Like never before

A person I can fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with. Meeting him at the intersections.

Like never before, I have heard so much from God in the past week. Met up with pastors, read books, sermons, through other believers. God is reminding me to take what He said seriously. I'm someone who often hears from God - I seldom ask why is God silent. Because He does speak to me in a host of different ways. But sadly, after I have heard, I forget. This year, I am reminded of the past affirmations. It's like the switching on of a light switch, *ting!* And suddenly but oh-so-clearly I am reminded of what He has promised, what He has revealed to me when I asked in simple faith.

It has taken half a year for me to get ready - and even now, I'm not so sure that I'm ready, or that I really want it. The selfish part of me still wants to 'reserve' the freedom of choice for me. I've never shared what God has impressed on me before, to anyone. As I prayed for breakthrough in this area, I am reminded of what God has shown me (when I asked) in the past. But, I'm like "noooooo. nooooo." I don't want!

During our usual latenight conversation in the car, me and Kie were talking about the person - the best one God has intended for us. Like me, Kie intends to start dating purposefully this year. We agreed that it would be really weird if we started of as really good friends and then progressed from there - we felt that it was quite gross to think of our friends of the opposite gender in such a way. (Imagine holding hands with one of your friends - eww!) Then again, I know of a guy who prays about every woman friend that comes into his life, asking God if she is the one.

I told Kie that I wanted, to really fall in love. Fall. In. Love. I need to be attracted to the person God has intended to me. Emotional support is very important, so is the ability to stimulate me intellectually. Of course, I have very strongly defined physical needs also. But if 'the best one' is Mr X which I have no strong attraction to (as compared with others previously) - then maybe I don't want? We are all so superficial. Not in terms of looks, but ... I guess I don't trust God in this area, I still want to reserve the freedom of choice, my choice.

We pondered over more serious issues and Kie actually ministered to me by sharing about one of our close friends who is getting married this season. To a disabled person. The severity, I do not know. But being termed 'handicapped' is enough to turn many people off. Including myself, I admit.We are all so superficial. We discussed at length if it's 'better' to marry a disabled person or someone with a lifelong incurable illness. Kie prefers the latter - 'cuz it's 'invisible' - no one will know, unless it occurs. For the disability, it's a physical defect so it's obvious to everyone. But, at least it's predictable. For someone with a lifelong incurable illness, we would never know if one day, the person would just collapse and die. So, deep down we must always be prepared for the inevitable. I think I could accept someone with both conditions, just that I'm a girl, and my parents would obviously frown on a man with such. A man that they are entrusting their daughter to. Still, life is unpredictable. As I told Kie, you never know if one day you are involved in an accident and become disabled, too.

But if I am disabled, and there is a godly man out there who wants to marry me, I know that he truly loves me.

This is an act of love in itself.

And I salute you, friend, for being so courageous, for knowing the essence of 'Love always protects" - by offering a cloak of love to your bride.