the delusional terminal

... I seem to be sighing ever so much lately. it's september, in this retrospective mood i am taking stock of the time that has passed and i do realize that it flies by so fast...all too soon, certain things that i take for granted will change, leave like a jet plane, and do i not leave myself space enough to mourn or to be in anguish, but to just compartmentalize my feelings thoughts emotions dreams??? it's stupid and i know i am setting myself up for greater disappointment, but God knows i have been praying, crying out to Him to resolve, tear away anything from my life, actions, thoughts that dishonor Him. My core value is to bring honor to God, and i am terrified of stumbling anyone or even, to make anyone feel unhappy at the expense of my own (selfish) happiness. what to do... i dunno i guess just keep trusting Him no matter how cliche that sounds, and i know how difficult it is to do so at this point in time. I think a little part of me will ... 'die'.... be extinguished, or just fade away... or maybe, i should run away from it... ...yea...