Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Some observations about men.

Men. We love them, hate them, try to understand them, try to make them understand us.

The men in my life have always had an enduring fascination with women. ‘What do you girls talk about?’ And why do we like to ‘go shopping’ so much? I guess these are some of the questions on their mind. And perhaps being the only answer key to the multitude of questions left unsolved and unanswered, they probed, albeit on the surface, about a women’s mystery.

Women talk about the same things as men. We talk about men, the same way men, invariably talk about women, though in a different context.

We talk about our fears, and desires, and being woman – and born with what you men call,  ‘a woman’s intuition’, we sense more than what is being said. Our girlfriends may talk about how much she fancies a chap we all know, but somehow, perhaps in a glimpse, a moment when she looks away momentarily, with a bewildered and disheartening look; we manage to catch the look that means, yes, I do like him immensely, but I also know that we are not meant to be. And we do. Not. Ask. But offer the friendship, and the listening ear when the time comes when she must move on.

And in all my conversations with the men in my life, I’m truly bewildered at how men fear women. We are the weaker sex, easily overpowered by men, with a far wider range of things to worry about, then them. We have health and hormonal issues, women get headaches twice the frequency (and intensity, I believe!)more so then the male gender, we have to worry about our skin, our hair, our body, more so than men, because whether we like it or not, we are more often, judged by our appearances than what is inside. So being already judged for being superficial, we also judge those around us who seem less put-together. And we are hormonally conditioned to like men who seem to be able to have the right criteria (Criteria depends from woman to woman) to be able to take care of us.

Men are clueless when it comes to the ways of women. So they are scared when they make women cry, or make them angry. They don’t know what to do. Keep asking’ Are you alright’ doesn’t help one single bit. Nor does avoiding the situation entirely. But men do not know the variables when a women cries. It could be that she is regretting being with him, and thinking of and not being able to forget her first love. And having these wretched feelings, she cries, or is angry, with herself and the world. But you won’t know that, because these are things that will remain unspoken of. It could be a stressful and hormonal period of time in her life/that month, and even speaking of it, explaining it to him, he wouldn’t be able to understand, and perhaps it would be better if he remained clueless. It could be that simply, women cry easily. Because after that, we feel much better than keeping it all in, like men.  

Men fear that they become unattractive (Or never were attractive!!!) to women. Even though they stick to their boring old polo tees(for years, as if there were an ongoing competition!), you can hear them muttering to themselves about their burgeoning belly, even though they don’t seem to want to eat less or exercise more. And even pat each others’ bellies, supposedly as a sign of brotherly affection when it means a slightly sinister gloating at their comrade’s sign of ageing. All men have this sinister fear. Even those who are hunky and look dashing, all the other guys would admire their tight body, sexy back and handsome face, inside, they are afraid of not appearing attractive or desirable to women, too!

Some try to impress by becoming a Mr Know-it- all, offering up pieces of advice or showcasing their adept skills at something. Like blabbering on about the latest news or the newest movie/book/hot scandal. However, this often misfires as women are not as impressed as they think women would be.

Some act nonchalant, not seeming to care about the state of their polo tees or their belly.

Perhaps being more optimistic, they think that, surely, after some time, some beauty would be able to acknowledge their vast charms, and want to swim in the deep sea of their eyes. But as the years go on, they start to have a sinking feeling that the women only see them as ‘woodblocks’, ‘activity partners’, and not desirable in the way they see a man they would like to have by their side. And their deepest fear sees the daylight.

Why do some men play with women’s hearts? They want to make a woman like them. Maybe this is a subconscious thing – perhaps since their childhood days they have never felt love from any woman. And so they ‘woo’ the women in their lives. They appear nice. Sensitive. Very sweet. And always paying – perhaps a need for the women to have a monetary obligation to them, but the women tell themselves he is being a true gentleman. Each date or friendly meeting experience is tinged with the ‘romance feel’. Invariably, the strongest of women will develop feelings. But these men are insecure, worrisome, think too much about their own feelings and usually says things to make them seem nice that women will continue liking them, and not say it because it comes sincerely from the heart.

And most of the things that men do, or act,or feel, is ultimately centred on that. Being desirable, being attractive to women. Or maybe, some are more driven by the fear, of being undesirable, or unattractive to women.