The existing state of affairs = ?

Warm feelings in the midst of the brainfreeze...

Well I can safely say I'm out of my (early) quarter-life crisis right now and I'm glad I don't have to face it again when I'm 25. For the past months now I have not been 'myself', guess I was frustrated, depressed and searching for something fulfilling to do with myself. I feel now its like as though I've been through a car-wash, first I'm scrubbed, then swooshed with water, then rinsed, sprayed, and finally coated with some snowy white cleansing thing and scraped, and pushed out. If I could give this time of my life a title, it would be 'Snowy-white car-wash at the quarter-life crisis'. Oh I did enjoy part of it, the not-using-my-brain part, the lazy sunny days at the poolside, the gym... But metaphysically it was at an all-time low. Felt that my life did not amount to much. Thank God its all settled now, in my heart and otherwise. Career-wise opportunities are picking up for me, also in ministry and other stuff.

I think in everything there is never something really bad - Oh yes its supposed to be a Romanticism thought - In the most melancholic moments the state of happiness will come, though transient. As I analyse myself, I start to change, too. Is the girl in the mirror really me? Why do I see different facets of myself that are quite unseen before? To change the status quo for me right now means a promise of unhappiness for both, possible stress and lots of publicity which is really an unecessary strain. Besides I don't want to make empty promises I can't keep, although this week I've realised many things. Things about myself. About the world we live in. About others. About being self-conscious. About how we care for others who care about us. And how we want to let ourselves be seen so as to avoid shortchanging them and to avoid stirring up controversy. Deep deep thoughts... =) So I don't have to reason so much, as neither he nor me are in any hurry to explain the status quo to anyone. Aye! Please let me hold on to this small bit of happiness in my otherwise dreary monotonous and slightly dark life. Everytime Mr H (hedgehog) smiles that killer smile of his, many lightbulbs just starts to glow inside. That's when I get that warm feeling. Mmmm. Nice.