Thursday, February 10, 2005

We 're sort of like a 'weekend couple'

Dad's back finally... haven't told Dad about him. I thank God for liberal parents (not overtly-liberal, mind...) that are kind enough to trust my taste and actions. Frankly, I think they couldn't be more than happy after worrying whether I cannot find a guy to my liking... as I'd been single for more than 3 years now. His parents are slightly protective, I'm worried that they won't allow us to be together, I trust though, that everything will work out fine. We had a nice talk till 4 am today... It's one of the best things in life to find someone you can just share your idiosyncrasies with and share emotions without being too emotional, say what's on your mind knowing that it's not in a manipulative manner, but with the best interests of the other person in mind. I'm so glad that I've found him, that he wants me too. Being on the verge of adult-hood but still with a slightly narrow naive thinking, I do wonder at times what is the best approach to take in this course of events. Told him I needed more assurance that it's going to work out. He seems so guarded to me - with the best intentions of guarding my heart as well, but I do need a little more affection. It's been good so far how he managed to express himself verbally - something most Singaporean guys lack, or don't have the guts to do. There's an acute lack of chivalry from local guys these days, but he more than makes up for it... oh, the little charming one... =)

The past failed relationships... they do not 'haunt' me per se, but rather it's a stinging memory of how bad things could turn out without precautions. It's so easy to fall into sin when both are consumed foolishly by intoxicating feelings of love. Yet, perhaps I was too young then, to recognize the alarms, the warning signs, but naively lost my trust and innocence all too soon. We never slept together, my previous boyfriend and I; but we did many things that caused great regret and hurt to one another. When things turn bad, it was really bad. I learn most from personal experiences more than any other; but it was a hard lesson and I hope with all my heart I don't have to learn it all over again.

This time, I'm adamant to start out right, with him.... 'Cause I want it to last. Not seeing him this week is 'killing' me, I think it's because I have the desire to spend some of the last vestiges of my time together with him before I start work. The work-oriented people we are, I fear that we will scarcely make time once the busy-periods set in. And, I realised its possible to miss someone living 4 bus stops away. I'm determined though to focus this time and... ... love selflessly, if it is possible. We will gradually grow closer together, now it's a limited time offer or a once-a week deal... which makes me miss him more!!!!!

We're sort of like a 'weekend couple' - both of us being too busy during the week - He with hostelling activities and studies, me with ministry and work. We only meet friday evenings and sometimes stay late out after saturday services to catch up. That's already very very little time that we spend together. Nic was surprised, he told me, 'If you are together you are supposed to spend more time together you know?' Hmmm... like how much time? Personally I do always wonder why long-distance relationships work(not for me, though!)... could it be perhaps, they have no opportunity to be mad at each other 'cuz every little time spent together is precious. *Sniff* Hurry up and graduate soon, alright? Just 4 more years... haha!

Then again this leads me to wonder if I see my husband everyday does it make us sick of having each other, or do we be thankful for the opportunity? Sometimes humans are like that, I don't understand the psychology of our makeup either. I watched Amazing Race the season finale yesterday and the couple I was rooting for was Adam and Rebecca, the 'underdog' team.... they were constantly bickering and sarcastically shouting at each other, getting really peeved all the time... but at the same time they were encouraging in a sort of irritating reverse psychology way. I liked the fact that they were honest with what they felt in the crunch times and did not blame each other but just hollered it out. In relationships, I guess what everyone wants (fundamentally; in serious ones) is to be loved. And to find in their heart they can possibly love someone else so different from them. Oooooo.