Over green tea frappe

Love and Acceptance - Must they be together all the time?


Met Sugar's friend' JiT yesterday. Spent time soaking in the sun which perked me up a little. He describes himself as a pain-in-the-ass kind of person, but on the whole - his ''no qualms'' nature and rough, straightforward way is actually so much better than the ones I've met who look decent but who knows what's beneath the waters... =) Yes. And it's honestly amazing how much two strangers can share over coffee/green tea frappe - plus points for his nonchalantly standing up and getting my drink. So initiative! On my side, I did not share much, but rather prompted him to share what he felt - obviously he was peeved about things which happened, which he wrote on his blog. It's refreshing to meet a guy who is so in touch with his feelings. Who has that act-tough demeanour but is a softie inside. Who claims he is going to be a buddhist his entire life, not because he believes in it, rather, it's for his family, he believes that the eldest son should go with tradition. And for his sincerity, who can fault him for that?

Just came from Leader's DEW - Counseling session with Pastor Pippi. Apparently I'm in self-denial about my feelings - that I make quick decisions that are right, with my mind, often neglecting my feelings. Well, that is true. All the same, I thought that I was really "open" with my feelings, more so than others. At least, I say what I feel, and I admit those evil thoughts lurking in my mind. I have lots of areas to mature in, as a person, I do hope that I will be able to help myself unite the feelings that I have. Pastor Pippi said I have an ungodly soul tie with Grass. Hmmm. I was shocked when she said that, will wait for the next session to hear her say more. In this area, I believe I'm doing what is rightful -however, my emotions/heart cannot reconcile with my mind. Not that I absolutely do not believe in what I'm doing, or do just because I'm a leader and I have to do it. It's just that a part of me feels sad and guilty, feelings which I have not come to accept in myself...yet. That is why I am in such a confusion everytime he wants to meet me or talk to me. Spending more time with him will bring me to a quandary about certain things I don't want to make a decision about. That said, I also do not want to play with fire, no matter how I feel deep inside, it's a definite no-no. Next week, I will learn more about what causes all my issues. I do know, actually... I just don't know what to do in specific situations.

Lots of tension this week, I'm undoubtedly worried about certain things - on the whole though, it's still manageable. Really hope for breakthrough. =)