pockets

We all know, that we all have an idealised vision or expectation of how things will be in life.

I've always thought that I will get there, somehow. But there is a nagging feeling inside me, 'Am I missing out on something?'

Lately, I've been sitting upside down, legs propped up on a closet, thinking upside down. Thinking about stuffs lately. Maybe being alone is not good for me. But I was not alone, I was sitting near The Boyfriend while he does his endless work. Paper after paper. He works so much harder than me - having a hardworking boyfriend is always good, in more ways than one. (Hardworking 'off-duty', haha.) He cooked one dinner for me this week. I was very touched, although I didn't appear so. It seems stupid to cry over a claypot rice with lup cheong, diced chicken and shredded chinese cabbage. It seems I only can enjoy good homecooked meals at his place, and I was touched that despite he being sick, he could still cook up a dinner. I ate two plates.

Maybe I'm lacking a good conversation. Boy, I miss those times where you can just talk with people... today it seems everyone doesn't think things through, but keeps offering bland insightless thoughts. Maybe it's the twitter generation. What's the point of talking one-liners which seems senseless really... ... I think I need something to up the ante. Life seems dull at times, especially when I keep getting sick, and too tired to summon positive energy to go out and do stuff. Some things make me happy. Like my new bag. Though it's plastic (vinyl in fact), I wanted to buy a nice bag, and I am happy when I see myself carrying it. This is something guys won't understand. Like nice perfume also. My perfume 'lovely', is finishing. I want to gleefully traipse the shelves to find another 'me' perfume.

Yes, I wanted to walk on the beach. Despite us living on an island, we don't really make the effort to go to the magical place with sun, sand, and sea. A walk on the beach does revive me. Each day, knowing the sun sets in the same place, and the waves will always make the same sound on the shore, that is something worth considering. Would we be happier elsewhere? I thought of working and living overseas for a few years. While we still can. While we're still young, we should work our butts off, Clone said to me yesterday. I thought about that. It is a wise advice. But in between we should also have pockets of time to fall in love with life again.