*...a purposeful life...

Watched on dvd "Before Sunset", a bittersweet romance story set in Paris where the two characters, acted by Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, find each other after 9 years. The whole story is acted in one long walk, where both talk to each other about life and love. Watching shows like these really makes you pensive for a day, wondering, if the other person you cared about also thought about you - theirs for nine years.

I've had so many people telling me everyday, you are still young, cherish the connections and the nice stuff people do for you in life, because when you get old, the people won't be bothered to, anymore. No one will be bothered to walk you home when it's late. Or to talk to you for hours, or to take long lonely walks with you just because you needed to talk. Maybe I'm an old soul. But I cherish the soul connection I thought I had, with Muffin. I know such connections only happen once or twice in a lifetime. And when it's gone, you will always wonder 'what if', and long for the closeness, the shared times that brought comfort to both souls. When it's gone, you become a bit more cynical. I've changed. I think I am less naive now. I wish that we had a little more in common. Perhaps meeting at different stages in our lives. I wonder what would have happened if Muffin hadn't walked in to church. Would we still have met, somehow, next year, at a youth conference? Would I still be the same person, six months ago to now? He did not really choose to walk in to my life... so why am I choosing to perhaps walk out now? I am so tired. Seeing him only makes things worse. I cried last night. Like the night before. I hate it.