Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Withdrawal Symptoms

Noticed I tend to get into one of my introspective moods for prolonged periods of time. Yea, for the past 3 weeks or so, I have been in this state. Like I'm in a different world on a different planet. Somehow because of it (the introspective state), I become withdrawn (not antisocial, I still have so many social activities), but just stop sharing as much. Not quite sure how to share, even, maybe 'cuz I don't know what really matters. In spite of my many trustworthy friends, I still only feel totally comfortable sharing everything with Giffy.

Or, it's somewhat like a 'coming-of-age' thing. I know that my life is 'in transition' now, after having a seamless time of studying, now I have to comtemplate on what I really want to have/be/do in life, or, at least for the next few years. Which begs the question: Do I really know what I really want? Mingwei asked me this before, pertaining to an issue I was content to let stay unresolved... I replied ardently in the affirmative, only later I knew that I was escaping from the reality of my feelings and I had to come to terms with it. It was difficult, but then again, at the end of it, at least I knew myself (and my hang-ups) better. Thinking about these deep stuff is necessary, but terribly excruciating for me as my mind goes on 'high alert' mode. I push myself too hard at times, wanting to move on in the most efficient and best way.

Being an adult is difficult. Being an adult at the crossroads of life is TOUGH!