If I told you not to leave

When I heard that you wanted to leave in two years’ time, part of me wanted to say, take me with you. I’d be so much happier there, than now, in this place. Your eyes seemed to take on a faraway look as you dreamt of living in that place, with lush green valleys, white picket fences. You reminded me of a boy I once knew, someone vastly different from you, yet similar in what lies within. I lacked the confidence to realize my dreams, to make things happen, to let you know I loved you.

I did not meet him for the last time. When he left, I felt sad. Sad. Just another feeling that would pass, with time. I could easily find another boy to love, another man who would see who I am, love me for that, and bring out the best in me. So I waited, and he left. When he came back, I was sick. Sick. Another thing in life you cannot control – the illness just envelops your entire body and you are left in no-man’s land, gasping for breath, crying not because of the pain wracking your entire body but crying, for him, for the lost chance – that, I might never have the chance to see him, again.


I did something stupid, I gave my heart to someone who could not and would not care for me. I did not blame him, I could not love him too. How to, when my heart was miles away, when all I knew and loved with such certainty could not, with the same certainty, promise me anything, because he had nothing to give, he could not.

If I told you not to leave, would you not?
If I said I love you, would you believe me?
If I told you I knew from the first time I met you, that you were the one, would you be able to accept it?
If I told you that you came here for a purpose, and that was to fulfill my dreams, would you wake me up?

Random musings. Some true, some not. An attempt to hide my soul yet reveal it to those who understands the nuances. Gavin DeGraw's songs are really nice. The words, meaningful, something I would write myself if I was into popular music.

Sometimes the ones who are really strong are the ones who dare to cry for love.