The sunset is lovelier over there... At Hotel Equatorial's poolside for a wedding, last Saturday.
Was told, "Now I know why you like Melaka so much", today.
I think words are not enough to describe the charm that the 'historical town holds for me. Sure, it has nice architecture and is like the Singapore of old, but the feeling I have for the place is beyond definition. Going back there reminds me of lots of happy memories...Raw memories too, was rough for me on the first day thinking back. I remember being at Chestnut's place, a quaint little terraced house I would have immediately bought; and just spending time quietly, reading Calvin and Hobbes comics... and not talking. It's wonderful for the soul to spend some time back there again.
This is mine and Grant's fave shot of the day! We had to 'treat' Jamil and his partner many 'cups of kopi'. Heh...
At the bulldog cafe, peranakan food, for lunch.
My favorite photo I took of the couple. Although it's blurred, darn... It's a blessing to know them... I also want confetti thrown at my wedding...I want those ice swans carvings at the dinner. And wedding singers...
2nd link.
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On another note, am slowly revamping the space above my cupboards and etc. I think it will help me take my mind off things. The 'before photos':
I know, I have too many things. Just me to buy whatever strikes my fancy. Plus I love toys. Well, been working on the 'revamp'...and with this little start I hope to eventually sort out/throw/give etc ALL my stuff and be minimalist and organized...for once in my lifetime. I already have lots of storage space but still no space for all the stuff. Why like that. Initial revamp (Took one hour, before I felt faint and 'knocked out' by a flu bug):
Closeup of 'shrub' and some stuff I bought for the revamp. I must say the design is Japanese-Swedish... ... ... cuz all the stuff either comes from Ikea..or Daiso. Yes the black pot (actually a crockery item) and shrub, only $2.
The initial revamp. Erm I spent ...$10. The tablecloth, a few black crockery (some not used here) and shrub. The tablecloth is to put my watch, necklaces etc when I get home... Right now there's the addition of a bible and specs there too... Not really 'happy' with initial revamp - I think I should maximise the space and display/store more toys... So. (Bought some fake grass in Melaka, cheap cheap) Though I feel happy now when I look at the shrub, it's just so round and green and CHEAP! My ambition now is (after I get married) to constantly have nice shelf-top decor plus display nice travel postcards... No nice postcards yet so the picture is actually my company's roadmaps of the land we have in USA. Lol.
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WISP...
Not been working well, not to mention sleeping. I guess I really need some time, huh? Just feel so sad sometimes. And during this time, been having so many people sharing to me too, that they also struggle with their emotional state, that they also cry and cry, that they just can't 'snap out of it'... maybe it's a support group of sorts, a weird one, but I just feel comforted that others also been going through stuff, and much worse. I asked God why, I think some people think that we should never ask God 'why' but just bear through it, because He will not let us be burdened beyond what we can bear... it's true for the latter, but God answers my every prayer, and each time I ask God why He actually answers me. Maybe, ONLY me?
I can't say that this period has brought me closer to God because in this depressive state, I'm not able to judge anything at all, nor am I in a position to criticize or help anyone, though I'd dearly like to do so. Maybe we'd all be better off if we lived in a simpler world like a small laid back old school charm- town like Melaka, but I'm sure Melakans have their share of woes too.
I like what Grant said about 'living in both worlds', he being from Perak, and almost Singaporeanised, having been here for almost a decade. Somehow, I'd like to live in two worlds, too. To always keep the charm and naivete, the feeling of experiencing something new for the first time, the happiness of deepening a relationship with someone. Now, I can't seem to be out of the slough of despond, I am angry, I feel like beating someone up, I am also hurt... A book says insult/anger x resentment = depression. And depression is actually WISP... Wallowing in self-pity. Though few like to admit it. I'm scared cuz everyday I wake up, not knowing if it's going to be a 'good' day, ie I can stand a whole day's work without feeling despondent or crying or just sitting there unable to do work... Or if it's just a bad day and I feel so sick physically, nauseous, faint and having flu-like symptoms - psychosomatic - that I am unable to focus on anything and I just feel worthless, that I can't take it anymore... ...I'm being honest about what I feel because although I don't talk about it, I have and will always be concious of my emotional state and sincerity is something I treasure.
So I think that if anyone feels lonely or sad, they can always talk to me and I won't judge them for feeling that way. I've been judged before and it makes me wonder why. Perhaps they have had a tough life... but I thought that having it tough only makes you stronger and able to help others, not to pinpoint their flaws and constantly grind them to a pulp.
I will stop crying next week. And I will go to church. I want to. I hope to.
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