Exasperation time with Travis

Been praying for a chance to 'trash things out' with Travis before it turns into resentment or I stop talking to him altogether... I really couldn't take it if I remained silent and sullen, so unlike me... at the same time I worry whether I'm over reacting or should I just ignore my upset-ness... I don't want my feelings to be validated by his apologies, which I know he will, once I bring the issue up. So I did the wisest thing, after trying for the whole day to grab him into a corner which I can't, really. I called him, and told him straightforwardly, "I'm upset with you." And I couldn't say what about 'cuz there's so many little exasperations and idiosyncracies that just makes me so so frustrated, and trying to explain them makes me even more exasperated that I just said, I only called to tell you I'm upset, that's it... ... which at the point he asked the reasons for my upset-ness so that he could improve himself, but I was really... upset, so I just said that that's it lar, I don't care what you do about it, and I'm not asking for an apology, I just wanted to tell you I'm upset that's all.

I'm not so selfish as to want him to change to make me happy. I don't want him to change for me. I'd rather change myself, adapt to the way he is 'cuz I totally understand his rationale for doing things, just that I don't buy into it, and I would never be insincere in doing things, no matter what... The way we view life is totally different and just talking to him, I can wring his neck... or start yelling... haizzzz... Thing is I care, I care too much... and perhaps both of us have the escapist mentality, trying to be nice, knowing but not really understanding. He's as stubborn as me... I think secretly I admire it, 'cuz I'm really standing my ground too.

In the end (Or perhaps it's the beginning) we decided to have a time to meet to really talk it out. That's quite nice of him, although I'm really really skeptical about how 'open' he is.... he still thinks I'm too sensitive (Although he apologized for saying that) and yes, we used the words 'You always....' and 'It's all your fault' in the short conversation, tsk tsk. And he said he'll pray about it...I mean, I do pray about it too. So much, 'cuz I care.

Actually I felt quite sad that I had to bring it up, but I'm even sadder if this friendship were to disintegrate, that we'd just drift apart because of our unique-and -unfortunately-clashing differences... sorry that I feel like this, but I really really feel like this! URRR! Sniff.