, 'The curious incident of the dog in the night-time'. The book won the Whitbread award and if I was on the panel I'd give it to him, too. Great stuff! Keeps my mind occupied.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004



It's NaNoWriMo... National Novel Writing Month!!! I shall write/blog my novel with the others to complete by the end of November. Hehe. The target is 50 000 words by then, so I have to write an average of thousand-plus words a day. Quite a challenge!! (But then again I did go over the word limit for my thesis.) Found it so much easier to write/type my story out on outlook's draft window instead of Word. It looks friendlier and not like this menacing piece of blank a4 sized paper. Well, I thought I had a lot of output today...Weee my start!! But it turns out that I only managed to typ 500 plus words. Not to despair! I have one more hour of 'free time' before I knock off at 6. Don't I just love this job.

Planned to go watch the movie today but it's postponed to next week. Ah well I have some time to myself. Cut my hair? Go home early? Watch the movie with myself?(nah.) Shop? The possibilities are endless. Saw an interesting quote on ShaoHong's msn nick:

"The opposite of love is not hate... ... it's indifference."

My brilliant mind ponders on the meaning this phrase encapsulates and how it can be expanded into maybe a chapter of my novel? =) Fun fun. Life's looking up...