Sometimes we think too much #4

(kai)

Allegra, can you hear me?
Allegra, sometimes I look at the stars in the sky -now showing up so brightly, too brightly where I am; and I wish that you can be here. It's the simple things like this that really captivates you, isn't it? Those little moments of bliss where you can sit, and stare - entralled in nature's beauty.

Where I am now is near the coast, near the frightening sea you have always disliked. But in the same way that I could never share in your sorrow, I never shared your aversion for the sea. Even at night, in the dark, the big, splashing sounds the dark waves make seem more like a lullaby to me. I wished I could help you, Allegra. I am not the kind of person you make me out to be.

Through the years, I sort of realised all of us have changed, somehow. We were no longer the carefree type of college students we used to be -without a care in the world. Somehow along the way we grew up, and then we realised that we had a choice in determining our future for ourselves. Yours was nicely mapped out, too nicely, perhaps, that you chose to do something else, something many people might have condemned you for. But not me, I wanted to see you happy above all else, to see your curved eyes light up again, like they did so often when you were with him. When time steals the precious things we love, all of a sudden it seems like nothing matters anymore. How could we, both young as we were, face this world and think of it as nothing but a means of survival?

But when all else fails, love conquers all. I think I read that from a book somewhere. I never liked reading, you know. It was Allegra who taught me to love books. She was happy in them, almost in a sexualised way. She took to completely absorbing herself in them, and then when it was finished, look up, stretch and her face showed complete contentment and bliss. It was the simple things in life that pleased her the most. I believe no one wanted to make things this complicated. I hoped to make it better, for her, for all of us. Yet perhaps my part to play in this story of life is just a bystander, watching, evaluating, seeing things happening yet not knowing when it is going to end or how.

Someday perhaps I will have my own life story, where I play a central role, where I am the author of my life. Sweet. For now, I must help them, change their minds, let them know how important it is not to hurt anyone, least of all themselves.