Friday, December 28, 2007

I love the word 'random', it is so user-friendly in every conversation.

I would rather have God's best one for my life than any random guy.
Let's go on a GROUP outing with random people.

Anyways career-wise things are looking up. Been offered a position with a salary I couldn't refuse. Really happy about it, just hoping it will all work out. Soon. Also keeping my position at The Office, am praying for 2 more deals to hit the target... for a better year ahead! So I will be at 2 Offices now, I do enjoy working except for the fact that it gets me too tired. Hahaha! So spot me around Raffles Place and City Hall MRT, should be shuttling in between.

Have learnt many MANY financial lessons this year, and I treasure them. I believe I'd make good of the next two years (since my income is going to at least double anyway.) And save and earn more than I spend. Which is difficult, because I have too much free time, most of those spent looking at nice things. =)

But if you do have a sizeable year end bonus, here are the top things NEXT YEAR you can spend/splurge on, in my humble opinion.

1. A pair of blue jeans!
The essential. Just get ONE pair of a really nice one and wear it till it can't be worn (In my case, the button's metal got wrecked after a year of insane wearing.) Don't have to buy too many pairs. Just get one really good one. ONE is enough!
Nice ones for men and women: River Island has nice skinny jeans with interesting details. River Island is also having a sale...

2. A NEW Bible.
Sometimes for a new start, it's good to get a new one. Sometimes the old one brings back too many (bad/sad) memories. And it's also more motivating to start 'afresh'.
I always try to read new versions because somehow you do get a new perspective on things. Try the ESV version. around $36, at leading Christian bookstores.

3. A nice dress.
In the course of a year, we need to go to weddings, host functions, events, dinners, etc etc... and we need a nice dress. Last-minute shopping don't ever get nice ones... really...
So choose one that fits you, nice colour, in a cutting you are comfortable with.
I like the cheongsams at Clothier, Raffles Place, Great World City outlets.

4. Pair of simple diamond square or pear shaped earrings.
Same reason as above and goes with everything.

5. A new wallet.
Because we always need new ones each year, somehow. I always buy cute, cheap purses so that I can change them as and when I like it.
Reasonably priced and cool ones at Muji and ProjectShop for men.
More expensive ones at Coach, LV, Gucci... Lol!

6. New books.
To feed your mind and your soul. Me aim to read 2 a month - I read quite fast.
I recommend any John Ortberg books. Funny and insightful with tons of unique information about spiritual matters.

7. A magazine subscription.
Only costs around $300 (Time)for a year's worth of news you can just chew on in bite sized pieces. Also a great gift for a friend (Reader's Digest at $99 I think), anything from Hardware Zone to Women's Weekly to Fortune (is good!) is available.

8. Perfume/Scents
I'm not a huge fan of using perfume but it does lift the mood and somehow feels good to spray it on yourself, your pet, around the house.
I'm a fan of all J.Lo fragrances. The bottles are gorgeous and they never fail to work it!
For a versatile men's fragrance, Carolina Herrera's Men is really inspiring.

9. Good shoes.
Don't risk your back or your ankle for those cheap ones.
I still buy cheap shoes but only wear them when I know I'm not going to walk around much - ie, go to a sit-down event.
Since most of us do stand for quite a bit everyday (on the train!), please treasure your feet.
Zara casuals are good for men and inexpensive.
My feet loves Tang Studio and Marks&Spencer and a Malaysian brand 'Nose'.

10. Invest... in a good handphone
I'm awfully happy with my Palm but for those who haven't caught on to the handhelds, a good phone does help you get on in life, and also bridges gaps of communications.
I like a phone that can store emails, adds, birthdays and numbers.

Plus one that can take photos of your current lover!

Have a great 2008!

Monday, December 24, 2007

I wish people would pray more.
Then they wouldn't complain about life as much.
Or interrupt others by asking many insincere questions.

Anyway, been praying more. So now, I'm 'wong wong'.
Read my post on
Just a release of my thoughts and God's revelation after all that has happened.

PS: Bumped into 'TBO' today (yesterday, sunday) in The Church. (Also bumped into him on friday)God! My heart cannot take it! It's truly better if I have a hiatus from him.
Will not bump into him. No bumping.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

doubting the best for your life.

Today's difficult for me.
Sometimes my old, selfish, stupid self kicks in, and instead of trusting in God, I feel like giving up. Instead of releasing bitter thoughts, I open my mouth to say exactly what I think.

I think everyone should spend more time with God. It will help the world to be a better place. God will tell you things you never knew.

So, I was reminded of the 'golden fleece' story in the Bible, except that I could find no reference to a 'golden fleece' but the one that was put out because I wanted to believe God for a sign.

Last night, I started to doubt God's words to me again. There were many doubtful thoughts. (By the way, this post will be titled "Doubting the best for your life".)
I began to question. Why ME? Why him? Why doesn't he do something? Why not NOW? I want now, God. Now is good. Why does he like someone else? Grrrr. God, SHOW HIM!!!

Help me to wait on the LORD.

I'm scared that I'd blurt out to "TBO" during one of those long sharings about life. I'm scared that I won't be able to wait, again, for God to shape my character, not his. I'm scared that I'm gonna scream at him to like girls only based on God's will and not just your simple plan. That I've prayed tough prayers about not liking people because I KNEW, I knew that they were not in God's will for me. And I know somehow God's will, will all work out and we will be happy together. But it is tough now. It has been a tough day. I feel weird seeing him, bumping into him - Ya, Grant always say I bump into people I like. Haha. I feel weird not knowing what to say.

So, God, help me to be myself, to be at peace. To not have expectations that are unrealistic (and ungodly) and be disappointed. Because I want THE BEST. It's not easy. No one said it was going to be. And while I am tempted by many delectable others around me, I have to trust God that it will all work out. Can I rush God a little? I'm not going to put God in a box but I'm hoping for one more affirmation that will come by the end of the year. After that I'm just going to put my life in His hands.


Let me share something I've read. I hope John Ortberg becomes popular one day. I love him! And this thing I've read makes me realise why I'm so 'impatient'. It's not that I want it my way this time round, rather, I'm impatient because I don't want to fritter my days and years away with meaningless guys. I want to spend my life, my days and years... with THE BEST ONE. I want to soak in his presence and laugh like I never did. He always makes me laugh and feel comfortable with myself. That's what I like about him.


In the chapter 'prevent regret', John Ortberg writes:

...This in turn creates a condition called 'active inertia'. People tend to stick to old commitments, even when those commitments no longer make sense; even when they become injurious to our health or well-being or our souls. Often this goes on until we hit a crisis. And that's when we find time to change.

A busy father whose neglected daughter runs away from home and gets sucked into a life of addiction suddenly finds time to scour the country for her and then spend weeks looking for treatment clinics and rehab centers.

A couple who were too busy for each other suddenly find massive amounts of time for counseling and lawyers and legal bills and apartment searches when a marriage falls apart.

A businessperson who 'had' to take ethical shortcuts and cut corners to keep up with the competition suddenly has time to reflect on right and wrong and wonder why she was living under so much pressure when she was fired for misconduct.

A workaholic, rushaolic, compulsive overachiever suddenly finds twenty-four hours a day to ask what life really means when a lab report comes back from the doctor's office marked 'malignant'.


For once, I'm glad I have free time this season, not like the last few. I'm going to try to spend a whole day with God. Maybe on Monday. =) I realise what's important, finally.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Made with love.

Counting down to Christmas...This season is more joyful and hopeful than I've expected. Read something today in my new John Ortberg book that really struck me,(When the game is over, it all goes back into the box) a life lesson I've learnt not too long ago and hopefully don't need to learn again. The chapter was about 'stuff', and how we hold on to the stuff we accumulate, much like monopoly, the more 'stuff' you have in the boardgame then you can be the Master of the Board.

This chapter says something really meaningful about happiness. It says that a (random) act of kindness brings a person much more happiness than say, a day out doing what you like, spending time enjoying yourself watching a movie, eating out etc. Because we reap joy when we sow joy, and even though we will never have enough 'stuff', we will be happy when we make others happy.

I thought about it (been thinking/meditating about stuff recently) and I realised that I would prefer spending time with friends, heart-to-heart talks, rather than say, watching tv... or doing my un-outgoing things.

Especially now I realise that time is short, and it would really mean a lot to me to spend more time with people that matter, like 'The Best One', or Zero, CreamPuff... Fang sis and little sister...

Spend a nice holiday yesterday just catching a movie and walking around with Zero. Even though it was full of people at Vivo, there are still places I can call my own. And that matters, when you have friends you know you can call your own. Despite knowing about so many places you can watch about on tv, I still want to go there myself and talk to the locals, experience life, and be happy doing random acts of kindness.

Been making christmas chocolate fudge. This time, no recipe, and more experimental. Which means more wastage but better taste for the final outcome. Invented something -marshmallow mushrooms - rocky mountain marshmallows topped with the fudge and sprinkled with candy or raw almonds. It's made with love, so it will taste nice.

When you are in love, with God, with yourself, and just what the world has to offer, everything will seem wonderful.

I feel sad for other people who try to make others' lives miserable. (Maybe I'm glad I don't have a mother-in-law, or those kind of relatives yet.) Poor dears. Just relax, breath life... and smile at more people this christmas season.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

the right to speak

Love the weather.
I always thought it got too cold for me, this time of the year, but surprisingly this time around am loving it.
And I also jump at the chance to wear my trenchcoat, hat, and tights to protect me from the fierce wind. Heh.

Congrats Hady for winning the Asian Idol. I'm glad you won. Mom voted for you.
Mom is ALWAYS right.

Another controversial topic, possibly political, that I have no interest in delving in, save for the sake of some (many) people who might (will) be affected, negatively...

The RIGHT to SPEAK (into people's lives)

I guess infuence is a strange thing. It's really inexplainable. Like why you like straight cut jeans and not boot-cut or flare or skinny but always straight cut (Okay, I digress.) What makes a person's influence universal whereas some to specific groups, eg, single "40-year-old-virgin women" only? (Me and Kie's inside joke)

People can see if you've 'got it'...or not.

Like the way celebrities are able to influence a bunch of women cutting the same hairstyle, influential people are highly respected and they do go a long way.

And it's unfortunate when you try to influence people yet prove that you are not worthy of respect, time and again, through different situations that you were given ample time to handle. In the corporate world, you are not able to make it, really. You'd probably stick to the same post for 10 years or more. It's quite sad.

It's even sadder when such people are put above you and you have to 'submit' to their authority in God's kingdom.

I do wonder why some leaders do not accept criticism and learn from their mistakes. Hearing the things that they have said and done, I am appalled. If my member is asked not to serve because of something he has done, I wouldn't say it infront of a big group, no matter how pure my intentions are.

If I am truly concerned about my member's past relationships and ability to love and be loved, again - I would not ask him if he has had sexual relations with his previous girlfriends at a christmas party.

If I am a christian leader, I would be led by the Spirit and pray before I move, and seek other wise counsel before embarking on certain things. Not only me but everyone around me feels the same way. How can a spiritual leader act before praying? How can they advise without a godly input?

In life, it's not about who you know, but who knows you.
I find that I only want to share my life with people who care about me (duh)...and in helping people this year, I do find joy, because we are helping others without any ulterior motive, we just want to see them live a mature and happy life while they are with us... ...

Why build resentment when you can give hope? In a world which is already full of troubles, worries about family and financial issues, the most a shepherd can give is a listening ear. Learn from so many wrong leadership decisions you have made, and move on to be a better leader.

When I was a leader, my fundamental was to 1.bless, 2.encourage 3.minister.
Sadly, I seem to hear more criticism, pessimism and caution instead of the above.
I hope that things will change. Actually things will change when people focus on God - and not on the small stuff. A wise bird told me that the leaders should have more faith. Maybe I have been moving in faith for so long that I failed to realise not all leaders are like me. Maybe that sounds like too strong a statement, but I think as long as you trust God for your life, you will have an unshakeable faith. And you will also trust God to do the rest as long as you do the best.

For us, we learn.
We learn to be not like them if one day we should have their position.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

some photos from the christmas party... am downloading the rest soon

Saturday, December 15, 2007


It's a nice way to spend the Christmas season meeting friends in the afternoon and just catching up over coffee and cake. After everything this year, I'm really looking forward to 2008, and oh yes, being one year older.

Been drinking too much coffee though. In cold rainy weather it's always nice to warm the hands with a nice warm cappucino. I must say the toffeenut latte is really good. Warm, with cold whipped cream on top. Yum.

I also realized I have absolutely no sales resistance... I always end up buying 'more than I should'... the sales assistants in sg are doing a fantastic job I must say. Went to one makeup shop just to buy nail polish (nice shiny silver I like)... after unsuccessfully persuading me to buy a 'topcoat', she skilfully whipped out a small brush and started brushing some lipstick on me, saying that it is full of vitamins and minerals and this color complements me, etc... ... well, I must say that it really did... ended up buying it. Actually, I never wear lipstick... but this sales person was amazing. I couldn't even have one second of reflection! Haha. My first lipstick. Becoming an 'auntie' soon man...

So this week, had a wonderful time catching up with Jelly.
Travis introduced me to Shiner who introduced me to Jelly. I know, I know TOO MANY tall, young, eligible males in the church. It's not that I purposed to make friends with them, but it seems that guys like hanging out together, and together with me. Since I was young I gallivanted with the boys in my neighborhood so I think that explains much. I think guy friends make better friends too, at least I can catch movies withh them without having to discuss it later, or catch up over coffee without having to walk into numerous shops and giving my money away to skilful sales assistants. Guy friends make great listeners (maybe only the introverted ones?) and great dinner companions (they eat anything, and the leftovers on your plate).

Even after I get married I think I will still talk to some of my handsome, eligible, young, tall guy friends on the phone at times, so my husband gotta have a high self esteem.

So, me and Jelly caught up.

It's been said that through the down times, you know who your true friends really are, and you appreciate them better for being there.

I will always remember PS Chua's kind act, he sensed a need; Grant and Kie too, spent countless hours after church talking at the park below my house... and Jelly. Jelly is someone who sticks to his schedule almost to perfection, so I am touched when he offers to talk to me on the phone, and listens to me until everything's been said, just wanting to let me pour out on his strong woodblock shoulders.

He's been through tough times too, and I think a part of himself blames himself for it. Most of the tough times we go through in life, is self-caused. But I think you can't help emotions. And learning about your emotions and how to deal with them is a part of growing up as young adults.

I used to look at his situation, and look at mine, and wonder why it happened like this, and whether it will all be better again. But now when people ask me, whether I have 'recovered emotionally', I can honestly say that I don't feel a thing. Not that I am supressing what I feel, or becoming robotic... but I think I really have the joy of the Lord and wanting to walk with Him, wait on Him, now.

I remember a time when Travis told me, to pray and forgive. I said I can't. I just couldn't. But I did anyhow. And it helped. So the friend who dared to tell me what others did not dare to (or know how to) helps others the most, to recover, emotionally.

And our friendship is strengthened because of that bond. Because as friends we care enough about each other to speak out.

And I know that from now onwards, our friendship is no longer at the superficial 'hi-bye' level, it's no longer just hanging out and watching movies and feel empty after, because you don't even know the person beside you, even though you have known him for years.

I have grown up, in a sense.

I am becoming a woman of destiny...
And behind successful women there are always men. Lol!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


I'm happy.

Met up with dear friends Travis and Shiner yesterday.
We shared about how life has been.

Actually, I was glad especially that I had met up with Shiner, because I thought our friendship would end. During the year, he showed an insouciant behavior which I judged and deemed unfit for any of my friends to have. But a kind soul reminded me that when Shiner showed this attitude-problem kind of behavior, it also means, that he has problems of his own that he is not able to express. Aghast at the way I had judged him, I apologized. And all was well! We shall be good buddies again.

Am touched, too, at encouragements I've received. These words mean a lot to me.

Cloner shared with me and affirmed that: when u give your all to Him, and wait upon Him, not expecting anything, but by just having faith that one day, He will provide… He will give you His BEST.

Amen to that.

And one pastor in The Church whom I knew, advised:

How do you be a 'member'? Easy. Just continue to serve, continue to be faithful, continue to honor God and the leaders above you. The only real difference is responsibility. Sometimes responsibility makes us grow and be diligent. But it would be a shame if the lack of responsibility makes us drift away.

Take care. Keep cell planting.

These are wise words from people of God who have gone through more than me.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

random photos from last week.
other bali photos at

Captain Zero giving a 'hamsup' look because...I don't know, he thinks he is v handsome HAHAHAHA!

The thought of just missing the bus explains the strange expression on Zero's face...

Crane city...On a cloudy day, view of the works, on the way out from my office.

I think this photo is nice, especially the background. Paragon tree!

Me, with Zero...

Just felt like writing

Such lovely weather to sleep in - not used to the cold, although I must say that I sort of like it this time around.

I've written for hours, a long email to my friends and short stories about God. And now it's close to 4 am. I know I should sleep but I just feel like writing and writing. I don't know why but I'm glad I can write. I've been described as emotional, but in reality it's the writing, and talking about my issues, my problems, my life, that makes me break away from feeling about them and being optimistic again.

I tend to be melancholy sometimes, which also seems to attract some unwarranted attention. How can I respond to the fact that people are concerned about my emotional well-being without being sick of hearing the phrase 'how are you feeling today?'

It's a different feeling everyday. I get happy about different things everyday. I feel a myriad of emotions, because I am a woman, because I feel for people, I care about things. I care about things like being eco-friendly and saving paper and not neglecting animals. I care about bringing up kids in a godly environment and friends who drink or have sex too much. I want to help people, I want to sing and dance and live life, the way it should be, to have open spaces always around me, and to see brilliant sunsets the way God wanted it to be a reminder of His creation, of me, of you.

I've always been told I don't look Singaporean.
In a way, I'm glad for that. Not that I'm not home-proud, I am, really.
It's just that I don't identify with the typical Singaporean mindset... Of living in pigeonholes and paying for the loan until you die.
Moving from one pigeonhole to another.
Not having enough dual-income to feed more than 3 kids even though we are supposed to be one of the richest Asian nations.
Queueing up for donuts.

I guess sometimes, it really irks me to be 'stereotyped' into a certain identity.
Because, only those who really know me would not say such things... ...

And it does hurt in the sense of repercussions when you pigeonhole someone and he does something so unlike him, and then you realise, you have had a misconception of the person. That 'that thing' is really in his nature, and you have made a mistake in assuming certain things about him.

I guess all of us have some life lessons to learn in this area.

And people do change. I'm so different now, from the time I started to blog. Maybe some fundamentals don't change, but deep inside, you know how you were like previously.

I wonder how it is like spending a lifetime to get to know this person, the many different facets of a person that you are going to spend your lifetime with. In the first place, what is it about the person that attracts you to him and then vice versa? And not only that, what is the magic ingredient that sitrs both your hearts to each other, for a lifetime? To me, that is a miracle in itself.

Early on in the year I almost gave up.
I've been through one too many failed relationships.
I can't imagine another one, really... that's what I kept telling myself.

After all, I thought I KNEW what I wanted. Tall, handsome guys. A christian, a successful, smart person etc. Someone domineering.
So I met, and liked some. Somehow, those types seemed to like me, too. I was open to them and they were open to me.

But somewhere along the way I forgot something.

That my life is in God's hands.

I forgot a little prayer I had made. As a result, now, looking back, I realised that the disappointments came out because of my own nearsighted choices. How unrealistic I was to make such decisions - the most important decisions of life, on my own, without prioritising God's best as mine, in my heart.

After a long absence of His will, my heart became cold, and I forgot about God's promise to me.

Something happened two years ago.

My MrBestFriend at that time, he had a girlfriend, one whom he loved very much.
I have always respected his decision to be with her because he was holy and steadfast and although he did like girls (I knew him since I was 15), he never pursued them all throughout secondary, jc, army.... until uni days. Because he wanted God's best. So he was together with this girl, finally, and I was happy for him. I could not understand how he could wait on the Lord like this, for me, I was just experiencing the joys and pains of young love, having many crushes and flings etc.

But I am retelling this story because something monumental happened.

His girlfriend, God's BEST for him, died. She had been struggling with depression issues for a long time and finally jumped. she was studying to be a teacher but somehow the enemy got hold of her.

I was very sad for him, and also angry with God, why did He let this happen? But MrBestfriend had enough maturity for the both of us, and he was the one who was consoling me instead of the other way round.

I was recovering from a bad case of dengue then, and had lots of time at home.
I remember I prayed, "GOD, Show me who's the Best One for my life."

And you know, God has always answered my prayers. There can only be one best one!

But, my character was not good enough to let God be God and wait upon Him. Looking back at my journals, it seemed like I only prayed about it for a month. A month! =(

After that I started liking other guys and the heartaches began.
I even prayed for God to 'release' the best one, because I felt that the way I was going, I would never ever be the best one for him.

After that, I entirely forgot about this prayer I had made. I am quite ashamed when I think of my past misdeeds and how I had not cherished God's promise to me. And during that time, I told this secret only to two people, Kie and Grant, who are still wonderful buddies today.

Recently because of a heartache I had gone through with a domineering guy, Grant scolded me, and it was like a wakeup call.

"Spiritedly! Domineering guys are not suitable for your life! Why do you keep hankering after them! God already shown you who's The Best for you, you are the one who decided not to choose him."

At this kind scolding I was speechless, for truly, like the forgetful faithful, I forgot the prayer I had made. But now, I remember... and I will choose to be obedient.

Maybe it's time for me to grow up a little and wait on the Lord, for THE BEST ONE.

(To be continued... ... in His time)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Bali MIT testimony

Here is my testimony for the BALI Mission Trip!


Together with a friend, I had specifically signed up for the Bali MIT and was really excited to go on a mission trip after my last humanitarian trip to Banda Aceh 2 years ago. However, I was plagued with some emotional issues and depressive feelings which hampered me spiritually. In the months leading up to the trip, I was wavering spiritually. Many times, I thought of pulling out because I did not want to pull the whole team down; as by this time, I was not able to pray or even have the motivation to hear from God.

However, my friend encouraged me (said I should not 'sabo' him) and I was reminded of why we signed up, so I went. God spoke to me during the trip, especially about obedience and how serving Him has its blessings. I was encouraged also by all the team members, their caring attitude and prophetic words let me know that God is still in charge of my life.

We were impacted greatly by the members of the church who were warm towards us and demonstrated God's power in their lives - each time we worshipped, they sang from their hearts, and I felt the Spirit ministering to me even though I could not understand most of the words. They were eager in assisting us in doing SALTing, and shared that they did SALTing 3-4 times a month, I was really impressed by their faith and eagerness to follow our cell model faithfully.

The best part about the trip for me was during one morning where we had a 40-minute session with a classroom of high school students aged around 16, 17 yrs old; on the pretext of helping them to have an interest in learning English. Most of them were from a Hindu background, and they are hard to reach to as their family is steeped in tradition. Bali, being 'The Island of the gods' is well-known for having statues and shrines in every house, every corner and every entrance to buildings.

We were only given 5 minutes to prepare and prayed to be led by the Spirit to minister to these students. My partner and I went to a class that initially seemed rowdy and ill-disciplined, talking loudly and roaring with racuous laughter at jokes we could not comprehend.

He shared first about how his English was bad, coming from a Chinese speaking background; but because he wanted to become a teacher, he persevered and now was teaching English in a primary school! The students clapped and even encouraged him which I felt was very endearing. All ears, they then listened excitedly to the story I shared - the parable of the lost sheep. During the sharing, we could sense that the students quietened down and the Holy Spirit was ministering in their hearts as many of them, too, were lost - many of them had a difficult family situation or were having a tough life.

As I shared about being 'bata-hati' - 'broken-hearted' in the situations of my life this year, I could see the students silently contemplating their heart issues. And when we said that the story of the lost sheep demonstrates- God, The Father's love for us, that he loves the one lost sheep, the expression on their faces showed that they understood the story more than we could imagine. At this time, we sensed an opening and my partner led them to pray. It was a miracle for me to see ALL the students bowing their heads in prayer as we prayed for them to be led to the Father's love.

We ended with the song "What He's done for me" which affirmed God's love for them, and taught them to sing together with us:

"Amazing love, amazing love
Amazing love...amazing love
All I know is I once was lost, but now am found
I was blind but now I see
And I know He will do for you,
What He's done for me."

It has been a life changing trip for me! So go for as many MITs as you possibly can!

PS: See photos at my multiply site.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Am so glad I went for the Bali Mission Impact Trip.
It's really a life-changing trip for me.

"It's a new season, it's a new day
Fresh anointing, is coming my way
A season of power, and prosperity...
It's a new season, coming to me!"

Obedience brings blessings, disobedience brings pain.

Sometimes, we 'choose' to live in pain when we should be living in blessings.
I am surrendering my will to God now after gallivanting around for 2 years.
I have faith, for God's best for my life.