Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I've always thought that I will get there, somehow. But there is a nagging feeling inside me, 'Am I missing out on something?'
Lately, I've been sitting upside down, legs propped up on a closet, thinking upside down. Thinking about stuffs lately. Maybe being alone is not good for me. But I was not alone, I was sitting near The Boyfriend while he does his endless work. Paper after paper. He works so much harder than me - having a hardworking boyfriend is always good, in more ways than one. (Hardworking 'off-duty', haha.) He cooked one dinner for me this week. I was very touched, although I didn't appear so. It seems stupid to cry over a claypot rice with lup cheong, diced chicken and shredded chinese cabbage. It seems I only can enjoy good homecooked meals at his place, and I was touched that despite he being sick, he could still cook up a dinner. I ate two plates.
Maybe I'm lacking a good conversation. Boy, I miss those times where you can just talk with people... today it seems everyone doesn't think things through, but keeps offering bland insightless thoughts. Maybe it's the twitter generation. What's the point of talking one-liners which seems senseless really... ... I think I need something to up the ante. Life seems dull at times, especially when I keep getting sick, and too tired to summon positive energy to go out and do stuff. Some things make me happy. Like my new bag. Though it's plastic (vinyl in fact), I wanted to buy a nice bag, and I am happy when I see myself carrying it. This is something guys won't understand. Like nice perfume also. My perfume 'lovely', is finishing. I want to gleefully traipse the shelves to find another 'me' perfume.
Yes, I wanted to walk on the beach. Despite us living on an island, we don't really make the effort to go to the magical place with sun, sand, and sea. A walk on the beach does revive me. Each day, knowing the sun sets in the same place, and the waves will always make the same sound on the shore, that is something worth considering. Would we be happier elsewhere? I thought of working and living overseas for a few years. While we still can. While we're still young, we should work our butts off, Clone said to me yesterday. I thought about that. It is a wise advice. But in between we should also have pockets of time to fall in love with life again.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Just out of curiousity I counted ‘the days’ and we are 136 days together!
136 days, seems so long. I think you cannot truly put a time-cap of measuring relationships.
So many people are searching online for some self-help about Christian relationships, here’s my previous posting about our first Pastor’s meetup session.
The Boyfriend and I were supposed to meet with Pastor monthly, but due to the ‘peak’ we could only meet him early this month. We had a nice lunch and talked about our relationship. The honeymoon period ‘over’, we sat down for some interesting tidbits.
Pastor again asked us about what were the factors that drew us to each other. He said that we should constantly keep it in our minds, and ‘add to the list’. As we grew in this relationship, we can find out more positive / and negative attributes of the other party. We should remember what brought us together, it is an integral part of keeping the love in our relationship. A really good point – I don’t (I hope I NEVER) find myself wondering why I’m with such a man or why did I choose him/vice versa, but I think sometimes good traits may come across as negative in a more low-emotional state… so for me, I should not let that happen. In a low-state recently, I’ve been given to whinings and lying slumped in one corner with bleak upsetting thoughts. It’s just a phase… …
We wanted to open a joint-account, we asked Pastor’s advice on it. Reason being, I’m not so good at squirreling away money for rainy days, I’ve always admired those who can. My brain keeps thinking I need a new (fill in the blanks). So I thought it would be a good idea to start saving xxx amount, I just hand it over to The Boyfriend and forget about it while he settles it. Eventually when our salary rises we can save more, too. Interestingly, Pastor said, ‘not a good idea’. He advocated only starting on this plan when we are married. Also, arguments about spending can creep up into a new relationship. That, we foresaw as well and heeded his advice. He advised me to learn about financial stuffs, it’s a ‘life skill’ in that sense. Something I’m weak at, I have to work on it. I’m always depending on friends advice for this area, I think it’s time to read up and be more well-educated in this area as well!
Lastly… he left us with good advice about Purity. Of course you may expect that a Pastor or a church leader will talk about these kind of stuffs. But I think many chose to remain quiet, perhaps they don’t dare to interfere or talk with conviction. Knowing Pastor’s background, I respect him for sharing with me. And as young, ‘frisky’ adults, we do have challenges. So… I think all girls think that purity is important, of course, and one wish is that, how we wish we can save that special time when we are married to the special one. It is really something special, and we always wish it will turn out well. But let’s not make it only a ‘wish’, we have to take precautions and steps to make it a reality. I really appreciate such advice and will welcome it if he does speak about it every single time we meet.
I read with interest the article about CPF on yesterday’s front page news. To tell the truth, until recently, I didn’t even give two hoots about the ‘balance amount’ in my CPF. It just seems like so long away, I’m sure I will have quite a sum when I reach retirement age. But like most people, I plan to retire early. And there are ‘should knows’ that I have been neglecting when it comes to planning my ‘career advancements’. I am not very career-focused or ambituous (not so hardworking as well) and for the early stage of my working days, I was too busy with ministry, involved in cell-planting, that I was grateful for any job that could give me enough time with my ministry and a decent salary, something livable, is enough. I’m not hankering for the hi-lifestyle, just the usual Singaporean desires of a small apartment, travel 2 times a year, shopping and eat out at restaurants during weekends. I read that some people have saved around $100,000 in their CPF at aged 50 plus, I asked The Boyfriend to compute that for me in terms I can understand.
Well, it means that, IF I contribute about $1K to CPF each month, not considering interest rates and all… I would get that amount in… 24 years.
24 years! That got me thinking, seriously about my career prospects. If, compared to my peers I knew that I am getting shortchanged in terms of AWS, bonuses, and even medical benefits (adds up to A LOT in the long run), and their companies (MNCs or Stat boards) are giving them such benefits/compensation, I think it does add up to a lot in the long-term. Some of my friends revealed that even though the job scope stucks in their stat board, at least they got pro-rated bonuses 3 months out of this year. And others shared that medical benefits is a must, whether it’s a claimable thing (up to certain amount) or company doctor. Because ultimately, I want to stay for a long-term (5 years), work hard and contribute to the company in many ways, and be rewarded for it, too. Because I am smart, I should now not think of ‘fluffy’ things but instead, of ways I can better my life through wise choices in this area. I had hoped that each job I had, I would be able to stay at least 3- 5 years, but somehow, either the scope, or the industry, did not work out for me. It’s always been said, don’t cheat your boss by doing ‘other things’ during work
(sideline? Or playing on FB, hee)… I’m starting to think that I should not cheat myself as well!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009
Well here’s my no-holds-barred opinion on the ‘Miss Singapore World/Ris Low/boomz’ saga.
When the video first came out – I got a look of it a few days before everyone else did – I must admit I forwarded it to friends, as it has been forwarded to me, because, as I had mistakenly or unmistakenly thought to myself that this Ms world speaks atrocious English. We joked about ‘leopard preens and zebraaa’, for quite some time, in fact.
As a woman, we have been bombarded with media messages telling us how to look, to think, and to behave. Many times I have felt low, feeling that my clothes aren’t pretty enough or my skill is not good in putting on makeup, or my hair cannot be compared to the glossy, cleavage-flaunting and always immaculately-clad women on the front pages of the magazine. Blame it on the age, perhaps I am in an age where I have more disposable income (Or think that I have) to spend on such frivolities. But yes, although they are merely ‘on the outside’, they make us feel good on the inside too, Don’t you feel good wearing comfortable lingerie, smelling good with a good perfume and having nice shoes, makeup that doesn’t crack, things that make you feel happy when you look at them? I sure do, and although my wardrobe has a collection of tee-shirts, I can’t help thinking I need another striped one for my collection, or I need one in yellow/orange/pink because these colors are lacking in my wardrobe. It’s easy for the media messages to infiltrate my mind, because I am bombarded with it everyday, and I don’t think deeply about my latest rave to buy the Chanel limited edition jade-green nail polish, where does this desire come from, and what does it say about me.
Good or bad, we all have expectations of beauty queens. Poised, elegant, definitely speaking well in our native language. Because to some, she is the only ‘singapore’ other people might know of. Meanwhile, the Miss Indonesia 2009 cannot speak Indonesian… and she is getting lambasted too. As outsiders and observers, we might think it’s not such a big deal but tell that to the majority of the Indonesian-speaking population, I’m sure they think in a different way.
Sure enough, this is just a beauty pageant, nothing to get excited about. For those who defend Ris Low’s Singlish (just the singlish and not the other scandalous issues), well, it is true most Singaporeans speak Singlish, or are not good in pronunciation for certain words. Definitely we do not expect our native teachers or man-on-the-street to have Queen’s English diction. But the same rules do not apply for lawyers, for instance, or professors, even doctors are required to have a more than substantial grasp of the language. Similarly for beauty queens, when it comes to national pride, we would rather have someone who speaks well, as speaking well reflects well on us, too. But when it comes to condemning her as ‘stupid’, I think that has gone too far. We do not know the pageant organizer’s motives for choosing her, and it has been said and done, so let it be. I think looking at many people’s comments; Singaporeans are quite willing to forgive her Singlish and bad pronunciation, and some even pity her being blasted in the media. If you have lived in different countries, the other countries’ newspapers would have a field day covering such individuals and digging up dirt on them, so I think our local media have already been very…safe, and kind to her in this aspect that they are only reporting some facts, for instance the sum she frauded has been said to be $8K instead of $2.5K as reported (Read it somewhere online.)
My opinion is that, the old adage ‘do not judge a book by its cover’ holds true. I could have been spared many emotional ups and downs had I been more careful in choosing to trust people with ‘si wun’ faces and gentle tones. Both in business and in personal life, I have wasted much time with the people who seem one way but are another. Maybe some have not encountered such characters who may lead to a personal financial loss, emotional or mental loss or much more, but there are many such people around, especially in the corporate world who think of nothing less than to profiteer from your unsuspecting kindness to them.
Maybe or maybe not, Ris Low has also been one of them. I do not think it is easy to fraud credit cards…or fraud anything… I don’t have the heart to make people suffer due to my selfish pleasure, or have the guts to do such a thing.
Yes, we all want to look presentable, pretty, even, but at what expense? One of my must-have magazines, ‘Mina’, tells me every month about the fabulous hairstyles I can create on my own. I have tried one or two, but I feel inadept at doing the whole range, maybe even disappointed I cannot achieve what seems to be so easy, step-by-step creations.
Maybe Ris Low is a victim of mass media messages, perhaps even more so as a public beauty figure.
Some articles of interest:
Some articles of interest:
Miss Indonesia can’t speak Indonesian
Ris Low photo labeled as ‘stupid’
Claire Lee speaks up about back injury on her blog
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
if each day,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.