The people we meet on earth

Boxing Day... Time to open presents!

Go read the 5 people you meet in heaven by mitch alborn. It's really
excellent. Excellent plot, storyline and idea. Just wished it could be longer...

I haven't opened all of my presents yet...
It's always a special time of the year for me, enjoyed myself with the members yesterday playing sily games and just chilling out at Marina Pier after service. It's nice that we can gather together like this... I've never been one for big gatherings but of course, I would choose to gather with a nice bunch of folks than with just my boyfriend alone at home. It's through remembering people at this time of the year that we build ourselves. Sometimes, we may be harboring sad thoughts, maybe things in relationships or career might not be going well, but it's always a time to stop and take stock of the blessings you've received from friends this year.

For those who have been treated badly by loved ones, really feel the tinge of pain this season. Somehow I had a feeling of pain - still there, though it's been some time now. I guess it's the pain of not confiding to anyone my past woes - or rather, scared to confide, in a way fearing no one could understand the torment I was in. And sitting next to friends who have their own deep hurts, I wanted so badly to perhaps, share a little of my story. It's a long story, but all I can say is that once, some time ago, almost forgotten but hearing his name still draws up sharp pangs of what could be termed as a painful love. This emotion changed me, I am almost wary and guarded upon strangers I would have once embraced as my own.

I guess I have written about it, previously and more than I could bear.

Having stopped correspondence with him intentionally, I sometimes wonder how he is...yet, not really wanting to know. We shared deep moments, a familiar recognition of the soul-deep feelings both knew, that was there, a care for one another that could barely be expressed as friendship. Yet, knowing him brought out such character in me, which I never realised was in myself, that I cannot say knowing him has been a bane in my life.

That is why I have so many mixed emotions towards that time in my life that I find it more joyful to altogether forget about it completely.

Many have said that they find my writings here, inspiring...although I react to that comment with pleasant surprise. For I never meant intentionally to inspire anyone with the doings and feelings about my life, only that it was meant to be a recollection of thoughts, as true as I possibly can remember it. But I do hope that instead of feeling sadder than they once were, people can read, and take with them a strange comradeship that I too, feel this way once.

Though I do not have the guts to spill out my feelings to anyone, this platform is a place where I can voice out my thoughts into writing. I may seem insulting, even mocking at times about people's love affairs, I do care. I guess I really don'r bother to say it out, since I know that at this time, my words will probably be disregarded, as I have experienced time and again. But it does not give me any joy to see what I have predicted come to pass. I guess I am blessed - or cursed - with a sort of 'second sight', predicting the outcome of certain relationships, how they will work out, and what will happen. Often I am right in this ability to predict things happening based on human nature, and sadly so. Perhaps it's this ability that makes me shy away from certain people, knowing that inevitably this kind of relationships bring nothing but pain. I too, wonder sometimes why people love each other the way they do. I suspect it's because the other, is somewhat a reflection of themselves.

That in loving them, we bring out the best, and sometimes the worst in ourselves.