Thursday, January 29, 2009



Is where, on top Bukit China, just a short walk away from the Peranakan shophouse where I stay in Chinatown, you can see the best sunset, overlooking the city. The hill has olden chinese graves built into it, but doesn't have the creepy feel. Some guys asked me in chinese as I was traisping upwards, "ni bu pa ma?" - aren't you afraid? To which I just snorted at them - not being impolite, but too breathless. Ahhh...

Is where I met my first Swedish cyclist who cycled (!!!) from BKK to SG.
We spent Valentine's of '07 together. I was there to meet Ches, but he had a last-min call to his ship.
So I was there alone, but not really alone. And yes, we were both single at the time.
And nothing else happened BY THE WAY! Although he did come to my guesthouse the next morning to wave goodbye, this was the morning after. And, this was all he carried along with him.

Is where I met my first New Caledonian, in fact, I've always wanted to visit New Caledonia. It will be such an adventure!
He runs a B&B and this is the directions to his place.

Is where I get my 'secret recipe' craving of black pepper lamb pie and cheesecakes galore. At half-price, this is a good way to have lunch!

Is where the peacefulness of the surroundings allow me to meditate and have conversations with God. When I am alone, and have nothing to do, I usually find myself talking to Him, which I did, in ChristChurch, for about 2 hours one afternoon.

Is where Ches lives. My escape to, when I am depressed from the noisy traffic sound and daily life woes.

Is where this baby lives, too. Hello Ethan. I bet you are unaware I am plagiarizing this photo, hoho...

...Is where I'm heading to! Yay!


I don't want just a memory, give me forever... - Renee Olstead.

Dad in best 'Dato' shirt. And me in cheena CNY baju. At Sentosa.
(It was given by a Dato, not that he is one...)

We like to be flashy and bright, once a year.

Working in Chinatown, walking through the famous Pagoda Street, everyday, I see lots of such garb - satiny blouses and dresses with butterflies, peony, prints... Finally I couldn't resist and bought one! I just wonder when I am gonna wear it again.

I don't know why but I'm quite fussy about clothes although I have heard many people say, "Lucky you! You can wear just about anything." No la, I am too tall for local/HK brands so I can only wear Euro/American, which then again the length is alright, but sometimes too big at the sides... see, very difficult.

So I have deliberated for a long, long time about buying those cheena bajus. Although I didn't regret buying this one... and it wasn't expensive, but still... ... I don't think I'd wear it after CNY...Maybe I will give it to Mom if she can fit.

At least I didn't buy the Peranakan attire. I had the argument "buy it!", "no, don't buy it" in my mind for a few days, each day passing by the lovely embroidered bajus. I like these kind of stuff. And can wear to weddings too, although I'm not Peranakan, and I'm not a big fan of attending weddings, either. Oh well...

I've a new member in my TAG team... *elated!
He's a nice guy. Through this horrendous period I share to him online, well, on alternate days. I've never communicated like that on online platforms before, so this is kind of new for me. And I find it rather enjoyable. Somehow, being online, I can share more easily, more freely, without putting too much thought into what you want to say, just say it...besides I write so much more better than talking. I wonder what will happen when we meet and then I just stare at him, or into my coffee... I'm always glad when I meet people like this, because it reminds me of how nice life can be when you have someone to share to.

Although I am quite open, I don't really like to bother others with my problems and emotions, that's why I keep to a select few. However, in the past weeks I realize that God has answered my small prayer, hee hee, I just hope this lasts. When I make friends, I expect it to last for a long, long time. So, of course, after the last fiasco with Zero, and the silence from TBO, I hope this one will... go the distance. Are you like me, too? Making friends for years, or is it just a passing thing for you? I'm so happy he wants to join my TAG team, but with it also comes some small apprehensions because after all, we are just online chat buddies, right?

Or wrong?


Sunday, January 25, 2009


Red - Jesus' blood as redemption for our sins.
Gold - That which is Holy to God; 'righteousness'

Heard that there are some symbolism during this time of Chinese celebration that have a deeper, significant spiritual meaning.

For eg, the by now well-known 'kam cheng' or Peranakan heirloom pot passed down to generations, the meaning of the name is 'relationships'. Our tradition of passing each other oranges : "kam" and angpow with the "jin"/gold inside, has the same meaning of 'relationships'.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked...
but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his Law he meditates day and night...
He is like a tree planted by streams of water...whatever he does prospers.

One point I caught from today's message is that... Some of us are blessed, some of us are a blessing to others... some of us are meant to bless other people's lives.

I'm so tired. These 3 weeks have been horrendous to me. After the weepy korean drama of last few months, I thought that I have put it all aside and things will be all cheery and easygoing, again. But noooo.

On friday last week, I felt so... scared I was actually trembling, shaking outside. I didn't know what to do so I smsed Mr A, and also msn a pal whom I update daily... I was moved to tears when he immediately prayed " That I can be calm enough not to hear the other voice but the still, small voice of God."

Facing what I have to face now, it's easy to ask God, "why me?" Why must these things happen to me? Or be in the mopey, "WISP" : wallowing in self-pity mode... Like I am so young and have such a bright future and why am I embroiled in a situation which is not my fault, etc etc... Or just have silent thoughts running through your mind that makes you...feel as if you are going crazy with the weight of the world... ...

I'm scared, too. How this would affect my cheerful outlook on life.
The ordeal two years ago was something I hope I'd never had to face again. I've forgotten most of the unpleasant things now... and have changed for the better, I hope. I'm scared what if my mental faculties can't take it, and I become... depressive again, or some other worse thing...

Does something really bad have to happen to us to remind us to pray? To never stop praying? I have been doing so, not out of habit, but as a necessity to keep myself from trembling in fear and anxiety... To keep my mind close to God as opposed to the horror I feel about my situation that does not seem likely to be resolved amicably.

Still, I'm overwhelmingly blessed by the strong presence of friends, much stronger and more mature than I.

Those who don't want to see me hurt again. And tell me so. *speechlessly touched.
Those who pray for me while they are bathing. (will do likewise...)
Those who don't know me well, who offer me a sincere concern and tell me not to cry.
Those who ask me if I need to talk...just call them.
Those who tell me to sleep early, because they know I have had insomnia and headaches the last two weeks.
Those who buy me strawberry chocolate because I'm upset and they just wanna cheer me up...

I'm blessed beyond words.
I feel bad that so many of you guys have to help me out one way or the other.

I hope that one day, I can do the same for you.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Tattoo Convention photos

Some photos from the Tattoo Convention, quite happy I've managed to catch up with some of the artists' I've interviewed.

Rachel & friend

Rachel & Elson (Think Tattoo)
Don't you just adore his fangs... he's actually quite decent.

Rachel & friend

Rachel & Mudohori (Galaxy Tattoo)
This guy's studio is a stone throw's away from The Office... and the place is swamped with guys...woot.

Tattoo Dance
The apprentice promotes his master's studio...

Rachel Digitally Tattooed
This is what they mean by 'in your face'.

Face not enough, must do on the arm also...

'Do you want to buy me a t-shirt like this? My birthday coming soon...'

Hee...when I did the video many people thought I really have one robot wabbit tattoo on my ankle... now...

da video:

Rachel & Joseph (Visual Orgasm)
He's good at portraits. Did a Joker one on someone... verrry nice. The tatt on his neck is a traditional Iban (sarawak head hunters) design.

Fulltime by Eak - Ice Milo!!
One of the most...unusual tattoos I've seen (on the first guy in my photos)... Yes, milo-bing!
da joker on da top

Had to include a photo of a topless guy... of which I've seen quite a number on that day

Monday, January 19, 2009

First date?

I've 'met' a nice guy.

Meeting nice guys reminds me that, yes, there are nice guys around. When my life resembles a mash-up of weepy korean drama + reality show, I feel sort of surreal still about the things that are happening. Maybe my life has 'too many guys'...or, 'too many BAD guys'!?!

The 'current episode' has too many twist and turns... I was just wondering amusedly to myself, it's the time for something to happen again... Like, imagine:

Girl meets a nice guy. Seems to be... really nice but she doesn't know him well enough to like him or, anything beyond that. But seems like... got some chemistry there...they can care and connect very, very well...

The guy who has caused the small crack in heart will appear and beg her for mercy and sweet talk her again. Although she knows he is not suitable and she will end up sad, she is once again charmed by his tactics.

He sincerely apologizes, buys her flowers, takes her to nice restaurant with riverside ambience and nice desserts, etc.

She needs a break from all these and goes on a short trip.

On the short trip, she realizes who she can't get out of her mind... and keeps thinking of him...

Came back, and there is a guy on her doorstep.


*episode ends, thank you for watching!*


Sometimes the real life is more...drama than the korean drama stories.
And I always remember that the girl in the end will choose the guy who makes her cry, although she should be better off with the one who makes her laugh... Which I hope, when it comes to that, I will make the right decision, in God's timing and God's purposes.

And, (hee hee) Mr A and I are playing "speed dating" online.

Asking each other questions (presumably to know more about each other...albeit only in a online and limited capacity, I must admit) but this is a nice way of starting this friendship...

So here are the questions we've asked. I won't tell you my answer of course, unless you...wanna play too?


What is the most important quality in a person, of someone you are looking for?

Would you prefer an average looking guy who is nice to you or a good-looking guy who is not so nice to you? (This question... really HITS THE SPOT, man. This question alone can be many episodes of taiwanese drama!)

Do you believe God has a special someone for you out there?

Mr A asked, "Actually, what's your age?" ... ha.

So I asked, "Does age matter?"

And one of the questions he asked gave me food for thought, primarily because I've never thought about it before, or no one has asked me that before:

Do you think that you're a very easy to understand person?

Which begets the question of whether guys are easier to understand...or girls... the neverending debate!

Hmmm...I am going to think about that.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Spiritedly the writer has died and replaced by Spiritedly the Facebook-er.

Been randomly surfing people's pages and checking out their topless photos... (Guys, I mean.)

Lost the urge to write, which is strange - my mind always thinks of interesting things to write. Helpp.

...and am addicted to Word Challenge on Facebook. It's Dree's fault.

*scoots off to play Word Challenge*

Monday, January 12, 2009

Friday, January 09, 2009


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Tattoo Convention

Happening this weekend.

I'm the host for the Tattoo Studios features, check out the first videos on their FB page:
(I get 'inked' - with a robot wabbit)
(Up close and personal with Utopia Studio's Kirby Lian)

And here is a kickass photo done pro-bono, by Andrew Ng:

Think twice before doing, haha...the captured expression is just...

Meeting these tattoo artists have changed my opinion of their personas, and the industry, in a good way!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

My heart calls your name

Ate nice strawberry shortcake at The Canopy today. This year, I can afford to eat more dessert...thinner mah. Hiaks.

To know that you were with one who cared for you, and who understood every fiber of your being, and who would not abandon you in even the most desperate of circumstances, that was the most precious relationship a person could have... -Christopher Paolini, 'Brisingr'.

Wrote this last month. A release of sorts. Sometimes I write better than I feel. I feel...nothing now. I hope. Writing is a form of release for me and lately in the past months I seem to be writing endlessly.

Do you know that somewhere
between dreams
When I am awake
There is a smile on my face
When I am thinking of you

Do you know that sometimes
When I am eating or
Walking back home
You hear a whisper,
It's from my heart

My heart calls your name
When it rains
It remembers when you rescued me
My heart calls your name
When the sunlight fades
Cuz that's when you sang love songs to me
Each and every day
We drift so much further
I choose to believe,
Love remains.

I've missed you.


After pulling an all-nighter during NYE, my body clock's all shook up. Can only sleep around 2-3 am... But anyways I saw a nice sunrise, got some really therapeutic shopping done - you can't believe I don't enjoy shopping... I don't, because I have incredibly high standards when it comes to retail products. My clothes need to have nice details like graphic prints, interesting buttons or washes and I only buy when they are on SALE.

Still, I do manage to find nice clothes because I often meet my friends at shopping centres...

So imagine how difficult it is for me to buy Kie a nice wallet for the chap's birthday when it needs to be - black, leather (should be?) and having a coin pouch and for me, a photo inserter... See, that's why I like shopping alone too. In 2 hours I can traipse many malls.

Plus now is a good time to buy stuff (I've never realized that) because all the major brands are in some conspiracy to have sales.

I realized many things too.
That brands like Coach, CK wallets, ALL don't have coin pouches. (The rich people don't carry coins?! Only cards? ) Seriously, those expensive (but on SALE!) wallets only have space for 8 cards and cash. I think it keeps with the sleek, expensive look?

Braun Buffel is a favorite with everyone.
Most of the nice collections are sold out. I suspect it's because of the 'bull' logo. I saw people from uncles to flippinos buying them out.
Unfortunately, the ones that met the requirement? Only left one piece.

Montblanc wallet starts at $500. the star logo that branded? Because Coach, CK, etc is about half or 3/4 that amount...

Armani Exchange's wallets are all sold out until 2 weeks later =(. Their guys' stuff are really nice.

Banana Republic claims to have no guys' wallets despite me and Jon seeing them before... a mystery.

Anyways I found the elusive wallet at my favorite place to shop in Orchard, Paragon. Paragon never disappoints, hahaha...

Had quite a nice day out, long time never been to Orchard. Analyzed all the baking stuff at the Isetan supermart too. I am thinking of what to bake this month. Brownies?

My 'twilight' books 2- 4 are SOLD OUT islandwide till next month. This is crazy.

Have bought and finished reading, Nicholas Sparks' "True Believer". Some of his books just makes me cry and remember some lost loves. Others, reminds me of people so much like he described that I just had to tell them to read that story. I shall read most of his books this year. This year is my year to fall in love, again, with life, and to cherish the people around me and show them kindness which I never thought I had, till now.

Friday, January 02, 2009


" Every happy ending is the same.
Every sad story is different. "

A dear colleague told me that.

I cannot get this statement out of my mind. Perhaps it encourages me, to persevere on for mine.

Being in sad situations, one thing I am thankful for, are the guys who are around, my friends.

Having guy friends who are slightly older than me, I observe their lives, their career paths and relationship choices and, I have learnt. I've always looked forward to the age where we will proceed with our second stage in life - this year, TBO is turning 30; Kie, 29 - and it seems that it was only yesterday that we were all still young and...more spirited. Was chatting with TBO the other day and I reminded him, hey, I'm not 19 anymore...I'm grown up now.

I've made a new friend recently and I'm glad for his presence in my life. I am actually apprehensive about making new guy friends - have always kept a distance from 'newer guys' like Nono, IcedMountain, and others, not really sharing my thoughts, not really taking an interest in their lives either - not wanting to take the friendship into a deeper level.

So I was touched when Alkitab, sitting next to me, sensed that I was...not myself, and availed himself with a sincere concern. Few people are like that - attuned, and wanting to...minister. Most of us are more self-centred. Everyone loves to listen to sad stories, to analyze and give their two cents' worth, but how many people actually feel for the person who is experiencing it? I'm okay now, it's just an upset-ness that has prevailed for a long time now, precisely because I allow myself to feel for others, and I do realize NOW that actually, NOT seeing Zero is so much better because His problems are not mine, but I have been like that too, in the past.

Haven't I also used Kie as a punching bag and forsaking him, although not in such a dramatic manner, without even a word of apology? So, in the same instance, when someone who is a friend I really care about calls me for help, shouldn't I avail myself although I can predict the outcome - and the long-term outcome, perhaps.

And I feel sad, more for him, because, it's going to be the same outcome for what he is doing, give or take a few years. He will never be happy. Doesn't he realize that for one love relationship to end abruptly, and another to begin almost consecutively, means that the girl, has already thought about it for months before, and has made certain choices for certain actions to lead to this state of affairs? I'm not one to judge or comment but, I will never do such a hurtful thing to someone I love...Not to him, nor to the other guy. And EVEN if I don't love him, I would also not do that, I just cannot imagine that.

I really thank God for Alkitab being around then, maybe only he noticed that he was on the verge of tears. I hope to repay this kindness debt one day. I always joke with Kie and the rest that Alkitab is "my best friend replacement"(because he also shares some characteristics with him, and is ... similar in ways which we can bond - ie he choses whom he wants to share with and whom he just doesn't want to talk to... me too, lah) - but I really do enjoy the company... and the encouragement. And the singing. And the smiling...

My dear colleague also told me some 'truths that set me free' - one, that I was VERY idealistic when it came to (all sorts of) relationships. It hit me, because firstly, that's so very true! I tend to write off people who have no imagination - or people who just seem...boring. Later on I realize their good points. It's getting harder (as I get older?) to really, really really love someone. Maybe I've already given my heart away, or the small crack is getting bigger.

And aren't these the choices in life everyone must face? To choose between carrying on, or moving forward? To settle for a comfortable life over one which is full of passion and excitement but no stability? To choose the father of your kids, to choose the type of environment you want to create a home in - to choose between staying or leaving - all these choices ultimately brings us to one conclusion, that is...

Is it gonna be a happy ending? Or a bittersweet one?

For those who have the power to make such choices, be glad that you can.
Many of the people I've seen - those who have never invested themselves into anything - those who are only living as shadows; they have limited choices - or perhaps, none.

I'm so upset over Zero because he has taken away a bit of myself and I wonder when I can redeem it, or if I can redeem anything, at all.