A turnaround

Not one to often push the blame on others but myself, I am wondering lately why I seem to be angsty about the things I should be nonchalant about, and nonchalant about the things I care about deeply. In different situations that I cannot take control of, nor have wish to, the human nature inherent in me tends to stick out, and I begin to blame the environment, the situation, people, places, things, feelings... etc. Small gripes dazzle me for ages, constantly being in deep thought develops me intrapersonally but does little for me productively. I am tired, physically and meta-physically. Need to rest, need long walks with a companion happy to walk in silenceful thoughts, over lush green valleys and soft leafy trees. Yet, the 'shadow of despair' is leaving me. Slowly, I am regaining myself. Slowly I am learning how to be a better person.

Why We Flee Silence
Unfortunately, in seeing ourselves as we truly are, not all that we see is beautiful and attractive. This is undoubtedly part of the reason we flee silence. We do not want to be confronted with our hypocrisy, our phoniness. We see how false and fragile is the false self we project. We have to go through this painful experience to come to our true self. It is a harrowing journey, a death to self—the false self—and no one wants to die. But it is the only path to life, to freedom, to peace, to true love. And it begins with silence. We cannot give ourselves in love if we do not know and possess ourselves. This is the great value of silence. It is the pathway to all we truly want.

-M. Basil Pennington