Tuesday, August 24, 2010

self-sabotage

I just don't understand the sort of people who like to ... for lack of better apt words, 'sabotage' themselves. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of such people who come from the 'insurance' or 'financial consultant' industry. I've many good pals there and know of superb people in the field. But the ones who have worked there for around 2-4 years and are top in sales, and now, tired of running, they want to come out, just irk me to no end. Some are rude. They answer rudely to all your queries and are quite haughty... for instance, a 'senior consultant' with about 3 years of experience, he really spoil my day after I gained him an interview with our client... he said... other cos can offer him a higher position... is that all they can offer? In the first place, it's still interview stage, in the second, I've already explained clearly to him about the opportunities and he was the one who wanted to submit the application. Not only wasting my time, he proceeded to tell me off when I told him he only has a 'few' years of experience. He screamed off his head that he has had 'extensive' experience.

Sorry, but 3 years' does not count as 'extensive' to any HR Manager. For this fellow, he is definitely burning his bridges with me, and thinking too highly of yourself will not get you anywhere, seriously. I really can't believe the other fellows, whom I also thought were good and also helped to gain them interviews, one of them carried along with him, a plastic bag to the interview. Ummm... I don't know any one of my friends who would do that( I hope not)... of course, he did not get the role. Another one started off by telling a story to the Head of Department and HR Manager... and tried to gain control of the interview!

It's really maddening because we are on their side, trying to help them to facilitate this process, even telling them what to wear, what questions to prepare for, etc. And then they pull this sort of stunt. There are too many from the same industry with a similar pattern that I have to say I now no longer share a positive attitude in helping these people find their dream job. This has not happened over a long period, in fact it happens over a few weeks, and they all have stellar sales record which is something that will gain them an interview for a sales position. But other than that, they lack the basic life skills to 'make it' in the corporate industry. And then they blame the managers, blame the people, blame the world when they should take a good look at themselves. Anyway, most of us do this self-sabotaging act to ourselves as well. Not at job interviews, but at other aspects of life. Sometimes there are something we want very much in life, and there are steps to fulfil it.

Like if you want a higher management job at a corporate co, you HAVE to study again, take some certs, etc. Or if you want to change to another line as well, sometimes. If not a real cert, then at least talk to the people in the industry, attend some helpful courses, do something with your time that channels your dream into a reality.

It's the same for people not wanting to be 'left on the shelf' - male or female. Though the male have better prospects, even though their good looks may wither, they still can find a mate, or use $ to import one lovely girl from our neighboring countries... for the female, as it is often quoted, after 35, all hope is gone! So I think being proactive is good. Being proactive means asking your friends for help. I have female friends in their early 30s who ask me for help and don't you think I will love to help them? Of course, it takes a humbling of self to ask me also, most likely I will 'suan' them first... but if I do think a guy is suitable and he is open, I will make effort.

Being proactive means changing yourself. Sometimes the most basic things are so glaringly obvious... Like the guy who brings a plastic bag to the interview *cringe*... it's so obvious to any one of us not to pull those stunts, but you may have a glaringly obvious unlikeable trait to the opposite sex that you may not notice. So maybe you can ask those 'true' friends for help. I'm sure their comments will help you tremendously in your personal development.

Guys always like girls to be feminine. (Except for the rare ones, mostly angmoh, that like tomboy looking girls like my friend J)

One of my guy friend had a really bad impression of one lady, our mutual friend. Due to her facebook photos... In most of those photos she has, she always have those gung-ho and 'attitude' poses, for fun, of course. But he said it was disgusting and too manly-scary. I was quite shocked at his strong comment because he is a really nice, easygoing guy and I least expect a comment like this from him!

Guess she scared away the more maidenly guys. But I think a lot of people judge you from your photos, not on purpose, but they happen to chance upon it. In fact, some of my other guy friends have commented positively on some of my female friends in their group photos with me, and even drooled at my lovely lady friends. Well... I try not to encourage it but at least they can take it that they are being attractive to the opposite gender... =P