Where angels fear to tread

Back to ponderous inclinations of a rationalist.

Care does not constitute love, does it? For when it does, the next step would be to care, over all and above all, about the little things that matter about the individual one's concerns are about. Perhaps learning to care, is a lot like learning to love. For me, I am still taking baby steps. My concern extends to a host of people under and over my influence.

Yet to love, there can be a space for only one. To use the eyes of my heart to see with faith and belief that the path I tread on is possibly leading to a promise for the future, it is almost impossible to me, to believe. God has spoken where angels fear to tread. In dreams- I am unaccustomed to hear my Maker speak in such a manner. Yet while asking for a word, I am jolted by Him saying, 'My child, I have already spoken to you." Aye, twice. I forgot.

Then again I do not trust my dreams. Does it signify that I do not trust God, that He, above all, is able to give me the 'signs' that others in love wish for? The signals that something good will come? Yet I doubt, still. Speak again perhaps. And again. How many times? He is really patient.

'Care' is so mundane, so commonplace that it seems as though I fail to perceive the value of it. But caring, for someone is more than just a natural thing. It takes much effort to boldly pursue to continue on in caring for someone. Love, to me, is more volatile. Something passionate, a strong emotion that will sweep you up in a whirl, changing your world into a natural intensity, a vibrancy of hues that once was only a nuance of shallow feeling. Can there be a place between the two, a transitory point where I learn to care, and I only realise it when I find someone else caring too... stirring up some more unaccustomed awareness of a tinge of fretfulness, only relieved by knowing he does not bother about her care. This strange rivalry only throws me into more confusion as all along I've ever and always looked to him as a kin and no more.

Love. All along, I've experienced more than my fair share of it. I've crushed and crashed, liked and lusted, laughed and cried through the many relationships I've been through. Now I'm tired, I need - I want to settle down, fast. Find a person who cares, more than he loves.

Love. Sometimes loving is letting go. I know I care. But I know that someone else cares, too. And perhaps it is a longer, stronger and deeper care than mine. I'm able to step aside and see God's best happening for both. For me. I can never care as much, love as much... however much I try.

When I love someone, perhaps I fail to care for the person. Care for those around me that might care - and do a better job than me. So aye, I'm going to watch things happen and be a holy matchmaker for the one that has been caring for me. Already I cringe at the misapprehensions occuring because of my naivete, the way I play thoughtlessly, selfishly; the things I say in all innocence which unfortunately might cause further misunderstandings. No more, Rachel. I'm trying to be a better person, to be brave. Not to be a fool that rushes in where angels fear to tread.