Grief and a Jar of Clay

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this allsurpassing power is from God and not from us."

Was with Mr BestFriend this morning. Went to a quiet little chapel nearby our place. We were hoping to find it unlocked and empty, a peaceful cloister apart from the noisy traffic; but it was secured. The chapel has changed from a tiny, old one to a rather modern-looking, clean, spacious new place. Very different from the place that we used to remember walking by when we were much younger. We sat at the open-air pavilion, and words flowed freely as he shared that despite the grief, his trust in God is clearer. Mr BestFriend, you are my hero and inspiration.

He shared how it was evident that God was with him throughout, even when he thought that he would miss his connecting flight to Singapore and thereby miss the cremation, God orchestrated many divine incidents that led him to various people that just helped him throughout the journey. It was unbelievable, as I listened to him recount how many people helped him to get onto the flight despite the obstacles. And he made it here in time, to see her one last time.

He missed her tremendously. I guess for him, the reality of the loss is just starting to settle in. It's not just one- of a many- relationships for him, for him, she was and still is God's best. I shared to him how unfair it seems, for him, he takes love and relationships very seriously (unlike me), and this had to happen - to him! Then he shared about the many things that he had planned to tell her but was waiting for a momentous occasion, the things that they had planned to do together when he returned from his exchange; even a small thought of how he would propose to her if the relationship works out. My heart broke at hearing what he said about the girl that I know he loved deeply, and for a moment I truly wished that I would have the chance to see him happy again, in love again. Not like this, in grief - and even though he does not need to tell me, I know he cannot sleep at night, and wake up tossing, thinking of her, talking to her and then realising he is alone. Even though both of us know that the moving on must be done, it is going to be a painful one. For now, I wish he can linger on in the sweet memories while they are still fresh. He kept almost every one of their sms-es and emails; and he said, every thing she said to him, it has a greater significance now. Everything reminds him of her.

Mr BestFriend is still strong. He shared that how through her death, many people's faith are shaken. But for him, God revealed that God is still a purposeful God and He did not intend this to happen, and God has sent so many people every step of the way to help him, and through sharing his grief, people have been moved, and transformed by the power of God. I believe alongside with him that God can use something bad that has happened for his glory. It is our response in times like this that shows how much we love Him, too. He has come to terms with her suicide, Mr BestFriend is convinced that she is resting, at peace, now. He is left, to continue on the mission of sharing God's purpose to her family and friends. He has such strength of character. I confided in him that if it were me, I would be very angry and definitely not able to do it. He is my hero! He smiled, weakly, and said, "We are like jars of clay - weak vessels that can show God's all surpassing power that is in us." He was tired; so tired, but he said that if he could just win one more to the Lord, it would all be worth it.


I was there intending to comfort, help, and hold;
Instead, my soul was comforted.