new generation #2

A new generation... my new generation!

Am all fired up in faith to reach out to my community, my age group... my generation. I've always had a passion to bring more to church, bring more to the gospel. Somehow, I don't have the fear that grips most in asking people, even strangers to church. By a sheer coincidental meeting, I met Christian, who is a youth worker with Heart Church located near The Church. And, last friday, attended a meet with quite a number of youth ministers. I was glad to represent The Church.

One thing the Swede pastor (blonde!) Joakim preached really struck me, he said "Young people who are destined to commit suicide will not commit suicide." I just went to a talk on mental illness and demonization, and depressed people who are not on medication, a high percentage will eventually commit suicide. Christians believe there is a suicide spirit behind this, and it seems to be getting stronger. To me, anything, be it mental illness, work, relationships, anything that takes you further from God and hinders your joy in life is definitely not of the Lord. Looking at the young people worship God in CStone Church, I still don't have a heartbeat for them, nooooo. But I know I can help. And I want to. The road ahead is not easy and I've been crying out to God for more people to help me along. I just need everyone to put in a bit for Christ.

It pains me to see people just overwhelmed by the world. And maybe they will say to me, 'But you don't understand, your work is not like mine, your world, your life is so easy, compared to mine.' And maybe they are right, maybe I don't understand. And it's not easy to understand my position either. Stepping out in faith and planting cells, who asked me to? And I do have doubts. But looking at the way God has grown us without us really stressing over it, we can't deny it's the hand of God upon us. I just hope that we will have the ability to trust God more. That no matter what we are facing or feeling, we can find the strength to look to Him.

I was overwhelmed by my feelings today. One thing about me is that I don't allow myself to think too much, or to cry. Sometimes I think until I get so physically tired I have psychosomatic fatigue and just cannot get out of bed. And I'm still having many questions for God. Sometimes when you are hurting inside so much, you wonder why God still tells you to reach someone for Him. How come you can still talk to people despite the fact that everything's not ok.

It was raining heavily this morning. After Church, cold, with soggy feet drenched by the downpour, Zero and I were just talking about the 'song in our head', a song that is put into us spiritually, and it just hums along as we go about in life. For him, it was the song, 'Come Holy Spirit, fall on me now...I need your anointing, come in your power' and we just sang it softly, over and over again, together, while walking along the pavement with the branches alongside the long road to the bus stop and the cars on the other side.

I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hands
Drawing me closer to You
I feel your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see you face to face
I worship you
In Spirit and in truth

One line by one line, we continued singing the song, softly, wholeheartedly; till we reached the destination.

It's the small moments like this when I realise that God is with us, and He is helping me through.