God-willing

To fulfil God's will...

Found a vcd in the "Bible Series" - Jeremiah. With nothing much to do on a night like this, sat down to watch it with my wee brother. Interestingly enough, the role of Jeremiah was played by one of today's more popular and famous tv actors, "McDreamy", Patrick Dempsey (In Gray's Anatomy, Dr Derek Shepherd.) This was a much younger Patrick, and his performance is superb. Couldn't have recognized him though - only the eyes.

I think the story of Jeremiah draws many interesting parallels with today's society, and the show prompts me to look into the Bible and read it again. I sympathize most with the King, Zedekiah - he is not portrayed as an evil and cruel man, but rather, one who goes with the times and also prays, but don't seem to recognize God's voice or messenger. In the end, he repents... but it is too late. Also Jeremiah gives up his family and love, to serve God. Not an easy task as he is punished and in prison... being young, as well... he asks God not to choose him... but he is obedient to God's word. You can say that he is someone who follows God's will. And even dares to speak it out infront of a hostile crowd, people who will say that he is a false prophet, that he is a fool. He is tormented by them, and hurt physically, yet he still speaks, for he believes God's word to be true.

I think that my life needs some of this medicine as well. Like the King, I also seek God. But sometimes, dare I say it, only for my own selfish purposes. I serve Him because I like to... but if He asks me to do something for Him, forsaking my desires, and my family, would I dare obey? The theme of God's will runs throughout the whole show as the fall of Judah to Babylon is because of a whole nation's turning away from God.

What is God's will? For years men have asked of God. Me, too.

I have asked God for His will concerning my life. I have even asked for visions of the future, and small selfish prayers... He has answered every single one of them, even those that does not really matter. So God has been faithful. But if I am asked to speak for God, of God, do I dare to?
And why am I running away, once again, from the position He has called me for?

I remember that once, not so long ago, God said that I will speak up for His people, just as Jeremiah did. Maybe I know these people, their lives and ways more intensely than others. But am I to speak to them? I've seen His words change lives. I am saddened, even disgusted at times by the stupid situations we put ourselves into, all because of superficial emotions like loneliness or in desperation. I wish I could speak, but often I remain silent...not because I don't dare to... simply, I can't be bothered to. After all, does it really matter? Do I make a difference? I remember once when shown by the Holy Spirit, Jong's past sins (That I had to tell him so that he could make a clean break and serve God, after healing and deliverance) ...I told him gently and he was shocked that I could have such insight on his life. Nothing happened after that though...perhaps it is not up to me to change his will, but at least I have spoken about it.

God's will...lately, I pondered upon this. What could be better for us than to follow His will? I am unbelieving! If you know God's will for your life, would you pray to reject it, then choose the life that you want to lead? Sometimes I really doubt that God knows what is best for me! Every path that I've so chosen is unconventional to say the least. Should I take the conventional path in one of the areas He so decides, just to fulfil some part of His will in my life and possibly the lives of many others. Or if I do not choose so, will I come to this path eventually...or totally have something else for my life?

Sigh. (I've also been sighing a lot recently.) Some heartaches are easier to avoid than to live them... But maybe stubborn me wants to live them out... and see my mistakes repeated, as usual!

I know that my Destiny is mine to take, and keep... I am aware of the steps I must take.
Just that I don't want to take them right now? Like Jeremiah, I'm still young. I can wait 2 years, or later... Just let me do the things I wanna do first. Live on the gray line. Walk on the wild side, whatever it's called. Fling around. Try some drinks. Or maybe visit Bovida at St James' first, before I get old. I want to earn more money. Invest more first. Etc... Kinda worried He will call me, before I am ready. What will my response be?

I don't want to be someone great...choose someone else. At least until I am ready.