A warrior or a wimp?

Pour. Pour out the troubles of my heart on the small white pieces of paper. Scribble down my dreams in a notebook. Write my goals on a post-it note and stick it to my diary. Everyday. To remind myself everyday to accomplish things I never knew I could, to persevere in a way I never thought I would.

In the most dismal abyss, at the point of no return, when you've reached the place of disillusionment; then only, can you know what real faith is. What seems perfect, pure and unattainable. And then you realise, there is no way I can be like that guy.

But my small ounce of faith, he knows. My little pleas for help, he listens. And in the prayers that are answered I draw strength for the ones not yet answered. Starting again to hear the still small voice that I've been trying to for so long. Slowly, I'm regaining my strength. And there are many things still.

I used to think that FEAR was never in my vocabulary. Since I was young, I was never afraid of anything. Not the dark. Not death, nor sickness. Not even pain nor irrational phobias like crossing overhead bridges and whatnot. But these days, I realised I'm so afraid. I guess fear is a human emotion engineered to gear us towards a goal, or to separate the wimps from the warriors. The warriors are not those who have no fear, but those who are the most successful in overcoming theirs. I used to be afraid of being alone/left out/unwanted, although that was seldom the case, hehe. Now, I'm afraid of failing God. I'm afraid of being penniless. I'm afraid of not being successful... I'm afraid of just facing up to reality. Strange that I used to think that I was fearless.

I'm weary, I need rest. Yet I still need challenges. =)