Calling and Destiny?

Happy national day to me... Forced myself to stay at home today, been hectic weeks of enjoying myself, filling up my schedule with activities... Decided to talk to myself today and just stay home, watch the parade on tv, do my alpha track assignment. It gets depressive cuz i have a need to talk or to listen to people talk at least. The song 'Say it to me now' by Beth Neilsen Chapman is like a theme song to me today. Being left alone makes me ponder and contemplate on issue that need some insight. It's so strange that how I react really fits into my mbti profile - NT conceptualist... I do have passions, especially for people I care so deeply about, but I do not want to express them, for fear that it might seem frivolous, or perhaps unappreciated. Its painful knowing what i should do, yet i do not do, or what i should not do, yet i do... the disturbing fact is that it's all going round and round in my head, lalalala~ The past week I have had tensional headaches almost every day because of this. Somehow, I value my friends' opinions, however lightheartedly I might brush them aside... ... I am very conscious of the things I do now, as I believe it will have repercussions on the lives of others. The movie I watched with Andy on monday - House of Flying Daggers - has this fundamental question: If you loved someone would you be happy to see that someone happy with another person? I guess for me I have no answer, but my core conviction is that I would not do anything to make another person unhappy for the sake of my own happiness. Kinda stressful, I am in a tangle as sometimes I want to throw all caution to the wind - and just be happy with who i am, what i have and not care about the future or what is going to happen in 3 years time or 5 years time and just live each day, with happy thoughts.

Categories: abstractmusings, friendship