Monday, March 28, 2005

An unsurpassing definition of unfaithfulness in a man-woman relationship context

Call me Miss Goondu. At least for the day. It must be the hot weather... that has fried my brains. I'm red on the nose, both cheeks, arms and neck incidentally from my novice trip at tennis at an undisclosed location on the 7th storey of a condo in Hougang facing Hougang Point. Ha. And I only swung the racquet for one (blazing) hour. Just hope I turn a golden brown. So, anyone asking how goondu I was...?

So scatterbrained(aka goondu) today that I waited at the bus stop for a bus that did not stop there... and it was the bus stop I always take buses from, the one nearest to my house. Sigh. So demoralized after that. Then, kept bumping into Izac... He gave pathetic sounding 'ows'. Think my bones were disagreeable with his, or just that today I could not estimate proportions well. But we did have a good time hanging out and solving albatross puzzles and eating toa payoh famous rojak. I know for sure I'm a quality time kinda gal; yeah I do need the physical presence of people I enjoy being in their company with, from time to time. Once again, I reiterate my point of view that it has to be love that keeps a couple together, I really do not see how 2 diversely different individuals can live together for long if there is no love.

But when love grows cold it is a different thing. We were discussing from last evening like if we were in a serious relationship what would we do if the other half was unfaithful. For me, I treaded down that road, once, many years ago when I was still selfish and naive. But to a certain extent, it takes both hands to clap despite that obviously one side was more persistent. And I also believe that well, perhaps there are already certain problems in that relationship for the partner to want to find happiness, however momentary, elsewhere. But from one who is now wiser and more discerning to the ways of the world, my advice is that it's not worth it. Why throw away a possibly happy marriage and lifetime partner for a moment of passion that you know only belongs to fantasy, not reality? The heartache and guilt, moralistically, will punish your body and soul for a long time. Once you've done it - been unfaithful, you can no longer look at those and say, I'm innocent, and condemn the downright despicably lustful, or those who are just a tad too naive and have fallen into something very likely to hit many of us as we grow older and expand our social circles.

I define unfaithfulness strictly. Perhaps I should-have-known the signs before, so now I am really wary of how my body language or speech might be suggestive to even the least sensitive of guys. As friends, I have close friends that are guys but there are certain limits that one has to set when interacting with them. Even when you are not in a relationship nor seeing someone else. Integrity. I mean I don't expect myself to behave one way when I'm single and available, and another when I'm fully commited to something that will last. Mixed signals are worse. Confusing, and they leave the other person feeling awfully jaded. I've been there.

Everyone has their own limits and it's good to talk it out. Certain mindsets form in every single individual, perhaps shaped by past experiences, what other people told them, or otherwise. I was always told early in a relationship, don't talk about marriage, kids' names, the future together, you're setting yourself up for a hurtful fall should it not come to pass. But hey, my thinking has changed, I think now that its good for new couples to come to a ...stalemate... or a mutual agreement about certain things that they are convicted about. It would be horrific if they like each other and agree to be together then find that the future together is impossibly difficult to fathom. Yea. But that's just my two cents worth.