Me and The Boyfriend aka Crayon-shin-chan last sunny Saturday.
And though sometimes when all is bliss, I find myself wondering, too. Perhaps deep in our soul there is the capacity for such a question to always pop up. Sure, I do wish at times that there are more options. More shopping options...wish that I could fit into nice heels (I'm too tall, and my feet is too small, size 5, I will topple and die...But I've always wished...seen many women strutting in them...) Wish that some little things could be a bit different. That my wardrobe is bigger (size of, not quantity of) and I have more time to see more countries without having guilt trips.
I'm going to take up some activities next week which will last for until end of the year. I've always wanted to do more with my time, I have relatively more time than say, The Boyfriend, or people who have more intense Church, Family, or sports commitments. I've tried going back to hobby craft-making, but this venture seems fruitless at this point and I don't really, really enjoy it. So it's back to one thing I love, the English language. The 'magic' of the spoken word. In a way, it's an addition to my 'day job', it's a 'night job' of sorts. But I get rewarded for it. So, the days ahead are, busy, busy busy. With 3 weekdays out of the week being 'burnt', negatively, if you look at it, or positively, it's helping people in a way that they wanted: improving their command of the spoken word, or even getting them from a 'zero' to somewhere above the scale. I've always wanted to help others, and sometimes doing ministry work, the 'help' often goes unappreciated. Those people whom I've nutured and spent time with in the recent past, I wonder sometimes, do they remember, maybe they take it for granted. But oftentime, I appreciate those who are there for me, as the spiritual journey is often a solitary one.
And so, life as an attached-being... hmmm. We do meet pretty often, at least we try to, living in the same district, he tries to meet me after work and we head back to his place for dinner at times. I love his Mom's fragrant rice - I've honestly never eaten such fragrant rice, the vegetable dishes with 'hebi-hiam', the omelettes and the delectable soups, yum yum yum. And then he sends me back to my place, some times exercising downstairs, most of the time... not, just going back to rest. I think being attached, the worst fear is... what if I lose him one day? And not through say, an office affair, or some terminal illness, but more of a sudden unexpected circumstance, like a sudden heart stoppage (It is fairly common in people with slow or irregular heatbeat) or an accident. Sometimes, when he fails to sms me in the morning, I have my worst fears. And The Boyfriend also mention that if I fail to sms, he too, has similar sinking feelings of 'WHAT IFS'. Of course, our only recourse is to trust God. And we do. But still... ... I guess many know what I mean. Do I miss being single? I thought I would, but I don't, really. I felt that my past life has been too lonely. I miss having someone close to share anything with, even your small insecurities and whining about little hurtful things. And of course, having someone to take care of me when I'm sick... that is a BIG plus. I do wish I could have time to catch up with my friends more, but they all seem to understand, more than understand, I suspect some of them are actually, you know, taking a step back and letting me soak in 'the honeymoon period' as they call it. And I appreciate that, but I do miss my other friends. It's true that now my world is sooooo small, me and him and no one wants to double-date with us! Maybe soon... ... any body? =)
It's the weekend and someone blessed me with some Taka voucher, yay! So, I am going to see if I can get something later.
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