Thanks Jelly for the advice today. And the beautiful night out. Same situation, different plans. All I can say is that I'm glad you're strong enough to make it happen.
Thanks Grant for the listening ear. One day I want to be like you.
And C.Puff, we are so alike in thinking that it amazes me. I love the way we laugh. Let's not let our past bad experiences dampen our innocence and joy in finding new experiences to share. I'm glad I met you.
==
'You've lost some weight', was all Allegra could say when she looked at him. He was with her. Chatting over tea till she innocently walked past their table, not realizing Mark was there. Allegra was the other woman, someone his parents liked very much when they had not - did not - realise the subtle nuances that was between - had been - their friendship, of sorts.
It seemed like she had been here for too long. She barely thought of him now, not ever, even, at times. So it was strange when about a week ago, she had a sudden thought of him. "I came back last week." Mark was talking to her, her mind was in a whirl. What could she say? 'Yeah, I somehow sensed you were back.' And with a sudden realisation that she could not say anything to him - choked up, suddenly mindful of the deep memories they shared - she just looked into his eyes and saw the same expression that was there all the while, those same eyes that she had looked into for three whole months when they saw each other everyday. And could not get enough of talking to each other, spending time with each other, just being in each other's presence. Allegra saw Mark as a tree, always constant. Not boring, but stable. Just there for support. She needed support. She really needed support.
Before he left, he bought her a lime green icecream scooper. She just mentioned that her house was lacking in one. And he got her one the next day, as a little reminder he heard, and he knew. Allegra couldn't bear to use that lime green icecream scooper. It was just a sweet reminder of his presence in her life.
And when he left, when he was in that country, the country which could accept her post-college application, because her degree was from that country too, and she had graduated with top honours from that programme, just that she felt that studying the Masters' was too expensive... When he was in that country, he had to walk past 'her school'. The school of her dreams. Where studying there had been a dream for years, a distant distant dream, and now, with her grades, she was able to make it there, just that she did not want to pursue this path now, that she had 'given up' on this dream, just for this moment.
Allegra told herself that one day, she would build a city, with her husband, building another one. She would buy a car for her husband. And she would set up a global retail chain. And buy a carpark. It was her lifetime goals. And she felt, with a tinge of pain in her heart, that it would also be one of her lifetime regrets that she never studied in the school of her dreams - Central St Martins. And Mark, privileged Mark, whose Mom was heading an insurance company; had it set. He was there to study law. While Allegra was here to eke out a living.
These years passed by, just too fast.
Allegra never forgot that Mark told her he prayed for her every single day he walked past St Martins.
Every single day.
And she still kept that lime green icecream scooper like a silly little girl hoping for a childhood fantasy to come true, just holding on to that icecream scooper as though it held more significance that what it was meant to be.
She thought that she had forgotten about him. His notes to her tucked away in a metal cupboard with her God journals. So was the icecream scooper. No photos, she hated the way she looked like during that time. That awkward phase of a girl turning into a woman. Sometimes she wore her arty farty clothes. And her hair was always in a mess. It's neater now. Much neater. She knew against her better judgement to keep in contact with him. So after a few lengthy emails, she asked him to stop. Just stop. Don't ask me why. I would like it this way. Like a sturdy tree, Mark never sensed the turmoil in her heart. Or at least, if he did, he showed no indication. He was able to withstand the storm. But not her. She wished intensely that it had been different, that they had met each other earlier. Allegra knew he had no love for her. He never mentioned her until later, later, after Allegra had inexplicably fallen for him. It was said that the notion of 'marrying for love' only came about in this century or so. But it seemed horrid to Allegra that today, people marry out of loyalty to their families, already inextricably entwined by their union and their wealth.
And it seemed to Allegra that life wasn't meant to be that way.
After those years, she realised many things.
And she thought that she had forgotten about his existence, too.
It rained later that night. It hadn't rained for days. But that night, there was a violent squall. The wind was piercing cold and the raindrops felt like ice on her cold hands. Allegra knew it would rain. Because God always sent rain when she was sad.
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