Almost Always

::Short story, copyright mine. Inspired by new buildings springing up and my penchant for old things. Also for an old friend who likes old things too, hope you find peace wherever you are now.::

Dear Johnny,


How are you? I know it’s been quite a while and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there the last time. Remember your favorite hangout, the one with the ginger flavored latte which I always found weird-tasting? Well it’s been demolished now. Even the ancient Presbyterian church beside it is gone. I heard that they are building a world-class spanking new university on the grounds now. I passed by the old place yesterday, and thought of you. I was so worried you would be affected by the earthquake that happened around your place, but I heard from your friends that Auntie said you were unhurt and happened to be away then. I’m so glad you are okay! You know, I still keep the small clay figurine that you made for me while we were studying together. It’s almost decomposed now, sitting on my desk. It’s not collecting dust yet, I managed to clean it gently. Mum always nags at me to throw that hideous thing away, but I had to remind her that it was from you. One of the few memories that I have of you that’s left, actually. You realize that we never took a photo together? That was because I didn’t like the way I looked back then. I felt that my face was so puffy, and my hair was always frizzy… It’s so strange I felt like that then, maybe I didn’t have confidence in myself. You know, you were the first person I called when I received my graduating results. Before I called Dad. I don’t know why I did that, but I just wanted you to stop worrying for me, about me. All you do is worry, you know? I think I didn’t want to see you off partly because I was afraid I would cry, and I would be so embarrassed because all your friends are there, and they would think that I was harboring a secret crush on you or something. I watched the TV yesterday and the Chinese drama show had a line that went something like: When there’s love, there’s feeling… But when there’s feeling, it’s not necessary to have love. And I guess that’s how I felt, right? I mean, I felt really strange as if there were butterflies in my stomach when I saw you again that time, after you came out of army… you looked so different, yet strangely familiar. Then you smiled at me, and everything went smoothly. Remember Alnrick? You used to tease him before, he never tied his shoelaces up properly. We were together for a while. I was quite hesitant about it initially. Really! I mean, I’ve always liked guys that were not like his type. But anyways shortly after you left, we dated each other for a while. Think it’s my parents, they are always worried that I would be a spinster! Funny right? Especially when I have so many male friends… Well, I guess just to shut them up or something, of course I felt a liking for him too, I mean, he is cute, and quite sweet to girls. But I knew we were unsuitable, I introduced him to Dawn, now they’re engaged. Of course that was some time ago, I think they would be getting married soon. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I thought you would be more concerned over my feelings about it. I’m okay, really, I’m so happy for them, you know? I’m happy for you too, although if you were around it would be much much better. Are you still eating instant noodles? You can’t find Pocky there right? Here it’s becoming rare also. After the free trade zone agreement between us and the United European states, imports from East Asia became so expensive that most of the local supermarts now only carry products from the top 3 zone countries, UK, China and, India. Bismati rice has become so cheap that we seldom find local rice anymore, it’s too expensive to grow it here also. But I can still find Pocky in places like Robertson Deli, although its always sold out - and the price has tripled. I’m sure food at your place is terribly expensive too. I just found out that fruits will have an import tax placed on it, I think I have to eat my favorite Granny Smiths and watermelons only on special occasions now. It’s no longer safe to stay in my old place because of the frequent gunfights, I’ve moved out about two years back when I saved enough. And Snowy died. But I’ve got myself Cherie now – She’s a Airedale with a chocolate coat. I love her! You know, if that time you had asked me to leave with you, I would. To go to a new place and leave behind all the things I ever loved and knew, of course that would be irrational. And at that time, I did not know what I know now, that now, if I was asked to leave this place, would I leave? I think not! At least, not without someone like you! I knew you loved me, I just thought that I was too young and I wanted a life of independence, to carve out a niche for myself! But now, even if it’s not too late, it is. I cannot be who I was, and neither can you. We cannot go back to the bamboo trees and sit on the stone benches behind the old place, because it is demolished now. And soon, no one will even remember what the place used to be. The dead makes way for the new. I know! You, too? I know that I have a short-term memory and perhaps when I meet my someone special I will forget all about the happy times we spent together flying kites and eating packet rice and slogging away through the night to finish up projects. It seems like I was another person then. But I knew then, that all the time you would be always there for me. You are always so caring, so sensitive. I failed to see that, or I knew, I think, but I liked to be mean and did not acknowledge that. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t around to see the ending – like I don’t want to see the new university built upon my old memories! Maybe I should up and leave, like you, forging new paths on roads yet untravelled. When will I ever see you again, Johnny? You mean so much to me… …

Love,
Shaz.