finagled

Here Kitteh Kitteh...

MrCheerful wrote a quite-not-so cheerful poem on FB. I'm glad I met him because through (his writings) I am reminded that once, before my depressive state last year, I too, wrote poems of that nature, and short stories.

When I browse back; through my poems, I am reminded again of the intensity of the feelings I felt before, and the reason for writing them. Am not sure if it's the same for him, but putting down those intense feelings into a poem of sorts brings a closure for me. It's like the whole love episode culminates in a poem which brings release of those powerful and scary feelings that ruled your head, and your heart. And what he wrote reminded me of what I used to, maybe not the same style, but surely, in the same context. I'm glad that I've met him, really, someone that fascinates me. Told him I'd consider naming my son after him. So besides my boss, my best friend Zero, and Ches, (all of them have nice guys' names by the way and they have a strength of character, too) he has some serious competition. It's nice to name your kids after people you've known and liked, rather than some weird name or a common name like 'jonathan'. Which I do like, by the way.

MrCheerful's poem also reminded me that sometimes it's nice not to forget, or just to remember, that you once had intense feelings, that you once...loved. I actually hope I am able to love, again, at least with the intensity that I used to feel.

So this week I have had many people reminding me of a love topic which is quite amazing. A sign! Stupid Killer Whale proclaimed emphatically, 'you are not ready to settle down.' Maybe he's right, but I still don't like the way he said it. I don't wish to analyze his relationship, but if I was his girlfriend, I would be quite upset that he is not 'at that stage' yet, they are attending a marriage prep course...baffled. I asked him which stage was he at, maybe the 'before, before' stage?

I met Apostle today, somehow I love talking to him because he is so encouraging and creative. He's about the same age as Killer Whale, early 30s, yet they are in such different phases. Apostle is married and has 2 young kids, also doing his own biz. Killer Whale is not even in the stage to propose...oh well.
I can't judge him for reasons only he knows...one reason why I like older guys is because they are in the right mindset, but Killer Whale is no better than my mid-20s male counterparts!

Apostle told me that when I'm yielded to God, only He will know who's best for you, and no one knows how the other's going to be like in, say, 10 years from now. Only God knows and only He has the supernatural insight to know who's best for you for your whole life. Seeing my 'cold feet' at sharing the truth with TBO, instead of saying 'I'm not ready to settle down' like Killer Whale, he instead insightfully said that, it's actually good that I have a reluctance, because that would lead me to make mature decisions in this area instead of following my emotions. Wow. I was so encouraged! Because a part of me also chatised myself for the reluctance, which I felt that it was bad... It's always nice to have different perspectives from people and a positive approach is always welcomed.

And when the day is particularly bad, I always can find nice things to make me smile, and keep smiling... like on FB, me and MrCheerful (still) keep 'walling' each other - I do wonder how long that will last though! And thinking about his offer to pluck hummingbirds feathers to tickle me is just too hilarious. There are hummingbirds in Singapore, meh?

This week, it's nice not to forget.