A lot to think about

Been reading about saddening things lately. Is it because I'm sad that sad things just look for me? Or that despite my unhappiness I can still feel sad, and even sadder at others' predicaments? Maybe it's just the world that I cannot keep up with - have I been living in my own utopia that I fail to see others' sadness, or even ridicule them for having emotions such as these?

Chanced upon a girl's blog who got pregnant by her then-boyfriend (who is an SAF merit scholar, humpf!) who mercilessly dumped her. It hits so close to home. In another lifetime, I could be her.

It's not fair that the mother has to carry the emotional, social and much of the financial burden of bringing up the child, while the father and his family try to bury this episode, keep it from family and friends and move on with their lives, as though this episode had never happened. I am sure that in 5, maximum 10 years, LX would marry a woman he loves and bring up wanted and happy children, providing them with all the love he can give and fulfill as much of their material wants as possible, while his first child has to bear the social stigma of coming from a single parent family, and unable to enjoy much material wants, because his/her mom can barely feed herself, him/her and her elderly parents.

And, tragically the suicide of a young schoolteacher. She's only 24. She had marital problems, and could not take it. And yes, she was a christian. The school tried to cover it up by saying it was heart failure. Even most of the staff were fooled. But those who suspected and knew about it, had their doubts.

Rest in peace, Ms Leong. You’ve been a good teacher. We will remember you always.

It hits so close to home. She will be replaced, by another teacher. And soon, the memories of her will fade, oblivious, into the distance, replaced by more current thoughts, by the latest exciting new happenings. It is always the ones left to mourn that bear the burden of their memories. Kai still talks about Yen's brother. It's been two years since he jumped from a newly-built condo. Does the time span matter? Is it healthy for him to talk about the memories as if they happened recently? I have no answers. And in view of these serious life and death matters, my small upset-ness seem almost trivial, almost laughable at the seriousness of such a small matter which hopefully will be settled this weekend.

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I am reminded by something that stuck in my mind recently, something about how Jesus sometimes picked out people in the crowd- those unlovely, prostitutes, tax collectors, and on purpose, chose to spend time with them, talk to them. These words have spoken to me so strongly. Last Saturday, after YAS, I saw one of my ex-cell members sitting alone at Adam food centre. He's now in Shiner's cell. Later, I chose to 'forsake' my disciples(current members) and decided to altogether skip dinner and concentrate on talking to him. He's someone that would be ostracised by-and-large; but not by me. I think some would misunderstand my actions, perhaps they would think I'm neglecting my cell, or only interested in talking to guys from Sheepy's section... but I hope that my small action of spending some time talking to him would impact him in a positive light. Hearing his troubles, I had little to say, but I knew he wanted to hear, something from me, something from Shiner that would stop him on the path of self-destruction and disillusionment. Before we left, I said twice, "Theo, you have a destiny in God."

I think Sheepy caught it, he glanced at me in approval when left, even though I was hoping only for approval from God. I'm not Jesus, nor am I trying to be one, but I am reminded by the difference that half-an-hour can make in someone's life. I guess I've really changed - I used to be 'social-butterfly-like', as Uncle Bern would say, fluttering from table to table saying hi. Well I do have many acquaintances. And I was afraid they would view me as unfriendly.

But now, I aim to be more sincere, to find someone to know better, someone's life to speak into, a connection with some people that could never be established with a friendly 'hi'-and-nothing-else-to-say.