Helped

Red - Jesus' blood as redemption for our sins.
Gold - That which is Holy to God; 'righteousness'

Heard that there are some symbolism during this time of Chinese celebration that have a deeper, significant spiritual meaning.

For eg, the by now well-known 'kam cheng' or Peranakan heirloom pot passed down to generations, the meaning of the name is 'relationships'. Our tradition of passing each other oranges : "kam" and angpow with the "jin"/gold inside, has the same meaning of 'relationships'.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked...
but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his Law he meditates day and night...
He is like a tree planted by streams of water...whatever he does prospers.

One point I caught from today's message is that... Some of us are blessed, some of us are a blessing to others... some of us are meant to bless other people's lives.

I'm so tired. These 3 weeks have been horrendous to me. After the weepy korean drama of last few months, I thought that I have put it all aside and things will be all cheery and easygoing, again. But noooo.

On friday last week, I felt so... scared I was actually trembling, shaking outside. I didn't know what to do so I smsed Mr A, and also msn a pal whom I update daily... I was moved to tears when he immediately prayed " That I can be calm enough not to hear the other voice but the still, small voice of God."

Facing what I have to face now, it's easy to ask God, "why me?" Why must these things happen to me? Or be in the mopey, "WISP" : wallowing in self-pity mode... Like I am so young and have such a bright future and why am I embroiled in a situation which is not my fault, etc etc... Or just have silent thoughts running through your mind that makes you...feel as if you are going crazy with the weight of the world... ...

I'm scared, too. How this would affect my cheerful outlook on life.
The ordeal two years ago was something I hope I'd never had to face again. I've forgotten most of the unpleasant things now... and have changed for the better, I hope. I'm scared what if my mental faculties can't take it, and I become... depressive again, or some other worse thing...

Does something really bad have to happen to us to remind us to pray? To never stop praying? I have been doing so, not out of habit, but as a necessity to keep myself from trembling in fear and anxiety... To keep my mind close to God as opposed to the horror I feel about my situation that does not seem likely to be resolved amicably.

Still, I'm overwhelmingly blessed by the strong presence of friends, much stronger and more mature than I.

Those who don't want to see me hurt again. And tell me so. *speechlessly touched.
Those who pray for me while they are bathing. (will do likewise...)
Those who don't know me well, who offer me a sincere concern and tell me not to cry.
Those who ask me if I need to talk...just call them.
Those who tell me to sleep early, because they know I have had insomnia and headaches the last two weeks.
Those who buy me strawberry chocolate because I'm upset and they just wanna cheer me up...

I'm blessed beyond words.
I feel bad that so many of you guys have to help me out one way or the other.

I hope that one day, I can do the same for you.