To tell me what matters

Have I said that I've been too much in a daze lately that I actually speak into my life and reality becomes blurry... Just using my brain to calculate some measurements and expenses...journeying from one place to another without taking note of the environment...etc...

There's always the need for improvement, especially in my life.
I could use more cash.
I could have more integrity.
I could be a better person. Laugh more. Spend time more wisely. Eat more healthily. Aim for better skin, better hair, better vigor.

But... I like the way I am right now. And I hope people do, too.

I was just thinking/daydreaming during work that it's so difficult to find someone you like. Love. Able to live with, for a long time; ie marriage. There are so many idiosyncrasies in all of us. And there are so many things I can't tolerate. Like bad breath. Poor hygiene. Sarcastic, berating behavior. Not only in my better half but even in- say, acquaintances, these are definitely no-nos.

And is he able to live with my carefree attitude? My need for space, to hang with male species, my habit of throwing everything onto the floor and leaving it till it grows to cover the entire floor space of my room? My appearance, some of my act cute clothes, my bad attitudes...

It's just so difficult for me, mentally, to adjust to life with someone else in the picture that sometimes I just want to give up. No, I don't WANT to give up - it's not an active thing, but a passive one. Like, LOVE is an active emotion. You can love a person with a lot of intensity. But you can't hate someone (not for me, at least) with the same intensity - think about the person with hate everyday, every sentence you speak is about hating that person... no, this isn't possible. But sometimes I'm tired to love passionately. To want something so much till it hurts. And it's not because I'm not deeply in love - perhaps I'm still very guarded in certain aspects of myself even though I know on my part, I am being as sincere as I possibly can.

I'm glad when I know I'm not strong enough, Izac's there to tell me what matters.
And sometimes, that's all it takes to make things better.

I shouldn't let my negative self eat me up.