letting go allegra

holding on and letting go.

Allegra realised that she had been holding on to a piece of Mark for too long. After all these years. She had heard an urban legend earlier in the week. About how saying the person's name over and over, again and again, would expel the person's presence in her life. She had no problems over saying the name of her previous paramour. Xerxes. Xerxes. Xerxes. Allegra did not feel a thing. So in this way she realised that she had been healed of her affilation with him. However, while doing the same, trying to say Mark's name, she paused. And that pause, that slight nuance that only the keenest person could distinguish; that pause; it spoke volumes. About how she had let her feelings keep her from being healed, all those years. How she had kept a skeleton in her closet; or a nail in her door that prevented Allegra from being truly Allegra, truly free. Free to love wholly. Free to live, a life without this darkness enveloping her thoughts.

Gideon, her only trusted friend, told her that she sometimes had that dark, pensive look in her eyes. So Gideon realised it too, but was unaware of the torment she inflicted upon herself all these years. It had affected her friendship with him, too. He was the closest friend in her life at this chapter who could give her back her self-respect; but she had unwittingly treated this friendship ambiguously, and it was causing herself and him so much frustration.

So Allegra knew. She knew that by letting go, she has a shot in life to live, love, and be happy which was what she always wanted. She decided to meet Mark. There was no point in avoiding him anyways. She had nothing to lose but the skeleton in her closet.