The Essence of Falling in Love Part II

Please don't misunderstand that my mind is constantly tuned to the above subject matter. I am imaginative, and I do have dreams about love just like any other typical girl out there, but it is not my main preoccupation. Although I do seem to write about it more often these days.

Have to 'give wise counsel' to a cell member, for her and an impending romance. Hence the loveful thoughts. Dampening others' bliss is not my preference, however, in the face of integrity sometimes, the truth hurts. Someone recently asked me this question, If your pastor/SL disapprove of the guy you are romancing now, what is your response? ...I posed it to her: If your cell leader said 'no', what would you do? Actually I know I would never say 'no' ... ultimately, it's your life, it's your choice, in matters of the heart. Just don't think with your ass. (Pastor C. said that, in a mandarin version.) Aiyah, which means you don't think at all, never use your brain before stumbling into a relationship...haha.

________________________________________

The start of the synopsis of the story is similar to any of those touching, weepy Korean dramas, except that it was mine. My own true life story.

Boy meets girl at a church camp, Girl was 10 and Boy 2 years older. Boy was Sunday School teacher's boss' son - comes from a rich family - first time in this church camp. Both liked each other trememndously, and all through the week of the camp, they played a game of 'catch' with each other, just the two of them. They would find opportunities to talk while walking up and down staircases, while waiting for bath time, at meal times... all the while playing with each other. The camp ended, and both went back to their respective homes. But they found themselves thinking about each other, not realising that they had fallen in love for the first time.

Boy called the Girl on the (home) phone, and this started an ongoing conversation and decidedly sweet romance that lasted for about a year. After the camp, they had one group outing, but Girl could not go, and she was devastated that she could not meet him. He too, asked everyone about her during that trip. They exchanged christmas cards that year - His' was typewritten, claiming that his handwriting was untidy and incorrigible. They made plans, both wanted to go to NUS to study together...Girl wanted to study Law or Political Science - he would go to Junior College and later army, and then both would graduate at the same time, and get married, and have two kids after graduating.

Sadly, they lost touch after a year. His phone number was disconnected, the letters sent to his apartment returned, with the note 'No such resident'. It was as if he had disappeared, or simply moved house and forgot about her. Girl was distraught. Having no mutual friends, she could not ask anyone about him. Worse, the Sunday School teacher had left for another church. For some time, she searched for him, jumping at every chance to go out, hoping that she might one day bump into him. She looked in every car, hoping to catch a glimpse of the boy who had stolen her heart. But she never saw him, never knew where he had went.

Years went by and she had forgotten about him. By then, she grew up, and had many male suitors (Haha it's a bit exaggerated this part), and had some short relationships with guys, all with a high calibre, more than worthy to chase her. Subconsciously though, she never forgot her first love, and treated them badly, expecting them to pay for everything and then ending the relationship/s abruptly as she had vowed in the past, not to let another steal her heart. (This one, entirely true.)

More than 10 years went by...while talking idly to a church friend during a bus journey home, she realised he came from the same secondary school and eca(that time it was still called eca) as Boy. So, Girl asked tentatively if this church friend (that she had known for 2 years and never knew his secondary school...) knew Boy. Much to her amazement, he did! What's more, he gave her Boy's handphone number, and waved a cheerful goodbye before reaching his stop.

Girl gave Boy a call, nervously wondering how he would be like. Afterall, it has been 10 over years without seeing him. Would he remember her? As his first love? Amazingly, he did remember her well. They talked about life for a while. Girl realised he had pursued different routes too, choosing poly over JC, and now, almost ORD-ing from army, going to NTU. Girl too, embarked on design disciplines and went to study at LaSalle-SIA. How different life was. And all were inconsequential as they talked about the old times, church things... He was now at CHC. She was now at Trinity. Funny, how they both changed churches but remained christians.

After the phone conversation, Girl realised that there was no perfect ending to this tale. After the phone conversation, she realised Boy had changed, along with all the dear people in her life she knew. From her past memories of how Boy was - a gentle, sensitive soul with impeccable charm and good English, he became a Hokkien spouting, brash person. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was still enlisted. Or maybe, since secondary school, his environment was a tough one. She knew that if she had met him, it would tarnish the lovely memories that she had, of her first love. So Girl decided to never meet him, again. Let their last meeting be during that camp, and that was that.

_______________________________________


If I had believed in romance, I would have tracked him down, somehow, and when we met, it would be... perfect. Perhaps we would be single, and end up together? I have no idea. Maybe one day we will really meet. Singapore is a small place. I wonder how he looks like now, but then again, I have no desire to know. Up till today, I can still remember his old phone number, his full name, his old apartment address. I guess, I have a good memory, but more than that, a redundant memory?! Its strange how I can remember some things and not others... perhaps my memory is selective in the things it wants to remember.

I think some people have never fallen in love, at all, and for them, I wonder how come. Maybe they have not 'met the right one' yet, or they are searching for the unattainable. In my short life, I have sincerely fallen in love twice. The third time I fall in love, I hope it will be a happy ending for me.

Categories: love, relationships, reminiscence