Soundless rants with

Was just thinking, how come 'heartless' means something like cruel, unrending... when it actually should mean "heart-less". As in, don't have the heart to do this, or that. Well the Queen's preferred tongue does have its fallacies. Read today in Symbology 101 that 'occult' means 'natural'... wonder what would my pastor say if I replace the word 'natural' with occult then... 'It's in my occult self to do this kind of things, wad... " Hoo. Think the cold weather has dulled my senses, I seem to lose the capacity of thinking millions of thoughts today, my mind is on a one-track snail's-progress mode which keeps repeating, like a broken cassette recorder (ah, the good old days) : "finetune the songtune." That dark song with a light-tempo which I penned yesterday. After a whole day of finetuning it the lyrics to the tune seems hugely unfitting and in my harmonious mind; goes through several remixes with residual tunes floating around in my head that the melody seems remarkably like a mix of pseudo-rock-chinesepop-radio remix rivalling the best on the music scene.

Well, at least I'm satisfied with how the chorus turns out anyways. All thanks to a flash of inspiration while I was in the 'recording lounge' aka shower, last afternoon. So, I guess it is possible to harness the subconscious mind and only leave room for a small pocket of sentimental thoughts, to remain in control of my emotions. Small, small pockets. I've always believed in positive thinking, and also I know that my mood hugely affects others around me, quickly, they become apathetic too. Focusing on the greater good for humankind I will thus forsake being sincere and closely veil the vacant eyes. Only opening them to a worthy, select few. Napoleon Hill said: "The reason man may become the master of his own destiny is because he has the power to influence his own subconscious mind." If this statement is true, why does it makes me squirm? I think on one aspect we are more affected than we realise, by the things happening around us. We just internalise it and discard those we cannot make sense of.

It begs the question of, am I reacting to this thing because it happened in this way? Or vice versa, does this thing happen in this way, because of my reaction?

I'm no philosopher but I am intrigued by human relationships and how it is constructed in the physical reality. But I think Hill's reasoning is not sound - it is the deception of the enemy... In other words, the god of this age. (Which begs the question who is the god of this age...? I do not claim any association with that devious fellow.) Do we sometimes let things happen thinking that it just happens, by chance? Or is there something more to it, are we following an unseen hand guiding us in daily decisions? A fellow-observer neighbor remarked to me recently that my way of thinking is dangerous, 'cuz my mind is very...persistent, that I can befuddle myself through rationalising away things and therefore believe in my own psychotic theory. Well actually he did not put it in this way but that was the underlying meaning, although unintentionally spoken, I did ponder on it.

I do deflect hurtful things that people direct to me, perhaps due to my liberal upbringing, I allow and accept their right of freedom of speech, and also the analytical part of me would think that there is a cause to their reaction, and the effect is not intended wholly on me. Perhaps it is also subconscious on their part - a spiteful comment that is later brushed off as a joke, taken lightly. But I'd like to ask them though, why do you say that? Or rather, what caused/inspired/effected you to select this phrase to represent your subconscious mind?